The Mary-Sue-Sharingan Revealed!
The old man watched with amusement as Naruto ate. The speed and volume of food Naruto had managed to put away was impressive.
Saturobi had tried to keep up with him, but was forced to bow out after five bowls, while Naruto had just grinned and kept on eating. Chuckling to himself, the old man packed his pipe and lit up.
He knew he was forgetting something, but a couple of puffs on his pipe solved that problem. It didn't help him remember what he'd forgotten, but it did silence the portion of his brain that cared. 'If it was important they'd send someone to remind me.'
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"What, you dare spurn my generosity? Fine, then witness the death of the Uchiha clan, over and over, for the next seventy two hours!"
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The sixth annual celebration of the defeat of the Kyuubi was in full swing.
Occasionally a drunken idiot stumbled into Ichiraku's Ramen shop, after hearing rumors that the demon was there, but Sarutobi's new hobby of making drunks piss themselves and pass out in terror, by focusing his killing intent on them, kept things quiet.
Naruto had broken all the ramen eating records set by the Akimichi clan and was only one bowl away from achieving one of his life long dreams; consuming his own body weight in ramen in one sitting.
Naruto stared at the bowl that Ichiraku placed in front of him with a flourish. Could he do it? Could he really accomplish one of his life's goals at the age of six?
The diners had watched in awe as the blond haired blur had torn through ramen like a katon jutsu through toilet paper. Normally more then a few of them would have muttered and glared at the boy, rather then cheering him on as they were doing, but a feeling of peace and brotherhood filled the room, as did the smoky haze from the Hokage's pipe.
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"Is that all you've got?" Sasuke snorted derisively. "I won't break that easily!" The dark haired little boy refused to give his murderous older brother the satisfaction of seeing him break.
"Really? Then I guess it's time to stop playing with you. Enjoy seventy two hours of nothing but boy band concerts!" Itachi grinned evilly.
"Nooooooooooooo!!!" The boy's broken wail echoed through the compound, causing the survivors to huddle together in terror.
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"For eating your weight in ramen I award you the golden ticket. From now on all your meals here are free!" Ichiraku presented the golden ticket to Naruto amidst the crowd's cheers.
"Sorry, old man, I can't accept it. I'd eat you out of house and home in a matter of weeks. Instead of giving it to me, how about putting it on the wall and if some young kid comes in one day, hungry but without the money to pay for a bowl, you give him one on me?" Naruto finished with a grin.
The crowd cheered as the chef shared a smile with Naruto, remembering how they'd met the year before and he'd gained his loyalist customer.
The head of the Akimichi clan sniffed and wiped his eyes with a napkin, vowing to write a book about this beautiful scene.
"Excuse me, sir? We're still waiting for your decision on what to do about the Itachi situation." An unnamed ANBU with a crow mask nudged the Hokage, who'd been cheering along with everyone else.
"The old man stretched and stood up. "Naruto, have you got the package?"
Naruto picked up a scroll almost as big as he was. "Got it!"
"Then it's time to take care of the Uchiha situation."
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A line of drool ran down Sasuke's chin and his eyes had a semi-vacant expression, but still he refused to bend. "I wont give up." He said in a hollow voice.
"Then you leave me no choice, seventy two hours of women's programming and talk shows. May god have mercy on your soul!"
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"Where were we going again?" Naruto asked, the smoke from the Hokage's pipe effecting him nearly as much as the tea had. He could swear he heard a very deep voice muttering about wanting kibbles and bits.
"To give, Itachi Uchiha a little surprise." The Hokage grinned evilly, causing the nearby ANBU to shudder.
Naruto hoisted the scroll onto his shoulder and grinned. "Package ready to deliver!"
With a swirl of fragrant green leaves they were gone, leaving a crowd of ramen patrons who suddenly felt hungry and didn't know why.
Itachi poked Sasuke's fallen form with a stick (SOP from the ANBU training guide). 'I may have overdone it with that last bit.'
He whirled around as he heard two figures land behind him. Ignoring the smaller one for the moment he locked eyes with the larger one and called out, "Tsukuyomi!"
Seventy two subjective hours of pain and torture later…
Itachi panted and fell to one knee. The Mangekyo Sharingan was an unbeatable advantage, but it also ate chakra like nothing he'd ever seen before. Still, defeating the Hokage was worth the cost.
