BPOV Fight or Flight

Usual Disclaimer Here!

BPOV

When I woke up I was alone, Edward was gone. Panic struck me like a thunderbolt and I sat up quickly discovering I was in my bed. Looking around hoping perhaps he was sitting at my desk or somewhere in the room, I saw he wasn't. I slumped back on the bed and tried to make sense of everything that had happened last night. Had I dreamt his return? Wondering what time it was, I looked over at the alarm clock on my table and noticed a note propped up blocking the display.

A smile spread across my face when I saw his beautiful handwriting, my hand shook as I grabbed the note. My fingers lightly brushed the paper where he had written my name, I sighed – happier now than I had been in over a year. Flipping open the paper, I read what he wrote,

Love,

Leaving you for even a few hours is agony, unfortunately necessary due to your living arrangements. Call me after reading this; I'll be there within moments.

Yours forever, Edward

My cell phone was sitting on the table beside the clock, I knew it wasn't there last night. Edward must have placed it in a convenient location ensuring it was the first thing I did after reading his note. Opening my cell it dawned on me, I had no idea what his phone number was. Looking at my phone list quickly solved that problem, aside from placing my phone on the nightstand; he also programmed his number into my cell. That was Edward always thinking of everything, he should be a Boy Scout, I thought rolling my eyes.

He answered on the first ring, "Good Morning or should I say Good Afternoon."

A smile spread across my face when I heard his wonderful voice and then after hearing his comment I glanced over at the clock, crap it was 1:00pm. My class started in one hour I had to get ready quickly. "Edward, I have class today at two, I'm sorry but our separation needs to be a bit longer."

"I know. If you hadn't called within 5 minutes I was prepared to call you." Once again he knew just what to say – no wonder I loved this man.

"Where are you?" I asked quietly and then bit on my lower lip. Just hearing his voice on the phone made me tingle with joy. The thought of heading to class without seeing him again left me feeling disappointed.

Chuckling lightly he replied, "Bella, I'm just as pitiable as you. I'm outside your house waiting in my car. Get ready…I'll be here, we'll get you to class with time to spare, that is if you hurry."

Jumping up I smiled as I ran to the bedroom door, "Well, why don't you come to the door, you could at least come inside and wait." My goal was obvious, to see him as quickly as possible. I'd spent too long opening my eyes and not seeing his glorious face as the first vision of the day. If my new living arrangements prevented this, then I'd have to find a way to somehow address that. Right now, my only thought was to get to the front door and wrap myself in his arms.

Just as I reached the front entry way I heard a light knock. My heart did its own little knock in return as I yanked the door open. There he was in all his glory, I felt instead of heard my own breath escape. His hair was tousled in the casual style that framed his face perfectly and the smile on his face was turned up in the crooked manner that always made my knees weak. I was so busy staring into his face, I hadn't said a word – I stood there with my hand on the door gaping like a fool.

"Are you going to let him in, or have you decided the outdoors could use a little more heat – like the heat we pay for?" Roxanne called out sarcastically. She managed to break the spell that bound me.

Turning to her and grinning broadly, "Do you mind, I was admiring the scene." Stepping aside to allow him entry I looked up into his eyes and managed to say breathily, "Hi." He lightly touched my cheek as his eyes roamed my face quickly. "Beautiful" was his only response, I wasn't sure if he was stating it as a greeting or remarking on whatever he saw when he looked at me. Either way…it excited me. The feel of his fingers touching my cheek as he said the word sent tingles throughout my body. It was fortunate I was holding onto the door, otherwise my knees would have given way.

"Roxanne, would you do me a favor and entertain Edward while I get ready for class?" Even though I was talking to Rox, my eyes never wavered from looking at Edward. My excitement at having him back in my life was overwhelming and I didn't want to stop looking at him for fear he'd vanish like a puff of smoke.

"Sure, but why don't you close the door?" She laughed as she walked over and closed it, pushing it out of my reach. "Jeez Bella, you act like you haven't seen a gorgeous guy before?" She pushed Edward towards the kitchen and said over her shoulder, "Edward and I will just get to know each other over a cup of coffee."

Still smiling, I put one foot on the step and realized Roxanne would probably offer him coffee or something to eat. Quickly making my way into the kitchen, I pushed open the door and nearly fell into the room. They were seated at the table as casual as two people who barely know one another can be…I looked at the two of them and judging by the look on their faces I must have been a sight.

