Dreaming

Stephenie Meyer is still the genius behind Twilight!

BPOV

What do you think; she'll be all right won't she?

Yes, she'll be fine she's just resting we have her on a strong dose of painkillers. She'll be in a cast for a while though, she has a compound fracture. She was awake when she came in…the pain was too intense for her to handle so we had to sedate her.

She looks so peaceful. When will she be released?

Today, we just needed to keep her sedated enough to reset the arm. We kept her overnight because of the dosage and to monitor her pain level.

Dr. Cullen to the ER. Will you be staying with her? Yes, until morning. Let her rest, she needs to recuperate.

When I woke up my head was groggy, it felt like my head was in a mud puddle. I smelled something familiar…it couldn't be. I looked around the room and then down at my arm. Another cast, great. Trying to sit up my head started spinning, I put my head back on the pillow again.

Remembering my dreams as I came around, I shook my head. Alice, Carlisle and Edward had been in my room last night. Rationalizing to myself, this was probably due to the drugs and the familiarity of previous hospital visits. The dream was so vivid I actually felt him brushing his fingers across my cheeks and the feel of his lips on my forehead…I could actually smell his scent. The wonderful scent that had been a part of my life, the scent I still missed.

Feeling a sharp pain in my arm, I looked at the cast again. Ugh, only I could ruin such a wonderful day. Klutz, that's all I was, this wasn't a mind over matter thing. How many people get hurt in a hot air balloon, I'd bet the statistics was pretty low.

Wanting to find out what was going on with me I pushed the call button. A nurse came in lifted my hand to check my pulse. "How are you feeling? Does the arm hurt?"

"No, a couple of brief stabs but nothing like yesterday evening." I said looking at her. "So what's the deal?"

"Deal?" she said smiling while handing me some water from the bedside table.

Taking the cup from her and sipping I said, "Well, what happened to my arm? I mean..I know it's broken, but when will the cast come off…when can I leave…"

"I see, that deal. I'll let your doctor know to come explain the details" as she turned to the door she smiled and continued, "he'll probably need the papers for your release so let me begin preparing them."

My smile at the news that I would be released quickly faded; how would I get home and where were my clothes? My head was starting to clear a little more, so I sat up and swung my legs over the side of the bed, waiting a few more minutes until my head stopped spinning. I stood and went to the closet to see if perhaps my clothes were there; the only things I found were my shoes and jeans, no shirts…great. Checking the drawer for my cell phone I found it empty, damn, I was hoping to call Roxanne and have her bring me a shirt.

I decided to lie back on the bed and wait for the doctor; it was still early, Roxanne would be along soon enough. While I was waiting for the doctor I thought about my dream again. It was so real it worried me. The Cullens had been out of my thoughts for several weeks now and this set back had me concerned. The first time I had given them a thought had been when I saw that book yesterday and it scared me. If I were honest with myself I didn't really want to forget them, they were my family. The short time spent with them meant so much to me, as much as the moments I was currently sharing with my college friends.

Laying back and closing my eyes, I began drifting off. The medication they had given me yesterday must have been pretty strong based on the way my head felt this morning. I slowly drifted into sleep again.

The wonderful scent was back; it was stronger than before…what is going on I thought while slowly waking again. Keeping my eyes closed and breathing in deeply I was sure of it, his scent was the most intoxicating smell I had ever encountered and it was here in this room. It's not possible though; I must have hit my head during the accident. Reaching my right hand over on the bed slightly, I realized that my hand was tingling slightly. The feeling was reminiscent of when 'he' used to hold my hand, the electric current that always tingled my skin whenever we touched. It has to be the drugs, they're waking my subconscious I just needed to get back to my usual routine and everything would be normal again.

The door burst open as Ian, Roxanne and Drake came in. "Oh Thank God you're alright." Roxanne said as she rushed to my side. "You had us so worried last night. When you passed out and didn't come to we thought that maybe you hit your head. The damage to your arm was bad enough, but having you out for so long scared us to death." She sat on the edge of the bed brushing my hair out of my face while her eyes scanned it looking for something to worry about.

"Rox, I'm fine. Really. Other than feeling really stupid about ruining everyone's evening, I'm okay." I said while looking over at Ian. I was nervous he would regret getting involved with me; he should be with someone who was nimble and polished. This little episode had to have him rethinking his decision to date me.

He came over to the left side of the bed as my eyes followed his movement. He leaned over and kissed me on the forehead and kept his cheek there for a moment while he sighed. When he pulled away I noticed his features, he looked like hell. His eyes were bloodshot and he needed a shave. I attempted to lift my arm and let out a yelp as the pain shot through my arm. He stepped back slightly grimacing. "Sorry" he whispered.

"No, it was my fault. I tried to lift my arm." I smiled slightly at him. "Just a slightly painful reminder of why I'm here." Turning back to Roxanne again, "Hey, please tell me you brought me something to wear. They're going to release me and well…I don't have a shirt." I said pointing to the closet.

Drake removed his backpack, "Yes, she thinks of everything. Your entire wardrobe is probably in this." He said as he put the pack on the bed.

