Sweet Music
Nothing from the Twilight Series or Ms. Meyers works belong to me! Nor do I own any rights to music mentioned.
BPOV
The next morning my eyes were bloodshot and puffy from the long night spent crying. It wasn't so much that I was upset about breaking it off with Ian as I was with the words he said. He spoke from his heart and he was absolutely dead on, I was wasting my time. My head knew this but my heart just couldn't give up on something so special, intense, and perfect. I was disgusted with myself for feeling this way, but I couldn't keep up the pretense that the relationship with Ian would be a good substitute for what I had with Edward.
Roxanne wasn't in the room so I didn't get a chance to tell her what had happened last night before she left this morning. By the time I got to the room she was fast asleep and it wouldn't have been right to wake her with my problems. It was enough I would wake her with my stupid dreams.
I went into the bathroom and grabbed a cold washcloth for my eyes, since I didn't have to be to class until later I could afford the time necessary to bring the puffiness out of my eyes. Grabbing the cloth I laid back down on the bed and reflected about everything I needed to take care of, telling Roxanne about Ian, there was my iPod to find and the mystery with the pictures was still bugging me.
Grateful that the only class I had today was British Literature I prepared for the day. Heading downstairs I grabbed my poncho, again smelling his scent. I had enough of this, where was the scent coming from. Pushing aside all the coats on the rack, I was sniffing like a lunatic trying to locate where it came from. My hand fell upon a supple leather jacket and froze for a millisecond. I grabbed all the coats that were blocking my view and my eyes settled on a beige leather jacket…no it couldn't be. Standing there gaping like a fool, I couldn't believe my eyes. Moving my head closer to the rack I cautiously sniffed, it was faint but it was definitely coming from this familiar jacket. I grabbed it off the rack and shoved it into my face inhaling deeply. The sweet indescribable smell was very faint, but present.
I heard a voice coming from the top of the stairs, "Bella, what are you doing?"
Turning abruptly I looked up and saw Drake coming down. Looking at my hands and then back to him I had to think quickly what to say without sounding like an idiot. There were jackets scattered on the floor and I just had a jacket up to my nose. "Umm…I…" stuttering waiting for my brain to kick in, "I tripped and bumped into the rack."
He was staring at me with scrutiny as he reached the bottom of the stairs, "Oh." Bending over he began picking up the coats and placing them back on the rack as I stood frozen with the jacket still clutched in my small hands. I looked down at the jacket and realized my hands were shaking and my heart rate had accelerated to the point where I thought it would pop out of my chest. Reaching out to take the jacket from my hands as he looked at me with concern he said, "Are you sure you're okay?"
"Yeah, fine." I said finding my voice. I pulled the jacket closer to me as if it were a precious lifeline, "Who's jacket is this?" I said trying to keep my voice even and sound casual.
"Ian's, why?" he said as he took the jacket and I felt the supple leather slide through my fingers. My heart stopped, as I watched him hanging it back on the rack. This couldn't be, how could that jacket be Ian's – I couldn't be wrong. "Ian's? I've never seen him wear it, are you sure?" my voice sounded desperate as I looked back to the jacket now hanging safely on the rack.
"Sure, it's his. He doesn't wear it often; it cost him a fortune. Are you sure you're okay?" he asked concerned. Shaking my head to clear up the confusion I must look like a freak, what was happening to me? I thought for sure once I told Ian my true feelings everything would get back to normal. This couldn't be happening.
"Bella," his voice brought me back. "Come on, let's get you a chair and maybe some coffee," he said taking my hands and leading me towards the kitchen.
Relieved as I heard Roxanne and Anne's voices, we entered the kitchen. Having additional company in the kitchen would help; I didn't want to explain my meltdown to Drake. His eyes as he watched me carefully conveyed what I thought, my meltdown wasn't going unnoticed.
"Good morning, you two" Annie said cheerfully. Her face which had moments ago conveyed her mood, quickly changed when she saw what Drake was already struggling to understand. Roxanne, looked up and said the words they were all thinking, "Bella you look like hell, what's wrong?" Turning to look at Drake she said, "What did you do to her?"
"Nothing, jeez Rox…" his face was hurt as he looked at his girlfriend. I couldn't let him take the blame for me losing my mind.
