Phone Calls and Decisions

Stephenie Meyer is still the genius behind Twilight!

BPOV

Since I had no plans for the day I woke up late and decided to call Charlie, Renee and Jacob. It was probably best that I handle these calls while everyone was at school. But first things first, I couldn't possibly make these calls without sustenance, so I headed downstairs to make myself a bit of breakfast.

Grabbing a cup of coffee I went into the common room, lay down on the couch and channel surfed. I wasn't really watching TV; I was running through the conversation Roxanne and I had the night before. She made some valid points, but there was no way for someone who wasn't involved in the relationship to understand just how strong of a bond there was. Perhaps I'd give Angela a call, she was always supportive and actually had witnessed the relationship as it developed. Getting frustrated with myself, I turned the TV off and went upstairs to call Charlie.

"Hey, Dad." I said after hearing him answer. He was concerned that I was calling on a Monday in the middle of the morning. Telling him about the accident didn't really help calm him down, but because I've been accident-prone my whole life he knew this was just how it was with me. After discussing my misfortune and letting him know about the notices he would get from the hospital, our conversation turned to my studies and my adjustment to college life. The conversation was brief as it usually was with Charlie; I hung up promising to call over the weekend.

My next call was to Jake. It was time for me to tell Jake about Ian, that wouldn't be easy but it had to be done. Dialing his number I took a deep breath as the phone on the other end rang and Billy answered.

"Hi Billy, how are you?" I asked as I paced the floor. A smile came to me when I heard his voice; it brought back his age-lined face with perfect clarity in my head.

"Bella, it's so good to hear your voice, how are things in Vermont? Are you enjoying school?" he asked happily.

"Things are great, I really love school and my new friends. It's so different from Forks, not that I don't miss Dad and you guys, but it's a lot of fun." I giggled as I sat down at my desk doodling on a piece of paper.

"That's great Bella, well I better let you talk to Jake. He's about to rip the phone from my hands." He laughed as he handed the phone to Jake after telling me good-bye.

"Bella, what's the deal? You haven't called in weeks, I was beginning to think you didn't care about me anymore." He said chuckling. I could tell even if he was laughing, he was relieved I called. It was wrong, I should have called sooner; Jake didn't deserve to be excluded from my life.

"Jake, I'm sorry. It's just been crazy trying to balance work and school. Not that it's an excuse, I should have called." I said apologetically. "So how are things in La Push?"

"You know how it is, nothing changes. We're running patrols but all's quiet here. How are things out there?"

"Well, you wouldn't believe it but I went on a hot air balloon ride." I hesitated waiting for his response.

"You did what? Bells you know you can't walk on cement without tripping what would make you go on a…" He didn't finish the sentence before laughter escaped from his lips, "Wait, don't tell me…" he said still laughing. "What happened?"

"Very funny Jake, I'll have you know it was pretty serious." I said smartly, pouting slightly as I realized he knew me best. I missed him, hearing his voice on the other end of the phone always brought on the feeling of being home sick.

"Sorry Bells, but you really should have known better. Haven't those people you're hanging with seen some of your antics?" he said still laughing. "Okay, I'm sorry, really what happened?" he asked as he tried to gain control of his hysterics.

I told him about the accident and after hearing all the details; he actually was apologetic. Not seeing his face but hearing his voice was enough, I knew what the next question would be before he even asked.

"So who was in this balloon ride with you?" he asked nervously.

"My roommate and a couple of guys from the house." I said innocently.

"So these guys, are you like…dating?"

"Um, yeah kind of." I said shyly. I waited for a moment or two and then said, "Jake I'm sorry I know you probably didn't want to hear that." Oh shoot, why did I have to do this to him. He didn't deserve to be hurt, but he knew how I felt about him. This was bound to happen eventually, I just always thought it would be him telling me he had found someone.

"No, no…it's okay. I guess I kind of figured it when I didn't hear from you. So what's he like?" he asked, as his voice got lower. I could tell from the tone in his voice I may as well have punched him in the stomach. He was doing his best to keep tight control on his emotions.

