He came running into the last room, like he just did with all the others. His breath was short and he was covered in sweat. He quickly scanned the room for a sign of Kahlan or Cassie. His whole body froze when he saw her. She was hanging from the ceiling with a Rada'Han around her neck. There wasn't a part of her body that wasn't bruised or covert with blood. The sight of her like this made him want to throw up. He quickly glanced around the room searching for their daughter but he couldn't find her. Maybe Kahlan knew where they were keeping her, he had already searched the whole place and didn't know where his daughter was. He was terrified of the idea of losing one of them. He had to find his daughter and make sure that she was alright. But right now, Kahlan needed his help, he couldn't leave her like this. He approached her slowly, for a moment he thought she was dead, her head down and the amount of blood on the floor did nothing to reassure him.
"Kahlan! Kahlan!" His voice pulled her out of the darkness.
"Spirits Kahlan, what did they do to you?" He asked. She didn't understand what he was talking about.
He carefully lifted her head and brushed her hair out of her face. She fought to open her eyes and focus on him. Why wasn't she dead? She was supposed to be dead.
She collapsed in his arms when he untied her from the ceiling and he held her cold body against his in hope to warm her a little. Finally, he reluctantly let go of her and lied her down on the floor to tend to her injuries. He started to inspect her face and noticed a large cut from her cheek to her neck, it wasn't too deep and just needed to be cleaned. She had a huge bruise on her jaw, no doubt it was broken. Her eyes were still closed but he could see her chest slowly raise and fall. His eyes travelled to the rest of her body, she had a deep cut on her stomach that was still bleeding unlike the others. He shredded a piece of his shirt and pressed it against her wound to stop the bleeding. He saw the cuts and bruised over her tights leaving no doubt to what had happened to her. Tears invaded his eyes at the thought. He shouldn't have left them alone in the Palace. It was all entirely his fault.
When his look went back to her face, her eyes were open and her face away from him.
"Kahlan." He called softly. She didn't move.
"I'm going to find Cassie and I'm taking you both out of here." He told her, taking one of her hand in his.
"She… gone." She whispered without looking at him, her tears wetting her face.
"Wh-What?" He asked. He wasn't sure he had heard her.
"The… kill… her." She mumbled through her broken jaw.
His body froze, he was trying to process the information but he didn't want to believe it, it couldn't be true, his baby girl couldn't be dead.
"Leave." Kahlan told him as she began to crawl away from him.
Richard stood up and looked at her for a moment as she tried desperately to put some distance between them. He looked around the room, tears blurring his vision. He wanted to make sure that his daughter wasn't somewhere in the room. Kahlan's moans of pain drew his attention back to her, she had almost reached the wall at the other side of the room. Cassie. He had to find her. Without thinking, he left the room and looked around the Mord'Sith temple to find his daughter. She couldn't be dead, he refused this alternative, he was going to find her and bring her back.
Kahlan was glad he had left, she didn't know where he was but she didn't want to be near him or near anyone. She just wanted to be left alone to die. She cursed herself for still being conscious, her body was aching like never before but it was nothing compare to the ache in her heart. She stopped before she could reach the wall, she lied on her side, closed her eyes and silently prayed to the Spirits to take her life.
*o*o*o*o*o*o*
She opened her eyes to find herself in a room she had never seen before. Her eyes slowly adjusted to the light coming from the window at the other side of the bed she was lying on. She quickly looked at her surroundings, the room was small and mainly made of wood, she was probably in someone's house. She looked at the window to try to figure out what time of the day it might be, that's when she saw him. He had his back to her and seemed to be staring at something outside. She watched him for some time, her mind going crazy with thoughts. Her body didn't hurt so badly anymore but she was exhausted, her eyes felt heavy and she'd rather sleep than be awake and remember that she had lost her daughter. She closed her eyes and let tears escape, she didn't want to make a noise so he wouldn't notice that she was awake. She didn't want to talk to him. What would she say anyway? Her throat was so tight with grief that it hurt, her breathing came in saccades as she tried to fight the urge to cry out loud. She bit her lower lip to muffle a shriek.