"Is something wrong? You look worried." Roxanne asked concerned.

"Um no, nothing's wrong. I was just wondering what you two were doing that's all." Trying to make my voice sound casual, all while scanning the kitchen table for two cups or any sign of Roxanne being a hostess. She could be so persistent at times and I know she would push until he was forced to accept something, otherwise she would begin wondering why Edward wouldn't want something to eat or drink. It was just her nature.

"Bella, we're fine. Now why don't you get ready for class or you'll be late." Edward said smiling slightly.

"Oh, okay…if you're sure I guess – I'll just go get ready." I turned and started towards the door when I heard Roxanne say, "You need to reassure the girl you aren't going anywhere. She's in a state wondering whether or not you're staying."

Sighing I climbed the stairs and realized my worries were silly. Edward could easily decline a cup of coffee, how many times had he been at Charlie's and never ate or drank. I was going to have to calm down and get used to my new friends becoming acquainted with Edward and most likely Alice as well.

Pulling out some clothes and getting everything ready, I headed into the shower. This was one shower I really needed; perhaps the water would help me relax. As I took off my pajamas I noticed some bruises on my forearm…huh, that was strange I wonder how that happened. Climbing into the shower carefully I let the water flow over my head completely soaking me and thought about everything Edward and I had discussed last night. Our conversation was still not over, there was plenty more I wanted him to understand so that we shared a healthy relationship. Healthy – now that was an unusual choice of words considering…I smiled to myself.

It felt good to be this happy. As I soaped up I noticed there were more bruises on my shoulders…they were pretty prominent and almost looked like hands. Pressing on them lightly they were a bit sore but that wasn't what bothered me…what bothered me was the shape and why I couldn't recall how the bruises got there. As I stood there letting the water run, I thought about it. Where did, oh...

I started trembling as flashes of Derrick's face came to my mind; he was so angry and screaming at me as he held my shoulders to the ground. My mind was racing as the images came to me – they weren't coming in any specific order. We were eating pizza one minute and then I was running for my life, next we were sitting in the common room and then I saw Ian punching him. I closed my eyes as the trembling became violent and reaching out to steady myself grabbed onto the shower curtain. It was painful to breath; it felt like someone was sitting on my chest. As if in slow motion, I felt myself falling and the shower curtain came down on top of me as the water cascaded over me. The trembling was more like shuddering now and I was freezing even though the water was warm, but the images didn't stop.

As if from a distance, I heard a faint knocking and people talking, but couldn't make any sense of it. It was as if the only thing I could see were the silent scenes playing in my head; my hearing was muffled from any sounds by a noise that resembled a rush of wind combined with the roar of an engine. I grasped the shower curtain as if it were a life vest pulling it around me as I quaked from tremors jerking my legs up to my chest. My head was rolling on my shoulders as everything in the room took on a surreal look, my breathing was very labored and it felt like I was falling into a tunnel.

Then I saw Roxanne's face in mine, it looked like she was screaming at me but I couldn't hear a thing. I felt the shower curtain being pulled from me and saw a towel being wrapped around me. Roxanne's mouth was still moving, I closed my eyes to clear the sharpness of the images from my vision. Everything was so crisp and bright it hurt my eyes. The next thing strong arms were wrapping around me and I was lifted from the tub, I knew we were moving, but I squeezed my eyes shut tighter knowing the sudden movement would only make me nauseous. There was no sound now, not even the howling noise from moments ago.

I was placed on my bed and wrapped up in blankets; cold hands on my face brushed back my wet hair. Slowly opening my eyes I saw his face, the emotions were clearly written on his face – his eyes were black with worry and his normally smooth forehead was marred by wrinkles of concern. My love was troubled, I needed to ease his mind…reaching my hand out from under the blankets I touched his face lightly with my fingers. The trembling had subsided to light shaking, his mouth moved but still I couldn't hear. How I wanted to hear his voice, the velvety softness of it, the smoothness could wrap around me and keep me safe…if only I could hear it.

He leaned his face closer to mine so that our foreheads were nearly touching. I watched as his eyes slowly turned from a deep black to a dark rum color, he was relaxing somewhat. Shifting his head slightly he put his cheek against mine gently and began kissing me with feathery lightness. Slowly as if coming out from under water I heard a distance sound, it sounded faintly familiar. Cocking my head slightly to listen more attentively, it started gaining more volume, soon I was able to hear what it was – my lullaby, Edward was humming the lullaby he had written for me.