"Drake didn't do anything Rox. I'm fine, it was just a long night and I tripped going down the stairs." I said sitting down before my knees gave way and I collapsed. My peripheral vision caught the three of them casting glances at each other and then back to me.
Roxanne came to my side, "Sweetie you really don't look good. Maybe you shouldn't have gone back to classes yet. You may be rushing it." She said as she glanced up at Drake. Anne had retrieved a cup of coffee and set it down before coming around the table and sitting across from me.
Drake cleared his throat as he looked at the three of us. "Um, I'm going to head to class. If you need anything give me a call." He said as he kissed Roxanne on the head. He took one last glance at me and placed his hand on my shoulder, "Bella, stay home today. If you need anything we'll get it for you."
When the kitchen door swung closed, I put my head on the table sighing. What was I going to tell these two…sorry I'm having a meltdown. I keep getting the scent of my old boyfriend and it's driving me crazy. Fortunately, I didn't have to come up with anything as Anne touched my head, "Hey, drink your coffee before it gets cold."
Picking my head up I looked at the two of them and they looked slightly panicked. I took the coffee and closed my eyes as I slowly sipped it, feeling their concerned eyes scouring my face. "I'm okay, it was just a long night. I broke it off with Ian." I said as I looked at the two of them. The looks on their faces confirmed what I suspected, they already knew.
Roxanne's lips tightened into a grimace, as Anne reached out again taking my hand. "Look Bella, I'm not sure I grasp it all. Ian confided in Sam last night and the only thing I was told was it was over. If you don't want to talk about it I understand, but you should know just because you aren't with him anymore doesn't mean any of us will treat you differently." She said glancing over at Roxanne silently pleading with her to say something. Roxanne remained silent while playing with a stray string on her blouse.
The frustration briefly showed in Anne's face before looking back at me. "You've been through a lot in a short period of time and I'm sure the painkillers aren't helping. I'm not sure if you're even considering what Rox and Drake said, but I think you should stay home today."
Roxanne spoke up "Bella, you only have one class today, I'll stop by the professor's office and find out what the class will be discussing so you don't fall behind. Get some rest." Standing up she continued, "Sorry, but I really got to dash or I'm going to be late for my classes."
As she was walking out Anne was looking at her perplexed, it was rather odd that Roxanne was so uncommunicative. Great I thought, now I've made her mad – that's the only thing it could be. She was always so supportive of Ian's relationship and now I've probably alienated her. I fought back the tears as they threatened to fall and put my head back on the table.
Anne patted me on the head and said, "Bella, I don't have to be anywhere for a couple of hours, why don't we go into the common room and get comfortable. We can talk; come on," she said as she came around the side of the table and pulled on my arm. As we were walking out of the kitchen she added, "Oh by the way I found this recipe card in the common room by the chair you always sit in, I thought it might be yours so I put it up here where it wouldn't get lost." She was pointing to the recipe card I noticed yesterday.
"That's not mine." I claimed looking at her blankly.
Shrugging her shoulders she said, "Oh, humph. Nobody else claimed it, I just assumed. Whatever…who ever wanted it will find it there. Come on, I'll get you a blanket," she said as she walked out the door. I couldn't help but stare at the recipe before following her.
We settled on the sectional and she waited for me to start talking patiently. After a few moments of uncomfortable silence she said, "I'm worried about you Bella. You don't look good, you broke it off with Ian, you're crying an awful lot…are you home sick?"
Staring at my cast, I nodded my head. "No, it's not that…well maybe some, but not the way you think. I miss my life from a year ago, but it had nothing to do with Forks as much as a person who used to live there."
"Ahh, I see. So that's the reason it didn't work out with Ian," she said as she folded her arms on her chest. "Well, that makes sense Bella. A lot of people go through that when they move away from home, what you're experiencing isn't so unusual." If she only knew, my circumstances were anything but ordinary.
"Look, Ian is a really nice guy and he liked you…a lot!" she said emphasizing the words. "It will work out, he'll come around. If you don't mind my asking, did you tell him you were missing another guy?" she asked looking at me closely.
"Yes" I said quietly. "I never meant to hurt him, honestly that was the last thing I wanted. Initially when he started showing interest I tried to let him know that it wasn't reciprocal. Then Roxanne convinced me I was wasting my time thinking about my old boyfriend. I decided to take a chance at love again," I said shaking my head. "I should have known better, I wasn't ready. But Anne, it's not just that…Ian is a really nice guy, I just never felt the same way with him as I did with Edward." I stated firmly.
