THE HERE AND NOW
CHAPTER 33
"YET AGAIN"
His smile is fake, and she can see that from the get go. She can also feel the fear in April, children can sense when something is wrong and by the way Pete has been acting Sam knows that April is well aware that Aron's dad doesn't like her; a child will not understand this, and will believe that she has done something wrong. She will probably not want to return and will no longer want to be friends with Aron. Samantha knows this because as she looks at her son she knows that he feels the same way, that he knows there is something wrong and can't figure out what.
He will try to talk to April, and the girl will say nothing. She will pout and will just want to go home; she knows this all too well, she has been there before, she was the smart one of the group. Other parents looked down at her because their kids were not as smart as she was, she could always tell when parents shot her dirty looks, and spoke of her behind her back; Samantha Carter was familiar with that feeling and she didn't like it.
"Can I go home?"
The meek voice of the girl broke her heart, and made her blood boil, clenching her fist, she swallows the lump on her throat and she sees Aron stand up and rush away from the table. The night has become a disaster and it is all her husband's fault. Looking at him she wonders why he is being like this, but gets no answer, he simply stands and walks away. Turning towards the girl sitting at the table she smiles tries to smile for her sake, but it will not work.
"Its not your fault honey, it's just he had a bad day at work is all he is just tired."
"Ok."
Sam detected the lie fast, she grimaced when she saw the sad look on the girl is face, so she does not look at her. She just sits there staring at her food, every thing about April tells Sam that the kid wants to get out of here as soon as possible.
"So you want to go play with Aron?"
"I want to go home."
"I can call your dad…"
"Okay."
No answer on his cell phone, calling his house she was bit surprise to hear Janet's voice, but then remembered that he was meeting with her so he probably was with her still. She frowns at that fact, after all Janet was now closer to the general perhaps closer than she had ever been.
"Janet it's Sam."
"Something wrong?"
"No, April wants to go home."
"I'll be right there."
She knew the tone of voice all to well, and she did not like the situation she was put in. Walking towards the dining room she smiled when she saw April cleaning the dishes. The girl smiled up at her and continued with her work, Sam decided to help her along. She was good and Sam was surprised at the fact that April was good at trying to hide what she was feeling just like her old man.
"So were did you learn to clear the table?"
"Aunt Jan taught me I can always help wash the dishes. Daddy says I'm to young but aunt Jan and Cassy let me help them when it's there turn."
"Oh and your daddy doesn't?"
"Nope, he only lets me dry them. Says I play too much in the water."
April smiled and the two continued to talk; much to Sam's surprise the girl was a world of insight into the workings of Jack and the relationship he shared with his kid. As story after story of Jack and April antics rolled out of the girl's mouth, she smiled and continued to listened as they cleared the tables and headed for the kitchen. April continued to talk happily to the woman who smiled and nodded at her. She liked talking to her.
"So then daddy was all covered in ketchup."
A story about Jack and Daniel and one of their many bbq they had.
"Sam."
"Yeah honey?"
"Why was Aron's dad angry at me?"
How do you answer that? How do you tell her that is not she that he is angry at, but at her dad, that he feels threatened and fears that Jack O'Neill was the cause of his divorce, how do you explain that? You can't. All you can do is try and make her feel comfortable and to not show her that you blame her for every thing. So slowly she bends down and takes her in her arms.
"It's ok honey he... he is not mad, just bad day at work is all. Come on let go see how Aron is doing, ok?"
She can't shed tears, not in front of the little girl, she has to be strong and show April that there is nothing wrong, that it was just her ex husband's attitude, that she was welcomed here in her home to visit Aron whenever and yet she knows that the girl is not buying any of it. She can see right trough Sam's attempted distractions techniques, she is smart and for the first time Sam wonders about the girl's genetics.
"I don't think Aron is going to be happy to see me."
"Of course he will honey. Why wouldn't he want to speak to you or see you?"
"Because I made his daddy angry."
Janet Frasier looked at the doorway and frowned, she needed to go and get April from Sam is house. Jack O'Neill was not going to be around for a while, his cell phone was off and he needed time to get back his composure and try to calm himself. After all emotional displays and long emotion speeches were something he didn't do very often. Hell, he almost never did them. When he did do them, it drained him and made him see things he never wanted to see.
