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A pot of tea or vice versa

Sarutobi sipped his tea in quiet contemplation. 'Naruto truly is an astonishing boy. He managed to put together nearly everything from a string of hurled curses and threats and what he hadn't been able to figure out, he tricked me into revealing.'

The tension eased from his shoulders as he poured himself another cup. 'Something doesn't quite add up. Where did he get the information on his parents and why was he so surprise to find out it was true? The only person who knew all the facts was me and I know I didn't tell him.'

The old man rubbed his temples, feeling every one of his years weighing heavily on him for a moment, before another sip of tea eased his mind. 'A teacher really shouldn't outlive his students,' The Hokage snorted and grinned. 'It makes it impossible to foist all the responsibilities off on them and enjoy your remaining years being a dirty old man.'

Draining half his cup in one swallow he considered his favorite student fondly. 'Arashi was everything I could've hoped for in a student. He learned everything I taught him and figured out all the rest that can not be taught, but must be learned all the same.'

His thoughts drifted to his other students, The Sanin, each of whom held great promise in their day.

The Slug Sanin, Tsunade, who would have been an excellent candidate for hokage. If only events hadn't driven her to drinking and gambling to hide from her pain. 'At the very least she could have taught me that permanent henge she uses, so I could cruise the bars during my off hours.'

The Toad Sanin, Jiraiya, wouldn't have been a bad hokage, if not for the fact that he seemed to have skipped the hokage stage and gone straight to dirty old man while still in his teens.

The hokage chuckled to himself. 'Not that I can blame him.' It was a proven fact that as your chakra reserves grew so did certain other parts of the body. 'With great power, comes great... attributes and following on it's heels was great lust. If the genin realized why we taught them so much about chakra control before we taught them about how to expand their own chakra reserves...'

He shook off thoughts about an epic disaster in the making, only to find himself thinking about an epic disaster of the past. "Orochimaru..."

He'd had the potential to be a good hokage, if you discounted the whole 'meddling in things man was not meant to know' and personally the hokage knew of several kages that had even more twisted hobbies.

"If he'd just asked we could have let him work in Torture & Interrogation."

There were always people who, for one reason or another, needed to be removed from society's protection and Orochimaru could have combined work and play with no moral repercussions whatsoever.

'I wonder if I could trick him into taking the job?'

Naruto awoke with a start, as the feeling of a herd of elephants running over his grave in spiked shoes hit him. "What?"

Sarutobi smiled and pushed a cup of tea into Naruto's hands. "Here, drink this. It'll make you feel better."

The old man listened to Naruto mumble incoherently about snake faced pedophiles and needing to do something nice for Kabuto and wondering if Itachi wiping out the Uchiha clan really was all that bad, since every Sharingan user in existence was completely nuts.

Taking another sip of his tea he considered Naruto's strange behavior and knowledge once more. 'How did he know who his parents were and why was he stunned nearly catatonic to find out it was true? How did he know of Orochimaru's attraction to young boys? Why did he refer to Kabuto as 'that silver haired glasses wearing nin' in the street, but now knows his name and seems to think he owes him a favor? What Uchiha massacre?'

The hokage watched Naruto drain his cup and slowly topple over with a huge grin on his face and glazed eyes. Frowning he leaned over and sniffed the empty cup. 'Great, just great. My new secretary mistook my 'herbs' for herbal tea. No wonder the poor boy passed out. It's got quite a kick. Now, what the hell was I just thinking about?'

The old man just leaned back and sipped his tea, wondering why a faint alarm bell was ringing in the back of his mind. 'Something about the Uchihas. Man are they a big pain in the ass. I really just wish someone would come in and waste the lot of them. Didn't Naruto mention something about Itachi doing that? He's such a great guy. Not only is he highly skilled, but he also anticipates my needs. I wonder if he'd like to be hokage?'

Sarutobi drained his cup and poured another one, already well past stoned and entering the expanded mental state called 'Look at my hand, isn't it weird?'.

However the quiet contemplation of the wonder that was his hand wasn't to be, for just as began to examine it, Kakashi burst in. "Sir, we may have a major problem. Itachi Uchiha's partner was found dead and Itachi is missing. The evidence points to Itachi having some sort of psychotic break and murdering him. If that's true, then we have a rogue Anbu on our hands."

The old man stretched and yawned, before prodding Naruto with is foot. "Come on, Yondaime Jr. It's time to visit the clan of the Emos."

Naruto blinked and stared at the hokage, not nearly as stoned, but still way past the legal limit for a preteen. "The Hyugas?"

"Nah the stick-in-the-ass clan is fine. We're off to see the Uchihas."

Naruto pouted and tears welled up in his eyes. "The entire village hates me and I have a demon locked in my belly button, haven't I suffered enough?"

The old man chuckled. "Relax, most of them should be dead by the time we get there."

Naruto's eyes dried up instantly. "Oh, that's ok then, let's go. Can we stop for some ramen and pick up some Pocky on the way? It's Itachi's birthday and I'm a bit hungry."

"Sure, I could go for a bite myself."

Kakashi stared speechless at the duo's response to the emergency, but before he could say anything they both vanished in a swirl of fragrant green leaves.

"What the hell just happened?"

Itachi grinned crazily at the corpses splayed out around him. 'All the weaklings who dared call themselves ninjas are dead. A quick run through the compound should take care of the rest, leaving me and Sasuke the last two Uchihas. He is a bit of whiner though, but it's not like he'd reject my generosity. I don't know what I'd do if he did that.'