Distractions

Stephenie Meyer is still the genius behind Twilight! I also don't own any rights to Russell Crowe, American Gangster, 3:10 to Yuma or Gladiator.

BPOV

Two weeks had gone by, I was as happy as I'd felt in at least a year. I couldn't believe I was the same girl who left Forks several weeks ago. Classes were going well, even Integrated Technology now that I had a personal tutor. Ian made it his job to work with me over the weekends so I would have a better understanding of the class.

But the best part of my week was my job at North Country Books, it was so invigorating working for John. He was probably as old as Charlie, yet he treated me as an adult. I never felt like a child around him. My hours were generous considering my course schedule. He wasn't only teaching me about the business, he was showing me the way to handle first edition collector's books.

Some of John's inventory was in great shape and others were in miserable shape but still worth a great deal of money. When handling these treasures you had to be very careful, the pages were delicate as were the bindings and covers. On some days when I worked he would leave to go and find used books of value to add to his stock. Other days he stayed with me and we would discuss the classics, my courses or he would tell me about some of the books he had found pleasure in reading.

His favorites were science fiction or fantasy. John would tell me about different story lines that held appeal and the passion in which he described them made me want to read them. Although I really enjoyed the classics I did want to start reading some of his recommendations. I decided to ask him to make me a list so that when the semester break came I would have something to read. Right now it was all I could manage to maintain my course reading. Although every once in awhile I would sneak off to the patio with one of my favorites, either Pride and Prejudice or Wuthering Heights.

My birthday was tomorrow and I had been pretty successful in keeping it from my friends. Now if I could just make sure Renee didn't do anything grandiose, I should be safe. I had asked John if I could work on Sunday, but he wouldn't hear of it. He knew it was my birthday, because it was on my application. So he refused my pleas and insisted I enjoy the day whether or not I celebrated. He said, "You're only young once Bella. You may not need to celebrate the day but you should allow your friends to. After all, they are celebrating your birth and without you, their lives would not be the same."

I was occupied most of the week between classes and work so I didn't think about the dreaded day much, but once today rolled around I began to get nervous. The couple of hours I worked today were a nice distraction, but now that I was home I was walking on pins and needles. Fortunately, most everyone in the house was out all day, either working or studying. My plans for tomorrow consisted of studying and staying home to relax. I didn't know how I was going to explain to Roxanne why I had the day off, but I'd figure something out.

This evening we had decided to watch some movies instead of going out. I was exhausted from the week and didn't have the energy to go anywhere, so this suited me fine.

Last week the six of us went to the movies making it an early evening. When we returned to the house we all went into the common room and played poker until around midnight.

That was a very funny evening because Roxanne, Anne and I didn't really know how to play poker. We knew the basics so when Drake called 5-card draw, we understood. But then he added Jacks or better, Trips to win; we had no idea what he was saying. So Drake rolled his eyes and explained, 'in order to stay in you need Jacks or better in your hand and three of a kind would win the hand'. After reviewing our cards Roxanne, Anne and I immediately dropped, the guys all looked confused but kept playing.

The next hand was the same thing, again the guys played while we folded. By the third hand, Ian turned to me when I threw my hand down and said, "Do you mind if I look?" Shrugging I said, "Be my guest."

Ian looked at my hand and said, "Bella why did you fold?"

"Because I didn't have a Jack." I looked at him as if to challenge him.

"Bella, you have a straight." He was looking at me shaking his head. Drake and Sam were laughing.

"So! I didn't have a Jack. I had a 4,5,6,7 and 8; they weren't even in the same suit. I thought you said I had to have a Jack." I was getting annoyed now, because the guys were laughing so hard.

Drake and Sam questioned Roxanne and Anne wondering if they thought the same. They both responded yes. The guys just started laughing harder. They explained we didn't have to have Jacks specifically; we could open with a straight or anything higher in value than a pair of jacks. All three of us, exclaimed at once, "OHHHH!" Oh well, so much for us becoming card sharks.

Spending time with Ian was great. I was still working through my feelings for him; I would find myself occasionally staring at him and admiring his looks. It wasn't just how good-looking he was; he was kind, gentle and caring. Whenever he saw me, he would make his way over and make sure I had whatever I needed. If I were studying, he would come in with a cup of hot chocolate, or hot tea. He always pulled my chair out for me when I came into the kitchen at meal times. If he overheard me saying I needed something from the store yet couldn't find time to get there to get it, I would come home from work or class and find it on the kitchen table with a note. He took care of me in a way that only one person ever had.

