A/N: 'Sup everybody. Here we go...another rant. I've recently discovered a liking of Incarcerated!Harry fics. And while they've all been good...I haven't seen, in the ones I've read that is, one where Harry Gives the 'court' a piece of his mind before he's hauled off. Now, I'm not saying it hasn't been done...I just haven't seen it. So...I thought I'd do one myself.

Harry Potter sat, chained, in his seat before the fully gathered Wizengamot. He just couldn't believe that he was here. Then again, it wasn't the first time that the wizarding world had royally fucked him over. This was definitely a new low for the corrupt little shit-heads.

'I mean, come the fuck on! Prosecuting me for Dumbledore's death? They've really lost the pathetic little lumps they call minds.'

He looked up at the glowering faces of Rufus Scrimgeour, Delores Umbridge, Percy Weasley, and Luscious Malfoy! He still couldn't understand why that convicted death eater was on the wizengamot.

"Harry Potter..." started the minister of magic, a shit-eating grin plastered across his face. "You stand accused of the murder of the previous supreme mugwump of the wizengamot, Albus Dumbledore. How do you plead?"

"Not guilty." came the stoic reply.

Still smiling, Scrimgeour summoned the first witness, who happened to be Draco Malfoy. The fucking ferret proceeded to expertly weave a tapestry of complete and utter bull-shit. He preached of Harry's irritation with the old headmaster by the end of his fifth year. He told of the obvious strain between him and his best friend, Hermione Granger, throughout his sixth year and how he seemed to be constantly angry. Harry sat, seething, as the death munchlet spewed falsities and misconceptions that were happily swallowed up by the corrupt 'court'.

After Draco came Severus fucking Snape. Harry was forced to sit and watch as the true murderer droned on and on about Harry's lack of respect and rule-breaking habit. Crap flowed from his mouth like grease flowed from his hair for the next twenty minutes as he listed every possible misconstrued fact about Harry that could be used against him.

The final witnesses were the ones that hurt the most. Ronald and Ginny Weasley took the stand. Harry felt tears flow from his eyes as his supposed 'best mate' and the girl he thought he loved sold his ass to Azkaban. Everything from his 'glory-seeking' to his 'false nobility' was thrown at him as he got angrier and angrier.

There were no witnesses for his defense. Hermione, Remus Lupin, Nymphadora Tonks, Fred and George Weasley. None of them were allowed into the courtroom on idiotic charges of 'conflicting interests'. The wizarding world was truly on a roll this time as Harry looked on at the ravenous reporters, aching to get the story out first.

"Harry Potter. You have heard the testimonies against you. Would care to offer a defense before this court renders its judgment?"

"None that would really matter." Harry said in a monotone that hardly masked his anger at this farce.

"Very well. In the face of the murder of Albus Dumbledore, this court hereby finds you guilty. You are sentenced to life in Azkaban without parole. Do you have any final words before your sentence is carried out."

"Yeah...I got some words for ya. But, seeing as you have my wand and about twenty others trained on me, why don't you let me up so I can properly see everyone?"

"I don't see why not." Scrimgeour said, still smiling smugly as he gestured to one of the guards to release Harry's shackles.

"Thank you." he mumbled, rubbing his wrists as he stood. "Now...as I was saying. I got some words for ya. How about fuck you?" The crowd gasped in surprise as the boy-who-lived's vile language washed over them. "I can't believe you miserable pieces of shit. For six years...SIX YEARS...I've been privy to the British Wizarding world's 'hospitality'. When I first arrived, I was a hero. 'The savior of the wizarding world'. 'The Boy-who-lived'. 'The chosen one'. I've heard them all. Here I was, a lonely little boy who didn't know a damn thing about this world. A lonely little boy who just wanted some friends to call his own. A lonely little boy who all of you incompetent jackasses felt needed to be put up on this giant pedestal and then claimed as arrogant and egotistical.

I stopped Voldemort's... toughen up you fucking pansies, its just a name...return twice since I've entered the magical world. The first was when I was eleven...ELEVEN! Then again one year later. I've saved countless lives over and over again, never asking more than to be left the fuck alone. I lose one of the only remaining links to my parents, my fucking godfather, last year just to be told that same night that I am the only one that can defeat the snake-faced bastard. Think about that, my last possible chance at a happy home until I'm seventeen and any possible chance of a childhood lost in one night.

