Chapter 18

Confession

"I was afraid to fight, but eventually I went off to war with the southern…" Julian begins in a soft voice that's dreading in regret. His eyes stare off into space while pointing downward. His left arm wraps around Renesemee who is leaning her side into his chest. Softly, Julian softly bushes his fingertips across Renesemee bare arm in a way of comfort. The little warmth that Renesemee brings to Julian is slightly comforting along with the sound of her heart beating rapidly and naturally. Renesemee's breathing has slowly decelerate to allow her to breathe normal but the horrid pain lingers in her chest as her mind links to Julian's voice. Almost looking broken, Renesemee stares at the nearby wall, listening to Julian's soft voice.

Luken leans his back into the cushion, mirroring Renesemee's broken features. His mind wallows on his regret that taunts him to the brink. Although, he accepts the torture for his lack of judgment and considers it a good punishment. In the mist of his pain, Luken faintly listens to Julian's words as they echo in his ears but barely processes the words into his mind. His heart aches to wits end as he remembers the scent of Ebony's remains. The only physical contact he has with anyone is with his hand wrapping around his mother's, for only her benefit. If he had his way, he would walk freely into solitude and welcome the mental torture.

Bella leans forward with her shoulders slouch and not making a single move for there is no need to twitch in the presences of other vampires. Her eyes watch Julian closely while secretly waiting for the truth of Julian's past.

"I once told you that my family way against freeing the slaves except for Sally's father who is a pastor at our local church." Julian pauses momentarily while lifting his gaze to Bella, waiting for her to confirm his statement. When she nods once, Julian once again drops his eyes to fall back into his memories. "I was ashamed of them but most of all, I am ashamed of myself. I didn't follow what I've believed in, I wanted to free Ebony for her bonds and fight against those who wish to confine her to a lifetime of slavery. But those wishes were in vain. I was scared. I fought with the southern, the confederate army. I was under the commands of Major Whitlock, at least until he mysteriously disappeared. Before he disappeared, he ordered me to escort women and children to the Galveston while he stayed behind. I still remember him; he was an honorable man and had good charisma."

Julian pauses for a moment while his mind respectfully remembers his first major. "After he disappeared, I was moved to the first lines to fight with the other men." He voice slowly lowers to allow his shame to come out. His face expresses deep emotion to the memories of all the men he has ended. "Eventually, I couldn't take it anymore. For weeks I dreamt of those men's faces, their fear and their screams. The nightmares haunted me until I snapped. I left the army without notice. Do you know what happens to those who abandoned the army?" Julian asks while drawing up his eyes to meet Bella's. His face darkens along with his voice as his lips are tight. Even Renesemee, who remains in Julian's arms stiffen to Julian's voice. "It's a crime and punishable for such an act. In those days, men were hunted down and shot for their disloyalty. I was a coward, I felt myself decaying from humanity. I saw so many people dying, even my childhood friend, Richard. He died in my arms."

Julian moves his eyes away from Bella who is staring at him in disbelief. "I traveled home from South Carolina, it wasn't easy. There were soldiers everywhere; some who attempt to run were walking in shackles. When I finally returned home, I hid in the shed house. I was afraid to confront my family. I was completely disorientated, I had nightmares every night. I went crazy, I remember shouting. Then….Sally…" Julian breathes as he stammers upon his cousin's name. His eyes widen to his memories while he struggles to continue, "Poor Sally, she found me in the shed, .I was screaming because of my nightmare. I…I didn't realize it was her. When I woke I….I thought she was one of the officers who came to end my life……I.. I grabbed my riffle.." Julian struggles with his voice heavy in emotion as his face wrinkles to his confession. His grinds his teeth while continuing to speak through his teeth. "I...I shot! I shot her in cold blood! Her face… her sweet baby face was pained to my sight. She didn't even scream but rather looked upon me with relief as if she was happy to see me. I'll never forget that look. Then, Ebony came to the shed after my gun went off. The sound was loud. Ebony came and found her dead…..As the coward I was, I hid behind the hay bail. She checked if she was alive when my neighbors found Ebony hovering over my cousin's dead body with her blood staining Ebony's shirt. They blamed her… I watch from the shed as they whipped her time and time again. Sally was the daughter of a pastor, he protested on her death. Instead he allowed a family from Texas to take her away. My uncle didn't want them to kill her. My uncle was a follower of Christ and he somehow found the will to forgive her. When they came to take her away, I heard of the men saying that they were going to get rid of her once they were out of the pastor's sight. I new it was my fault and so, I followed them."

Julian takes another moment to regain his composer from confessing his murder. By then, Bella eyes are widening in disbelief almost every idea she has about him is changing from the truth. She drops her eyes to wrap her mind around the story as her mind momentarily flickers to her daughter. She looks at her daughter who remains against Julian. Renesemee has her right hand softly stroking Julian's forearm. Her fingers lightly play with his arm hairs in a way of comfort.

