i am alive. as you can see, i have written a chapter for you. i apologize for the long hiatus...

~*~Edward~*~

I wake up to the sound of vomiting and look around. I don't see Al or anything so I get up to see if the Colonel is alright. I know pregnant people throw up sometimes but I want to make sure he's alright. I walk up the stairs and go to the bathroom where the door is slightly ajar. I push it open and find the Colonel with his face in the toilet. I pull back out and wait for him to finish. When the vomiting has stopped but he doesn't come out of the bathroom, I open the door again and find him leaning against the tub with his hands over his face. I can see the tears running along the sides of his hands as they try to block his eyes and so I kneel down beside him, looking at him for a moment.

His shoulders are shaking and he looks skinnier, like he hasn't eaten very much and is emaciated. I figure he is going to be a while so I sit next to him and wait for him to get over his tantrum. After a few moments, I feel him lay his head on my shoulders and removes his hands from his face, where I look down and see specks of blood. I quickly grab his hands and then look at his mouth where there are also specks of blood.

"Colonel, are you coughing up blood?" I ask calmly, even though I'm freaking out inside.

He doesn't answer for a moment but finally lifts his hand heavily toward the toilet and I move to it to look inside. When I look in, I recoil not only from the stench but the contents. It looks just like what had come about when Al and I tried to bring Mom back.

"This is serious; we need to take you back to the hospital. Who knows what that thing is doing to you."

"No."
"But Colonel-"

"No!"

I sigh and sit on my knees again, at a loss of what to do with him now.

"Colonel, I'm worried about you. That's not normal and I don't even know what that thing is and if it's doing this to you. We… we have to do something."

"Anything but the hospital." He says softly.

"Fine. No hospital… What am I supposed to do then?"

"Trust me."

"That's not going to help you. Look at yourself… You're alchemically impregnated with some sort of thing, you're throwing up blood, plus you look like you haven't eaten in months. I mean, how am I supposed to trust you with recovering when you're not showing any signs of it anymore?"

"You've always trusted me before."

"Yeah, because that cocky, haughty attitude of yours made me believe you. Hell, it made anyone believe you. I can't believe you when you look this way."

"Pregnant." He says with a harsh glare to me.

I made a face and sit next to him again.

"It has nothing to do with it. I'm talking about your overall demeanor and lackluster… not to mention health. You look like ishit/i, sir."

For the first time in a while, the Colonel chuckles but he leans his head over again.

"I'll be fine, Fullmetal; I promise."

"The colonel I know wouldn't be this soft."

"My head is spinning."

"I see you got your voice back."

"It doesn't hurt so bad to speak anymore… Where's Al?"

"I guess he went to get some groceries. If I remember correctly then that's what he said. Visiting Havoc and Fuery maybe?"

"You don't know where he is, do you?" he says with that condescending tone.

"I'm sure he's fine."

Mustang shakes his head and then puts his hand on his distended belly. It's a little bigger than before and I look at it.

"Does it move?"

"It's moving right now. I wish I knew what was inside of me…"

"What if it's a chimaera?"

"Maybe I'll die before I see it."

"Colonel!" I yell, pulling away.

"I'd rather die than face what is in there if it's inhuman… Can you help me get up?"

I stand up and hold out my metal hand to him. He grabs a hold of it and I pull but it doesn't help that he's pregnant. He's so heavy for someone who looks like he weighs nothing. Once standing, he sways for a moment and puts a hand on my shoulder to steady himself. I take him back to his bed and he rolls onto it, pulling the covers up.

"Edward." He says as I begin to leave. I look back and he gives me a tired smile. "I'll be fine; I promise."

I turn away from him to keep him from seeing the tears prick my eyes as I clench my fists.

"That's what our mother said before she died… That's exactly what you said before you left this last time. Look what happened on both occasions."

I leave and go downstairs, looking around because unfortunately, I really don't know where Al is.

~*~ALPHONSE~*~

I hope Brother isn't worrying over me. I stepped out to get some medicine for the Colonel since he was running a fever when I left. He's not getting any better… At first Brother and I thought he might be getting better because he was like his old self, even though he couldn't talk. But these past few weeks have just been a decline. He doesn't eat very much and seems to have a restless sleep at night. I think he has nightmares…

"Alphonse?"

