It was mean to me to let you hang all confused, so I decided to post an update sooner than usual.
I understand all the confusion and sometimes frustation with this story but the previous chapter was needed to... well you'll find out reading this one and the next after that!
Thanks for reviewing, positive or negative, it's good to have feedback. Hopefully, you'll like me and my story better soon!
"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!"
She was startled at first, when the door of her room busted open but then she closed her eyes, taking a breath before looking at him.
He looked furious and yet so handsome, her Seeker. She slowly closed the book she was reading, the same she's been reading all night and just as slowly, she got up from the bed.
"Your daughter is sleeping." She indicated sharply as she walked to close the door of Cassie's room. She didn't want the little girl to wake up to her screaming father.
"How could you do that to me Kahlan? How?" He asked without screaming this time but his tone was still full of anger.
"I don't know what you're talking about." She replied, walking across the room to her wardrobe and making sure not to look at him in the eyes.
"Don't play dumb with me Kahlan!" He said, roughly grabbing her by the arm and pulling her close to him.
She averted his gaze again and looked down and saw his free hand clutching the Sword of Truth. She could feel his hot and erratic breath on her face. The hold he had on her arm was hurting but she deserved it, she deserved the pain and his anger.
"Look at yourself, you can't even look at me." He told her bitterly, letting her arm go and slightly pulling her backwards.
She resumed her walk to her wardrobe, feeling his eyes on her. Before she had the time to open her wardrobe, he was behind her, turning her to face him, pressing her back against the door and his body against her. He kissed her with force, her head hitting the door before he pushed his tongue past her lips. When his lungs reclaimed oxygen, he grabbed a handful of her hair and titled her head to have access to her neck. He sucked at her skin for a long time, making sure to leave a mark.
"Please Richard, stop." She begged when she felt his hand sliding under her nightgown. Her hips unintentionally buckled, her body was calling for his but her mind wasn't. Not like this, not after all this time, not when he was furious.
"Please." She repeated. She didn't fight him, she didn't wanted to. Part of her wanted him to take her on this very spot and she knew that Richard would never hurt her.
He finally pulling away and looked into her eyes: "How does it feel huh?"
She once again averted his look.
"Look at me!" He almost yelled.
When her eyes met his, he asked again: "How does it feel not to have a choice?"
He watched as her eyes filled with tears and she said: "Nothing I can say will make up for what I did."
She pushed past him and walked to the window, she knew he wasn't going to leave until he had answers.
"Why?" He asked.
"You know why." She replied, her gaze fixed on the city in front of her.
"All that I know is that I took a Mord'Sith to my bed, persuaded that she was the new love of my life and then something felt terribly wrong. I blacked out and when I woke up, Zedd told me that someone had put a spell on me." He explained.
He ran a hand through his hair and continued: "When I asked him who it could be, his only answer was Tim. And then, everything made sense. It was him. It was you. You wanted me to take that Mord'Sith and you asked him to spell me."
"I did." She confessed simply. The knot in her throat was making it impossible for her to say more. Images of Richard and Lena naked in bed were flashing in her mind. She wanted to throw up.
"Is it everything you have to say about it? Aren't you at least sorry or something?" He asked.
"No." She replied simply and truthfully.
He let out a long growl and told her: "I'm so angry at you right now."
"I know." She told him.
He made a few steps towards her and said: "I know you want to push me away but-"
"I have to set you free." She cut him off.
"Free? Free from what Kahlan?" He asked.
"From a life you don't want, from me." She said finally turning to face him.
"You don't know what I want. You don't have a single clue of what I want. You wouldn't have spelled me if you knew." He told her.
"Perhaps. But I know that this big family we've talked about, you can't have that with me anymore. I already asked you to give up the idea of having a son, I can't ask you to give up on the family you dream about." She explained, looking straight in his eyes.
"What if the roles were reversed? What if I was the one who couldn't give you a child? How would you feel about that?" He asked.
She opened her mouth to talk but she stopped herself, he had made a point. If the roles were reversed, she wouldn't push him away because she loved him too much for that.
"What I want Kahlan… it's you. It's only you. I don't need a son or a house full of daughters, I want you and Cassie. I want to grow old and watch our baby grow up with you." He explained.
"You want that now, but you'll change your mind Richard." She told him before walking back to her bed and sitting on the edge of it.
He sighed heavily and said: "You don't trust me. You don't think that my love for you is enough."
"I trust you." She said.
"Doesn't seem like it." He told her.
She suddenly got up and walked to him and she said: "You're right... I-I… I don't trust you. I'm afraid that you think that I am enough for you right now but that one day, you're going to realize that I'm not, that you'll want something else, something more. I'm scared that you're going to leave me again. And this time I won't be able survive it."