Opening my mouth to get his attention, nothing came out…clearing my throat slightly the only thing I could manage was a croak, "Edward…" He lifted his head so it was only inches away from mine and stared into my eyes. Knowing he heard even though it was just a whisper, I stared back at him moving my head just a bit and tried again. "I…" my throat was dry and the word came out as a growl. Clutching my throat I swallowed and attempted to clear it, "water" I wheezed.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Roxanne dart away, he remained statue-like still looking deeply into my eyes, searching for something. She was back and handed him the glass, which he took without shifting his gaze from mine. Reaching his hands around and propping me up slightly, he held the glass to my lips. My hand grasped his as I slowly took a sip wetting my lips and feeling the cool water soothe my throat.

Leaning back, I cleared my throat again and felt the invisible blockage shift. Licking my lips, I tried to speak again…"Derrick…" was the only thing I managed to get out. Edward just nodded, his eyes -- a warm butterscotch color now, still showed his anxiety. Gulping back some air and shivering slightly I asked, "Where?"

"You're safe, he's been taken away. He'll never come near you again," he closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. Looking at me again he asked, "What do you remember?"

The shaking started again and I shook my head, "No, I can't…" I said as my breathing started escalating again.

"Shhh, it's fine. You're safe." He murmured pulling me to him, holding tightly. "It's fine, you don't have to tell us anything. Relax, love…I'm here. Nothing's going to hurt you." He said holding me close rocking as I tried to gain control of my breathing and pushed back the tears that threatened to escape.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I kept repeating.

Hearing Roxanne anxiously ask him if she should call Carlisle, I blurted out before he had a chance to answer, "NO, I don't want him here." Edward continued holding me and began singing my lullaby, but I pushed away from him. "Edward, please I don't want Carlisle, I don't want to sleep. What I'd really like right now is a moment to get dressed and then…well…I don't know after that." I looked at him pleadingly hoping that he understood…it was imperative to me that he of all people understood.

He looked at me, his eyes searching mine – most likely wishing once again he could hear my thoughts. Nodding his head in agreement, he kissed me on the forehead and said, "I'll be right downstairs. He hesitated before pulling back and cautioned me, "Don't take too long."

"Thank you, I won't." I whispered in return. My voice still rough like sandpaper had scratched at my throat, my heart was still beating like a jackhammer, but the shaking had subsided.

When he left, Roxanne turned to me and said, "Hey, let's get you dressed. Would you like me to do something with your hair?"

Sitting in the bed with the towel wrapped around me, I shook my head no. Slowly removing the blankets covering my legs, I went to stand and nearly fell. Roxanne reached out helping to keep me upright and when I looked, her expression was troubled. "I'm fine, really. My legs were just a little weak." I told her firmly while abruptly removing her hold on me, I grabbed some clothes and went into the bathroom closing the door behind me.

When I removed the towel, and turned towards the mirror staring at the bruises on my shoulders, I lightly touched them while looking intently at the reflection. Once again the images of the evening before came back but this time I was prepared and quickly gripped the sink. As the images swam through my mind, they were less disconnected and the flow of the evening was in order.

Sitting on the edge of the tub I recalled the conversation with Derrick in the common room and during dinner. It had been easy to be with him, it wasn't until the walk back home that he became agitated. As my mind reached the moments just before his aggressive attack began I shuddered and pushed it back. Edward would come break down the door soon if I didn't get dressed.

With one last look at the bruises I threw on a bell sleeved fleece shirt and a pair of sweats. One last glance in the mirror confirmed why Roxanne and Edward were both concerned; my face gave the appearance of someone who had seen a ghost…blanched. Attempting to pull my hair back in a ponytail, I quickly changed my mind, it only enhanced the hollow glint in my eyes and there were dark circles under them that nearly matched Edwards.

Sighing I opened the door and glanced around the room, apparently Roxanne decided to join Edward downstairs. I hadn't meant to be so harsh with her, but honestly I was getting a bit tired of being a victim. Yes, this recent episode was frightening, but I wasn't frail and helpless. Everything I had been through during the past year had built a tougher shell around me. Edward and everyone else around me needed to understand I wasn't as delicate as they believed.