I do all of this and what do I get in return. You fuckers frame for the murder of a man I considered a grandfather and lock me away in Hell on Earth. Fine! Whatever! Just know that, when the day comes that you pathetic sheep realize that you need me, you'll get the same two words that I gave you today."

His monologue finished, Harry allowed the aurors to escort him from the courtroom. Passing his only real friends in the hall, a nod was shared between him and Hermione Granger. A multitude of sharp cracks filled the area as a deep, inky darkness flooded the hall. When all was clear, Harry and his friends were nowhere to be seen.

--oo002 years later00oo--

Sighing contentedly, Harry potter stretched out by his wife in a hammock overlooking the pristine Pamlico River. They'd bought this little property a year ago thanks to his wife's foresight to transfer all of their money to the North Carolinian branch of Gringotts. The goblins were monumentally helpful in their escape and transfer to the quiet little island home purchased in Beaufort County. The last they'd heard, their little banker friends had withdrawn from British society as Voldemort gained control and, along with just about every other magical creature in Britain, moved to...more peaceful lands.

The summer breeze, cooled by the beautiful river, gently blew his wife's bushy brunette hair under his nose. He inhaled the scent of chocolate and old parchment and wrapped his hands around her slim waist. He was glad that they'd managed to convince her family to leave the war-torn isles. Now that they were all legal Americans, thanks in no small part to the goblins, there was not many worries. Thanks to Harry's vast holdings in world wide companies and good investments made by Gringotts, they were set for many generations to come.

"Harry?"

"Yeah, luv?"

"Have you read any of the recent news from Britain?"

"Can't say that I have. Why?"

"Well, it seems that Voldemort's forces tried to invade the muggle world the other day."

"Really? What Happened?"

"Every single one of the 'terrorist' party was killed on site."

"That'll show ol' Tommy-boy to keep his sights low. Muggles don't play that shit."

"Hmmm...do you ever regret leaving?"

"Well, I can't say it doesn't cross my mind. I'm pretty sure that mum, dad, and Dumbledore wouldn't be too happy with me. But at the same time, I honestly don't care that much. I mean...I've got you, your family, the rest of the Weasley's, Hedwig, Tonks and Remus, Neville and his grandmum. I'm finally happy."

"What do you think Sirius would say?"

"Heh...he's probably still laughing his arse off. He always told me that I needed to do for me for a change. I know he's proud of you too. I mean...using a horde of house elves and some Peruvian instant-darkness powder to help me escape from the ministry? That's bloody genius."

The resulting laughter was interrupted as Dobby appeared before them.

"Harry Potter, sir, Dobby is coming to tells you that three people are coming up the walk."

"Thanks Dobby. Engage the wards and show 'em back here, please."

Nodding, the house elf disappeared with a sharp crack. Seconds later, they felt the wards flaring up as a group of three robed people, led by Winky, came around the side of the house. Harry couldn't help but chuckle darkly as he saw ex-minister of magic Rufus Scrimgeour, Ronald Weasley, and Ginny Malfoy (nee Weasley).

"Well, well, well. What do we have here?" asked Harry as Ron's jaw dropped and his ears reddened in anger.

"Hermione! Get away from him and come here this instant!"

"And why, Ronald, would I leave my husband's side to stand by yours?" Hermione asked with a quirked eyebrow.

"Husband?!" demanded Ron. "What do you mean husband?!"

"Ahem..." interrupted Scrimgeour before Ron could really get going. "Mr. And Mrs. Potter. We have come here seeking your assistance. The war against you-know-who..."

"Who?" asked Harry.

"You know damn well who, Potter! He-who-must-not-be-named!" yelled Ron.

"Sorry. Haven't the foggiest who your talking about."

"They mean V-v-voldemort, Harry." interjected Ginny quietly.

"Ah! That guy. How's ol' slither-sucker doing in his old age?"

"Well, that is what we are here for. You-know-who has all but conquered the British Wizarding world. We need your help to defeat him."

"You see..." began Harry, casually glancing at Hermione. "I knew that they'd show up one day begging for help. Okay...Lets try this. How about the three of you get on your knees and grovel a bit."

To the Potters' surprise, their three visitors actually dropped to their knees and began to spew apology after compliment after guilt trip for the next two minutes. When they were finally finished, They rose to see Harry wiping an invisible tear from his eye.

