THE HERE AND NOW
CHAPTER 29
"WHAT WENT WRONG"
Choices are made based on what you believe is the best option you have. Choices are made every single day and every single day there is one person who wonders if the choice she or he made is the right one. For many this is a question they continue to ask themselves long after the choice is made. Some times, it is the wrong choice and those are the ones that are regretted the most. Pete Shanahan saw that now he had made a choice, now he could either to fix it or move on.
A child and a wife. How do you move on from that? Is it even possible? Then again fixing it, how do you even start to fix something when you do not even know what it is that is broken? When your wife gives you mixed signals and your son is distant? How do you begin to understand the mistakes that need to be fixed, when you do not have an understanding of what went wrong in the first place?
It's quite simple. You can't and yet he knew the other option was as difficult as the first. Move on. And what? Leave your family behind? Leave your son and wife? Go visit him when a judge appoints you certain dates, lose half your paycheck to them and have to face the woman who you love and not be able to touch her, to feel her. That was no life; that was not moving on, that was simply avoiding the subject, avoiding the problems, running away from them.
He was not like that, he wasn't a quitter. He did not give up on things, and he just did not lose. He couldn't lose. He'd had it all planed out. Get married to a beautiful woman, have a child and finally have a family. That was what he'd wanted, why he'd married her, and why he was not going to let her go. She was as responsible for this mess as he was; she could have said no. She did not and now they had Aron, his son.
"My name is Pete Shanahan. I am a detective, married to Samantha Carter and I have a son named Aron. There have been problems in our marriage but nothing as severe as this latest fight and I find myself asking why I married her?"
"I see, Samantha?"
"I am Samantha Carter. I am an astrophysicist, married to Pete Shanahan and I have a son called Aron. Our problems were not that big, but this latest one has given me something to think about."
"Why are you here?"
"I am here to try and fix things for Aron, my son deserves a father," Pete answered.
"And you Mrs. Shanahan?"
"I don't think it will work. Not after the last incident."
They were with a counselor. The man looked at the two of them and shook his head. If there was ever a couple that had no idea what a marriage entailed, it was in front of him. They were each falling apart and even though his job was to try and fix marriages, this one was crumbling faster than he could glue them back together. Taking a deep breath he dove right in, he at least had to try. Divorces were ugly, but he at least needed to teach them how to be civil with one another for Aron's sake.
Yet glancing at the woman, he knew that it had been over for her for a long time. Only her husband hadn't known it. Why they had gotten married he didn't know. He knew that he needed to have private sessions with each of them or else this didn't have a chance. He knew it didn't regardless, but he at least was optimistic; positive thinking and all that. So he was going to do his job, even if it ended in failure. There was no way this man, Pete Shanahan, was going to be civil.
He could not judge however, and just say that this marriage was doomed from the beginning, which was not the case. Most marriages started just right then as the years went by they slowly, but surely, fell apart. There were many factors, different reasons, yet here he saw something rare, both were willing to try to make there transition from married couple to divorces work. Yet he saw no love, no trust. All he saw from him was determination and stubbornness, and from the woman sadness and desperation, something had gone wrong since the beginning and he needed to know what it was.
To try and fix this, he needed to find out what had happened between them, their history and their lives together, since the point they met. Telling them this, he saw the woman flinch and look away. He saw the man frown and his gaze harden. This was not a good sign and he wondered just what in the world had possessed them to get married in the first place, this seemed to be going downhill fast and with divorce papers in the works. This relationship was doomed.
That however, did not mean that this was the end; they still needed to deal with the issue of what happened after the divorce, after the whole ordeal. Their relationship needed to still be stable. If not for them, at least for their son, who still needed a father and a mother, he needed to try to make them understand that, to at least patch some of this failed marriage.
"Janet."
His voice spoke to her so soft and with concern she took a deep breath and turned towards him, a small smile on her lips.
"I-I'm ok…"
She was not okay. Jack O'Neill was well aware of that and he didn't like it. He looked at her hands and saw the bunched up piece of paper. Frowning he sat beside her and pulled the crumbled paper from her hands.
"So what's up doc?"
"We need to talk…"
She hardened herself as much as she could and turned towards him. He smiled sadly at her and nodded. This had been coming for a long time now. It had to end sooner or later and now that Janet had seen how much of an impact one simple decision could bring to one's life, she had made her decision. A decision with out him. It hurt; he would not deny that, but he couldn't think about it much, or regret would set in.
"I understand."
"I never wanted to hurt you Jack and for that I'm sorry."
"Hey Doc, come on, it's nothing… just sex remember?"
She frowned and nodded. Yeah this was going to be hard for both of them, and she was a woman who was already insecure in her own beauty and self-conscious when it came to her body. He was a man who's only real relationship for a long while had been with her, if you could even call what they'd had a relationship, and then there was Daniel. He was worse off. He was clueless towards Janet's feeling and her denying them was not helping either. He was Daniel's best friend and Jack knew he had lost to the better man.
"Jack please don't…"
"I said it was fine Doc…"
He was Janet's best friend; she did not want to see him like this, to see him denying what they had shared. She knew it was more than sex because when they'd been together she had felt the emotions behind the act. She could see them in his face, feel them in his body and she knew this was hurting him.
No more late nights of pleasure and comfort, no more crying on each other's shoulders. It was back to being friends and nothing more. Back to being Colonel and Doctor. Janet didn't like it and as much as she was going to fight to keep their friendship strong, she knew he was going to need time before everything got sorted out, before he accepted that he was alone yet again.
Yet he was Jack O'Neill and he would still be there for her no matter how much it hurt and how much it pained him to lend his ear. He would be there for her, because that was the kind of man he was.
"You still have me Jack…"
"I know doc, I know."
"It's just a bit different is all."
"It's better."
"Jack…"
"You will be happy doc. All those nights we spent together, all I wanted was for you to be happy."
"Don't…"
"Are you happy?"
"Yes I am."
"Then I'm happy."
She leaned on him and hugged him, taking comfort in the fact that she had him. To talk to, to be there for her, it was always nice to have some one like that. Looking towards him, she saw him smile and wiggle his eyebrows. As always he managed to bring a smile to her face and she chuckled.
"I will be here for you always… You know that, right?" she asked.
"I know you will. You and space monkey?"
"Yeah this has to end. Either it becomes nothing or it becomes something ...I'm tired."
"Tired?" Jack questioned.
"Of me hiding my feelings, of running away. He won't make the first move, as for me… I have no idea how to make the first move. I'm going to try though."
"Well you made up your mind and I'll support you 100 ."
"Yes...I know. Thank you Jack... for every thing."
"No problem doc."
He smiled and left and she wondered yet again how this would affect him. She knew the smiles and the offer were there because he is her friend, but they had shared something special over the years and now that had come to an end. No more late nights, no more waking in each other's arms, and no more guilt. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and cursed her feelings.
It was not her fault. She knew that feelings could not be hidden, could not be put away, and one certainly could not choose whom to fall in love with. She knew that much, and it was not fair to Jack if she were to try to be happy with him, when she was in love with Daniel. That fact would only hurt him even more. Walking towards her office, she sat down and closed here eyes; she had hurt Jack. She didn't like that. Even if it was the right choice, it didn't mean she had to like it.
She had hurt a good friend, but that friend was happy for her and she was happy. Her heart had chosen long ago who to love, there was no denying it and no hiding it. She would follow her heart.
Continued