That was Jack O'Neill trough and trough, he dealt with his demons all on his own. He had opened to her, but now it seemed he was retreating to himself yet again; returning to his old Jack self, not relating to any of them or talking about how he felt. He never did that, but troughout the years he had at least talked to her, now it seemed he did not want anyone to see how much he was hurting with Sam's return.
Leaving a quick note she heads for her car and wonders just what went wrong with April's play date with Sam's son. Jack had not mentioned anything about it when he had arrived. So what ever had caused the tone in Sam's voice was bad. She didn't even want to think about something happening to that little girl.
"Honey, Aron is not angry because of that, he is upset because his dad left, but I'm sure he is not angry at you."
"You sure?"
"Of course I am honey, you'll see."
Looking at the little girl Sam knew that she was not to blame for what had happened and she was going to do everything in her power to make her feel at home and was going to reassure her that Aron was not angry at her. Walking towards her son's room she knocks and opens the door silently.
"Honey you ok?"
She could see him sitting down silently in his bed looking at the small toy car. Walking inside, April silently follows her and she frowns when she sees her friend sadly sitting down on the bed. Before Sam could say or do any thing to comfort her child, April rushed towards him and stops in front of the boy.
"I'm sorry I made you sad."
The boy looks up at her and then at his mom who sits beside him nodding.
"We're both sorry honey and I'm sure you dad is also."
"Yeah ok. I'm sorry I caused troubled mom."
"Oh honey you were no trouble. And next time you and April have a play date I'll be sure to make it work out ok."
"Do you want to still be my friend April?"
"Yeah you bet."
He smiles and the worry he has been feeling has lifted; as they are heading downstairs and into the living room to watch some TV, a knock on the door announces Janet Frasier arrived and Sam smiles at April.
"I called Janet."
Walking towards the front door she sees the woman standing on the porch. Her face shows sings of exhaustion and Sam knows that something else has happened, something completely unrelated to what has happened at her house.
"So April ready to go?"
"I don't know. April?"
"I don't know. I want to stay a little more."
Janet frowned and nodded, kids were unpredictable and as the kids rushed towards the living room to play, Sam signaled her to follow her towards the kitchen for a cup of coffee. She needed that and by the look on Janet's face she did also. Arriving in the kitchen, Janet smiled and sat in one of the chairs, while Sam prepared the coffee. It was weird to be here in this house and with the person preparing the coffee. It was weird and oh so familiar.
"So ah sorry I called, but April wanted to go."
"Yeah ah why was that?"
"She didn't feel comfortable with Pete."
"Oh…well I guess hard night?"
"Yeah….and by the look on your face so did you."
"You have no idea. I guess having to deal with kids never ends."
"Cassie?"
"Yeah. Jack and I had a little chat with her."
"Oh."
"Don't worry, she will baby sit for you, ok?"
That brought a smile to the blonde's lips and Janet smirked. She had a full emotional night, she did not need to have another and for now all she needed was for them to talk like old times.
"I think that Samantha has the right idea."
"You agree with her?"
"I'm sorry Mr. Shanahan, but unless you can get pass this jealousy I don't see how much head way we can make."
"So I should just sign the papers. Is that the best option?"
"I'm afraid so, yes."
"Fine! She can take the house."
"No."
She was not going to live in his house. No, she wanted to feel as if the separation was real, wanted to breath without having his presence around her; much to the anger of her husband. The doctor agreed with her, they needed to accept the divorce. Then they could, if they wanted to, start a new. The doctor however knew that this was giving them false hopes, but you never know. It could work for them to accept the change that had happened to them.
Everything had gone wrong since they had returned. Sam didn't know what or why it had gone down hill so fast, but she knew it had happened and now she was once again the bad guy. She was moving out of his house into a small two-bedroom apartment. Aron was anything but pleased with the move and she couldn't blame him, dad was not going to be home anymore, he moving to another place. This was not healthy for him, but she also knew that the old saying stay together for the kid didn't apply here.