"T-that was b-beautiful, man. I'm so touched I can hardly remember what I was going to say to you. What were those words?" he faded away as he tried to 'remember'. The visitors were kept on the edge of their seats until Hermione leaned over and whispered something in his ear.

"Oh yeah! Thanks love. Those words that I said all those years ago...the ones that I told you people that would be your reply the day you came begging for my help. They were...Fuck you."

Rufus, Ron, and Ginny's jaws dropped at the rejection of their savior. They could not believe that the noble Harry Potter would refuse to help those in need.

"How can you do this Harry?" demanded Ginny, tears streaming from her eyes. "How can you abandon all those innocent people? How can you be so cold?"

"You mean the same people that abandoned my ass again and again and again? I believe the proper question would be how stupid would I have to be to return. Return just so I can save them, possibly dieing in the process, only to be shunned as a dark wizard and a murderer afterward. Because all of us know damn well that whatever government body that would be set up would see me as a threat to their power and try to lock my ass away for the third time. No...I got fucked up the ass too many times. You morons are on your own."

"Hermione! How can you let him say all of this? How can you let him sit there while others, possibly your family, are dieing?"

At that exact moment, two older people walked around the edge of the house. It was obvious that these were Hermione's parents. Her face was livid as she looked down on the three intruders.

"That was an incredibly underhanded move, Ronald. However..." she stated, brightening instantly. "as you can see, my family is here with us. Neither of us have any ties left in Britain. Hell, even the rest of your family lives in this country now. You made your own shit-drenched beds, and now you have to lay in them."

Sighing dejectedly, the three pulled their wands and aimed them at the Potters and the Grangers. They were met, however, with four .45 magnums pointed at their noses, each held by one of the quartet.

"Do you really think those muggle toys can beat magic?" asked Ron cockily.

"Yeah, we do." replied Harry, equally as cocky. "Especially since there are wards set up that prevent any hostile action, be they magic or muggle, from being taken against any of our family and friends. Which doesn't..." The hammer was pulled back on his pistol. "include you. Handy thing being married to the smartest witch of her generation and being the surrogate little brother to a Gringott's ward breaker, itn't it?" The trademark drawling accent of the area worked its way into Harry's statement, adding a bit of extra intimidation to the message it sent.

"Now, why don't you three just get on back to your country and stay the fuck away from me and mine?"

The Potters and Grangers watched as their visitors were led back around the house by Winky and Dobby, being chastised for agitating their masters, relieved that none had had to die.

"Well that was fun." drawled Dan Granger, looking to his son-in-law. "do we need to expect any more tense visits?"

"Nah, I'll take care of it tomorrow, Dan."

--oo00The next day00oo--

Hermione Potter was just sitting down to her morning cup of coffee when a brown barn owl swooped into the kitchen. Casually paying the messenger, she removed the attached news paper and unrolled it to see the front page head line.

Boy-who-abandoned?

By Rita Skeeter

Early this morning, this reporter received a letter from Harry Potter . The disturbing message is included below.

Dear British Wizarding world,

Yesterday, I and my wife were visited by three members of your society. They were here to convince me to return and defeat Lord Vodemort. Well, I mentioned my final statement from my 'trial' two years ago. Fuck You. I tried to help you people. I tried to be the hero you so desperately wanted. All I got was repetitively Crucified by the papers and the ministry. In fact, Ex-minister Scrimgeour took the word of two CONVICTED death eaters over mine and tried to send me to Azkaban for killing the closest thing to a grandfather I'd ever had. Well...I'm done with you people. All I could ever want is here with me. I have a beautiful wife, a loving family, and loyal friends. I have no sympathy for you pathetic sheeple. If any of you had half a fucking brain, you would've left the country right after I did. Oh well. As for Voldemort...I know you'll get this message somehow...here's a deal. You stay the fuck away from me and mine, and I'll return the favor. I don't owe these people shit, so have fun. I'm tired of dealing with you. However, I will end whoever you send after me if you decide to. I just want to be left alone.

Sincerely,

The Boy-who-don't-give-a-sugar-frosted-fuck

Hermione smiled as she felt the strong arms of her husband wrap around her shoulders. She turned her head to give him a passionate kiss, which invariably led to abandoning the paper and the kitchen for a more...private venue.

A/N2: And there we go. Now...I really don't want to ge a lot of 'Why didn't he/she do this/that?' or 'this story is OOC!' this was just to get some frustration at the general lack of fortitude that Harry is given in these types of stories. All for fun:)