I don't know if anyone still reading this... so I think it's coming to its end. Thanks to STforRK and areyoulisteninx for the support!
They didn't get any sleep. They just laid in each other arms in silence. From time to time Richard could feel hot tears wetting his shirt as Kahlan rested her head on his chest. The steady beat of his heart seemed to calm her but was not able to ease her pain. He wanted to run his hand in her hair and kiss her forehead but he didn't, they were supposed to be friends and he wasn't sure friends were supposed to do that. He wasn't even sure friends were supposed to lie in bed in each other's arms but that was the least of his problems. He knew that he was walking on a thin line, acting distant would make her doubt his feelings and acting too close would frighten her and push her away. She was complicated, his Confessor, but after everything she went through, he couldn't blame her.
He didn't know how long he had been staring at the ceiling but he was sure that if he closed his eyes, he could remember every crack of the woods, but he would also see his daughter, her beautiful eyes and smile. The short amount of time that he had the chance to spend with her had been incredible. He loved kids but never really imagined himself as a father, at least not until he met Kahlan. He had often dreamt about his life with her and their daughters but it was nothing compared to the time he spent with Cassie. She was incredible, strong and smart, beautiful and she loved to laugh. A week… only seven afternoons, that's the time he got to spend with her, with his daughter. She didn't even know who he was, never got to call him Dada. He was just a stranger to her, some guy with a sword and overly protective, maybe she thought he was just a Palace's guard keeping an eye on her while her mother was working.
Tears rolled down the side of his face and he tried to stifle his cry not to alarm Kahlan, he closed his eyes trying to stop the tears but it was useless. She was wrong about wanting to be friends, he would end up failing her once again like he did in the past, like he failed his daughter. He loved them more than life itself, but all he had done was to cause them pain and he couldn't do that anymore.
"It's okay to be sad." She whispered to him and he felt her fingers drying the tears on his face. He nodded softly, keeping his eyes closed. He didn't want to look at her in the eyes and see the disappointment he was to her. He would never be able to make up for everything he put her through. He grabbed one of her wrist to stop her fingers from touching his face, he didn't deserve her kindness. He slowly sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed, his back to her and his head down.
"Richard." She whispered, almost unable to find her voice.
He cringed at the sound of his name leaving her lips, it was sweet and nearly a plea, a plea to talk to her, let her know what he was thinking about, to know how he felt. But he couldn't, he couldn't talk to her. He couldn't tell her that they couldn't be friends like he wanted to, that was the last thing she needed to hear right now. He knew what she was thinking at this exact moment, she was wondering what she had done wrong, why he pushed her away. He didn't want her to know the truth, that he knew that their friendship would lead her to more pain because of him. She needed comfort right now and that what he would give her. She told him that she still loved him and he loved her too, but they couldn't act on their feelings, not when he knew he wasn't worth of her love.
"You can talk to me." She told him, resting one of her hand on his back.
That was it, the moment to lie to her and add more shame to his pathetic little life. He had insisted to be her friend and told her to trust him and talk to him and he was going to do the opposite and lie to her. She couldn't see his face and she wore the Rada'Han, she wouldn't know about it.
"I just need to stretch my legs." He said as he got up and walked straight to the door, leaving her alone in the room.
The problem was that she didn't need to have her powers or to see his face to know when he was lying.
She followed him outside furious, she thought she would see Zedd but the Wizard was nowhere to be found. Once she walked past the door, she saw Richard standing on the grass.
"How can you expect me to talk to you if you don't do the same?" She asked angrily.
"I just want to help you." He replied, turning to face her.
"By lying to me? By pretending to be friends? That's your vision of helping?" She asked, wrapping her arms around herself. It was a little cold outside and it wasn't helping that she was only wearing his shirt.
"Go back inside Kahlan." He told her, noticing her action.
She ignored him and said: "You don't get to tell me what to do."
He sighed and walked straight to her until they were face to face. She saw anger flash in his eyes, he grabbed her by the elbow ready to force her to get inside but he stopped himself when she ran a hand through his hair. She kept her hand in his hair for a long moment. He closed his eyes and she studied his face. He looked tired and worried, older and wiser. His face had changed since the first day she saw him in Hartland and she didn't know if it was possible but he was even more handsome now. She brought her other hand to his face, softly and slowly tracing his eyes, nose and lips. He let go of her elbow and tears pushed past his eyes against his will. He couldn't understand how she could be so kind to him. She closed the distance between them and forced him to rest his forehead against her shoulder as she wrapped her arms tightly around him. It was her turn to close her eyes and she relished the feeling of being so close to him. She kissed his head and let one of her hand gently stroke his back while the other ran back and forth from the back of his neck to his hair.
