Big Blue Dress
Another explosion tore the ground out from Harry, sending him flying over a nearby boulder. Landing beside his girlfriend, he rolled up and placed his back against the rock.
"All I wanted was one fucking picnic with my girlfriend. You know...some sandwiches, a salad, some pumpkin juice and maybe a little 'pie'. Was that too much to ask for?"
More explosions on the other side of the boulder was his answer. He risked a look over their protection and saw around twenty death eaters steadily approaching. Suddenly, a girlish giggling sounded from his left. He turned to see the love of his life laughing her head off while pointing at him.
"Hermione! What's so fucking funny?!" She just continued to laugh and point, which caused him to look down and gasp. Apparently the explosion that had sent him flying...had also divested him of his robe. All that remained were tatters hanging from the neckline.
"Damn hormones! Figures that today, the day where I didn't wear anything else in anticipation, would be the day my robe was shredded."
Hermione continued to laugh as Harry sent spell after spell over the rock, waiting for her to calm down enough to conjure another robe.
"Wish I was better at that." he mumbled angrily.
Eventually, Hermione was able to concentrate through her laughter and performed the spell, only to fall down in laughter again. Harry looked down and scowled. He was wearing a robe of the brightest robin's-egg blue he'd ever seen. Enraged at his luck, he leaped up, only to find himself thirty feet in the air. Still pissed, he clenched his fists as the horde of death eaters burst out in laughter.
As Harry began to descend, an intense guitar riff sounded from no where and his hands erupted into flames. The laughter turned into screams of pain as a fireball flew from his hand and impacted within the evil wizards' midst.
I've been kickin' ass
since the dawn of time.
I'm just a killing man
who's reached his killing prime.
I burn and I plunder
as it suits my desire.
The weapon of my choice
is great balls of fire.
Another fireball flew into the death eater ranks, instantly ashing everyone it touched. The music flared as he turned to Hermione, who was still hiding behind the boulder.
So 'why' I ask
It doesn't make much sense!
That a man of my stature
should have to wear a dress.
What, may I inquire,
were you thinking on that day,
When you conjured up, for a man like me,
a robe that looks so gaaay!
The screams of agony and fear of the evil horde seem to meld together into a harmonious tune in time with the music. Unknown to everybody, Voldemort himself arrived to see his minions scattering and Potter glowing with an enraged fire. He was shocked still as the boy locked gazes with him.
I was taught my craft
at the dawn of pain.
You may not like my methods,
but you'll surely know my name.
Just think incendiary thoughts
and my hands burst into flames.
A few moments later and you'll never be the same.
So 'Why' I ask
It doesn't make much sense!
That a man of my stature
should have to wear a dress.
What, may I inquire,
were you thinking on that day,
When you conjured up, for a man like me,
a robe that looks so gaaay!
Seeing his army decimated by Potter's flames, Voldemort saw his end. He knew that nothing he could do would ever stand against the boy's unleashed anger. His only conceivable plan was to capture the mudblood, Granger, whom his enemy seemed to be enamored with, if a bit angry, with. However, if the raven-haired youth was pissed enough to destroy an entire army, just because he was forced to wear those robes, what would he do if his love was kidnapped?
Riddle, knowing the truth, dropped his head, only to have a strong hand grip his chin. His head was raised to peer into the mirthful eyes of the chosen one.
So, if you're embarrassed,
and you hang your head in shame.
Like an opportunity to redeem your worthy name?
Just remember this,
when next you look to kill.
That a man who's truly skilled
can look quite good in twill.
Voldemort screamed as his body burst into flame. He writhed in agony as the fire slowly turned him to ash. Harry walked off, leaving the crackling yule log that was Tom Riddle and approached his girlfriend.
'Why' I ask
It doesn't make much sense!
That a man of my stature
should have to wear a dress.
What, may I inquire,
were you thinking on that day,
When you conjured up, for a man like me,
a robe that looks so gaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!
As the music died away and Harry's note ended, he surveyed the damage. Turning his eyes back to Hermione, he smirked.
"Well...that was strange."
"Yes. Now...what exactly were you anticipating that required nothing but robes?" asked Hermione, smiling seductively.
Harry grabbed her and pulled her into a fierce kiss, answering her question.
"Oh..." she said distractedly as they pulled apart. "that."
"Yeah. That." Harry replied as he apparated them away to finally get his 'pie'.