Julian breaths in deeply, his lung expand greatly with the unnecessary air. "I continued to follow them, all the way to Texas. Then I was caught by soldiers in the confederate army. I was separated from Ebony for almost a week. My capturers dragged me to Houston to be given a trail which will lead to death. After my trail, I was to be executed. I remember that day well, they placed a white bag over my head…." Julian concludes with a scoff. "The anticipation was horrible; I can almost hear my executer's breathing. He cocked his gun but….the bullet never came. Then I heard screams from behind. By that point, I was shaking with unfathomed fear. Then…I felt teeth digging into my shoulders……Then the flames burned me, I thought this was my punishment for my crimes which I accepted. That was it, my human life ended. I woke up like this." Julian says lifting his free hand to indicate his pale flesh which is a trademark of a vampire. "I was reborn as a vampire with Ebony as my mother."

"It was amazing how Ebony was able to restrain herself from killing me. She was very mature as a newborn……When I woke up, the strangest things started to happen. I was able to see into people's memories; at first I thought I was going crazy again. But as I looked into Ebony's memories, I saw how she was changed. She was walking with those men when something from nearby woods was rustling through the branches. Then a female vampire jumped from the woods and attacked them. Ebony was the only one that was not drained of her blood. The female vampire dragged one of the men into the forest and did not return. For three days, Ebony was burned with flames until she became a vampire. Like I said, she was mature. The blood of the others taunted her; her vampire instincts beckoned her to find a meal. But then she remembered me. I think that what stopped her from killing me. She loved me too much to drain me of my blood. Instead she transformed me and fed off my executer."

"After I woken, I was not as restrained as she was. I thirsted for blood. I hunted it as well as Ebony. At that time, we didn't know any other way to survive. The thirst was too…..unbearable. Ebony and I lived by our instincts; we traveled from place to place until reaching Utah, where we met another vampire who taught us a different way to live. His name was Carlisle Cullen."

That name rings in Bella's ears as it repeats itself in her mind. That name is so familiar yet a mystery to Bella. Her eyes widen slightly to the familiarity while her mind flashes faces to match the name with the vampire. "He taught us how to hunt animals rather than humans. He told us about the Volturi. I guess it a good thing that Ebony and I didn't stay in one place for too long." Julian smile ruefully to himself. "We didn't stay with Carlisle for too long, we went our spread ways, occasionally we met him from time to time. Roughly every forty years. Ebony and I traveled everywhere, I even attended to universities. I have a PhD in business, English, liberal arts, paralegal, architecture and eventually when I was able to bear to be around human blood I got a medical degree. I guess you can say I had a need for learning, there's not much else we can do. With my PhD's I worked for many companies, that how we made our money to live in the human world. I still have a lot of amounts of money. Later, we met Carlisle again. He formed a family of his own, at least that's what he told me or should I say his memories told me. I met his wife in the late twenties, Esme. She was as motherly as Ebony. There was another who was part of that family but he strayed from them. They never told me who he was. That was the last time I saw Carlisle."

Once again, the name of Esme nags at Bella's mind. Those two name bounce in her head as she tries desperately to match their faces but can't remember. Julian keeps his head down cast, oblivious to Bella's reactions. He continues his story in hopes to distract the other's minds from wallowing on Ebony's death. "At that time we had another family member named Claire. Ebony changed her after finding her almost drowning in her car. Claire brakes stalled and her car ran off a cliff and smashed into a river in Canada. I think that was back in 1923. Luckily the cliff wasn't too tall or Claire would have died instantly. When she was changed and she traveled with us. It wasn't until later when we meet Mildred, I think that was in 1970, she was changed two years before in 1968. I remember reading her memories, they were so tragic…… Ebony adopted her into our family; Mildred and Claire were instantly sisters. But I could tell that Mildred vengeance would drive her. In 1974, we met Paul who was changed by another. He was crossing the Canadian border when we met him. He was man-eater at the time, but he wanted a new life. He too, joined the family." Julian pauses momentarily to the thought of his forming family as a small smile tugs at his lips. "When Paul first looked at Mildred, he was in love. I think that's another reason why he joined us; of course he refuses to admit it. It was shortly after Paul joined the family when we built this cottage to be our home. We lived here for thirty years. Eventually, Claire strayed from the family along with Mildred. Of course they returned, Mildred left to find her family's killer and Claire wanted to stay in Canada, so she stayed with the Denali. Paul left too, but only for a few days…. He had his personal reason. Then, thirty years later, Mildred returned with you three."

Julian comes to a pause when Renesemee places her finger on Julian's cold chin to mentally ask him a question. Her sore eyes stare up at Julian as Julian huffs in amusement, "If you want to know more about Paul you're going to have to ask him." He finishes with an amusing chuckle due to Renesemee's disapproving face. Julian lifts his eyes to Bella who is deep in thought. Her eyebrows are furrowing slightly while her eyes are in a daze. "Bella?" Julian speaks up in a gentle tone while snapping Bella out of her concentration. Bella's eyes rise up to meet Julian in bewilderment. "I'll understand if my past disturbs you….."