"I'm sorry." He whispered to her.
"I know." She told him before placing another soft kiss on his head.
He finally pulled away from her embrace and said: "Do you remember when I had troubles controlling the Sword of Truth's magic? How it was fuelling my anger?"
A little surprised by his sudden change of behavior, she nodded and he continued: "Zedd helped me. I didn't want to use the sword anymore but he told me to let the anger out. It took me all night to finally control it."
"I remember… I remember that you said you were angry because you couldn't be with the woman you loved. I wanted to run to you and kiss you but at the same time, it broke my heart that a part of what was happening to you was because of me." She told him.
"I'm going to remove the Rada'Han and you're going to let it all out. You can't confess me so it'll be alright. I'm going to help you control the Con'Dar just like Zedd helped me to control the Sword of Truth." He explained.
She shook her head no and he insisted: "The sword and your powers, they are the same Kahlan. They are meant to do well but if we lose control, they can do wrong. It doesn't mean that we are bad people, it just means that somehow we've lost our ways."
"You've lost control for a week, I've lost control for years." She told him bitterly.
He reached for the Rada'Han's key in his pocket and unlocked it before she had time to protest and he told her: "Let me help you."
She shut her eyes tightly when she felt the surge of her powers return to her. She didn't want to do this because the things that triggered her anger were hurting her, she didn't want to talk about it. But at the same time, she knew that she needed to let it all out so she could control the Con'Dar. She took a huge breath and slowly nodded at him, inciting him to get started.
"What are you angry at?" He asked.
"I can't be with the man I love." She stated.
He snorted and said: "That's a little easy don't you think? Come on, what are you angry at?"
"My powers." She replied, trying to stay in control.
"Many other Confessors had it before you." He told her.
"They turned me into a monster." She said.
"You let your anger take the best of you, your powers are not to blame. What are you angry at Kahlan?" He asked again, raising his voice a little.
"You." She told him, her fists turning into ball.
"That's not new." He snorted.
"You left me alone to raise our daughter." She suddenly screamed at him.
"I left to fulfill my quest and save the world from the Keeper." He explained.
"I was scared and I didn't know what to do and you weren't here." She screamed at him again, her eyes slowly turning black and her nose starting to bleed because she was fighting the Con'Dar.
"Let it go Kahlan." He ordered.
She let out a scream and the Blood Rage took the best of her.
"What are you angry at?" He asked again.
"Cara." She said, stretching her hand and grabbing his neck.
"She didn't do anything to you, she's your friend." He replied, letting her piercing gaze penetrated him.
"She slept with you for two years, she took care of you for two years and Spirits know what else she did to you." She explained.
"Nothing happened between me and Cara and you know it Kahlan." He tried to reassure her.
"A man as needs Richard, and Cara is an expert in taking care of those needs. A beautiful woman, ready to serve her Lord Rahl in every way…" She said, titling her head and studying his face to know if he was lying.
"You know I'm not lying, now, what are you angry at?" He asked again.
She stood silent, her firm grasps around his neck and he yelled: "What are you angry at Kahlan?"
He had startled her and it had the right effect on her.
"My daughter is gone and I won't be able to have any more children." She said and finally let her powers run through him.
She collapsed in his arms, cold and exhausted, her whole body trembling. He quickly wrapped his arms around her and let her catch her breath before he spoke.
"Is it because of what happened when you gave birth to Cassie?" He asked softly. He was also trying to proceed the news.
She nodded and said: "The midwife told me that I wouldn't be able to conceive another child."
"I'm so sorry." He told her, kissing the top of her head.
"Don't be. It's not your fault." She told him before letting out a laugh.
"What is it?" He asked, taken aback by her laughter.
"I'm so messed up." She explained.
"No, you're not." He told her.
"I was the last hope for the line of Confessors and I let my daughter being killed and I'm unable to have children, so much for the mighty Mother Confessor." She said.
He didn't reply to her, he didn't know what to say so he just tightened his hold on her.
"Thank you." She whispered after a moment of silence.
"A little help here please." They heard a familiar voice say. They pulled apart and both gasped at the scene taking place in front of them.