THE HERE AND NOW

CHAPTER 30

"CHOICE"

From the moment he saw her, he had been attracted to her. She was a knock out, smart funny and beautiful. He thanked his friend for introducing them, and they had hit it off. They dated a long while and they had even discussed a future together. She was perfect. She would have his children, marry him and he would have a family. He was happy with that and for a moment, he believed she was happy also. He was wrong.

He was never the one she loved, but he believed the lie when she told it. He wanted to believe it, because he loved her. As the time went by and they got to know one another, he asked her to marry him. Two weeks and he was worried, but he waited patiently and the waiting paid off. She had become his fiancée and nothing could go wrong. She was going to marry him and they were going to be happy with one another.

He loved her; she never did love him. He had seen how the move had hurt her, how everything seemed to bother her to a certain extent. He thought that with time things would get better, that it was just the change and that once she had settled in Denver, she would then settle with him and be happy, just as he was. He was wrong. He knew he was wrong and he looked away. He couldn't accept it and denied it at every turn.

How could you marry someone who you did not love? That was impossible, right? Sure, there were marriages made out of greed and some out of anger and even those out of pity, but he refused to believe that his marriage was anything like that. She loved him. She had told him so many times, and what better proof to show someone your love, than to have a baby? When Aron and the pregnancy came, he knew that he had been wrong. She did love him; she did want to be with him.

For a moment, just a brief moment, he believed they could actually be happy. With Aron now by their side, everything was happiness and joy. He had felt a huge worry lift from his shoulders. She was not going to leave him, not now that she loved him. She had had his son; they were a family, and families stuck together. Her attitude had changed, she was happy. He could actually see her being genuinely happy, enjoying her time with him and with the baby. She was happy and he believed that she had finally moved on.

He had been wrong. Aron's school year was about to start, and he could see she had returned to her cold self, as if analyzing everything. Thinking about every word, every action over and over again and then she came home and handed him an envelope.

"You know I been assisting the Air Force in some of the research and development at the military academy, right?"

"Yes."

"They offered me a position."

"That's great!"

"In Colorado Springs... they want me back."

"I thought you retired."

"I did... I'll be a civilian."

He didn't like it, she knew that, but she wanted this job. He couldn't say no. She had once moved and left everything behind for him. He would do the same for her. As they began to pack and get things ready, his doubt and fear increased. He was insecure in their marriage, he was unsure if it was going to survive here in Denver, but now going back to Colorado Springs, he was more afraid than ever.

"This is more than a transfer, isn't it?"

"Y-yes it is... I want to be back home Pete. Denver is great, but the way I left things… the way I left… I need to fix this."

"Why?"

"They were my family, my friends. I just can't go on like this, knowing that I hurt them."

"Sam I'm sure they understood your reasons. You don't owe them any thing."

"I know, but I owe it to myself. I need to do this Pete."

"Ok then. We'll go to the Springs."

"I'm sorry for this."

"Hey it's going to be okay. I don't like it, but we can make it work."

"Yeah we can."

Somehow he knew then that they were not going to be able to. The expression she'd given him and the way she'd hugged him had told him that she was as scared as he was. Only he was scared of losing her, while she was scared of going back, of seeing and confronting everyone. She wanted to be back in their lives. He knew that much. She had never been able to connect, to make real friends here. She couldn't talk much about her past seeing as how her whole life was mostly work related, and couldn't connect with others like she had with her friends.

She was from another world. He could feel that even late at night when they were sleeping together. She never felt real, she felt so distant, as if he was dreaming and she was simply there to tease him and make him see what he had and yet did not have. But he didn't care because the reality was that he had her, and she was his. Samantha on the other hand felt content, as she had always felt content. She had a husband, a child, the white picket fence and everything was okay with her life.

But there was her past life she had to fix. She needed to try. She couldn't start a new life without dealing with the old, without confronting them and making them see why she'd done what she had, and she was sure that once they saw Aron, once they saw her with her family that they would understand. But she knew she was fooling herself. She was well aware of the fact that her marriage was crumbling around her, but just like her father she was to stubborn to admit defeat, to admit that she had been wrong.

She needed one last test to prove to herself that she had made the right choice. She needed to see him one more time, to talk to him one last time. She needed to say good bye. That was her plan to befriend them, to regain her family and friends and to finally close that chapter in her life, and start anew. Her plan was perfect. She was going to confront them tell them and make them understand.

She was going to see him, to prove to herself that he meant nothing to her, that she had no more feelings for that man, to prove to him that she had indeed moved on and that they could now finally become friends and finally put their feelings to rest.

She was wrong about what she felt for him.