Making Amends

EPOV

Although our house was large and had plenty of open space there was much more to do than originally anticipated. We had spent our time landscaping the property, having the garages built and preparing the rooms for each of our family members. I hadn't left the property at all; Carlisle and I were too busy with the small details. Esme made sure that every day there was something to occupy our time. Carlisle expressed to me through his thoughts that he actually couldn't wait to return to work.

Today Jasper and Alice were to arrive. I was a bit on edge thinking about their return and Esme was doing her best to ease my nerves. "Edward you know that Alice loves you, so you shouldn't think that she'll be anything but her usual self."

"I know Esme, I also realize that we are overdue to discuss what took place last year. It's important that Alice and I resolve our differences on this subject. We can't be expected to spend eternity together if we don't settle this."

"I know Edward, knowing my children as well as I do, I also know that you are both loving and forgiving. Perhaps this is why I'm not as concerned about the outcome as you," she said with a smile.

"Well, we won't have long to find out, I hear them coming now." I could hear Alice's excited thoughts on how picturesque the island was as well as Jasper's thoughts of how beautiful she looked when she was excited. I smiled as I realized how much I really had missed my brother and sister. They suited each other perfectly, as highly-strung as Alice was Jasper was equally unflappable. I stood by the window to await they're arrival, I was anxious to see their reactions to our new home.

Esme and Carlisle joined me at the window. Within moments we were able to see the yellow Porsche coming up the driveway and made our way to the door to greet them properly. Just as Jasper had put the car in park, Alice bounded out the door and screamed, "Oh Esme, I love it, I mean I really love it. I think this is my favorite home out of all!" She was at our sides in a moment and had Esme in a tight hug.

Jasper had gotten out of the car to remove their many bags from the trunk and backseat. He looked in our direction grinning and shaking his head, "Alice, you say that with every new home."

Alice was too busy saying hello to Carlisle to give him an appropriate retort. She turned to me and hesitantly smiled. "Alice" I said calmly. "Edward…oh Edward" she gushed as she pulled me into a hug. "I've missed you so much. I'm so glad that you're here and we can spend some time together again." She pulled away and smiled her contagious smile.

Before Bella I was never a demonstrative person, my family knew that hugging and touching me was not off limits, but certainly not welcomed. Only Esme and Alice were able to touch me and that was on rare occasions. When Bella entered my life my family noticed the change in my attitude and took to teasing and touching me as they did one another. After leaving her, I was so distant that no one could come near me much less touch me. I was reserved now, back to my previous demeanor. When Alice hugged me, I didn't return the hug I patted her on the back. She just looked at me and smiled a sad smile before turning to see what was taking Jasper.

Jasper had come up the walk and stated, "I'd shake hands and exchange hugs, but it appears my wife has left me with the task of getting our things." Alice turned to him and stuck her tongue out. Yes, it was nice to have them back.

"Jasper let me help you. Are there any other bags in the car?" I asked as I patted him on the shoulder.

"No, the balance of Alice's new things will arrive in a few days. Next time we take a trip to New York remind me to rent a minivan. As much as I detest them, there is an advantage to all that storage space." We both chuckled at the thought.

"Jasper leave those bags at the door, I'd like to give you a tour of the house. Then you can get settled in, perhaps we can all go hunting together this evening" Esme said while smiling. She was so proud of her family and home it showed in her beaming face.

After taking the tour and getting the many bags settled in their room we all sat in the main room of the house to catch up on one another's activities since we were last together. New York City is Alice and Jasper's favorite city in the United States because there is so much for both of them to see and do. Hunting is easy enough as Connecticut, New Jersey and Upstate NY are so close to the city. Esme explained how she found the house, while Carlisle explained our few modifications since arriving. I was the only one in the room who had very little to contribute, although I was enjoying the company.

'Edward, you know Alice is anxious to speak with you. It's all she could think about on our drive up. I'm not sure how you feel about speaking with her, but I hope you'll give her some time' Jasper thought. I nodded my head to let him know I agreed.

"Well, now that we've caught up and you've taken a tour of the house, why don't we give you some time to get settled." Carlisle stated. "I have some papers to review, I'll be starting at the hospital tomorrow."

"Emmett and Rosalie will be returning tomorrow as well." Esme said with a smile. It was her hearts desire to have the whole family together. "I'd like to get back to preparing their room. I've been busy making sure everyone's room is to their liking. So we'll hunt together this evening as a family?" she asked. It was more of a command than a question as she looked from Alice to me.

I nodded my head in agreement as Alice said, "Of course, Esme. In the meantime, Jasper and I will take a walk around the property while you and Carlisle are busy. We'll be back shortly." She stood and took Jasper's hand. "Edward, would you like to join us, you can show us some of the highlights?" she beamed while Jasper lightly nodded his head.

Stepping outside, I showed them the newly constructed garage and the paddocks for livestock. Jasper was interested in this area and began talking about how it would be great to get some horses. In his human life he was in the army and very familiar with horses and riding. He seemed to get energized about the prospect of maintaining livestock. I had my doubts that keeping livestock around so many vegetarian vampires would be a good idea and told him so. He shrugged his shoulders and said, "Perhaps we should try anyway, it would be interesting to see Emmett trying to ride at the very least," he said while chuckling. Both Alice and I started laughing at the thought. Perhaps getting a few horses would be entertaining after all.