"Julian." Bella cuts off Julian with a gentle and motherly tone. "That was your past…it's not your present."

"Yeah, if you planned on allowing us to banish you from this family then you be greatly disappointed." Renesemee speaks up in a firm tone while lifting her head up to see into Julian eyes. "I…we see your flaws but none of the less were family and we love you. And this family has suffered enough….You're staying." She finishes with a slight smile while Bella nods her head in agreement. Soon after, Luken still form suddenly stands up from the couch, ripping his hold from his mother. He briskly sulks out of the house and runs into the forest.

Bella's mouth drops to Luken's sudden behavior, guessing he is suffering greatly and needs time alone. She slowly lowers her eyes to the floor, hopelessly. The very thought of her son suffering aches at her unbeating heart. Renesemee stares at where Luken disappear from. She eventually tries to break from Julian's arm to comfort him but Julian refuses to let her go. His cold arm locks her to his chest. "Leave him be, Renesemee he needs…..to sort things out."

Bella breathe out a deep breath of despair while leaning her back into the cushion. Shyly, Bella bites her lower lip in thoughts upon her son and the two vampire's Julian mention in his confession. "Julian? You said you met a vampire named Carlisle Cullen right?" Bella asks timidly while that name still nags at the back of her head. When Julian nods questionably, Bella continues, "Do you know where he moved to?"

"No, he didn't tell me where he was going. Why?"

Bella hesitates to answer while she thoughtfully puts the words together in her mind, "I don't know why, but I think I've met him before. In my human life, but I can't remember." The edge in her brows increase with frustration as she hopes for an answer from Julian.

"Your human life?" Julian says attentively while escaping into his own thoughts until something appears in his mind. "Oh! That reminds me." He says suddenly, instantly catching Renesemee and Bella's attention as their curiosity expands. "When I was tampering with Laurent's mind, I saw Carlisle and Esme in his memories. They were at a clearing in….if my calculations are correct I believe they were in Washington."

"How would you know that?" Renesemee asks curiously, leaning up her upper body while resting her right arm on the top of the cushion with her fingertips barely touching the base of his neck. She draws up knees to her chest with her feet on digging under his leg, for warmth.

"I remember seeing a sign that says, 'Welcome to Forks' which is in Washington" Julian says as he turns his head to Renesemee but soon returns his gaze to Bella. "In his memories, there was a human girl who looked a lot like you just without the vampire traits." He smiles ruefully to the words 'vampire traits'. While Julian speaks, Bella fragment memories of meeting Victoria and Laurent comes to mind. The memories are frail, difficult to get an actually view of the everything. "There was another with Laurent and Victoria, he name was..."

"James." Bella finishes unconsciously, barely moving her lips. The revelation is mind blowing and frustrating as Bella tries to remember more after James tries to take a bite at her. Bella briefly remembers another vampire with bronze hair stepping in front of her to protect her but the memory ends there. Deeply furrowing her eyebrows, Bella drops her head into her hands in surrender as she releases a long, hard sigh. "I can't remember." She murmurs to herself, voice is heavy in frustration.

"What can't you remember, mom?" Renesemee asks curiously while worrying over her mother.

The soft voice of her daughter draws Bella out of her frustrating thoughts. Bella leans up while running both of her hands through her hair. "I briefly remember the clearing…." Bella says until Julian cuts her off.

"So it was you?"

Bella nods once, solemnly. "I remember a baseball." Bella says, voice is dreamy while Julian eyebrows lift to the word 'baseball'. "I remember three vampires coming towards me and few other people, vampires. James, Laurent and Victoria….James tried to sink his teeth into me but someone, I can't remember who he was but he protected me and then….nothing."

Bella last words mellow out, silencing everyone as they all escape to their own thoughts. Then, soft sounds of feet thumping into moist dirt head towards the cottage. All three of their heads lift up, acknowledging the presences of others. "They're back." Luken suddenly strolls into the sitting room, speaking in a mechanical voice. Dark rings form under his eyes his red veins on his eyeballs. Luken face is darkening dramatically due to his loss. Before him mother can say anything about his appearance, Luken speaks up again. "Mom, I need to talk to you…." His eyes momentarily shift to his sister's but then returns to Bella. "Alone."

Bella hesitates before nodding once. She gracefully gets off the chair without a sound and follows Luken out front. Luken strolls to the front yard, his head facing downward. His shoulder hunch in depression. Even though he ask be alone, he knows very well the others can hear them. In a swift moment, Luken faces his mother while holding a guarding feature which slightly frighten Bella, "Mom, I've been thinking." He begins in a low tone while pausing momentarily to put his words together in his mind. Then, Luken hesitantly says, "I'm leaving."

To be continued….