Victor-Victoria Sasuke-Sakura?

Naruto was shaking as the... really, really feminine Sasuke clung to him, thanking him profusely, as he climbed to his feet. Not even all the THC in his system was enough to blunt the weirdness of this situation; he could already feel the soft dreamy feeling wearing off.

"Um... T-the Uzamaki f-family doesn't k-keep slaves. S-so you're all f-free now, just in a d-different clan." Naruto stuttered out, trying hard to repress the urge to fling the severely disturbed boy, who was clinging to him, across the room, but the way he kept murmuring about loving Naruto forever was really testing him.

Naruto was unused to physical affection for most of his life and his younger self seemed to crave physical contact even more then he did when he was older, so the warm feelings he was getting from being hugged and told someone cared about him were conflicting with the thoughts of 'how damn gay' this whole situation was, it was only the fact that they were both way too young for there to be even a slight hint of sexual anything that kept him from panicking and questioning his own sexuality.

He was completely unprepared for the group's response and quickly found himself being hugged by all the women there. Of course he was rather short at this time in his life, so the end effect was that Naruto had his face buried in the cleavage of everyone there at least once and possibly twice, as some jumped back in line to thank him again and the Uchiha women were renown for their curves.

"Heh, Heh. Boobies!" Naruto said dreamily, the soft blurring of reality was back with a vengeance.

"Ohhh, aren't you a lucky one, Sakura-chan, this one seems to be an early bloomer." Sasuke's mother said with a grin.

"This means I don't have to marry Sasuke, right mama?" Sakura asked hopefully.

"Yes, dear, as Uzamaki women, we are free of the rules we had to obey as Uchiha's and we don't even have to change the monograms on the towels." She giggled and waved the pipe smoke of the Hokage, who was currently licking his hand, out of her face.

Naruto was feeling mellow enough at this point that the voice singing 'I'm my own grandpa' in his head didn't bother him a bit.

"Yay! I'm going to marry Naruto!"

And yet again the softness vanished and Naruto was yet again restraining his urge to fling an Uchiha into orbit and run for the border. 'Do missing nin need a hokage?'

"Yes, dear, and unlike your brothers, this one appears to be sane, not that Sasuke-kun didn't appear to be sane either, but looking at how his older brother turned out and seeing how he is now... It'd be a long shot at best."

Naruto's attention was drawn to the small boy curled up in a fetal position in the corner, drooling on himself and muttering 'You go, girl' repeatedly. It was slowly beginning to dawn on him that Sasuke wasn't clinging to him and saying he would love him forever, it was his slightly older sister. 'Those features look a hell of a lot better on a girl then they do a guy.'

Naruto joyously returned her hug, glad that there apparently wasn't any 'Yaoi no Jutsu' going on, although in the back of his mind a small section was noting that Sasuke might have been attracted to his pink haired teammate because she shared the name of his dead sister, who he was to marry. That tiny section of grey matter couldn't decide whether that was more creepy or sad.

"He likes me and he saved us, I'm keeping him!" Sakura-chan announced to the room at large to much giggling.

A swirl of leaves heralded the arrival of Kakashi with sharingan blazing. Taking in the situation at a glance, literally, he relaxed and spoke into his headset, "Situation seems to have been resolved. I need a team of medic-nin and the investigations and interrogation unit. Hold off on the rest until we get all the details."

One of the young women spoke up, "Naruto and the Hokage saved us all, that's what happened. Itachi lost what little sanity he had and was killing everyone. He offered to let Sasuke join him, but Sasuke refused, so he used some kind of genjutsu on him. I didn't hear the name of it, just something about it lasting seventy-two hours, but in ended seconds later and he did it several times to poor little Sasuke-kun." She gestured to the drooling boy.

The rest of the women nodded and one of the older women spoke up, "The Hokage exhausted himself fighting off the jutsu and tricking him into thinking it wasn't working and then Naruto convinced him to leave peacefully and not to kill the rest of us."

Kakashi looked over at the Hokage, now asleep and snoring and then over at Naruto, smiling and hugging a girl a little older then he was, who was looking like he was going to pass out at any moment. "Hey, Uzamaki. Was that what happened?"

Naruto nodded, not really paying attention and then let the built up stress and drugs in his system carry him away, as Kakashi was there and his sensei could take care of things.

It was a shame really, because if Naruto had been awake he could have cleared up a lot of confusion, but considering how things turned out... that might just have been for the best.

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Rumors spread through the village council even faster than through the village.

Some were true, at least in part.

"The Uzamaki brat is the Yondaime's son!"

"He's opened up the old Namikaze clan house and placed the remaining Uchiha women there for their own protection, changing their clan to keep Itachi from targeting them."

"The Uchiha heir has been severely traumatized. It'll take years for him to regain his sanity."

Some... somewhat less so.

"The Hokage has been training the Yondaime's heir in secret, that's why he brought him along as backup!"

"The Uchiha were getting a bit too power hungry and Sarutobi decided they were a threat, so he had them eliminated. He's consolidated power by placing their bloodline under control of the Yondaime's heir so it won't happen again."

"He's arranged a marriage between the Uchiha's clan's head's daughter and the Yondaime's heir to make it official."

"Everyone on the council better watch their step, he's got Itachi listed as an S-Class missing nin, when he's really under direct command of the Hokage, so he can make a lot of problems... disappear and no one can prove a thing."

And some were right out!

"Mr.Black is coming and his enemies shall fall dead at his passing!" (Not a MAW crossover)

"Diet sodas taste just the same as regular ones." (They don't)

"Anko has a secret fetish for snakes." (It wasn't a secret)

"These pills I bought will increase the size of my flesh kunai." (There are no pills that will increase the size of any part of the body)

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Naruto was going to wake to a world with enough changes to give Sailor Pluto brain cancer. (Not a SM crossover either)

AN: Sorry, but I think having Sasuke's older sister stalk Naruto will be a lot more fun than having Sasuke do it. I want to have Sasuke try and hold on to his canon Avenger personality with his mom and sister still around to poke holes in it.