"I brought you a shirt, pants, coat, clean underwear, your hairbrush and toothbrush. Let me help you get dressed," she said as she stood and pulled back the blanket. Ian leaned over and helped me to sit up while she stepped aside so I could stand.

Attempting to cover my backside, I shifted my left hand slightly and felt the pain again. Wincing to hold back my yelp, I sat back down. "Okay guys, if you don't mind please leave for a moment. My gown is open in the back and the view isn't something I want to willingly offer." I giggled.

"Oh, right. Come on Drake let's give them a minute." Ian said embarrassedly as he came around the side of the bed and pushed Drake towards the door.

"But Ian, this could be one scenic moment, are you sure we should leave?" Drake said laughing.

"Get Out," Roxanne shrieked at him shoving them through the door. Leaning against it for a moment, she looked over and said, "Hey, are you okay?"

I hung my head slightly, "Roxanne I don't know. I'm so embarrassed, what must Ian think. He plans the most romantic date I've ever had and it turns into a nightmare."

She rushed to my side sitting on the bed, went to take my hand then remembering it's in a cast stopped short. "Bella, oh God, don't think like that. We were out of our minds with worry last night. No one thought for a second that you ruined anything. It was an accident, a freak accident that could have happened to any of us. Oh girl, please don't let this accident make you doubt yourself. Ian is head over heels in love with you."

My head jerked up, "In love with me? What, no…he can't love me. Roxanne, I'm not ready for that, I'm just getting over Edward. I really like him a lot" I emphasized "but love…no. Maybe after awhile that will come, but some part of me will always love Edward." I said worriedly.

"Listen, we don't have time for this conversation. Ian and Drake are right outside the door waiting for you to get dressed. Let's get you ready for release then when we get home, you and I will have a long talk in our room, okay?" she said as she stroked my hair trying to calm me down.

Nodding my head I stood up. She emptied the backpack on the bed and pulled out my clothes and toiletries. Helping me with my shirt, afterwards I went into the bathroom to comb out my hair and brush my teeth. Feeling slightly more human I came out to find Ian in my room, Roxanne was gone. I stopped short when I saw, him he looked worried.

"Where's Rox?" I asked looking around.

"She stepped out, would you like me to get her?" he said as he walked towards the door.

"No, I just…well, thought she would be here that's all." I said walking back to the bed to sit on the edge purposely putting my back to him.

"Bella?" he said quietly. "I'm sorry, really really sorry."

Here we go I thought; here's where he tells me he can't date me anymore. That it's been great, but maybe we should just be friends letting me down easy. Sighing I said, "What for?"

He remained on the opposite side of the bed, I felt him sit down. "For not being there for you, I saw your arm and freaked. I couldn't move, your bone was sticking out and there was blood all over…you were screaming your head off and I froze. Roxanne was the one who acted; her and Dave took care of you until the ambulance came. My mind went numb, I just stood and watched as if it were a movie, a really bad movie."

Adjusting myself slightly so that I was facing the head of the bed and could see him, I studied his back and the side of his face before speaking. "Ian, what are you talking about? I can't remember anything after passing out. I don't hold you responsible for my stupidity, you brought me on a wonderful date, and I ruined it. You don't owe me an apology, I was the one who screwed everything up."

He rose from the bed and quickly came to me facing me. "Bella, don't you dare blame yourself for this. The way the evening ended certainly wasn't what I had planned," he said shaking his head. "You have a compound fracture and it was an accident. I'm not upset with you for the accident, I'm angry with myself for not being there for you." He explained as he lifted my face so I was looking at him. His eyes were searching mine for a sign, something to let him know I didn't blame myself.

I shifted and patted the bed. "Ian, your reaction was normal. You would have to be superhuman to not go into shock after seeing that." A shudder ran through me, whether it was the visual of my arm or the thought of superhuman efforts to save me, I'm not sure. I smiled at him, "I was thinking earlier that the statistics for people getting hurt on a hot air balloon ride are probably very low, yet somehow I became one. Face it, I'm a klutz, so if you don't want to date anymore I'll understand." I said as I looked down at my lap.

He took my chin and lifted it again, "Bella, you are not getting rid of me this easily. It was a freak accident and klutz or not, this will not be the reason I walk away. You'll have to work a lot harder to get rid of me," he said smiling. Looking into my eyes again, he must have found what he was looking for last time, because he leaned in and kissed me softly.

Just then, the door burst open as Drake and Roxanne joined us. "Ready let's blow this joint!" Drake said.

"Sorry guys I can't. The doctor hasn't been in to release me yet." I said as I yawned. "Oh sorry, they must have given me a really strong sedative."

Ian stood up plumping the pillows, "well you may as well get comfortable while we wait." He said as he helped me settle back on the bed.

"Let me go ask the nurse what's going on with the doctor" Rox said as she walked to the door again.

Yawning again, I put my head back on the pillow and closed my eyes as relief washed over me. Ian was holding my hand rubbing circles on the top of my hand with his thumb, opening one eye slightly I peeked at him. He caught me and smiled, I grinned back and said, "Sorry you came here to spring me and I'm sleeping."