"He's very nice. I don't know what else you want me to tell about him; it's a little uncomfortable discussing this with you. He's kind and considerate and looks out for me; you would like him if you gave him a chance. I know that sounds cliché but it's true." I hesitated before continuing envisioning him gripping the table. When he didn't say anything, I figured I should just finish the conversation it wasn't going to get any easier.

"I'm really sorry Jake. It just happened, it's not like I came out here intending to have this happen; it just did. I'll always love you, but as we've discussed before…you deserve somebody who loves you completely. I'm not that girl." I whispered and took a deep breath waiting.

"Well, I'm happy for you I guess, at least he's alive. Not like that…sorry…you didn't need to hear that." He said sadly, he was really struggling with this conversation. "Bells, I love you and if you're happy then that's all that matters. Really you deserve to be content and if he makes you happy, then you made the right decision. I won't lie, I wish it were me…but at least you're not pining over the..."

Without letting him finish the sentence I cut in, "Thanks Jake. I'm sorry, but I have to call Renee and let her know about the accident," I finished. This was one conversation that wasn't going well and wouldn't get any better the more we discussed it.

"Sure, sure. Bella don't let this new guy stop you from calling. I still want to hear from you and more often than every couple of weeks, okay?" he stated firmly.

"You got it. I'll try and call this weekend, next weekend at the latest. Love you Jake." I hung up and plopped back on my bed. That was a difficult call but at least I got it over with. Perhaps I should have told him about my doubts for any future with Ian, but I didn't want to get Jake's hopes up. He needed to move on and this would probably help him do this faster.

Sitting back up, I dialed Renee's number. She answered on the second ring and sounded distracted. When she heard me say hello her voice went shrill and she squealed. Another call that was overdue, if I had called sooner I wouldn't have had to hold the phone away from my ear while she calmed down.

"Mom, mom…enough. Haven't you been getting my emails?" I asked her. Maybe she wasn't getting her email and thought I wasn't keeping in touch.

"Yes, but Bella I'm your mother! You should call more often, you know how I worry when I don't hear from you." She lectured. Renee was easily excited and my neglect didn't help the situation. "I'm glad you called, the pictures you sent are great. But the recent photos you sent have some funny blur spots on them. Did you drop your camera?"

"No, what do you mean funny blur spots?" I asked as I headed over to my laptop to pull up the pictures I sent her last week.

"Well, it's weird. It's not all the pictures just some of them. There are blurry marks in the pictures. Didn't you look at them?" she asked slightly confused. Of course confusion and Renee were pretty good friends, but still.

Sure enough when I looked at the pictures, some of them had odd blurs in them. They were random, not every photo had one and the ones that did had them in strange places. Some of the blur marks were in the corners while others were in the center, but in the background. "I'm looking at them now. That is strange, I don't know maybe my hand moved." I said as I blew the photos up to figure out what the marks were. It was odd, but I needed to get her back on track. "Mom, I called to tell you about my latest accident."

"Accident, oh Bella what happened now." She asked concerned, but at least I had her attention now.

I told her the whole story, she gushed at the romantic efforts Ian made and gasped when I told her how it all ended. She, of course, lectured me on how I should have known better just like Charlie and Jake.

Getting her off the phone by promising to call over the weekend, I continued looking at the photos. This was really strange, maybe Ian could explain what I was doing wrong. Again technology was getting the best of my efforts, I couldn't even take a simple picture.

My last call was one I actually looked forward to having. Angela was always a good friend and maybe she could offer some advice that would be worthwhile. Not that I didn't appreciate Roxanne's, but Angela knew me longer.

Dialing I found myself getting excited to tell her my news. She was always so good at listening, evaluating when to speak up and when to just let someone ramble. I went back to my bed and sat against the headboard while the phone rang on the other end.

"Hello?" she said in her shy voice. I smiled just hearing her voice.

"Angela, it's Bella. How are you?" I asked excitedly.

