Black Out Resolving Conflicts

Same disclaimer as always

BPOV

We didn't get the chance to discuss anything of importance because everyone came into the room. As much as I wanted to see them my need to talk with Edward was more important. Alice, Roxanne and Esme were very anxious and although I was pleased to see them, I was slightly confused. Why were they fussing over me; Alice and Esme sure they hadn't seen me in a year, but they kept saying how worried and scared they were, why?

When Carlisle was examining me, he kept asking questions as to where I ate tonight…who I was with, if I had any memories of the last several hours. I couldn't remember anything as much as I tried it was a blank. With all of his questioning, I began to get anxious, why was it I couldn't recall anything. I wanted to wring my hands together but couldn't due to my cast, instead I just kept rubbing the plaster as I tried unsuccessfully to recall something anything…but my mind was a blank.

Carlisle patted my hand and held it still immediately making me smile as he told me to relax and not worry about it. As much as I wanted to believe him, the thought kept nagging at me. Combined with my need to be with Edward I was getting extremely impatient. Edward's closeness always helped me relax and besides he and I needed to talk. This evening's events were just another subject to ask him about.

"Come on young lady, I think you're well enough to join everyone downstairs. The rest of your friends will be pleased to see you up and about."

As we walked into the common room I heard Edward say he was sure everything would work out.

"What will work out?" I called out from the doorway. As I looked into the room my new friends were on one side with my extended family on the other side; Edward was in the middle. He turned towards me showing the glorious smile that melted my heart each and every time he flashed it in my direction. He walked to me and put his arm over my shoulder leading me to the sectional.

I looked around at everyone thinking something was wrong, Edward's family was very happy but my friends looked a little out of sorts. Not able to be sure if it was just the discomfort caused whenever humans were in the presence of vampires, or something else I asked what they were all waiting for.

Roxanne looked at me with the most peculiar look and explained that the police had just left. What was she talking about…why on earth were the police here, what was I missing. As I looked around everyone looked shocked, like I had failed to notice an elephant in the room.

Esme finally tried to help me, "Bella honey, the police would like to question you on what happened tonight. We've managed to have them postpone the interview until tomorrow. Carlisle let them know you weren't in any shape."

Now I was even more confused. What was she talking about, the police wanted to question me…I fell. At least that's what I thought happened. What did happen? Why was everyone looking at me like I had two heads? I felt like I was missing something vitally important…and everyone was holding out on me. Well, not really holding out they appeared to be just as confused as I was. Just as the frustration was beginning to really mount Carlisle spoke up and essentially told everyone to drop it. Now I was really curious, if Carlisle wanted to protect me from my own friends something serious must have happened.

Roxanne never one to be persuaded against her wishes asked, "Bella…what do you remember about tonight?" I tried again to remember, this afternoon I was on the deck and Ian came out and kissed me…whoa, not now – this wasn't a good time to think about that. Fortunately, or maybe not because I still wanted to know what was going on, Edward stepped in and agreed with Carlisle. Just hearing his voice made my whole body relax, I leaned into him but still didn't stop trying to remember whatever it was I had done tonight.

Edward asked me to walk his family to the door as they decided to leave. He was up to something…why wouldn't he escort them to the door? I've seen this side of Edward before, this was his protective nature coming out…but things were different now. I wasn't the same person he left in the woods a year ago. I sighed and led his family to the entryway to say goodnight.

Deciding to play innocent I came back in the room and lightly requested that they fill me in. Of course my new friends wouldn't want to go against Edward's wishes – perhaps they didn't entirely understand why they felt reluctance but all the same they wouldn't tell me. At first as they shuffled out of the room I felt discouraged, I needed their support if I was going to find out what was going on. But then again, maybe if I had Edward alone he would realize he needed to tell me everything – no more secrets, full disclosure once again.

Attempting to leave I grabbed his arm, I would have none of that. It's not like he needed to sleep and I just woke up…so we would spend some time sorting things out. His behavior was still confusing, he was so happy. Why was he back, he needed to let me know what his intentions were. For all I knew at this point Victoria could be in town…no that couldn't be it. Good grief, he was going to give me answers otherwise I would continue to jump to conclusions.

