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"Bones… I'm asking you this in all seriousness. What did you say to Spock?"

"Just now? Nothing, he just lay there while I finished. A bit rude since I was really only there for his benefit, but what can you expect? He's not the most talkative guy." Jim's hand tightened its grip on my shoulder, his fingers dangerously near my neck. He stopped walking, choked out a cough and just stared at me. "What? All I said was… James! Oh, God. Why do you put these damn pictures into my head?" I banged my forehead into the wall, hoping to damage my brain in some permanent way. "Jesus… I'm a doctor, Jim, not a happy-ending masseuse! He was lying on a medical bed getting an examination!" The shock faded from his face. A wide, highly amused grin took it's place. "Why do you like seeing me in pain?" I groaned.

"Oh, Bones, I don't. I was just picturing you trying to have sex with Spock."

"Ahhhrg." I gave my forehead one last try against the wall, but, alas, no memory loss ensued. "I give up," I grumbled. "I-" I turned and there was Spock, in all his eyebrow raised glory.

Jim laughed his 'oh fuck I'm totally fucked and that's really a bit funny' laugh. I just stood there, mortified. Spock was scary.

"Captain…" He was choosing his words carefully. "I fail to see why you would… find it necessary to visualize…" He couldn't bring himself to say it. I didn't blame him, the thought alone was frightening.

"Well Mr. Spock," we waited for Jim to finish his sentence. He flushed pink, but no more words were formed so instead we stood there in a very uncomfortable silence until red lights began flashing throughout the corridor.

Our conversation momentarily forgotten, the three of us rushed towards the bridge.

Thank God. With any luck, someone was attacking the ship.

Author's Note: sorry for the obscenely short chapter :) the next one will be long though, promise.

tomorrow will have no updates because i'll be in philly seeing the star trek exhibit.

it should be awesome. has anyone been?

anyways. sorry again for this chapters length, but it was either this or no updates for a few days :)

thanks for the reviews and story alerts and favorites and a special special thanks to people who've reviewed twice already!