Chapter Six: Thoughts

Bella was stretched out across my cold form, sleeping soundly. She truly was exhausted. Her subtle breathes and quiet heart beat filled the air. She was my sleeping seraph. As she was sleeping I relived the night before. It was like any other night we had shared over the past two years.

Charlie was sleeping in the next room over. The tenor of his dreams were sad. He must be thinking of Bella. We were cradled against each other on her small bed as our lips moved quietly with each other. Her body was so soft under mine as our breathing picked up. Her only stipulation for this night, was that I had no shirt. It was laying forgotten somewhere on her floor. My only requirement was that she be protected from my perpetually cold body. She obliged, swaddling herself in a thick quilt.

I rolled to the side, never breaking contact from her skin, so she could catch her breath, and I could collect my thoughts, and urges. My self-control was hanging on by a very lose thread, bound to snap at any moment. I smiled to myself. Two years ago, just being in a classroom with her, I wanted to kill her, and here I was marring this wonderful woman. It seemed my thirst was easier to control then my body. I opened my eyes to look at her beauty.

Bella opened her eyes at the same time. Her ever quiet mind teasing me. I wanted to know what she was thinking. Her soul stirred as she pierced my eyes with hers. I could see to her very depths. All the emotions she had been trying to tell me, were present. My love for her burned to my core. I needed her in my life for eternity. I loved her more then words could ever say in any language ever spoken. She was mine. Bella was all I ever wanted, all I ever needed to be complete. My soul mate.

I wrapped my arms around her waist as her warms hands did the same to me. We needed more contact. I gently kissed her neck as she made a soft guttural moan at my touch. Her hands pulled my face back to her. We picked up were we left off.

Bella snuggled into me breaking me out of the memory. Where ever my body was touching her had goose bumps, the rest of her was covered in sweat. That alone was enough reason for me to touch her more. Like I needed a reason. Her response to my touches threw me into another memory. The memory of what we had done tonight. It was as if I was there again. The desires then and now were overpowering.

The first time we touched without boundaries was exhilarating. When we laid here both unknowing, both scared, we connected on a new level of love. Unspeakable love. I remembered it all. Her body soft and hot encompassing mine. Every move she made under me brought countless waves of pleasure. My body responded to hers. She paused only for a short second, in shock. Never had she seen me react so physically to her. My mind went blank. I had never felt so many emotions at one time. Love, passion, terror, unsure, completion, insecure.

Even as I remembered every touch, kiss, spoken word, I was aware of Bella sleeping next to me, waiting for the talking to begin. It wasn't only the talking though that kept me with her night after night. It was the innocence of beauty. She had no guards up when sleeping. It was pure Bella, no pretenses. No protecting me. That was often when she spoke her mind, and figuratively, I would get a glimpse inside the convoluted workings of her mind.

Her body so close to mine was the most beautiful memory I had, ever. To be so close, no blanket, no clothes. Those moments with me were unhindered. Her paper thin skin searing, her aroma alluring. I was touching every part of her body I could. Each kiss was better then the one before it. Her lips pressed to mine during a moment of passion were eager, but loving. Each featherlike touch from her drove me more and more insane. What love could make people do.

Thrown from my dreamlike state, I realized my desires had caused me to imbed my hands into the mattress. Bella was starting to talk.

"Perfect" she purred. That could have been anything. I waited patiently for more. I knew there would be more. Her voice became huskier as she whispered my name "Edward, please" uh oh, "Closer". She was remembering our night together, making love. "Please… yes… closer…more" and she was quiet. Leaving me to my thoughts again.

Bella rolled away ever so slightly, and my world stopped. Along her arm were five perfect bruises, shaped like fingers, my fingers. I gasped. What had I done? Panic set in. I had hurt her. Caused her pain on a day suppose to be void of such pains. I truly was a monster. I did the one thing I swore I would never do, hurt her. I took a breathe to try to calm myself. No such luck. I decided before I started berating myself I would make sure they were truly my fingers. Jacob had gripped her arms hard during there reception. Maybe they were his? I waited until she was breathing softly again and tested my theory. I laid one finger after another over the marks. A perfect match. I had done this to her. I had injured Bella, the love of my existence, in a moment of passion. I quickly closed my eyes and was perfectly still. I had betrayed the trust she put in me, trust I didn't deserve.

As I laid there the words of advise my brothers told me resounded in my head.

"Edward, make love to her. Show her how much you truly love her. What she means to you." Jasper's voice whispered in my head. I listened to him. Every moment of tonight was every moment of love I had ever had with her. I showed her that much. Her body completely around me. Warmth every where. My love for her was unbearable, and to be able to show her so physically made it better. Nothing could excuse what I had done though. I had caused her physical harm.

"Mind you strength. It will be hard, I know, but it is a must. Everything you will feel will outweigh your common sense." Emmett's voice whispered next. His thoughts were sincere as his mind focused on Rosalie, and there first encounter as husband and wife. I tried, I really did. I was careful when I touched her chest. When I brushed her cheekbone. When we kissed. Every movement had been monitored. Even when I delicately brushed her thighs, I watched how hard I touched her.

All their voices slipped from my head. Each touch was brought back to the forefront of my mind with new light. When I picked her up off the bed, and wrapped my arms around her waist, I had held her too tight. Each kiss I reexamined. The kisses were not as gentle as I thought. I was eager for her touch.

How could I do this the person I said I loved. What kind of man puts his wife in danger for his own pleasure. No man would, but a monster surely would, and that is exactly what I was. I hurt her for my own pleasure. She had to be in pain. Of course she would deny that. She was forever trying to protect the wrong things. Always protecting me. She was the one who needed protection, from me, her husband.

As Bella finally started to stir, her heart started to beat a little faster I vowed to myself that I wouldn't, couldn't make love to her again, not while she was human. I threw my arm over my eyes and grimaced as I stared at my arm. Pale white, hard as granite, and inhumanly strong. I had hurt my Bella, my wife, my mate. How could she ever forgive me for this. Her fingers twitched on my chest as she regained consciousness. So begun the first day of forever with my wife.

A/N: I rehashed some of the things that went on in the previous chapter. I wanted to add some depth, more passion, but I also wanted to show Edward was not angry right after. I believe he remembered everything that night, until he saw the bruises. I also didn't want a complete chapter on his depression. It just didn't seem to fit. I had a heck of time writing this. I think I deleted more in this chapter then any other. Hope you enjoyed.

*gets on hands and knees* I beg of you please read and review. I will take any kind of criticism. --dragonlore1981