THE HERE AND NOW
CHAPTER 32
"ORDER"
"Dad, do you think this is ok?"
"April, I'm just dropping you off. No big deal, right?"
"Yeah, I know, but I don't know… Cassie was pretty angry."
"I'll talk to her, ok?"
"I don't like it when she is angry. Aunt Janet is sad."
"I know kid, but while you're away I will talk to both of them and get all this straightened out."
"Okay!"
Truth was he was not sure how the hell he was going to deal with Janet and Cassie; he had no idea how to even begin. Thing was, both women were close to his heart and he didn't want to hurt either of them. He just wanted to clear the air, make Cassie understand and make Janet help him, which was the wild card he hoped wouldn't back fire in his face. Oh how he hoped this night would be a good night.
She was exited. April O'Neill was going to visit her friend, her dad was going to drop of her off and then he would pick her up later; and everything was going to be fine. She was happy with that. Aron was her friend, quickly becoming her best friend, and she was going to meet his dad and get to know his mom, whom she somewhat already knew. But now she was going to get to know them better. Dinner, a few games. She smiled as her dad walked her to the front door.
The doorbell rang and Pete Shanahan's face appeared. The slight frown did not go unnoticed by Jack and the mantra he had picked up so long ago returned. He didn't like it, not one bit. Yet he smiled and raised his eyebrows. As always being nonchalant, yet a very very awkward moment arose and tension filled the air. Thank God for kids.
"April!!"
Aron rushed towards the door and smiled. April did the same and Jack let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. Pete smiled forcefully and Jack's eyes turned from mildly amused and uncomfortable to serious. Pete smiled and looked at the kids. Jack didn't like this one bit.
"This is my dad. He's back."
"Yeah, told ya he would!"
"I guess I leave you to it April. Behave, ok?"
"Yes dad!"
"General."
Sam's voice sounded from within and the tension returned a hundred fold. Pete harrumphed and walked inside leaving him with the kids. Jack groaned and shook his head. This was a lot harder than he had thought it would be. Sam was being the peacemaker in a war he did not even know existed. She was trying to mend the gap between himself and Pete. Jack was no liar, he disliked the man. Something about Pete set him off; something about the other man always unnerved him to no end. But he had no quarrel with the man or with the woman.
A voice in his head told him otherwise. He would ignore it, as always and he would be just fine with that fact. He smiled at her and she returned his smile. She was making an effort to join both worlds, Jack O'Neill respected that. It was an up hill battle, but she never had been a quitter. That was what he liked about her.
"Hey Carter. Just dropping off April."
"You're not staying for dinner?"
"Ah, sorry, no. I got to a date with two lovely ladies."
"Two you say?"
"Daddy! It's just Cassie and Aunt Janet!"
Sam chuckled and Jack rolled his eyes. Kids were oh so good at turning a tense situation into a fun one. He smirked and bent down to kiss April.
"Ah, squirt, you spoiled my fun!"
"Sorry Dad."
"It's ok. Now behave and be polite ok? Listen to what Sam says."
"Yes Dad."
He smiled and said his good byes. Heading towards the car, he felt someone watching him from the doorway. Turning around he saw Sam looking towards him. He smiled and waved goodbye. This was weird. He had never pictured this scenario. Taking a deep breath he drove off and wondering about the two ladies that were waiting at his house. He knew that right about now they would be looking at each other just waiting for him, annoyed and angry. That was good; they would be angry at him, not at each other.
"So guys… food or play first?" Sam asked April and Aron.
"Play!"
"Ok then."
Sam smiled and led them inside the house. When she had told Hailey about family night she had no idea Aron would invite his friend. When he had asked her, she had told him that yeah he could bring his friend along. Her son of course had been quick to point out that it was O'Neill's kid. To say that she had been surprised was an understatement. She had just looked at him like a fish out of water, trying to get what he had just told her.
She had of course recovered soon enough and reassured him that every thing was ok, and that they should get ready. The play area in the back yard was set up, everything a five year old would need to not get bored. At least she hoped that it was everything a five year old needed to not get bored. Truth was, this had been unexpected. She had thought their evening would consist of her, Pete and Aron. As it turned out April was added to family night and her husband was not happy.
"So family night, huh?"
"Pete, he invited her."
She hushed him and watched the kids from within the house. They were already outside, rushing around chasing one another.
"You could have said no, you know?" Pete continued.
"Right. Tell our son that his only friend is not welcome."
"That's not what I meant and you know it."
"What do you mean Pete?"
"You know what I meant."
She shook her head and walked into the kitchen. This was getting them both nowhere. What good was making an effort when her partner was doing everything to be a hard ass. She knew that was what he was being, he was acting sweet one minute, and the next he was a hard ass trying to get his way and using this therapy to try to pull something. She was no fool and she hated seeing her husband as the bad guy.