Turning to look at him his smile was disarming, no this would never work. His charms would distract me and I'd never get the full truth. If I could just remain focused I stood a better chance, the key was not to look at him…"that's not fair…stop doing that."

His voice was just as captivating, as he asked "What am I doing, love?" As if he didn't know, this was going to be much more difficult than I imagined. He was really laying on the charm; I squeezed my eyes shut so I wouldn't become spacey gazing into his deep ocher eyes. Speaking as sternly as possible I told him I wanted answers.

As if on cue he took my hand and began kissing it again, he was using every resource he had. Just like before his kisses on my hand were making my head spin. I felt my breath catch as a moan escaped my lips – the feel of his icy cold lips on my hand and wrist brought all my desires to the surface. My hand was trembling – the yearning building deep within me. So much more intense than our previous encounters, his kisses were waking something inside me. I wanted to feel his tongue again, the longing making me weak.

If only his voice didn't appeal to me so much, just the wonderful dulcet tone he spoke with was enough to make me forget everything. He asked me what I wanted to know…what did I want to know? Why on earth would I want anything more than to continue having his cool hard lips pressed against my skin.

I tried to find my voice, "Um…I…want to…ugh that feels…" I felt my insides clenching from the desire…wait though I couldn't let this happen. Focus – before you get carried away again and he disappears before you have your answers. Yanking my hand away regretfully I sat up straighter, keeping my eyes closed in order to maintain my train of thought. "Stop that, you know I can't concentrate when you do that."

Hearing him chuckle and lean into me I held my breath as he whispered in my ear, "Don't you want to open your eyes Bella? I know I would love to see your eyes…they were closed all evening, please?" His pleading always enchanted me, I couldn't resist when he requested so earnestly. Remain strong…he needed to understand how important this was to me.

Pushing my shoulder against him I shifted slightly so I wasn't touching him. Just his proximity was making my heart race, the cold feel of his body making my skin tingle. I cleared my throat, "As much as I'm enjoying this, and believe me I am as you can probably tell by my heart…we need to talk Edward. I'm serious…please, I don't want to get swept away in your charms before I have answers."

I felt him shift slightly and waited to see if he would continue with his charming ways to disarm me. Then the sigh came and I knew he was allowing me the chance to question him. "Okay you're right, I'm sorry. What can I answer for you?"

Now that I had his attention, I wasn't sure which question to ask first. With my passion burning I wasn't even sure what the point of asking questions was supposed to accomplish. Focus…where had we left off. Oh yeah, he was explaining to me about his desire, what exactly did that mean? Was he here because he wanted my blood? What could have compelled him to come look for me?

Asking the question that truthfully I wasn't sure I was ready to hear the answer to, "You said you wanted me, and the desire was not…the desire was human. What does that mean exactly?" It was best to just get this question out of the way even if I wasn't prepared, "You always said your other instincts were…that I should never forget…" Great how do I finish this without causing him more discomfort? I never thought of him as a monster, but his feelings on the subject were a different story.

Being the eternal gentleman, he let me off the hook by finishing my sentence. "That I crave more than your company? In order to answer this question, I'll need to address why I left in the first place." He sighed; maybe this was the right question after all. He had my full attention; there was no way his charms could persuade me to forget where our conversation was going now.

"Bella, my struggle to find a balance between your world and mine was another issue that conflicted me everyday we were together. But once I realized how much I loved you, there was no turning back. So I stayed…enjoying our time together, like an adolescent playing with matches. I knew that by introducing you to my world would be placing you in danger, yet childishly I believed I could control any threat that may arise. I never anticipated it coming from my own family,"

No, this wasn't right…he still felt responsible for the accident the night of my birthday. He needed to know this didn't matter, Jasper acted on his instincts…it was my fault – I was the klutz. I went to open my mouth and he put his finger on my lips quieting me. Okay, I'll let him finish, but this would be addressed when he was done.