"Ian will get over this, I promise. He's too nice of a guy to hold it against you. He'll realize if it were meant to be, it would have happened. You just bruised his ego when you told him you aren't over your old boyfriend." She said patting my legs. "I'll talk to him, don't worry."
"No, please don't; just give him the time he needs." I said sighing. "I'm just a little confused now. It's so hard to be in love with someone that doesn't even think about you. Yet I can't seem to get Edward out of my system, I don't want to. Ian deserves better than I could ever give him, he thinks I'm crazy." I finished as I tapped my fingers on my cast with my eyes downcast.
"Stop letting Ian make you feel guilty, you can't help the way you feel. If you want me to talk to him I will, just say the word. Now, are you settled in?" she asked as she stood tucking the blanket in tighter. "I've got to get ready to go. I'll check on you before I leave, just rest for now." She said patting my head as she left the room.
I put my head down and stared off into space. What was I doing, this meltdown was probably worse then when he left me. Last time I was a zombie and then began hearing voices. Now I actually smell him and everything around me reminds me of him. It was if my mind forced my senses to go haywire whenever missing him. The voices stopped after a while maybe this would stop soon, I could only hope. My new friends would have me locked up soon, if my imagination didn't stop playing with my head. My eyes were burning, so I closed them and decided to let sleep take me away for a while.
When Anne came in to check on me before leaving for class, I gave up trying to get some sleep. Walking upstairs I decided to shower and get some class work done. My weekend put me behind and my recent distractions weren't helping. Even though my emotions were a wreck, I couldn't let my scholarship suffer because of it. Edward would be upset if I let my distractions blow my college opportunity – funny how even now I managed to get motivated by what would please him. Grabbing my laptop and books I headed to the study room, it was time to start focusing on why I was here.
Several hours had passed as I caught up with all my studies; now the only class work I would have to worry about was whatever Roxanne collected this afternoon. Closing my laptop, I decided to go out on the deck and enjoy the afternoon sun. Grabbing the blanket, I started heading for the door when my eye caught something on the table by the fireplace – my iPod.
What was my iPod doing down here, I would never leave it sitting out in the common room. Walking back slowly, I picked it up and held it in my hand in confusion. I turned it on and scrolled through the songs, it was mine…why couldn't I remember leaving it down here. Scrolling back to the menu, I clicked on music, playlists and noticed a new playlist. This wasn't one I created. As I looked at the songs I recognized some of them, but some were unfamiliar. Someone had loaded additional songs on my iPod but why?
I ran back upstairs to get my ear buds; this was a mystery I had to figure out. There was no way I could find out how the songs got loaded, but this was the perfect time to listen to the songs. I quickly grabbed the buds and connected the iPod while I walked back downstairs. Choosing the new playlist, the first song I heard was a beautiful song by Alison Krauss called Looking in The Eyes of Love. Listening to the words, my heart started melting…the voice and lyrics were so beautiful it brought tears to my eyes. Putting my head back on the chaise lounge I continued listening to the most unbelievable playlist, it was the perfect music for my frame of mind.
Late afternoon started settling in as I listened to the songs, soon I felt someone standing next to me. I looked up to see Ian standing beside me; his eyes were set in a hard look. Pulling the ear buds out I shyly said, "hi".
He continued staring at me before responding, "I'd like to speak with you for a moment." As I watched him move towards a chair to sit I couldn't help but think this wasn't going to be pleasant – but I deserved it. Gulping air I waited for him to continue.
"I'm sorry. My reaction last night was unacceptable." He stated. I opened my mouth to interrupt but he raised his finger to stop me. "Let me continue, I need to get this out before I lose my courage." I nodded and lowered my head.
"If you had told me you didn't want to be with me because you didn't feel the same, I would have understood. I wouldn't have agreed because I still feel we are right for one another, but it wouldn't have been so hard. Most likely my actions would have been more subtle to gain your affections. I would have given you the space you needed to see what I already know. The fact that you are…waiting for someone who left a year ago is the part I find unfathomable. That is what caused me to react the way I did." He looked at me longingly and his sincerity was causing a pain in my chest. How could I explain to him that he would never succeed, as much as he had to offer, it could never compete with Edward.
