CSI: Braden Sanders-Stokes: First Time Letting Go

Summary: Will Nick be able to let Braden go, or will his emotional side get in the way? Braden is four years old, in this, the sixth chapter.

This had to be the worst day of Nick's life. Lying in bed that morning after only two hours of sleep he begged the world not to make him get up. He begged the powers that be to turn the clocks back. But no one was listening. And Greg wasn't there to get him through it. It was at this waking moment that he cursed the lab for keeping his husband longer than it had kept him.

"I don't want to go. I'm scared," Braden said, climbing up into bed with him. "Do I have to?"

"Yeah, you have to. But everything's gonna be ok. You'll see. And hey, we can make your favorite breakfast before you go," Nick tried to sound optimistic.

"But I have that everyday!"

"You do?" he feigned surprise.

"I have Life!"

"Well, I didn't know that was your favorite."

"Yes you did!"

"Aww, I guess you're right."

Nick got up and pulled Braden to the edge of the bed before picking him up and carrying the giggling boy upside down to the bathroom to brush his teeth. This was still the worst day of his life, but at least he could have some fun before the pain set in. If only he could stay in bed, wrapped up in Greg's arms with Braden between them forever... Growing up sucked. Big time.

Downstairs, in the kitchen, Comet was pacing for her breakfast. Nick put down her kibble and a bowl of fresh water before pouring Braden's cereal. The phone rang and he jumped a mile out of his skin. Braden giggled from the table, around a mouthful of Life.

"Sanders-Stokes residence."

"So, today's the big day, huh?"

"Mom! You scared me half to death just now!"

"You've got the jitters just as I knew you would."

"Mom, please, not now."

"Where's that husband of yours? He can calm you down like nothing else. And you're not calm, which tells me he's not there."

"He's at work."

"They're making him work? On such an important day? Oh, that's just cruel."

"Mom. It's the job. It can't be helped."

"Yeah, well..."

"I have to go. I still have to get Braid dressed and ready."

"Oh alright. But let me know how it goes later. Ok? Cause if you don't, you know what your father will do to me? To both of us?"

"I know, and yes, I will call you later."

Once Braden was dressed in khaki pants and a white button down shirt, to which he'd complained loudly, Nick sat him down on the livingroom couch, getting on his knees to be eye level with him.

"This is a big day for you," he began, struggling to hold back his tears. After only a little more than a year parenting he couldn't imagine his life as anything but Braden's father.

But why, oh why, couldn't Greg be there for this? He would know exactly what to say.

The boy blinked at him.

"You have to look good at least for today. Tomorrow you can wear your Ninja Turtle shirt and jeans. Now, you remember what we talked about the other day?"

Braden shook his head.

"About making friends, being nice to everyone, doing everything your teacher tells you?"

He nodded. "I remember."

"Good. Now, your bus is going to be here soon so we should get you outside. Where's your backpack?"

"In the kitchen."

Nick got up. "Go give Comet a goodbye hug."

Braden hopped off the couch, pulling on Nick's pant leg.

"I'm coming back, right?"

When he looked down he saw a hint of fear in the face looking up at him.

"Of course you are. Remember, this is your forever home."

"Ok," Braden said, his voice quiet.

"Don't worry," Nick mussed up the boy's hair. "You're going to have fun and then you're coming right back here. I promise. It's just like when we go to work every night. We come back to you every morning. Right?"

"Right."

Realizing Braden's hair was now a big mess, he carefully fixed it, brushing it out of his eyes with his fingers. "Greg and I both love you very much, and we wouldn't give you away for anything."

He carried the boy into the kitchen and set him down by his bag. Comet nosed his chin and he gave the large dog a tight hug as Nick clipped the lead to her collar. Looking out the window he saw a long yellow school bus pull up out front.

He helped Braden get his backpack on and together they went out onto the front porch. Nick stopped, letting the little boy continue on his own. When he was halfway down the front walk to the street he turned and ran back towards Nick, grasping his leg.

"Braid, you have to go to school. You can't stay here."

"I love you, Daddy. I just wanted to say that."

Time stood still and Nick, once again, felt tears prick at his eyes, only this time they stung so hard he could barely see to put his arms around his son. "I love you too, Braid..."

And then the boy was running back down the front walk and getting on the bus. Nick collapsed on the top step of the porch beside Comet and wrapped his arms around her.

"Oh Comet, I don't think I can do this."

He was still trying valiantly to hold his tears back in case a neighbor saw him when the dog let out a small whine. Nick looked up just in time to see a county vehicle speeding down the street in the same direction the school bus had been going. It was a county vehicle Nick knew well, one he had driven himself many times. Though he recognized the SUV, it had been going too fast, and he'd looked up too late to recognize the driver. Panic shook him. There couldn't possibly be a crime scene in their neighborhood, could there? But of course there could. He was a criminalist, he knew crimes could happen anywhere, to anyone. Fear for Braden climbed into his heart.