"When that happened I knew we had crossed over into territory that was beyond my control. There were only two choices left to me, leave or continue to place your life in danger. Many months prior I had vowed I would never hurt you; my intent was to keep you from harm in spite of who I am. So I chose to hurt you in a different manner, one with which I believed you would eventually heal. If I left, you would feel the pain of loss, but you would be alive – this was something I could live with. Had something happened to you, the other hurt I spoke of, you would be dead. I was not prepared to risk that…you had to remain safe no matter what the cost to myself."

He smiled gently and I remained silent while my anger was boiling. How could he leave based on protecting me…his nature to safeguard had become a hindrance; this was way over the line. This past year was hell and he thought it was all for my own good? The feeling in my stomach was not a pleasant one as I bit back my sarcasm waiting for him to finish.

"When Alice explained to me you were here…in the same town, I was shocked."

I was beginning to get lost – I was with him up to this point. "Wait, what do you mean 'When Alice explained…you didn't know I was here? How did you find me?"

"Bella we did not come to Vermont to follow you, this was a coincidence, or destiny as I like to believe. I didn't know what to do, for the past year I did nothing of consequence but wallow in self pity berating myself for destroying the only thing of importance to me in all my years of existence."

Coincidence, this is a rather large coincidence. It couldn't be; I listened further hoping to gain some clarity.

"It took so much self-control during the past year to stay away, to not return and beg your forgiveness. Now here I was thousands of miles from Forks and our paths were intersecting once again. When I found out I fought the desire to return to you Bella, I watched while you attended classes and work. My desire, my human desires – longing to hear your laughter, to hold your hand, to see you smile at me grew everyday. The strain was mounting as days passed knowing you were only a few miles down the road…"

Now wait a minute, my anger was mounting again…I needed him to stop talking as what he just told me sunk in. "Are you telling me you've been following me?"

He just nodded his head; his features remained statue-like as his body tensed. His eyes conveyed concern though; good he knew I was angry at least. This didn't make it any better though he wasn't off the hook just yet.

"For how long…" I whispered trying to control my anger. My mind was racing as I processed everything he just said.

"Several weeks now, you need to understand why though. I was prepared to leave when I found out you were here, I didn't want to torture myself any longer…but then Alice had a vision of you, her vision showed you were in danger and I couldn't allow anything to happen to you, so I had my family watch over you…to protect you. It would have shattered me to discover something had happened to you after I had made a vow to keep you safe."

This was getting worse, the more he explained the more I fumed. "What did Alice see?"

"That's unimportant Bella, no harm will come to you. I promise."

Unimportant…unimportant he couldn't really be this cavalier. He attempted to hold me, but I was too angry, I needed to calm down, looking at him or having him hold me was definitely out of the question.

"Bella please, my concern was for your well-being allow me to explain."

I was determined to make him understand he had crossed a line. "Edward give me a moment, I'm trying to process everything you're telling me." Everything he said was registering in perfect clarity, he really believed his actions were justifiable.

"So basically you're telling me we wound up in the same place by accident. You didn't try to find me, it was just an odd coincidence that out of all the places you could go…we wound up in the same place." I paused as I swallowed back the anger.

"You had your family follow me for several weeks to ensure my safety because of a vision Alice had…a vision you are holding back on." My anger was making me restless; I had to move. Standing and pacing helped, I couldn't look at him for fear my anger would cause him to leave. That wasn't my desire…I wanted him back in my life, but I also wanted him to realize his paternal actions were driving a wedge between us.

He stopped me in mid-stride and grabbed my face in his hands, his touch still causing the same wonderful electric pulse on my cheeks. Keeping my face as calm as possible I allowed him to lift my face to his. "Bella, we meant no harm, our only intent was to keep you safe. Surely even you can understand this."

That was it, how dare he! The insinuation that I couldn't possibly fathom his actions, as if I were a child or a moron, "Yes Edward, even I…a mere human can understand your motives. What I can't understand is why you have this constant need to protect me from myself. You owe me nothing, so what debt are you repaying that requires you to halt your life to look after me."

"Answer this for me Edward, this vision Alice had, did it involve mythical creatures or was it merely human factors that were endangering me this time?" My voice didn't rise, but my outburst came out in spits and starts. I could feel my face burning with the anger.