"There is some tea on the table next to you." She heard him said in a hoarse voice.
She opened her eyes and looked at him, he hadn't moved from the window.
She slowly and carefully shifted to rest her back against the headboard of the bed and realized that she was only wearing one of his shirts. She pulled at the blankets to cover herself but did not touch the tea. Looking down at her fingers holding the blankets, she kept crying silently. She waited for him to yell at her for being so careless, for allowing someone to take their daughter and hurt her. She waited for him to blame her for the loss of their baby girl, she deserved it. But he said nothing. The anguish of him not looking at her or talking to her, made her cry all the more.
She still had the Rada'Han around her neck, Richard probably wanted to make sure that she wouldn't hurt anyone, he was right to fear her but it pained her that the man she loved would let her wear the necklace. Maybe if was also to protect himself from her powers, there was no way he could still love her after she let their daughter die.
"I looked for her everywhere… over and over again." His voice startled her. "Searched every corner or place she could have hid more time than I could count…"
He finally turned to face her and asked: "What happened?"
She took some time to gather her strengths and dry her tears, she felt so small and ashamed in front of him.
"They came to the Palace two days after you left… There were hundreds of them. Cara and I, we tried to fight back but they were too many. One of them slammed a rock to my head and I woke up in the temple." She explained quickly before fresh tears came to wet her face.
"She was with me at first, but then they chained me and took her. They drained her powers with a Quillon and she… she…" She continued before feeling sick. She quickly got up and ran outside where she threw up. Her knees gave up and she fell on the floor, she coughed several times before finally catching her breath. She brought her hands to her stomach and waited for the nausea to stop.
"Kahlan, my dear, you shouldn't be up." Zedd said behind her. He walked to her and helped her to her feet, holding her so she wouldn't fall again.
"I healed most of your wounds and bruises but you still have to rest, you are far too weak to leave your bed." He explained her gently as he walked her back to her room.
The old man helped her to the bed and brought her a towel, water and a bucket.
He walked to Richard and whispered to him: "I know the pain of the loss of a child Richard, but you have to take care of her if you don't want to lose her as well."
Zedd walked back to Kahlan and took the bucket she used to clean herself and he told her: "Get some rest Kahlan, I'll be back to check on you later."
She nodded and watched him as he left the room.
She stood silent for some time, she didn't want to sleep, she didn't want to rest, she only wanted this nightmare to be over. She watched Richard for a moment as he kept staring outside the window. She felt the intense need to comfort him. He had lost a child too, even though Zedd had whispered so she wouldn't hear him, she had heard what he told his grandson. He was right, Richard had lost a child too. She had been so engulfed in her own pain that she had forgotten about his pain too. She slowly got up from the bed and walked to him. His arms were still crossed over his chest. She pressed her fingertips inside his elbow, pulling his arm towards her and he let it fall at his side. She ran her hand down his arm, enjoying the fell of his hot skin against her palm. She gripped his hand in hers, entwining their fingers and stroked his hand with her thumb. It felt good being close to him.
"I…" She started, struggling to find her voice and to fight tears. "I know it's my fault…"
She inhaled deeply and dried her tears with her free hand and continued: "I'm sorry our baby is gone because of me."
She brought his hand to her lips and gave it a quick kiss before repeating: "I'm sorry."
She turned to walk back to the bed but he stopped her, pulling at her hand and still entwined fingers.
"Stay." He whispered.
He turned his body to face her, looked deep into her eyes and said: "I left you again… I hurt you again and now you've lost your daughter…"
"Our daughter." She corrected him.
"Don't blame yourself Kahlan, blame me." He told her as tears wetted his face.