Thankful he had his cell phone clipped to his belt, he dialed a familiar number and tightened his hold on Comet's leash.

"Brass," the detective answered.

"Why's there a CSI car on Magnolia Drive?"

"Well, hello to you too, Nick. I don't know. As far as I know there's no crime scenes out that way..." A silence on the other end lead Nick to believe Brass was thinking it over for a moment. "Greg's still at work, isn't he?"

"Yeah, so?"

"And it's Braden's first day at school, right?"

Nick put the pieces together.

"At this hour..."

"It's probably Greg," Nick sighed.

"Let me tell you one thing, Nick. The first time you have to send them away and say goodbye is always the hardest. But it never gets any easier."

"Thanks. I really needed that warning right now."

"Well, at least you've got the dog to keep you company. I didn't even have that."

Nick thanked Jim again, this time more sincerely, and hung up, still holding onto the dog.

He didn't know how much time had passed before the sound of a loud engine and squealing breaks caught his attention. He looked up to see the same county vehicle swerve into their driveway and come to a halt. Seconds later Greg was getting out and hurrying in his direction.

"What... what are you doing here?"

"Brass called, said you needed me." Greg sat down beside him, wrapping an arm around him. "And I kinda lied and told Catherine I needed to go back to the crime scene."

Within Greg's embrace his emotions finally overtook him, and the tears he'd tried so hard to hold back, fell from his eyes. "I can't do this, G."

"You always were the more emotional between the two of us," Greg said with a warm smile.

"You don't understand. He got half way to the bus before he ran back to me."

"He's just nervous and a little scared. You know how hard this is going to be for him."

Nick's mouth wouldn't form the words he needed to tell Greg. He had to try several times before he could speak clear enough for his husband to understand him. "No... he... Greg... he called me 'Daddy'... and he said... he said he loved me!"

Greg looked at him with surprise written on his face.

"I just don't want to loose that. Not after it took so long to get here."

Sitting down to dinner with their son, Nick was glad his mother hadn't called back yet before he'd had a chance to find out about Braden's first day at school. Bouncing in his seat at the kitchen table, the boy was excited about his day, but even more so about being home again.

Nick was sure he would have been exhausted after his long day, but he'd been jumping around since he'd gotten home when he'd ambushed Greg at the front door with a hug and a quiet 'love you, Daddy', once he was ensconced in Greg's arms. In his three words to Greg, Nick had caught the fear he'd been wrestling with all day even though he'd assured him earlier that he would return home to his fathers.

"So, what happened today?" Greg asked. "Are you ever gonna tell us? You know your grandparents want to know. But it's written down as law that your parents get to hear about it first."

Nick smiled, realizing Greg had read his mind.

"I drew you a picture!" Braden jumped down from his chair and ran across the room to his back pack, which sat on the floor.

"Honey, you can show us later. Right now you need to eat your dinner."

"No! I have to show you now! It's important! I waited too long already!"

Greg shared a look with Nick. Braden taking control of things was not a good idea. They both knew it, and they were both shocked that he'd been so bold, when he never had been before.

But then Braden was back, and shoving a piece of paper into Greg's hands. Nick watched his husband stare down at it and saw his eyes beginning to shimmer with tears.

"I think we can make an exception this once," Greg said, his voice low and emotional.

Braden now sat gazing into his lap, his cheeks flushed.

Nick was confused.

"Where did you get 'Da' from?" Greg looked up at Braden, the picture still in his hands.

"Jimmy said I should use something different. And he said that word. I like it."

"Who's Jimmy?"

"Friend. He's nice. One Da. No Mommy."

Greg looked over at Nick, his mouth turning into a deep smile. "This is not going on the refrigerator, Nicky. We need to frame this."

He handed the picture to Nick who took in the stick figures with one quick sweep of his eyes. One, low to the ground, four paws and a tail. Underneath was the name 'Comet'. Next, a tall figure with short brown hair with the name 'Da'. Third, a small figure with longish brown locks, was labeled as 'Braden'. He was holding onto Da's hand and the hand of the fourth figure, another tall man with half spiked brown hair. Underneath the fourth it read 'Daddy'. Above the family it said 'I luv u from Braden.' There were puffy white clouds in the sky, a bright, beautiful sun, and a bird flying high on a breeze, but Nick only had eyes for the family on the grass and the words above them.

"I've got time off this weekend. We can get a frame then. But... can we put this on the fridge until then? Please?"

Greg relented. "Only if you're very careful not to ruin it."

Nick smiled and got up to get a magnet. Once the picture was up where he had a good view of it throughout dinner he stopped by Braden's chair and gave the boy a hug.

"I'm sorry, I called you by wrong name before. Then I changed it. Didn't mean to."

"I love you so much kiddo. And I love 'Da' too. As long as you like it, it works for me."

"So... you happy?"

Nick gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Of course. You always make me happy."