We decided to explore the rest of the property while running. I showed them the lake and our dock area, as well as the many coves and entries into the forest grounds. The beauty of our new property overwhelmed them and we decided to sit on the beach to relax and enjoy the twilight.

Not long after Jasper stood looked deeply into Alice's eyes, turned to me while thinking, 'Edward I could stay if you think you'll need me for this discussion.' I turned to look at Alice; she had turned her attention to the mountain range in the distance, knowing that Jasper and I were communicating silently. Looking back at him, I nodded my head telling him to go.

After I could no longer hear his thoughts, I turned to Alice and studied her face for a moment. She had blocked her thoughts from me, so this was how it was going to be. We were going to have this discussion aloud. I sighed loudly and turned back to the view.

We sat in silence for several moments, seemingly at an impasse, until she turned and said, "You know Edward, you are the most frustrating vampire in existence. This past year our family has tried very hard to make sense of your actions and you've done nothing to help us. You acted like a child, first running away and then locking yourself away…" she said while shaking her head.

"Alice, I know you're angry…."

"No Edward, let me finish. The time for you to dictate is over, I need to say a few things and you are going to listen," she glowered at me. "Your decision" she spat, "made it impossible for us to live as a family. Every decision you made regarding Bella was based on irrational archaic behavior and our family has paid the consequences."

She stood and began pacing; apparently this discussion was one she put a great deal of thought into. Her anger was coming off her in waves; perhaps I should call Jasper back. Seeing Alice like this I knew I couldn't loose my temper. We would never mend our relationship if I let my anger get out of control. She had a right to say what she needed to express and I deserved everything she was about to throw at me. If I was truly going to begin letting go, then I needed to repair the damage I had done.

"Granted what happened on Bella's birthday was horrid. But you never gave anyone a chance to repair the situation. You didn't give Jasper a chance to apologize to Bella, do you know what that did to him. The guilt he's carried around thinking that he's destroyed your future. He truly loved Bella, don't you think he would have liked the opportunity to apologize?" She glared down at me for a moment, but continued on with her rant.

"You broke Esme's heart over and over again Edward. First when you left and then when you returned a shell of your former self. Locking yourself in your room and not letting anyone speak with you, she was beside herself with worry. It was all Carlisle could do to get her to calm down."

I hung my head looking into my hands, I knew I had hurt Esme deeply and out of everyone in my family her pain was the one that would haunt me the most.

"Edward, you can't go on this way. If you truly have left Bella, then you need to move on and grow up. Your family has been torn apart by your actions and I for one can't allow you to destroy us anymore." She had her hands on her hips while she looked down at me. Even though she was a small thing, she really could be intimidating when she set her mind to it.

Thankfully, I had remained calm throughout her tirade. Everything she said was correct and I needed to hear it. Looking up at her I patted the beach next to me and said, "Alice, please sit. Let me tell you of my recent decision and apologize to you." She stood completely still for a moment while my words and the tone of my voice sunk in. She slowly made her way to my side and sank gracefully on the ground.

I reached over and took her hand, "Before I begin telling you my decision, let me apologize Alice. I'm sorry, so sorry for hurting you. Bella and you had become closer than friends and I ripped that relationship away from you. As much as I needed Bella in my life, I didn't think about what she had brought to the rest of my family, especially you." I sighed and released my hold on her hand. This was much harder than I expected.

"I demanded that you cut all ties with Bella and leave her to live her life. I forced you to stop looking into her future. Asking you to do that was like asking you to cut off your arm. I had no right, and you are absolutely correct when you point out what my decision did to Jasper. He's your mate and you not only had to grieve for your own loss but you had to also bolster Jasper through his pain. I can't express how deeply sorry I am for putting you through that."

She was staring at me now with a look of shock. She didn't know about my decision to begin over again and obviously my speech was starting to make her realize what conclusions I had come to while she was in New York. She reached over to take my hand again, "Edward…"

"No Alice you had your turn let me finish. Out of every member of our family you and I were the closest to Bella, it is my belief that we are the ones who suffered the most from my decision. I should have discussed this with you before reaching my decision."

"Edward, if you recall correctly, I tried to talk with you. You wouldn't allow me to discuss it. You were beyond reason, completely stubborn and unyielding." She said with her singsong voice and grinned at me.

Chuckling I said, "Yes, once again you are correct. Alice I don't know if I'll ever be able to make amends to you, but I want you to know I'll spend the rest of eternity trying to. If you could find it in your heart to forgive me, I would like to have the opportunity to be your friend and brother once again. I know I'll never fill the void you have without Bella, but I'd like to at least repair our relationship."

She grabbed me and hugged me tightly. "Edward, I'll always love you even if you are frustrating and stubborn. You're my family and we need each other." She pulled away and grabbed my face in her hands. "We can help each other through this Edward, now that you've decided to make a life for yourself again. I miss her too. I miss Bella every day, and I know that you do as well. Now don't get angry with me, but what if you and I took a trip back to Forks…"

I jumped up, "NO, Alice! I made the decision a year ago. Bella has most likely moved on, I made the mistake and I must live with the consequences. I can't go running back to Forks and disrupt her life once again. I still have not changed my mind about turning her, so we'll just wind up in the same position we were in so long ago." I hung my head from the pain of the words I just spoke.

Standing beside me she said quietly, "I figured that would be your reaction. Fine, we'll make a new life here in Vermont." She turned and looked towards the mountains again. "Perhaps we'll find what we both need here." With that she started walking towards the house.

I could hear Esme calling us; the family was ready to hunt.