I still had not told Roxanne about my past and I'd find her at times looking at me with a very worried expression. At those times, I would just wag my finger at her and she would smile and say, "Okay you caught me." Our fight had brought us closer together because we had a deeper understanding of each other.

Tonight we would be having a Russell Crowe marathon, beginning with 3:10 to Yuma, moving on to American Gangster and if anyone was still up for another movie, the guys favorite, Gladiator. It would be great because we would all get comfortable in the common room and anyone from the house that was home was welcome to join. In order to make sure that everyone in the house knew what would be playing, Anne posted it on our kitchen bulletin board. This way everyone had the opportunity to join and knew what time we would start the movies.

This was just the kind of evening I enjoyed most. I was looking forward to kicking back in my sweats and hanging with my friends. If given a choice as to how I would like to spend my birthday, this would be it. Movies, pizza, friends and a comfortable couch, it was the only way to spend a Saturday evening.

Roxanne had called earlier and said she was held up down town and would meet me later in the common room. I took a quick shower, pulled my hair into a loose ponytail and bounded down the steps. I was very nearly at the landing when I tripped and started free falling. As I prepared myself to hit the floor, I found myself in a pair of arms. Settled in the arms I looked up and smiled expecting to see Ian's face. I was completely taken by surprise when the face I saw looking back at me was Derrick's. He smiled, "Hello Bella. It's so nice to see you again, and to meet you in such an unexpected way has made it even better."

He pulled me tighter as I struggled to get free. Pushing against his chest I said "Let me go Derrick, right now." I couldn't get any traction in getting free because he held me tight and was practically squeezing the breath out of me.

Smiling broadly he said, "Sure Bella, I wouldn't want to upset you or your friends. I was just trying to help, there was no harm meant." With that he let me go and said, "I'll be seeing you around Bella. Anytime you need me I'll be around." He left me standing there with my mouth open wide in shock.

I was still in shock as I walked into the common room but quickly forgot when I saw Ian and what he had waiting for me. He had saved me a seat and was gently patting it smiling. As I ran over and sat down he pulled me into his chest so I was leaning against him. Then he reached over the back of the couch and pulled a blanket over my legs. I sighed deeply, completely content. He chuckled and leaned down to whisper in my ear, "Don't get too comfortable and fall asleep, we still have 3 movies we're supposed to be watching."

Roxanne and Drake showed up in the middle of the first movie. When they came into the room, Roxanne looked over at me and smiled, giving me the thumbs up. She and Drake were left sharing an armchair because almost everyone in the house had joined our movie marathon. After the second movie, my eyes started getting heavy and I put my face into Ian's chest to get more comfortable, he put his arm around me holding my head against him. As I was lying there I started taking deep breaths, inhaling his scent. He smelled really nice a mixture of soap and deoderant, I closed my eyes and let myself enjoy his warmth and scent.

Soon, I felt someone nudging me and pulling me from my comfortable slumber. I grumbled, "No, leave me be, just a few more minutes." I heard laughing and opened one eye. I saw Roxanne looking back at me smiling. "Rox, go away. I'm too comfortable to get up yet. You start breakfast, I'll be down soon."

She laughed again, "Bella, come on. Ian's arm has fallen asleep; we need to get you to bed. It's not morning, you feel asleep watching the movie."

I picked my head up and looked around, Drake was still sitting in the armchair, Ian was sitting directly behind me smiling but everyone else had left. Roxanne reached over and grabbed my arm, "Come on Sleeping Beauty, it's bed time. Say goodnight."

"Good night." I was starting to stand when I felt Ian pull me back against him. He kissed me on the head and said, "Sleep tight angel." Roxanne and I headed upstairs, "Well, it looks like you and Ian are getting along pretty well." I just smiled; I was too tired for details. I didn't even bother changing; I just jumped into bed and fell fast asleep.

The first thing I noticed was the sun streaming in the window, right in my eyes. I groaned and rolled over to put my back to it. I looked over at Roxanne's bed and noticed she was up already. I closed my eyes again to catch a few more minutes of peaceful sleep.

All of a sudden I heard the door to our room open and Roxanne screaming excitedly, "Bella why didn't you tell us it was your birthday today?" I opened my eyes in shock and what I saw brought out a groan. There was Roxanne standing in the door with a bunch of balloons. There were so many balloons I could barely see her, I groaned again and pulled the covers over my head.