Standing and moving closer to my chair, he knelt beside me and took my hand in his, "Bella, listen to me – really listen to what I have to say." His hand reached up and he lifted my chin, his eyes were racing around my face waiting for me to acknowledge his request. Shifting his position, he sat on the chair with me and said, "I'll back off…for now. This weekend I'm going away, Drake and I leave tomorrow morning." I opened my mouth to protest and again he smiled and said chuckling, "let me finish. You have a habit of interrupting and it distracts me from saying what needs to be said."
"My plans for this weekend were in place before you even had your accident. I need to go home it's my mother's birthday and I was planning on surprising her. Before leaving though I wanted to speak with you so you didn't think it was your fault I left." He looked down briefly and sighed.
"I know what you told me last night and I'm prepared to give you the freedom you need without pressure from me, but..." he looked up and smiled at me. "I have one small request." He paused and took a breath, "you can refuse but if I don't ask it will eat away at me so I'm hoping you won't."
He leaned in and was inches away from my face staring into my eyes, "Allow me one last kiss, if afterwards you can look at me and say there isn't anything…not even the slightest twinge of feeling, I'll step aside and be one of your closest friends. But you must be honest with your heart Bella, you must think about it while I'm gone this weekend and answer only after you have given it the thought it deserves." His face hovered so close to mine I had stopped breathing.
I had already made my decision, Edward was the only man for me…but his request, and his emotions were so strong the breeze stirred with them. How could I refuse such a simple request, it was one kiss – although his kisses were pleasant they never held the same electricity or passion I felt when Edward kissed me. My feelings would not change, but if I didn't give him or myself the chance to answer his request then there would always be doubt. I nodded my consent.
Gently he lifted my chin and pulled my face towards his, slowly he kissed me. His lips were soft and passionate, moving slowly against mine as his tongue lightly caressed my bottom lip. Closing my eyes and allowing the moment to happen, my lips parted as my tongue found his and our kiss became more urgent. His hands came up to cradle my face as he continued to kiss me, my breath was coming in short bursts and I felt my arm wrap around his neck.
Pulling me closer to his body I leaned into his side as my breasts were pressed against his chest. His lips and tongue were so warm and gentle as they probed my own with short bursts that alternated between my lips and tongue. My body was pressing into him as I felt my heart beating faster caught up in the moment. With much more urgency his arms wrapped around me pulling me closer so that I could barely move. I wanted more; more of this longing…my body was responding to his touch as his hand slowly moved down my back and gripped my hip.
My mind was reeling as his tongue left my mouth and he continued kissing my lips with gentle kisses that led slowly to my chin. My head and back arching as he trailed the kisses to my neck. I felt his right hand caressing my forearm moving towards my shoulder, gripping me…my breath was coming in gasps as my body responded to his kisses and touch. His mouth was on mine again and I found myself wanting more, the passion with which my tongue responded to his surprised me. I could hear his breathing; it matched mine.
Our kiss was slowing down as he pulled back once again; he trailed his kisses back to my neck as his hand moved to my blouse. Gently pulling back my shirt to expose my collarbone and shoulder he trailed kisses and his tongue lightly licked the spot he just kissed. He paused for one moment as he gazed into my eyes; his fingers shifted from the collar of my blouse and traced my collarbone making his way toward the front of my shirt. I felt a slight tug as he began gently unbuttoning my blouse. The first button exposed more of my chest and he was easily able to shift my shirt so my shoulder was completely exposed. Leaning in he began kissing me as my body pressed towards him. I was so lost in the moment wanting more than anything for him to remove my shirt, when I heard a loud crash from inside the house.
Jumping from the sound of it, we stopped. That was when I realized this had gone too far, pulling myself back from his body I sighed. He looked into my eyes smiling and said, "I'm sorry…I got carried away. Let's go see what happened."
Lifting me off his lap he placed me on my feet as I buttoned my blouse. When he stood, he placed his hands on each side of my face and kissed me one last time. Moving his hands back to my shoulders he looked deeply into my eyes and said, "Promise me you'll think about what just happened this weekend. I'll wait Bella."
He walked towards the door as I stood staring at his back. My head was spinning, knowing I loved Edward with all of my heart, yet struggling to find my way without him in my life. There were no easy answers – if only Edward still loved me, my answer to Ian would be simple.