"Come on you've gotta listen too me,
Lay off that whiskey and let that cocaine be."
Cocaine Blues, Johnny Cash.
Loki woke in the middle of the night to find that Ton wasn't in bed.
It wasn't an uncommon occurrence; indeed, Tony was something of an insomniac, and he disappeared almost every night. Very occasionally, he'd go down to the workshop and fiddle with a computer system or play with some gadget or other until it simply became tiresome. However, Loki knew where he was more likely to find the mortal.
Sure enough, the small mortal was leaning against the bar, drinking from a large tumbler of whiskey. He grinned, putting the glass down and holding a hand out to the taller man.
"Hey, baby," he said. Loki's nose crinkled.
"You're drunk," he commented.
"No, no, not yet," Tony laughed. "Getting there, though. Definitely getting there."
"Charming," Loki sighed.
"Come on, you have a drink too. Let's get drunk together," Tony suggested.
"No, thank you," Loki shook his head, black hair tumbling around his shoulders. "I don't really enjoy being shitfaced as much as you do."
"Shitfaced?" Tony repeated, with a snort. "Where did you learn shitfaced?"
"Picked it up," Loki shrugged one shoulder. "Are you coming back to bed then? Or am I wasting my time?"
"You're not wasting your time, darling, not with me," Tony slurred. "Never."
"Oh, for the love of the Nine, do you really like being this drunk?" Loki scoffed. "Do you really get pleasure from it?"
"Hey, fuck you," Tony shot back. "I don't tell you how to live your life, you don't tell me how to live mine."
"You do tell me how to live my life, Anthony," Loki reminded him. Tony ignored him, pouring another glass of whiskey. Loki rolled his eyes, going over to the bar. "How long have you been here?"
"I dunno… what time is it? An hour. Maybe two," Tony slurred.
"You drink too much," Loki said.
"Or maybe you don't drink enough," was the reply. "Let your hair down, Lo. C'mon. Have a drink with me. Hey fuck it being just a drink. Let's have a party, just you and me, huh? Hey JARVIS, let's have some music, huh?" Banging rock music blared over the room's sound system and Tony started to dance clumsily.
"Oh, for goodness sake," Loki rolled his eyes, but poured a glass of wine.
"There we go. Atta boy," Tony said, earning him a withering look. "I don't see what your problem is with drinking. If you think this is bad, you should try snorting coke."
"I have," Loki replied, matter-of-factly. "Didn't see the appeal. It didn't seem to have much effect on me."
Tony looked impressed, then he laughed. "Wow. You've done cocaine. Proud of you," he ruffled the inky black looks, earning him a glare that could freeze hell over. "Sorry, babe. You do kinda look hot with your hair all mussed, though. Kinda… wild child, you know?"
"You don't know what you're talking about. You're drunk," Loki rolled his eyes, but a pink blush tinged his cheeks.
"Doesn't mean you're not gorgeous," Tony slung an arm around Loki's waist, pulling him close.
"Get off!" Loki struggled, but not too much. "You reek of alcohol, Anthony."
"That's 'cause I've drunk a lot of it," Tony said, setting his glass on the bar behind him so he could fold both arms around Loki. The demigod didn't return the hug, but he didn't shy away either. "Are you mad at me, Lo?"
"Don't be ridiculous," Loki scoffed. "You've seen me mad. You'd know if I was angry with you."
"So why are you being so… off?" Tony pouted.
"I'm not," Loki frowned.
"Yeah you are," Tony insisted. "What've I done? Tell me?"
"You haven't done anything Anthony," Loki was looking borderline confused now.
"I have, I can tell. But whatever. Don't tell me. I can still make it up to you," he smirked, leaning in for a kiss.
"If this is your way of trying to get into my pants, it's clumsy and not at all seductive," Loki grumbled, though he kissed back. Tony mock-frowned, pretending to sulk.
"Oh, so I have to try to seduce you now?" he raised one eyebrow and Loki smirked back.
"But of course," he replied coolly. "I wouldn't want you to think me an easy lay now, would I? If you want me, you're going to have to work for me, my sweet."
Tony looked taken aback for a second. Then he grinned wide.
"Shut the fuck up and take your shirt off," Tony said. Loki rolled his eyes but did so, shedding the thin, navy blue night shirt with one swift movement. Tony was clumsier, his Black Sabbath tee-shirt tangling momentarily with his hair before he managed to drop it to ground. He kicked it into the corner of the room, then continued the kiss.
The moment became heated, and the two men ended up in a most compromising position; god pushing mortal backwards until they lay on the bar, Tony beneath Loki, hands twining in soft ebony hair. He tugged gently and Loki moaned softly into his mouth. The demigod's own hands trailed downwards, over his bared and tanned torso, finding the buttons and zipper on the impossibly tight jeans and wrestling them open with more effort than was probably necessarily. Slender fingers slid under clingy denim and…
"Stark! Natasha has shown me the humorous thing, you simply must… oh," Thor was in the doorway, the expression on his face a mixture of startled, disgusted, upset and angry. Loki sat up, scowling, but Tony simply burst out laughing.
"Oh my god!" he howled. "You should see your face right now, big guy. It's priceless."
"Ignore him, he's drunk," Loki advised, retrieving his shirt and pulling it over his head. "What are you doing up at this hour? Surely you're usually in bed at this time?"
"Natasha was showing me humorous videos on the MyTube," Thor informed him. "You usually sleep a full night."
"Yes. Well," Loki cleared his throat a little awkwardly. "As is obvious, I was otherwise occupied."
"Um. Yes. I see that," Thor said, and the awkward tension made Tony laugh even harder. Loki groaned and rubbed his temples.
"For Heaven's sake, Anthony, will you just go to bed?" he snapped.
"Not without you, Hot Stuff," Tony slurred in what was obviously supposed to be a seductive voice. He swung himself round into a sitting position, stumbled to his feet – then gagged and vomited all over the floor, before collapsing at the table and falling asleep.
"You know, his charms never cease to amaze me," Loki mumbled, rubbing his forehead. Thor smiled.
"The Man of Iron talks as if he is a hardened drinker, and yet he handles liquor worse than you do," he observed.
"Well, I'm glad you find it amusing," Loki gave a sarcastic smile. "Look, take him to bed, won't you? I'd better clean up in here. I don't doubt that I'd be blamed for poisoning him if your friends found his vomit on the floor in the morning."
Thor frowned but nodded, taking the unconscious Stark into his arms and heading towards the bedroom and Loki turned to the mess with a sigh. He couldn't help thinking that, if he didn't dote on the little man so, Stark would probably be the mortal he hated most.
A/N: I apologize for teasing you with almost-smut. The real thing will come soon, I promise. Remember to review! :)