When I entered the kitchen, Roxanne, Anne, Sam and Edward were sitting around the table. It was odd they were all there, considering three of them had classes – the only one who didn't have any pressing matters as far as I knew was Edward. "Hey." I said sitting directly across from Edward as I joined them at the table. My purpose in keeping my distance from him was two fold, the ability to see his face clearly and to keep all of my thoughts in tact, if I was close to him my thoughts would stray. As I expected, he was a bit surprised by my actions, his facial expression showed hurt only momentarily – not even long enough for anyone else to catch it.

Anne was the first to speak, "Bella, can I get you anything – something to eat or drink?"

"No, not right now. Thanks though." I glanced around at everyone and then put my hands on the table clasping my fingers together. "I'm sorry everyone's lives have been disrupted – so when do the police want to question me?" The question was meant for Edward, but I figured by asking everyone someone would be bound to answer. Edward would most likely brush it off and call Carlisle to get the police to give me more time.

I was slightly shocked when Roxanne answered my question, "Bella, you don't need to talk to them yet. This can wait for you to be ready…he's not going anywhere so don't rush anything."

Looking up quickly my eyes glared at her, "What do you mean this can wait…Derrick is being held in police custody. Waiting until I'm ready to deal with it is not fair to him. How would you like being held in jail, everyone you know turned against you…miles away from home? No Roxanne the last thing to do is to wait. This needs to be addressed and the sooner the better." I didn't know where my anger was coming from I was so angry as my words were coming out the volume of my voice increased exponentially.

Everyone at the table was staring at me, Edward included – I guess I wasn't the only one who didn't understand my anger. Feeling a blush sweep up my face from my toes, I looked back down and apologized.

Reaching over and touching my fingers lightly Edward said, "Bella, you shouldn't worry about Derrick's situation. He caused his own problems, you were an unfortunate victim and if you need time to sort through things – then that's what you should do."

As I glanced up at him I felt embarrassment and anger rushing through me and took a deep breath to control my emotions from escaping. He didn't deserve any poison that may come out of my mouth due to my irrational conduct. Closing my eyes, "Edward, I don't want to be considered a victim, I just want this all to be over so things can go back to normal." I grimaced slightly as the words I just spoke resounded in the air – normal well as normal as having a vampire in your life can be.

As I saw the acknowledgement in his eyes I felt the courage to continue. "Look, I need to do this, both for his sake and my own." Looking around at Rox, Anne and Sam, "And yours, I'm sure you'd rather be at school than sitting here babysitting me."

"Bella, classes are important, but you're more important. Missing a couple of classes because of what happened to you is inconsequential considering…" Sam said looking at me seriously. "We feel responsible, you told us weeks ago what happened and didn't do anything about it. Our responsibility was to report that incident and we didn't…so we have a role in this too. But it's not just that Bella, you are important to us. We love you and making sure you're safe is important to us." As he spoke both Anne and Roxanne were nodding their heads in agreement – Edward was beaming.

Sighing and looking around at them, "Thanks, I love all of you too, but guys…my safety is not your concern." Edward went to say something but stopped when he saw me glare at him. "Please understand, I'm not saying you shouldn't care or help when I ask – but you shouldn't put your lives on hold to make my problems your priority. I'm guessing here but I'd bet all of you probably made statements already." Looking around at all of them questioning them with my expression, they all looked down at their hands. Just as I thought they weren't here because of any police activity they were here for me.

Placing my hands on the table I pushed back the chair and began to stand while saying, "Well, I guess it's time to go the station and give the police my version of the story."

"They have agreed to come here, we just have to call and they'll come to you Bella." Edward said as he stood to follow me.

"That's okay, I want to go to them. I'd like a chance to see Derrick anyway."

"WHAT? NO YOU MOST CERTAINLY ARE NOT GOING TO SEE HIM!" Edward roared. Cringing at first from the sheer volume, I turned to him anger mounting inside me. He was just as outraged, his hands were balled into fists at his side and his eyes were pitch black. My eyes went from him to everyone seated at the table, Roxanne's mouth was open in shock, Anne was staring down at the table in embarrassment and Sam was getting ready to stand. This only fueled my irritation, when I looked back at Edward for a second hoping he had gained some control – but that wasn't to be, his face was a mask of indignation as he stood glaring at me.

