Lea wondered around the house she shared with Dean. They were deciding on whether they wanted to buy a new place or not. She was uncharacteristically hesitant. Something kept holding her back.

A voice telling her that this was the point of no return. After they signed bank papers for a loan, everything was real and permenant.

Lea felt everything closing in on her. She was six months pregnant, living with her boyfriend, and now they were considering buying a house together.

Suddenly it became hard to breathe. The room felt smaller. Every single noise felt amplified. She could hear her blood rushing through her veins. Sweat began to pour down her face. She couldn't think clearly.

Bursting into tears, she ran out into the back yard. Her lungs felt like they were closing. She began to take huge breaths. She cradled her stomach and cried. Standing right in the center of the yard.

She was having panic attacks more and more lately. At first it was when Dean was gone on the weekends. She had just brushed them off like they were nothing.

Yet they were increasing. Becoming more frequent and more intense. Something was wrong and she only knew one thing for sure. She couldn't stay here another moment.

Grabbing her purse and keys, she got in her car and drove to the beach. She walked down the pier. Watching the sea gulls swoop down for fish. Listening to the sound of the waves crashing against the posts.

The slight mist of the water spraying up. It was soothing to her frayed nerves.

She walked to the ends of the pier, sat down on a bench, and completely cleared her head. She used the meditation techniques that Trish Stratus had once shown her.

She began to visualize her happy place. A log cabin surrounded by trees and a creek. The sunlight gently streaming through the tall pines. The smell of honeysuckle and roses tickled her nose.

She saw a little girl in a summer dress running around. A puppy chasing after her. Barking with excitement.

Even as she smiled from the beautiful scene her mind created, she felt the tears pour down her face. She knew exactly what she needed to do. Yet, in order to do so, she had to break his heart and hers.

She needed to take a break from Dean. Step back from the crazy world she had been living in for almost ten years and reevaluate her life.

As she reached her decision, Lea felt this weight lift off her shoulders. The world seemed brighter and she could breathe again.

She drove home and began to pack. She was thankful she had a SUV. As she stuffed the car full of her clothes and personal belongings, she realized she would need another vehicle for the baby's things.

She called the local UHAUL and scheduled the delivery of a trailer. Since she was pregnant, they even offered to load the furniture and boxes for her. If everything went according to plan, she would be in the road by tomorrow afternoon.

She began to search for secluded cabins in the Great Smokey Mountains. Territory she was very familiar with. She would be within a few hours of her family, yet far enough away to insure her privacy.

Lea's breath caught in her throat as she looked at the picture of one of the cabins available. It was the exact same cabin she had envisioned. The yard looked the same, the creek was in the sane location, even the beams of sunlight were identical.

She wasn't one to believe in destiny or fate. But she felt goosebumps trail up her arms. She quickly pushed the reserve button and prayed fervently that it was available.

Once she had it reserved, she had booked the cabin for six months, she called to make sure all the utilities would be turned on before she arrived. She paid extra to have it stocked with groceries. Last thing she wanted to do after traveling two days was go grocery shopping.

She would leave Dean a note. If she called him, he would either talk her out of leaving or find out where she was going.

Pulling out her journal, she began to write out her goodbye.

My Darling Dean,

By now you've realized something is wrong. I know you are hurt, angry, scared, and even worried. I'm fine. In fact, I'll call you soon to let you know I'm okay.

I don't know where to start. Everything has being going so fast. Almost seven months ago, the only serious relationship I had ever been in in my life abruptly ended. Then before I know it. We're dating. Then I find out I'm pregnant.

In the midst of all this chaos, I lost something important. Me. I'm not sure when it happened. All I know is that I have to find our who the real Lea Scott is. More importantly, I have to do this before I become a mother to our daughter.

I don't know when I'll be back or even if I'll be back. I do know that I won't be returning to the ring. I had ten wonderful years of living my dreams. Now I need to focus on raising our child.

I understand if you never forgive me but I hope you know that I have to do this. I need this time to find myself and become happy. I can't rely on others for my happiness.

I love you so very much. More than you can imagine. Knowing that I am going to cause you pain is killing me.

I'll call you soon. I'm sending an email to Stephanie Monday explaining why I'm not at the arena. Please take care of yourself until I come home.

Always yours,

Lea