Itachi raised his head and blinked at the puff of smoke the Hokage blew into his eyes.
"Don't be such a buzz-kill. Just for that, you don't get to be the next Hokage." Sarutobi announced and took another long drag off his pipe, blowing more smoke in the insane Uchiha's face.
"Sorry," Itachi apologized, bowing his head for a moment after taking a look at the two. 'Their eyes are like pits of darkness lined with blood. It must be a counter for the Mangekyo Sharingan!'
Naruto yawned, revealing his longer then normal, for anyone but a Inuzuka, incisors and smacked the side of his head to try and get rid of the voice singing 'I feel pretty'.
Itachi's gaze was drawn to Naruto's for a moment. 'Of course! The Kyuubi must have given them a counter for it. Shit! There's no way I can defeat the Hokage without the Mangekyo Sharingan.'
The old man chuckled, "Don't sweat it. If I'd just slaughtered a clan of ninja I'd be a bit tense too."
"Umm, thank you?" Itachi ventured, not sure what was going on. 'Shouldn't he be angry?', but beginning to relax a little.
"So, Naruto, what should we do about this?" Sarutobi turned to the diminutive demon container next to him, figuring Naruto knew more about what was going on then he did… somehow.
Naruto smiled and handed the massive scroll to Itachi.
"What is this," Itachi asked. "Is this the scroll of forbidden jutsus?"
"Happy Birthday, Itachi! I know it must suck, having to share your birthday with me and the bastard fox, so I sealed the village's entire pocky supply into one huge scroll!" Naruto's grin took up half his face. He knew Itachi loved pocky the way Naruto loved ramen, so he'd have to love this gift.
Itachi felt his eyes tearing up. No one had ever given him a gift like this before. No matter how hard he'd worked to make his clan proud of him, they'd always pawned off cheap Kyuubi death day gifts on him or forgot altogether.
That was the true reason he'd destroyed his clan. He had given them everything and even his own father had given him nothing but t-shirts that read 'I saw the Kyuubbi's death and all I got was this lousy t-shirt'.
Itachi's best friend had given him a cheap plastic fox mask today and he'd just snapped and killed him. Arriving home with blood still dripping from his hands, everyone had wished him a happy death day and the only one who'd wished him a happy birthday was Sasuke. It was at that point he knew they all had to die, everyone but Sasuke, even if he had spurned Itachi's generosity, he at least had always wished him a happy birthday.
Itachi's eyes changed to a clear blue that mirrored Naruto's own natural eye color. "Thank you, Uzumaki-sama. I have never received a gift like this before, usually I just get death day souvenirs."
"I hear ya, all I ever get is weapons from everyone, but the old man here and Ichiraku." Naruto said with a grin.
"People throwing weapons at you don't really mean them as gifts, but that does explain how you got so talented at catching them." The Hokage nodded to himself, he'd overlooked Naruto's skill at catching things thrown at him earlier, this was a village of ninja after all, but he was sure it would have bugged him later when he'd thought of it, Naruto was just a child, but this explained things nicely.
Itachi winced. 'He's had it worse then I have, but what can I give him that could compare to this… greatest of all gifts?'
His eyes darted around the complex, taking in the numerous dead ninja and huddled and frightened women. 'Of course! I was planning on killing them, it's not like Sasuke would ever have a use for them…' He was pretty sure he'd turned his little brother gay with what he'd done to him.
"I can't thank you enough, but let me give you something in return. I know it's not nearly as grand as what you've given me, but I give to you all the Uchiha women."
Itachi smiled at Naruto's look of utter shock. 'I thought he'd be too young to enjoy them yet, but maybe the fox has kicked off his hormones early.'
"You can do that?" Naruto was blown away. He was being given the entire female population of the Uchiha clan!
The Hokage nodded solemnly and blew a couple of smoke rings, adding to the blue haze that filled the courtyard. "Indeed he can. As the oldest living Uchiha, he is clan head and due to the laws written up by the founder of the bloodline, they are property. In one fell swoop he has given you everything you need to rebuild the Kazama clan."
Naruto wasn't quite sure how to feel about this. It was something out of one of the Pervy Sage's novels. Deciding it was a good thing for the moment he gave Itachi a big smile. 'Guess any plans on not changing things is out.'
A.N. No Beta!