Clearing my throat, "If you'll excuse us, Edward and I need to discuss a few things." I walked out of the kitchen and headed for the deck outside. Any place else in the house would allow them to overhear our conversation, I knew they would provide the privacy we needed, but they didn't need to be tempted to listen.

Before I could turn to close the sliding glass door, Edward blew past me and turned to me, "What are you thinking Bella, there's no way I'm allowing this. You cannot go visit that boy, he's sick and almost killed you last night." He was standing over me as he was saying this and perhaps could tell by my face I wasn't swaying in my decision because he turned away and began pacing.

"I'm serious Bella, you have no idea what the boy is capable of, I'm the one who saw what he could have done had Ian not been there. Alice's vision would have come true – he is not sane when it comes to you. What could you possibly have to say to him?" He was still quite angry but his concern now overtook some of the rage. He had stopped pacing momentarily, his body rigid with the effort it took him to remain calm – as calm as he could be considering how incensed he was at the moment.

Waiting momentarily to see if he was finished, trying desperately to keep this from getting out of control, I stated calmly, "Edward, this is exactly what I was talking about last night. I need to be allowed the freedom to make decisions that affect me – I certainly wouldn't tell you what you can and cannot do. If there is something that will impact both our lives then I would include you in the decision making process, but this is something I must do for myself. As my partner you should stand beside me and support me in my decision." I stood my ground waiting calmly for him to respond. He began pacing again glancing at me occasionally with a look of contempt.

He stopped and took a deep breath, "Bella, I agree that sometimes when it comes to you I overreact, but not this time. You have my word we will make decisions together in the future, but only when you act rationally – this decision is not very prudent. You have just experienced a panic attack and are not thinking clearly, give me the courtesy of being able to recognize when you are misjudging people. I do have an inside track on these things." He finished pointing at his temple.

Sighing I sat down on one of the chairs and looked down at my hands, "Okay Edward, you're right – perhaps you have a better idea of what Derrick is thinking, I'll give you that. But you don't have the right to order me around and tell me whom I can and cannot see. You can disagree with me; that's acceptable and we can discuss it and reach a decision together." I looked up at him stubbornness was etched in his facial expression, but I wasn't going to back down.

"I'm upset right now because you aren't treating me like an adult. You're upset because you think I'm making a bad decision. Whose issue do you think is bigger Edward?" I gazed at him questioningly…please let him understand or this was going to be a struggle every time he didn't agree with me.

His stony look caved, he came to me took my hand, "My intentions are meant to keep you out of harms way, that is all. I understand what you are trying to say Bella, but you must see my point of view. I cannot exist without you, the very thought tears me apart. Think about what you are asking of me, please." He implored.

Shaking my head I tried to make him see I wasn't the one who was being irrational. "I am but when it comes to my safety you think everything is going to harm me. I'll be in a police station Edward, what could possibly happen?" I queried daring him to come up with something even remotely possible that could happen.

Putting his forehead on my knees, he growled. I stroked his hair and put my head down to his ear and whispered, "You are coming with me aren't you?" His body relaxed somewhat and I knew I had succeeded. I couldn't help but smile it wasn't often I won my disputes with Edward…with his dazzling as well as his other vampire abilities he always had the upper hand.

"This isn't funny Bella," he said without lifting his head. "I'm not pleased and there will be some restrictions. You will be placed in a room with the door open so there is an easy access should he attempt anything and I will be able to hear all of his thoughts." He watched my face waiting to see if I would disagree, I just nodded my head pleased we could come to an agreement. This was an enormous step towards us working together as a couple. "Now go get ready before I change my mind." He said helping me to my feet.

When I was standing, I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him quickly. He smiled back at me and declared, "You have me wrapped around your little finger, I can't deny you anything – and most likely never will. Now go." He said gently pushing me towards the door.

Running inside I nearly tripped over the door frame but he caught me as usual, giggling I continued running towards the stairs. I was in high spirits when I entered my room; Roxanne was sitting on the bed cross-legged with a book in her lap. She looked at me warily as I crossed the room to grab a pair of jeans, practically skipping. "So I guess you two worked things out?" she asked apprehensively.

"Of course, Edward and I are too important to each other to let anything get in the way" I said with confidence. While slipping my jeans on I smiled at her, but her face stopped me short. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked cautiously.