It was better if they just parted ways. She knew it was slowly but steadily coming along, but she refused to see the changes that had been occurring to her ever since aron was born. She had been back on her feet, when she felt a itch that she couldn't scratch, she wanted to do something more, to be able to use her brain and as much as she tried to deny the facts, she knew that she wanted out of her marriage. For a long time now, she was just to busy with Aron to pay any attention and in some ways she was also not used to dealing with failures.
She knew there was nothing wrong with their marriage, they had been happy for a while. There was just something off. Pete was good to her, made her happy but, somehow it had always felt off, somehow it had been a constant question on the back of her mind. Question that she couldn't answer and that she refused to listened too, the one question that was primarily always hovering around her head was a 'what if' that she didn't even want to think about.
"Carter."
"Sir."
She had been caught day dreaming for the second time in the meeting. Shaking her head Jack closed his eyes and looked at SG-1. They to seemed a bit concerned for the woman. In all the years they had know Sam she had never once day dreamed on a briefing.
"Ok people we'll take it up tomorrow go rest and do your thing."
"Yes sir."
"Carter, my office please."
SG-1 filed out of the room and she followed him into his office. She didn't want to be face to face alone with this man. He was beginning to unnerve her even more each day that passed. His eyes seemed to be more intense, his demeanor seemed to be stronger and she didn't like where her mind was taking her.
"Ok, what's going on?"
"Sir?"
"Look, we have a huge ancient battle cruiser stuck on another planet, most of it intact. I need your head on the game. So again what is going on?"
"I'm sorry sir, it wont happened again. It's just I been busy with the new diagnostics and…"
"Ok, see, even after five years I can still read you like a book, I know it's more than that."
"Personal issues sir and I don't think they are relevant to…"
"They are relevant when it affects your work."
"I moved out of the house sir."
"I'm sorry?"
That had throw him for a loop and Sam knew she had just made a huge error. This was not going well. Taking a deep breath she averted her gaze and looked at any thing but his face. There is something about his eyes that always had made her nervous.
"I left Pete...I-I'm moving into a new apartment. I'm getting divorced and and it's complicated."
"Oh jeez…"
He was angry and annoyed, on the other hand he was right and she knew it. He had no time to deal with an emotionally ringed out scientist. He had a whole base under his command, not to mention the meetings with the Atlantis expedition and now the ancient war ship that could give them an advantage over the Wraith. She knew she was going to be sent home until every thing was straightened out.
"Ok, well, two options Carter. One you go home, handle your affairs, or you shape up and concentrate here at work."
"I… I think I'll take a few days off sir. I really need to."
"Say no more."
"Sir... Jack, I'm sorry about this I... I'm just becoming another burden for you and the base."
"Look Carter, things have been rough, but fact is we still need you here at the SGC. Hailey had more time to do her field work and finished her reports and the techno geeks at Are 51 don't pressure her so much, so take your time off."
"I see…"
They hold their gaze for a while before she broke it. Walking away, they both know that there was something more to that lingering gaze and Jack doesn't like it one bit. He had no time for this whole 'I think there is a maybe'. He is too old, sure he doesn't look it, but he knows it. He is well aware that he is way older than he looks, looking at the files on his desk he wonders if he should reassign Hailey and just let McKay deal with the whole thing. Then again, doctor weird needs him as much as he needs Hailey.
Carter is an added bonus. She frees Hailey, which in turns make her be able to be there with the other eggs, head on the field. Now Carter was going to be taking some time off. He can understand how hectic her life was, but he does not like it when it interferes with her work life. A knock on his door and Janet's smiling face. He smirks and takes a deep breath.
"Hard day?"
"Janet, you have no idea."
"I gather the steaming Sam coming out of your office has something to do with it?"
"Yeah, something like that. Listen I'm going to be a bit late tomorrow to see April. McKay needs me for some crap over at the battle cruiser."
"No problem. I can handle April and I think it will be good for Cassie and me to spend some time together."
"Good, then ill leave you to it."
"Jack ... you haven't forgotten have you?"
He cursed and closes his eyes, this is not happening. It's been a couple of weeks already and he doesn't know what is worse. Carter's surprise leave of absence or Janet getting on his case. Taking a deep breath he looks at her straight in the eyes. He is trying to speak with them to make her see he does not want to talk about anything, but she doesn't and won't back down.