"Bella, oh my, hi. I'm great, how's Vermont? Is it everything you wanted?" she sounded so happy to hear from me, I felt myself sigh in relief.

"Things are great, classes are interesting, my roommate is wonderful, and I love it. Sometimes I miss Forks, but honestly, I'm too busy most of the time. How are things with you and Ben? Do you like Washington State University?"

"It's going great, I'm enjoying being away but it's nice to be close enough to home to head back when I want. Don't you miss that?" she asked concerned.

"No, when I come home for the holidays that will be good for me. You know my last year there was a little tough for me, so the move out here was a good idea. I even found a great job, I'm working at this unbelievable bookstore and my boss is wonderful."

I wanted to get her opinion, but I didn't know how to begin the topic. Angela and I were friends, but we hadn't really discussed a lot of personal things in the past, she was just very understanding. Somehow I knew if anyone could help me sort out my feelings, it would be her.

"Bella, I'm so happy for you. It sounds like you did make the right choice. So have you met a lot of new people?" she asked sounding hopeful. This was the segue I needed.

"Actually, yes. I've been dating." I hesitated and took a deep breath. "He's great Ang, he's kind, considerate, cute, helpful…everything a girl could want." I finished by sighing.

"Bella, I don't mean to intrude and if you don't want to tell me I'd understand, but why if he's so great do you sound so sad?" She was always so perceptive; this is why calling her was the right decision.

"I don't know, that's part of the reason I called you Angela. I'm having a tough time sorting out my feelings. On one hand, I really like him, but now since things have been progressing I started thinking about Edward again. Well, I never really stopped thinking about him. The closer to me Ian gets, the more I push him away because I still love Edward." I said. There it's out, I told her what she already knew, but at least I said it out loud.

She sighed, "Bella, what you and Edward had was special. More special than any relationship I've ever seen, even in the movies. I'm not sure that you'll ever get over him and maybe you're just not ready for another relationship." she hesitated before continuing.

"You know what I would do, it's going to sound silly, but it always works for me. Why don't you write down all the things you like about Ian and all the things you loved about Edward? I know...it sounds like you're comparing them, because you are. After all, that's what you're doing anyway. Why not put it on paper and see what comes of writing it down? You need to find someone like Edward that brings the happiness I always saw on your face. You were never happier than when you were with Edward, Bella. It's like he was your other half." She laughed then.

"I'm not sure if I'm helping you or not, but it might be worth a try. Have you heard from any of them?" She said shyly.

"No, not a word...but that doesn't stop me from loving him any less. Thanks Ang. I think that suggestion might help, at the very least it may sort out some of the feelings I've been having. I'm actually dreaming about Edward again."

We continued talking about her classes and Ben before hanging up. Grabbing a pad and pen, I lay down on my bed and crossed my feet in the air and began making my list. Before I knew it I had one whole side of the page listed with everything I missed about Edward. The next page had about 15 items I liked about Ian. I frowned as I reviewed his list, there had to be more but I struggled with coming up with the 15 things.

Rolling over on the bed and staring at the ceiling, I thought long and hard. I was settling, Ian was a nice guy but he was no Edward. The way that Edward looked at me, like he was looking into my soul, his crooked smile that could melt my heart, his golden honey colored eyes and his velvety voice that made me weak in the knees; all these things made me melt into a puddle of nothing. Ian didn't do this for me, he was everything I told Jake and Angela, but he wasn't Edward.

Although reaching this decision wasn't one that would improve my life any, it was a decision nonetheless and that's what was always the struggle for me. Now that I'd made my decision, I just had to follow through with it. I needed to let Ian know that this relationship would never work out. He needed to know that only one man held my heart and nothing would ever change that. Perhaps I'd wind up 80 years old and alone, but I wouldn't trade those few months with Edward for anything in the world.

Standing up I put my pad in my backpack and headed downstairs to get some homework done. Now that I'd sorted through my feelings and made my decision I could focus on schoolwork again.