She took his face in her hands and used her thumbs to wipe his tears away. She leaned in and kissed him lightly. She didn't really know why, but she acted on her instincts and needs and she kissed him. He didn't kiss her back at first, but when she closed the distance between them, he lost himself in their kiss. It was slow and tender, yet full of anguish and affection. They both thought they could take each other's pain away, bring some sort of comfort.
Letting go of her hand, he wrapped one arm around her waist and ran his hand in her hair as she slid her fingers into the opening of his shirt, needing to feel the softness of his skin. As his tongue pushed past her lips, they both moaned in pleasure. The necessity to breath made them unwillingly break their kiss. Wasting no time, Kahlan kissed his neck as she kept massaging his chest with her fingers. She teased his skin, kissing, biting and licking all the way to his chest.
"Kahlan." He mumbled, pulling at her shoulder for her to stop her delicious motions.
"We can't." He added once her eyes were on his.
"I want to forget Richard, just for a while. Help me forget." She begged him as she started to unlace his pants. He closed his eyes and panted heavily, her actions preventing him of thinking straight.
"Please." She begged again, whispering in his ear. She pulled at the shirt he was wearing and it hit the floor within seconds. She could now run her hands on his chest freely. She could feel he was still reluctant to let go so she kissed him passionately again.
"Please… Take me. I want to remember what it's like to be yours again." She told him after breaking their kiss.
Pulling away, her lips returned to his neck and she told him: "I can't hurt you, I have the Rada'Han."
The Rada'Han… He suddenly pulled away from her and grabbed her shoulders and said: "Kahlan, stop."
"Oh come on, don't tell me you don't want to take me right here and right now Richard." She snorted.
"I want you more than anything but… not like this. Not when we are grieving our daughter, not when you think you could confess me." He explained, shaking his head in disbelief.
He saw the hurt in her eyes before she pulled away from him to walk to the bed.
"You should go. Zedd said I should rest." She said softly as she lied under the covers.
At the evocation of his grandfather's name, Richard thought about what he told him, that he had to take care of Kahlan if he didn't want to lose her too.
Getting rid of his shirt and boots, he joined Kahlan and lied next to her.
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"You are wearing a Rada'Han because you are too weak to hold on to your powers, the release could kill you." He explained, avoiding her question.
She turned her back to him, not wanting him to see the tears in her eyes. He wrapped his arms around her and pressed his chest against her back and he felt her body tense against his.
"I'm not afraid of you or your powers, I don't blame you, I don't hate you. I just wish you could let me in, let me love you and take care of you because right now, it's what I need to do." He explained in a clam voice.
"That's what Zedd ordered you to do." She corrected him.
"He made me understand that I can't let my grief and anger take the best of me and push you away because I fell so responsible for what happened and so unworthy of your love." He explained.
"I don't love you anymore." She told him, hoping that would push him away and that he would leave her for good.
"I know." He replied. He didn't know if it was the truth or if it just was the emotion but it broke his heart all the same. He was losing the two persons he loved the most.
"I'm so sorry." He whispered to her, apologizing for not being able to take care of them.
She nodded, unable to speak as grief and anguish took the best of her once again. She turned in his arms, burying her face in the crock of his neck and cracked into painful sobs.
"I miss her so much." She said as she wept, her breathing erratic.
He tightened his hold on her and allowed himself to cry with her.
"You should have been there to protect us." She told him, not pulling away from him.
"I know." He said, running his hand in her hair and gently massaging her scalp.
"We needed you to protect us and take care of us but you were gone." She repeated.
"I'm sorry." He told her, not knowing what to say that would make her feel better.
"I couldn't protect her… you should have been there to fight for her. I wasn't strong enough to keep her from getting harmed but she needed her father." Kahlan continued between sobs.
He stayed silent, keeping his body pressed against hers and his hands caressing her skin.
"It's not fair Richard… She's gone and I'm still here, it's not fair." She said, shaking her head.