"Well have you talked to the man?"
"That's not the issue now is it?"
"Janet, come on, I can't go into this right now after the mission."
"You promised."
"Yes. Me promise and you?"
"After the mission."
Yeah after the mission everything will be confronted. She will speak to Daniel and he will speak to her, to all of them. He isn't looking forwards to it, but then he knows that this Sam situation has to be dealt with; all those issues need to be resolve, he can't have chaos in his life not right now. He is tired of it.
"You're telling me that you're taking off." Hailey said shocked.
"I'm sorry to bail on you."
"Yeah, oh man the General is going to bench me on the next mission I just know it."
"I am really sorry. Look I'll make it up to you."
"Oh you better."
"I will, I will."
"So how is your son?"
"Good I guess. I mean I don't think he completely gets what's going on. I just don't know if I'm doing the right thing."
"Trust me you are."
"Oh?"
"Having a mother and father going at it it's not fun, trust me on that one."
Sam nodded, she didn't need to ask her any more questions. Jack had also told her something similar. Two people couldn't be mistaken. Yeah perhaps it was better like this. Thinking of the mission she wondered just what they were going to find in the war ship. Preliminary scans showed that in fact it was a war ship, but they needed Jack to make the damned thing work properly.
"So when are you going to talk to Cassy and the others?"
Yeah she didn't know when she was going to actually be able to muster up the courage to face them, all of them, she had talked to them separately and the conversation between herself and Janet was encouraging enough, as well as the one with Daniel and Teal'c. Jack however was a whole different story. He was closed off and distant, as if he didn't even care she was back and had a husband and kid. It was as if things hand not changed for him and that worried her a lot.
Cassy was another matter entirely. She was no way near as forgiving as Daniel or understanding as Janet and was twice as stubborn as Jack and she could be as hard and cold as Teal'c if she wanted to. Cassy was indeed a hard shell to break and she didn't know were to begging with her.
"I don't know. I talked to the others, it was hard but things were said. That hurt both of us."
"Ah you're talking about Cassy?"
"As well as every one else. Bad decision on my part, I know that now and I don't expect them to understand my reasons."
"You don't expect them to understand your reasons. That's funny, I thought your reasons were the cause of all of this."
"I made some stupid mistakes. Huge ones I won't deny that, but I have Aron and I had a nice marriage I don't regret that."
Hailey shock her head and chuckled, the woman was very smart but was dum as a stump when it came to her personal life, friend and family included. Samantha Carter had no idea how to deal with them, and she was stubborn. Hailey glanced at her one more time, and Sam this time recognized that look and frowned. There was something behind that look that told her she was approaching this from the wrong angle.
Yet when she had returned she had made no decision, no nothing on how to approach this, on how to befriend them once again and regain her lost family. She believed that after a while they would simply accept her, just like Jack had done when they first meet and how he had accepted Daniel. It had been hard but eventually they had become the best of friends, yet as she began to think about it, she saw that things were not going that way.
No, things were definitely going the opposite way, instead of slowly and steadily getting re-acquainted with them she had just bumped into Jack and had acted on impulse, her plan long forgotten and she didn't know what she was going to do now. She had meet them all to soon, talked about mundane things and even had some conversations, deep conversations with Daniel, Janet and her father. So far Teal'c, Jack and Casey were left out of the loop.
Not how she wanted to start this. Glancing at Haily, she saw the small girl working hard on some report and wondered if she knew more than she was telling. She had to, after all she had lived with her friends for more than five years.
"You think I'm doing this all wrong don't you?"
"It took you this long to figure this out?"
"I've been screwing up all over again haven't I?"
"No, you just didn't give them time to adjust to your returning and if you want to really go back to the way things were, you better be ready to give some serious explanations on your actions and reasons."
"Things will never go back to the way they were."
"Maybe not, but I at least you can have them back in your life."
"Yeah I guess."
Hailey smiled and left. She needed to let Sam think. After all the woman had just realized that she was going to have to change her whole approach when it came to dealing with her old friends. Hailey just hoped that the woman figured out that with Jack, Cassey and Teal'c it was going to be a whole new ball game, harder and much more difficult to over come.