Past, Present and Future

Of course like everyone else I don't own any characters you may recognize from Stephanie Meyers' Twilight Series.

BPOV

I stopped short. What did she just ask me? No, how could she know about 'him'. I looked at her and stuttered, "What did you just say?"

"Who's Edward?" She had stopped as well and was looking at me confused. I felt my arms going around my waist, holding my insides together and started gasping for air.

Roxanne grabbed my arm pulling me over to a bench on the sidewalk. "Bella, Bella breath. It's okay. I didn't mean to upset you. Are you okay, can I get you anything." She waited for me to catch my breath. It actually felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. I really wasn't expecting that question. How on earth did she know about him?

I put my head between my knees while holding my stomach and took in deep breaths, all while she rubbed my back. When I was finally able to pick my head up, there were tears in my eyes. "How, how did you know about Edward?"

"Bella, I'm so sorry I had no idea his name would upset you so. I heard you saying it in your sleep and when you spoke his name it was with longing not with pain." She kept looking at me; her eyes filled with sympathy. "Really Bella, I had no idea. You don't have to talk about him if you don't want to. I swear I'll never mention his name again. My lips are sealed from saying that name out loud ever again." She made the image of locking her lips with a key and throwing it over her shoulder.

She continued rubbing small circles on my back until I leaned back on the bench and rubbed the tears from my eyes. I tried to get my breathing back to normal. Shaking my head I looked over at her.

"I'm sorry Rox, even I didn't expect that reaction. You didn't know what would happen just by asking who he was. The only explanation I have is my subconscious must be okay with dwelling on the past, it's just my conscious state that isn't ready." I sighed deeply looked down at my hands before looking back at her again. "I really have to say that based on that performance, can you understand why I'm not ready to discuss my past yet?"

"Sure, no problem. But I do have to ask one more question if you don't mind. Bella, did Edward hurt you physically, I mean did he molest you? The only reason I ask is I need to know what level of protection I'm going to have to use when keeping all the guys away." She smiled at me and I could tell she was trying even though the smile didn't reach her eyes.

"NO, NO, Rox you have it wrong. Edward wasn't capable of that. When I tell you that he was the best thing that ever happened to me, would you believe me after that performance?" Chuckling lightly thinking of how I must have sounded to her, but she just nodded her head and smiled sadly.

"Yeah Bella, unfortunately I do get it. How about we go get something to eat before we go to the bookstore and I'll tell you a couple of stories about my past. You'll soon see we have more in common than you can possibly imagine. Men everywhere, no matter what part of the country you're from, are basically the same." We stood up and started walking down the street to find someplace to sit, eat and talk.

Although what we just went through was an uncomfortable experience for me, Roxanne took it in stride. She started asking me what were my favorite foods, was I allergic to anything. She really wanted to know all my flaws and favorites so in being my friend she could know what was important to me. I found myself asking her the same questions because after all we were not only roommates, but also quickly becoming the best of friends.

We found a cute café that had outdoor seating and decided this would be our location for brunch. The streets were crowded now as all of the college students had gotten out of bed finally and began looking for sustenance or were heading out to get their final errands done before classes tomorrow.

After ordering, Roxanne put her elbows on the table and looked me right in the eye and asked, "Okay, whom should we begin with Mark or Andy?"

I giggled, "Lets start with Mark."

"Figures you'd pick that pig first. Okay, Mark was my first real love. I met him in school of course and he seemed really nice. We dated and he was always the perfect gentleman and as time progressed, well you know. One thing led to another and he convinced me that I was his one and only. He'd never love anyone more than he loved me." She was rolling her eyes now and snearing.

"Well, being young and foolish, of course I believed him. But I still wasn't ready. He kept up the pressure, every day the same thing. So one day I attended an after school party…big mistake. I got drunk, my first time drinking and I was totaled. Somehow, someway I got home. I swear to this day I still don't know how. But as soon as I was home, I picked up the phone and called Mark. I told him to get over to my house, I missed him and needed him." She was shaking her head at this point.