He made a step backwards, stunned at her confession. He was feeling the same. He was afraid that one day she would leave him.
He smiled at her and said: "I'm just a woods guide. A nobody. How could I be enough for the Mother Confessor? Everyday I'm afraid that you'll realize that I'm not good enough for you."
"You are the Seeker and Lord Rahl." She reminded him.
"So what? I have Rahl's blood in my veins. The same blood that oppressed killed thousands of people. I come from a family of torturers and murderers. You, Kahlan, you have a pure heart and a pure soul. You come from a family who always did good. I can't live up to that standard either. I'm scared one day you will realize that too." He explained.
She slowly rested the palm of her hand over his heart and said: "You have a pure heart too."
"Kahlan I…" He started softly. "I… I know I've let you down but please, give me a chance to make it up to you… To Cassie. I'm not asking you to forgive me, I just… Please let me love you and take care of you."
He moved his hand to cup her cheek and she closed her eyes at the feeling. He made a short step closer to her and kissed her forehead.
"Please." He repeated.
She nodded softly, unable to say anything else.
He smiled slightly and pressed his lips against hers before pulling her into a tight hug. Her head rested on his chest underneath his chin and she wrapped her arms around his waist, holding him to her, afraid he would change his mind and leave. She was clinging to him with strength he had never felt before.
He felt her tears wetting his shirt and kissed the top of her head. She needed to let go and he was glad that she would allow herself to be vulnerable in front of him. He combed her hair with his fingers hoping it would comfort her even more. He could only imagine the pain she was feeling knowing she wouldn't be able to give birth again. His heart was aching for her.
"I love you." He whispered to her.
She nodded and he felt her grip on him loosen.
"Did you get any sleep last night?" He asked her.
She shook her head no and he asked again: "How long before Cassie wakes up?"
"A few hours." She mumbled.
"Alright." He said before he swept her off her feet to carry her to the bed.
She smiled at him, the special smile she saved just for him, the one he loved and missed so much. He gently laid her down on the bed, under the covers and sat on the edge, his back to her.
"Richard…" She whispered, not knowing what to expect. She wondered if he had changed his mind. She was hoping that he would hold her while she slept.
"I'm not going anywhere. Just taking off my boots." He told her looking at her over his shoulder.
She sighed with relief and turned on her side to look at him. He finally joined her under the covers, lying on his side to face her. He gently brushed a strand of hair out of her face and she closed her eyes at his soft touch.
She opened her eyes when his fingers left her face. She looked at him in the eyes as if she was reading him. He knew that she wasn't but she was looking for answers and he knew that her mind was probably going wild with all kinds of thoughts.
"Ask me." He told her softly.
She bit her lower lip and averted his gaze. She took a long breath before returning her eyes to his and asked: "With Lena… Did you…"
"No." He quickly stopped her.
She released the breath she was holding and he knew he had to give her more than that so he explained: "We kissed. I kissed her and it felt weird. I felt out of place. Your face kept coming back to me and then suddenly I knew that it was you I was supposed to be kissing, not her."
"I'm sorry I did that to you. I had no rights..." She apologized.
"It doesn't matter, my love for you broke the spell." He said with a proud smile.
"You know that I love you, right?" She asked.
"Of course." He replied with a smile.
"I mean it Richard." She said.
"I have no doubts that you do." He said.
"Maybe you should." She told him, lying on her back and fixing the ceiling.
He looked at her and waited for her to speak again.
"Your love for me, it can withstand everything, my powers, a spell… All I did to you was to scream at you and push you away. I wonder how you can believe me when I say that I love you." She explained.
"I don't have to believe. I just have to look in your eyes and I know. I know that you love me. I also know that you are hurting right now but I can see your love for me by the look in your eyes Kahlan." He told her.
"I love you doesn't even begin to describe how I feel about you." She said softly.
"It doesn't even begin to describe how I feel about you either." He told her before pressing his lips against hers.
He pulled away before she had the time to kiss him back much to her surprise.
"Come here." He told her, pushing her against his chest as he laid on his back, his arms wrapped around her.
He adjusted the covers on her and she pressed her body against his, resting her head on his chest. She unconsciously pulled at his shirt which was tucked into his pants but stopped herself when she realized what she was doing.
She rested her hand on his wait, on top of his shirt instead of on his skin above his heart. He had chastely kissed her, maybe he didn't want things to go to fast.
"You know I'm not going to be comfortable if you don't have your hand on my chest while we sleep." He told her with a smile. He pulled his shirt out and took her hand to let it rest on his chest.
"Much better." He whispered before kissing her on the head.
"Will you be here when I wake up?" She asked.
"Of course." He replied, tightening his hold on her.
She didn't need more to close her eyes and fall asleep in the arms of the man she loved.