"It doesn't matter what the danger was Bella, the important point is we needed to protect you. The most critical issue was to ensure no harm could come to you, mythical or human."

He couldn't be this dense; studying his face I tried to understand how he didn't see my point. Then it hit me, like a ton of bricks…

"How long did you say you were following me?" God help him if what I thought was true.

"A couple of weeks, just before your accident," he actually sounded righteous as he pointed at my cast.

He couldn't be serious, what was he thinking? Outrage threatened to overtake me…breathing steadily I asked "Tell me Edward…were you at the hospital?" I crossed my arms so I didn't slap him, that wouldn't do any good anyway – it would only break my other hand.

His response was a smile, the smile I loved so much…but right now all it did was disappoint me. I couldn't look at him. Turning my back I closed my eyes as the tears threatened to spill. This couldn't be happening, I finally had him back and he had been playing games for weeks. "Is there anything else you should be telling me?" I asked him trying to keep my voice even.

I didn't know he was behind me until his hands were on my shoulders causing me to jump. Tensing as he whispered in my ear, "There are chapters of things I'd like to tell you and I intend to spend your entire life by your side providing as much information about everything you'd like to discuss."

No, he wasn't forgiven this easily. The risks he took protecting me from James, the fact that he left without discussing anything with me, his recent actions of following me to classes and school all came rushing forward in my thoughts. Pulling on his arms to release his hold I said calmly, "Don't." He let me go as if my words burned his skin.

Not wanting him to misinterpret my anger I turned to him, "I've been struggling for weeks trying to understand how it was your scent was in the air…" Wait, this couldn't be…no, no, no! I needed to understand just how far this "following" went. Was Ian's jacket really his, did he actually place something of his in the house to drive me crazy.

I rushed to the entryway ripping coats from the rack searching for the jacket…desperately hoping I wasn't right. He wouldn't do this would he? I found it; fortunately it was still there. Holding it out to him I asked, "Is this yours Edward?"

His answer was evident when he walked back into the common room. My hand began to shake…this wasn't the Edward I knew. Who was this man, what compelled him to play with my mind like this? All under the pretense of protecting me, when all along he was driving me to a nervous breakdown.

After taking a moment to put all the coats back on the rack, I sat on the stairs contemplating how to address this situation. I knew he wouldn't wait long, his anxiety would get the best of him and he would come to me. Sighing I got up and walked into the common room, but instead of sitting next to him I took the chair by the fireplace.

Looking over at him, his face was passive. He was waiting; suddenly I was drained. All the anger dispelled, the only emotion left was disappointment. I couldn't understand how a man his age could be so clueless. Normally he was always clear headed and mature, I was the one who acted irrationally. What happened to him over the past year to cause this change?

Closing my eyes, I sighed again and felt the burn behind my lids. Crying now would be unacceptable it would change the dynamic of our situation. It would only make Edward feel bad, it wouldn't help him understand things had changed. Yes, I am a danger magnet – that will never change but I managed to live at least 18 of my 19 years without any real danger. James and Jasper's threats aside, the non-mythical danger was inconsequential – the only real threat to my life had been Tyler's car. Aside from that I was safe, yet he treated me as if I were a porcelain doll that needed to be kept on a shelf and merely admired.

The one thing our year apart had taught me was he was right; life was something worth living. There are human experiences waiting for me to embrace and some of the joy was the rush of knowing there was a certain element of danger. If he kept me away from everything he viewed as a threat it would contradict his desire for me to experience life.

Hearing him growl caused me to glance in his direction. His face conveying his emotions, it broke my heart to see him in this state. He was in suspense waiting for me to say something.

I was torn, I wanted to rush to his arms and be cradled in the stone embrace but we needed to discuss things first. Nestling in his arms would give him the wrong impression no matter how much I wanted to have that comfort. Gripping the arm of the chair I tried to offer him a little support to ease his mind, "Sorry, I know when I'm lost in thought it drives you crazy. But this is how normal couples resolve conflict Edward." Smiling at him slightly so he understood although I was mad we would work this out. "Once again I'm glad you can't hear my thoughts, it would give you an unfair advantage."