She came marching over to my bed, releasing the balloons, "Bella, honestly what is wrong with you. Why wouldn't you want us to know it's your birthday?"

I sat up in the bed glaring at her, "Okay Roxanne, here's how it is. I hate my birthday, I always have and I always will. There's nothing good about the day and before you start, many other's before you have tried to show me it's supposed to be a great day. Somehow it always turns out to be a nightmare. So if you really want to remain my friend, just forget about the fact that it's my birthday and let's enjoy the day as we would any other Sunday."

Stepping back slightly, she looked at me with a scowl and then sighed, "Alright Bella, if that's what you want. I won't say a word. In fact, I better get downstairs and warn the others to keep their mouths shut. Maybe you should tell your mother how much you hate your birthday, she's the one who sent the balloons." She walked out the door closing it hard, but not slamming it.

I yelled after her, "I know the balloons are from my mother. Who else would be so ridiculous?" I looked up at the balloons, rolled my eyes and slid under the covers again.

The balance of the day was spent quietly doing homework; everyone heeded my desire to ignore the fact that it was my birthday. The only time it was mentioned again was from Ian; we were sitting in the study room going over this week's assignment in Integrating Technology. He leaned over and turned my face to look right at him, "I don't care that you want to ignore today, I've been good all day and let you have your silence. So now, you have to accept my wishes with as much good graces as I know you can muster. Bella, Happy Birthday! I'm happy you were brought into our world, and I'm even happier that you share your world with me." He leaned in and kissed me on the forehead.

Smiling at him I said, "Now those are birthday wishes I can deal with. It's presents, balloons and cake that make me grumpy."

"I'll keep that in mind. Now let's finish this up so you can get to bed." He said as he pulled me into a one armed hug.

Climbing the stairs that night I realized Ian was becoming more than a friend to me and I liked it. Perhaps this was truly the beginning of a new life. I went to sleep that night feeling better than I had in months.

I was woken up with a start; Roxanne was standing over me with a very worried look on her face. "Bella, Bella are you okay? Wake up, please wake up."

"What, what's wrong Roxanne? I went to rub my eyes and noticed there were tears on my face. What the…

"You tell me. You were screaming out in your sleep, 'don't leave please don't leave me. Edward, Jacob will kill you, please don't leave.' Bella, it's time, you have to tell me what's going on with you." She sat on the edge of my bed holding my hands, looking into my eyes.

Sighing, I looked down to give myself time to think. "Bella," she said quietly. "I wouldn't pressure you, but you frightened me tonight. Your breathing was so unstable and you were gasping for air when I finally woke you. Maybe if you tell someone what happened it will help."

Looking into her eyes again, I whispered, "Okay, you're right. It's time." I didn't know how I was going to tell her everything she wanted to hear, but I knew I had to. She was right it was time to unburden myself from this. I couldn't have a new beginning and keep these feelings buried deep within me. It was time to let go and Roxanne would be the one I would tell my story to. "Before I begin, we should get ourselves something to drink. I have a feeling we're going to need it. Come on, we'll go down on the deck and sit under the stars. I'll feel better telling you this outside."

We walked downstairs, got a beer from the kitchen and went to the deck. After getting settled, I took a deep breath and looked up at the stars. Roxanne waited patiently for me to begin. I took a big gulp of my beer and began my tale.

"Roxanne, what I'm going to tell you may not make complete sense because there are details I have to leave out. The details I'm leaving out have been omitted because I made a promise to never tell a soul certain things. I plan on keeping that promise." I looked at her then to make sure she understood what I was telling her.

She nodded her head in understanding. "When I moved to Forks, I didn't know anyone. During my first day of school I noticed a family sitting by themselves in the cafeteria away from everyone else. When I asked about them, the other students explained their background to me. They were adopted children of a prominent doctor in the area. Apparently, they didn't socialize with anyone in the school. They were beautiful, graceful and oddly distant. I was intrigued. I couldn't stop myself from thinking about them, especially one of them. His name was…Edward."

I hesitated for a moment to catch my breath; I hadn't said his name in probably a year. I wiped my forehead and squeezed my eyes shut as the tears started pooling. Roxanne reached over and squeezed my hand to console me and encourage me to continue.