"It's nothing, I'm just wondering…well he seems a bit predatory." She asked hesitantly. "Sorry Bella but the way he was in the kitchen, it was…"

I cut her off sitting on her bed, "No, wait I know what you think. That's not the side of Edward that you should judge him by, he's still learning how to…" nope not the right choice of words, she didn't notice though she was just staring at me waiting for me to continue. "He's very protective of me, it's because of my klutziness. That's how it began, now every time something even remotely looks like it could cause potential harm he overreacts. Believe me Rox, he's working on it – with my help." I had her hand in mine now; I wanted her to know the Edward I knew. Perhaps if she could spend some time with him, she'd see him the way I did.

She didn't look convinced but she conceded, "Okay, if you say so. But Bella, don't let that attitude of his get out of control. Its kind of...I don't know, antiquated – normal guys don't act like that. Just be careful, there are warning bells going off in my head, I can't help it. But you're a big girl and entitled to make your own decisions no matter what I think." She said raising her eyebrow letting her face convey her underlying message.

"I hear you and I even hear what you aren't saying. We'll be fine." Standing I went to leave but she stopped me by grabbing my hand.

"What are you going to say to him – Derrick, I mean?"

Looking at her I realized, I had no idea what I would say, it just felt right that I make the attempt. Something about the time I spent with him prior to the attack made me want to find out what made him snap. He seemed so normal, something was wrong and I wanted to find out what. Shrugging my shoulders I said, "I guess I'll figure that out when I see him."

"Aren't you nervous, I mean he did attack you?" She asked really concerned but curious all the same.

"He doesn't scare me Rox. I don't know why, he just doesn't." Thinking for a moment maybe it was because vampires had hunted me; I hung out with werewolves and loved a vampire that a human boy didn't hold the same threat it did to others in my situation.

When I came downstairs Edward was waiting in the hallway with my poncho held out for me. He looked pretty confident for someone who had reservations on where we were headed moments ago. As I pulled the poncho over my head, I looked at him curiously – his return smile was halting. At least for me that is. Shaking my head to clear the daze that was settling in, I reached for the door but he already held it open.

Turning before walking down the steps I asked, "So why the change of attitude? I expected you to be a little more uncooperative."

Shrugging he smiled confidently, "I thought this is what you wanted, my acceptance of your decision?"

Watching him warily, I frowned…he was too confident. "Yes, it is." I said cautiously.

He took my hand and said, "Good, then shall we?" he said gesturing towards his car.

His Volvo was right across the street; I smiled as I gazed at it – it held so many good memories. He must have arrived pretty early to get that parking spot on this street. After letting me in the passenger side, he glided into his seat…it still startled me how quick he moved sometimes.

There were so many things I would have to get used to again. It was hard to believe he was back in my life much less that he had only been back less than 24 hours – it seemed so much longer in some ways. He had a way of making time insignificant; the hours we were together flew by. We hadn't even spent one full year together yet I couldn't recall what life was like before him, shuddering slightly I didn't want to think about what my life would have been like had he not returned.

"Penny for your thoughts" he said smiling at me as the buildings flew by as we drove. I was going to have to get used to his driving all over again. He always went too fast and never kept his eyes on the road, but now we were in a city not on the barren streets around Forks.

"Right now I was just thinking I wish you drove a bit more carefully." I said grabbing the edge of the seat with my good hand.

Laughing lightly, "When will you learn Bella…you're safer with me driving than anyone else? I don't take risks when it comes to you." Noticing the emphasis he put on the word I stared out the window pretending he wasn't referring to me…or anyone else in my life for that matter.

He parked the car in the police car lot and walked around at a human pace to my side of the car. When I got out I saw clearly why he intentionally walked slow, there were cameras mounted on the building to monitor the parking lot. All of a sudden the seriousness of the situation hit me, what was I thinking coming here.

All the courage I used in speaking to Roxanne and even Edward drained away seemingly leaving my body from my head and exiting through my toes…slowly. I was frozen standing there in fear. Edward came to my side, held my face in his hands and stared deeply into my eyes. "Do you want to leave?" He must have sensed the fear, his eyes were questioning. I knew at that moment if I said yes, he would have taken me home quietly and never said another word about it. But this needed to be done, if I was ever to heal properly and get past this – never to have it haunt me, I would need to confront this fear.

Jutting my chin out in false bravado I said, "No, let's go. This ends tonight!"