"Bella I have no desire for any inequality to our relationship. Discussing our issues is what I would like to do, if you continue to sit there without saying anything resolutions become more distant." He came to the chair across from me sitting lightly on the edge of it, lacing his long beautiful fingers together between his knees and continued. "I'm prepared to deliberate everything with you – but we need to voice our concerns. I've been waiting patiently for you to address your anger, perhaps I should start."

The tears started welling up again and I couldn't look at him, my eyes remained focused on his hands.

"I'd like to ask for your forgiveness first. Our relationship is so very confusing to me, being over a century old vampire affords me some advantages to roaming the earth, but it never quite prepared me for you. You have the ability to throw me off guard, knocking down all my pretenses and disarming me with a single smile. My actions although founded by a deep love can be somewhat immature at times."

I heard him sigh and glanced up through my lashes to find him staring at the floor. Not knowing if he would continue I waited momentarily. He sat back in the chair casually and closed his eyes. Taking the opportunity I whispered, "I know Edward. Your apology is accepted – the reason this is so difficult on both sides is because we do love one another deeply."

As I spoke I found the courage to voice my concerns without anger and hurt getting in the way. "It's important you understand my perspective on some of your actions. Because of your bull-headed desire to protect me, you reached conclusions without consulting me. This hurts me more than anything – it's just another representation of our differences. It makes me feel like you view me as nothing more than a child. Our age difference has never bothered me, but it becomes abundantly obvious when you take control of things under the premise of protecting me that you feel I'm incapable of protecting myself."

While I was talking I studied his face, his eyes opened while I was talking and the confusion was evident. The internal struggle between his desire to protect me, yet understand what I was trying to convey showed in his eyes. He was accustomed to controlling every detail in his life and that included me. His desire wasn't to control me like some men control their partners; he merely wanted to make my life safe.

In a blinding second he was on his knees in front of me holding my hands, "Bella, please understand I do not view you as a child. My conduct is based solely on preserving your safety. The decisions you say I've made without consulting you were made because of your inability to cherish what I treasure most – you."

Placing my hand on his cheek I smiled. "That's all well and good Edward. But there are two of us in this relationship and dismissing my wishes reduces my role in it."

"Didn't you hear when I told you how miserable I was? The torment was unbearable being away from you, I didn't reach the decision lightly Bella." His eyes were pleading with me to understand; he was determined to continue his obsessive protective behavior.

"I heard every word Edward, but you wouldn't have had to be miserable had we discussed the decision before you made it. We could have worked this out together instead of spending a year apart both brokenhearted. You weren't the only person who was tortured by your decision. Did you honestly believe I would recover and forget about you?" Shaking my head, this thought only made me sad, if he believed I could move on that easily then he didn't understand the depth of my love for him.

Leaning over and placing my fingers on his face I looked deeply into his eyes, "My life is nothing without you, I was a zombie for several months after you left. The only reason I carried on at all was because of my promise to you as well as my love for my parents and friends. Knowing how badly they would be hurt kept me from curling into a ball and never coming out again. Yes, I went through the motions everyday – even to the point of coming here. It didn't matter though, no matter how far away from my past I ran, you always penetrated my every thought. You need to realize Edward, as much as you love me – my love for you is just as powerful and all consuming."

Before I could even take a breath, I was on his lap carefully embraced in his arms and seated on the couch. Giggling lightly I looked into his face, "I guess this means you understand how much I love you?"

Nodding his head he kissed me on the nose. "You may have to convince me further, I just tired of the distance between us." Smiling my favorite smile my heart rate stuttered. It was still amazing how complete I felt in his arms, my heart didn't have a weight around it, I was able to breath -- that is when he wasn't kissing or dazzling me; and the dull ache inside was gone. He pulled me into his chest, tucking my head under his chin, "We are one, incomplete without the other, so our only recourse is to remain together and work through any obstacles thrown in our path."

"My thoughts exactly," I said yawning. All of this evening's discussions were taking their toll on me, my whole body felt drained. I wasn't prepared to sleep yet, but my eyes were burning and heavy – maybe if I just closed them for a moment.