"So he gets to my house in record time, grabs my hand, pulls me to my room, throws me on the bed and pulls my jeans off. He proceeds to pleasure himself while I'm nearly comatose. Ugh, just thinking about it makes my skin crawl." She looked at me and smiled, "Don't worry though, I was coherent enough to recall that he never penetrated. I kept my legs closed so tight he couldn't get anywhere near what he really wanted. Being as pent up and frustrated as he was, he only got the pleasure of my thighs and apparently that was enough for him." We both started laughing at that.

The waitress came over with our food and I could feel the smile on my face. It was a real smile, not put there out of some sense of obligation to make Rox feel better, it was the real deal and she put it there.

As she took a mouthful of her food, she swallowed "Are you sure you want to hear about Andy? I mean you are eating!" I grinned and nodded my head. How could I resist, she's such a great storyteller and her stories could be sad but are made funny by the way she tells them.

"Andy was a dream, tall, dark, handsome and Russian. Not only was he all that, he was a bit on the dangerous side. He would take risks that a person like me would never even presume to take. He would skip classes, he hung out with people much older than us, and yes he appealed to my wild side." She took a sip of her drink and her eyes got a far away look before she looked back at me to continue her story.

"I hadn't dated anyone for quite some time after my fiasco with Mark. There was no way one of the creeps from school were going to sweet talk me again. But Andy was different, he didn't try as hard, he was just there one day. Leaning against the lockers as I left my class he started walking with me. He never said anything he just walked with me. At first I thought it was creepy, but when I looked up at him he just smiled and then looked straight ahead, like it was normal for him to walk me to class. When I reached my classroom, he stopped, smiled at me and said, 'see you around' and walked away. I thought I'd faint right there in the doorway. I couldn't concentrate on class to say the least, and when the bell rang I walked out the door, there he was again…leaning against the lockers. I smiled at him and he reached out to take my books, which I gave willingly. That was it; I was hooked. We were together all the time from there on in. Andy was different from other boys; he never pushed me. He knew my boundaries even though I never told him what they were, he just knew." She smiled at me then and said, "Does any of this sound familiar?" I just nodded and told her to go on.

"Well, after a while Andy and I did become intimate and I wasn't upset about it. I was in love and thought he was too. We were always together, so what else could I assume. Anyway, one day my sister and I were driving into town to get something, I forget what now, and there standing on the corner is my Andy with a girl pressed up against the building and they are in a lip lock that would take a crowbar to get them apart. I slammed on the brakes right there. I was shaking from head to toe, my sister had no idea what I had seen until she looked around and saw it for herself. Well, it was all I could do to keep her in the car. When I finally found a parking spot, she wanted to go up and confront the two of them, but I couldn't. My heart was broken; there was no way I could deal with that in my frame of mind. So I insisted she let me handle it in my own way."

"The next day when Andy arrived at my door to pick me up for school, I told my sister to tell him I was sick and wouldn't be going to school that day. She started yelling at me to tell him off, let him know that he couldn't get away with treating me like this. But that's not how I wanted it handled. I stayed home from school that day and thought about how I would deal with Andy."

"I decided to take the high road, I got dressed in the most appealing outfit I owned, got in my car and drove over to his house. When I got to his door and knocked, he opened it and I walked inside. I told him what I saw; how it made me feel and let him know in no uncertain terms that I couldn't be treated like that. After I finished with my little speech, I picked myself up off his couch and walked out the door. I never saw Andy again after that. I hear that he's an alcoholic now and that I wouldn't recognize him if I did run into him. So those are my battle scars Bella." She held up her hands and smacked them together like she was removing crumbs from between her palms.

"You see Bella, we all have baggage. It's part of who we are, for better or worse, these moments in time are what have made us who we are. I like to think these things that happened to me have made me a better person. I know you aren't ready to talk but when you are, just know that nothing you will tell me can shock me. Now if you wouldn't mind finish up your breakfast so we can get our books."

"I'm ready."

She looked at me quickly, "Really? My stories actually changed your mind?"

"No, not for that. I'm ready for the bookstore. Come on, I still have to make dinner with Ian, remember?" I grabbed my bag, pulling out money and smiled at her.

She burst out laughing at that point and said, "Okay you got me. Let's go."