I turn to find Lieutenant Hawkeye looking at me, Black Hayate on a leash beside her.

"Hello, Hawkeye! What brings you over here?"

"I actually live in the apartments about three blocks over. How's the Colonel?"

I let my head drop and sigh, looking back at her.

"He seems to be getting worse. He was very sick this morning so I went to get some medicine for him."

"You asked for medicine that can be taken by a pregnant person, right?"

"Yes. You didn't bring Fuery?"

"Fuery is busy gnawing a bone in my apartment. I take him out in the evenings when the dark of night keeps him a little more secretive. He talks too much to other people." She says with a small laugh.

I laugh too and she looks off, looking very sad.

"He's very sweet… How is it coming with getting him back to normal?"

"Brother thinks he may have found something. If he can crack the code that Tucker used in his books and then apply things backward, he thinks it might work."

Hawkeye nods. "Do you mind if I visit?"

"I don't think the Colonel will mind."

I open the door to the Colonel's apartment as Hawkeye comes in after me with Black Hayate. She unleashes him and then orders him to sit on the rug and not move. He immediately obeys and she puts her groceries beside the door. I hear the door open and Brother starts walking down the stairs and turns to see us.

"Al, where have you been?"

"I'm sorry, Brother. I noticed the Colonel had a bad fever and went to get medicine for him."

Edward nods and then smiles at Hawkeye.

"Lieutenant…" he says with a nod.

"Hello, Edward. I met Al outside and thought I'd drop in and see how the Colonel was doing."

"I don't know how he'll take to your visit but he's upstairs in his room. I need to speak with Al alone anyway so help yourself upstairs. You look good, by the way."

She nods and heads to the stairs.

~*~RIZA~*~

I go up these familiar stairs and get to Roy's door. I decide to knock on it, something I don't usually do. I hear rustling and a faint, "Who's there?"

"It's Lieutenant Hawkeye, sir."

I hear more rustling and then hear him tell me to come in. I open the door and am met with a shell of the man that I dedicated my life to serving under. He is gaunt, pale, and looks like he is starved.

"Colonel…"

"Lieutenant, what brings you by?" he says in a whisper-like voice as he tries to smile.

"I was in the neighborhood and thought I'd stop in… Sir, permission to be blunt?" I say, saluting and standing to attention.

One thing I know about my superior, the stranger things around us get, the more normality he likes to see. I see his lusterless eyes brighten at the normal speech that I would always have for him and he coughs a little.

"At ease, soldier." I stand normally. "What is it you wish to say?"

"Sir, you look like Hell has chewed you up and spit you back out, sir."

He looks away and fiddles with the sheets.

"That's what Ed said… Riza, can I ask you something personal?"

"Of course, sir."

"You can stop now with that… Thank you but… I can't feel normal looking like this." I nod and go to him, sitting on the bed and looking at his sunken in eyes. "Would you hate me if I didn't try?"

"Try? Try what, sir?"

"I can't give birth, Lieutenant. I'm a man… However this thing is coming out isn't going to be the normal way. Most likely it will have to just burst its way through… it's pretty strong… What I mean to say is, if it does do that, would you hate me if I didn't try to hang on? If I didn't try to stay alive?"

I look away, not sure how to respond to that. He's my superior whom I love both as my colonel and for secret personal reasons. To hear him talk about giving up –this man who would stop at nothing to become the Fuhrer and rule this nation- makes my insides shutter. I grab his hand and he looks at it.

"Colonel, as a friend, I know that it is frustrating and very inconvenient for you to be this way. I know you also feel that this is all your fault, but it isn't. We were following orders that the military gave us and who would have ever thought that that crazy bastard would do this to us? To hear you talk about giving up is… upsetting. Would I hate you? No, never. Be disappointed and curse your grave, yes." He looks at me as I stare into his black eyes. "Because that's not the Colonel Roy Mustang that I know."

He smiles and we talk discursively for a while.

looks like roy is having some yuletide doubts... sorry... anyhow, he's in a pit of despair for a while. of course i'd be too if i didn't know what the hell was wrong with me or what was inside of me.