Yet while he might not be a bad guy, he was sure as hell acting like one and she didn't like it, not one bit. If this was how it was going to be, then she had to end it. A bad relationship was no relationship at all
"So how you been?" Pete asked.
"I've been doing ok. Thinking about getting my own apartment, you know? With the divorce and everything… I don't think it's such a good idea if…"
"Is that really necessary? Sam come on let's just…"
"Pete we aren't making any progress and you know it as well as I do."
"No, but you sound as if you're ready to throw it in the towel. We have to at least try to be civil around each other for Aron's sake."
"I want to do that Pete, but your behavior just now…"
"I think I have a right to be angry."
"At a five year old!"
"Look I'm not angry at her ok just ... this was supposed to be our night. Aron, you and me. Instead we have his kid running around."
"We still have our night and we get to meet Aron's friend. What's so wrong with that?"
He moved uncomfortably and shifted from one leg to another. He was nervous and hiding something from her. She raised an eyebrow and gave him her "what are you up to" look. He closed his eyes and let out a long breath. Looking straight at her he shook his head and shrugged.
"It's his kid."
Jack O'Neill was in trouble, no doubt about that. Two women who were mildly angry at one another were directing their hatred towards him. Not something he liked. Taking off his jacket he walked towards the living room. He needed to be blunt about this. Sure this was hard on all of them, but Cassie was just closed off from them. The last conversation he'd had with Teal'c had told him just how much the girl needed to get out in the open.
"So why we are here Jack?" Janet said.
"We know why we're here."
"Oh yeah, Sam Shanahan."
"Cassie!"
"What mom? It's true. I mean you're both here to defend her, right?"
To have her mother and Jack confront her about Sam was a betrayal. It felt like that to her. They were supposed to be there for her, to understand her, yet they seemed to be siding with Sam, the one who had hurt her so much.
"We're not here to defend anyone Cass. Your mom and I are just worried about you, ok?"
"Worried about me?"
"Jack and I think that you should talk to Sam."
"Yeah right, like that's ever going to happen."
"Cass, your mom is right. You have to talk to her and maybe you can… I don't know… talk."
"Have you talked to her Jack? Asked why she left?"
He looked away. No, he hadn't. She was just another transfer scientist under his command. He was civil towards her and treated her no differently than any other co-worker or mother he met at the school. Truth was, he was hiding from her, keeping his distance; there wasn't much he could do with out risking too much. Janet's hand reached towards his and squeezed it, reassuring him.
"This isn't about Jack and us. This is about you."
"Look, I don't want to see, hear or talk about her, ok?"
"You're going to have to sooner or later. She will come to you Cass."
"Your mom's right, Cassie. Come on you don't have to like her, but…"
"But nothing. I won't be like that. I know how mom reacted. She was her best friend. I know Daniel's soft, he can't stay mad at someone for long, but I'm not like them."
"Damn it Cassie, that's the whole point!"
"What?"
"I don't want you to be like me!"
Jack's voice was raw and she took a step back, her eyes wide. Jack's eyes were cold and hard and she had to take a deep breath to calm herself, to be strong.
"Y-you don't want to be like me. I don't want you to be like this, an emotional mess who runs away from everything, never deals with how he feels. I'm a coward, Cassie. I don't want you to feel dead inside."
"J-jack I ..."
"It's not about running away honey; it's about being strong and confronting that which you hate or fear. It's about dealing with your feelings and dealing with the betrayal pain and everything," said Janet.
"Mom I ... I didn't… I never ..."
"Listen to your mother, Cass. She is way smarter than any of us."
He pulled away from Janet and walked away. He needed to control himself again. The two watched him leave and sat back down on the couch. Cassie looked at her mom who smiled sadly at her.
"He's hurting more than any of us. He never stopped hurting."
"Mom?"
"He just dealt with the pain. He always deals with the pain in his own way. He focuses so much on April and us that he forgets about himself sometimes."
"Why didn't you tell me? I could have helped."
"You couldn't have Cassie; none of us can help him. I did my best, still do my best, but I know that the only one who can help him is himself. He needs to just accept that what Sam did destroyed him."
"And still you want me to talk to her?"
"For him Cass, just talk to the woman."
"Why? I don't want to."
"Jack is complex Cass. He worries about all of us. He doesn't like it when one of us is off. That's why he tries so hard to hide when he is hurting. So just talk to Sam and put his mind to ease ok?" Janet pleaded.
"I'll think about it."
"Ok."
"I… I need to go clear my head and think a while... see you at home?"
"No I ... I'll wait for him."
"Tell him I'll try, ok?"
"I will honey."
Continued…