"At first Edward didn't like me; no correct that, Edward despised me. I didn't understand why because I hadn't said a word to him, but he did. I puzzled over this for several days trying to understand what it was I could have done to make him dislike me so much. After my first day, he didn't come to school for several days. I found out later that he left town, he left to escape from me. He knew he couldn't be near me or he would hurt me."

"When he finally returned his attitude had changed. He actually tried to engage me in conversation, but at this point I was so angry with him for his prior behavior I wasn't very hospitable. A few days later I was standing in the school parking lot and it was icy, a car came into the lot and careened towards me at a speed that would have killed me. It should have killed me, but somehow Edward had saved me. He was able to pull me to safety and I escaped with only a bump on the head. Edward and I still didn't get along though, I confronted him on his changing moods and he got defensive."

"We made a little head way but not much, then he left town again. I made the mistake of going out with some friends in a town that bordered Forks and got seperated from my friends. Three men trapped me in an alley and they would have raped and killed me, but Edward came to the rescue once again. That was the night I fell in love with him."

Looking over at her, she smiled and said; "Well I can see why you would fall in love with him. He rescued you over and over, he's your night in shining armor."

"Rox, it was more than that. Let me finish and perhaps you'll understand the depth of my emotions for him."

I sighed again, not knowing if I could continue this story. Swallowing the saliva that was building in my mouth I continued, "Edward and I were inseparable after that. I met the rest of his family and enjoyed time with them. But it was short lived because they had out of town visitors and one of the visitors decided he wanted to kill me." She gasped and put her hands over her mouth. I held my finger up to her indicating that I needed to finish.

"I had to be taken out of town and hidden so he wouldn't find me. Unfortunately he did find me and nearly killed me. Edward and his brothers found me in time and brought me to the hospital, I was hurt pretty badly but obviously survived. Once again Edward and I settled in and were pretty happy."

"Last year on my birthday there was another incident having to do with Edward's family and I was put in harms way again. It was two days after my birthday that Edward left, after everything we had been through he decided that I wasn't what he wanted." I put my head in my hands and sobbed.

"Roxanne, I knew I was never good enough for him. I knew that one day he would discover I wasn't someone he could spend eternity with." I handed her his photo so she could understand the beauty he possessed. "Do you see what I'm talking about, he was so beautiful, an Adonis, he could have anyone he wanted. Why would he settle for me? He left that day and I haven't heard from him or his family since. Every day I think about him and long for the day I can see his face again. I know I'll never see him again, but I still wait for that day."

I leaned back in the chair again and let the tears fall. Roxanne was right, I did feel better, I was upset, but the deep ache within me was no longer there. The whole that always tore me open was gone. Although Jake knew the details, we never spoke about it. I never said a word to anyone; maybe this was the salve my empty heart needed.

She was still silent and I didn't say anything to encourage her to speak. Finally she said, "Okay, I understand most of it, but I have a few questions. Why would their visitor want to kill you if he just met you? And who's Jacob and why would he kill Edward?"

I smiled, she was too observant for her own good. "The visitor wasn't someone they knew, he just dropped by unannounced and determined I shouldn't live. I can't really get into the reasons, just understand that Edward and his family did everything in their power to protect me." I said quietly.

"Jacob and I became friends after Edward left. He was a good substitute to occupy the time, but I never had feelings for Jacob like I had for Edward. Jacob loved me so much more than I loved him, it bothered me that our feelings weren't equal, but Jacob was fine with it. We're still very close today."

I continued trying to answer her questions the best I could, "Jacob and Edward will kill each other if they come in contact. They are mortal enemies and nothing I can say will stop them from killing each other. I know in my heart that it would be a brutal fight that would only stop after one of them were dead."

We sat in silence again, while she processed all I had told her. "Bella, I know you made a promise and you plan to keep it, but people are being killed or at least attempting murder. Is Edward's family in the mob?"

I laughed and kept laughing at that. She waited until my laughter subsided and I could answer her, "I wish, Rox. The mob might be a little easier to deal with. No, his family isn't in the mob." I patted her hand to reassure her.

"Bella, do you know where Edward is today?" she asked quietly.

"No, I don't. I don't know how I would react if I did see him again, some days I feel my life is great and I would be strong when facing him, but other days… The one thing that remains constant is I've never felt complete since the day he left. Roxanne, even if I were to see him again, it doesn't matter he doesn't love me. I was just a distraction for him."