He leaned over and whispered in my ear, "Sleep Bella, your body needs it. We'll take care of the details and get you home."

Drifting off again, I thought I heard Drake ask 'Have you told her about next weekend yet?' 'Sshh, not now, later.' I tried to open my eyes but they were too heavy…I had to remember this for later, I needed to know what Drake meant by that.

My release from the hospital was uneventful. The doctor finally came after Roxanne kicked up a storm at the nurse's station. Apparently she really put on a show, the staff looked pretty happy to see us leave. When we arrived back at the house, everyone was really sweet making room for me on the sectional, asking if I was comfortable. Even Derrick was normal, coming up and asking how I felt and if he could get me anything. Maybe this was just the shock he needed, who knows.

Not really wanting all the attention, I asked Roxanne if she would join me in our room. Ian walked me to the bottom of the stairs before releasing me to Roxanne's capable care. Honestly, they were treating me as an invalid, I had a broken arm!

As I got settled on my bed, she turned on the stereo and came to sit beside me. She reached over and took my right hand in hers, "Okay kid, spill. What's this about not loving Ian?"

Sighing deeply and closing my eyes, "It's not that I don't love him, I just don't love him as passionately as I loved Edward. When Edward was away from me for even short periods of time, I couldn't breath…I became anxious and couldn't wait for him to return. I only felt complete with him by my side. My feelings for Ian aren't anywhere near that intense. I love him and not like I love Jake, as a brother...it's a love between a girl and guy. But it's not nearly as powerful a love as I experienced with Edward." The tears were coming down my face; I couldn't help it.

She reached over and wiped the tears away. "Sweetie, I hear what you're saying and believe me I know what you're talking about. Let me try and explain this to you so you can put it in perspective," she sighed.

"Edward was your first love, the love you'll never forget. The first one to make your heart stutter and stop when he looked at you, the one that could make your mouth loose all saliva with just a smile from him. What you have with Ian is a more mature love, something that is whole in itself without all the drama. It's steady and comforting, comforting because you can be complete in yourself without being dependent on him. You're a complete person with thoughts and feelings that are unique and independent of Ian. This is a healthy love Bella," she said sincerely.

"I'm not explaining my love for Edward properly, you understand some of it, but…it's hard to put into words how he made me feel." I stood up and walked to the window. "He knew my every thought even though he couldn't read my mind. The way we were…it was exclusive, there wasn't anyone in our lives that could provide what we gave each other. The description 'soul mate' comes to mind, but it was more than that. At least that's what I believed. I miss that feeling, Roxanne and thinking I'll never feel that way again makes me angry, sad and disappointed all at the same time." I sighed leaning my forehead against the window. "He walked away from something so beautiful and left behind an empty shell. No matter how much I try, I'll never be over him," I said as my breath fogged up the glass.

"What about Ian Bella? Can't you find happiness with him? You seemed so happy these last few weeks, what happened? Yesterday you were glowing and today it's like something inside changed," she asked perplexed.

Turning back around and leaning against the window I said, "Nothing's changed Roxanne, I've always felt like this, my subconscious always knew it. The reasons we're discussing this now are because you said Ian is in love with me and…well last night I dreamt of the Cullens. The dream was so realistic, I felt him kiss and touch me. Dreaming of him made me realize I'll never experience that passion, that deep of a love ever again." I said wrapping my arm around myself as the whole tingled slightly wanting to rip open again.

She came to my side, "Bella, it will get better. The dream just happened because of the drugs and your subconscious is trying to get you to say good-bye. It's time to move on. Close that door for the last time and let yourself heal so one day you can open it and look back with fond memories. You will eventually, but it takes time and the right person to help you…Ian's that guy if you'll just let him in."

She looked at me and continued, "There are 5 stages of grief; denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. You've been stuck in depression for a long time Bella and you've grown to like it. It's time to move to the next stage, acceptance. If you can't then guess what, you're right…you'll never find anyone as good as Edward, because you'll push them all away. You'll be left just as you described, an empty shell. I'm begging you Bella, find a way to accept the fact that Edward is gone and let someone love you." Her eyes pleaded with me as she scanned my face.

Sighing again I said, "I'll try Roxanne. You say I'm stuck in the depression stage, but I honestly feel I'm stuck in a couple of phases…anger being one of the strongest. If I were to see him today, I'd have a few choice things to say" I said as I balled my good hand into a fist.

"Good, that's good to feel that way, just move past the depression and you'll find love. Now come lay down, you need to rest. I'll stay until you're asleep and bring you dinner later, okay?" she asked as she walked me back to bed.

"You don't have to stay, I'll be fine. Go spend some time with Drake, I'll be asleep in moments." I told her as I climbed under the covers.

"Well then, it'll only be moments until Drake sees me again, besides absence makes the heart grow fonder. Now, close your eyes and rest." She said as she sat on her own bed and opened a magazine.

"I love you Rox," I said as sleep took over.

"Love you too Bella!"