The inhabitants of 4, Privet Drive were proud to call themselves perfectly normal.

"UP! Get up! NOW!"

Yep. Perfectly normal.

The speaker, or more correctly the shouter, was my aunt Petunia. She was incredibly nosy, and talked a lot about the problems of others.

"Boy, get down here and make my bacon!"

And this man would be Petunia's husband, Vernon. He was at an incredible girth.

"Harry, it's my birthday! Don't make me wait for you!"

Dudley. My cousin. Vernon's weight and Petunia's… well, simply put, the three Dursleys were out to make my life a living hell.

And today was Dudley's birthday, too. Joy.

We headed to the zoo for this year. Dudley and his friend Piers Polkiss were perfectly content to observe the animals for now, but I was waiting for them to turn around and use me as a punching bag.

Afternoon came, and we had reached the Reptile House. Dudley wanted to see the biggest snake in the place… and was immensely disappointed it wouldn't move. He moved away, leaving me and two nearby girl scouts to observe it.

"Sorry about him. He doesn't understand what it's like, lying there, day after day, watching people press their ugly faces at you…" I rambled to the snake. The two girls looked at me. One was worried for my sanity, the other… seemed concerned.

"And you do?" I barely heard, but my attention was focused on the snake. It had risen its head. And winked. The first girl was fully ready to leave.

"Come on, sis. It's not that bad," the other told her. So they were sisters. Half of me was dying for their affection, the other half wanted to be fully left alone.

"Can you hear me?" I asked. Though it seemed to be directed at the snake, the smaller girl edged closer to me. Her hand fell on mine.

Harry, calm down. It's just a girl. Keep talking to the snake and she'll go away.

But what if I want her to stay around?

Harry, listen to yourself. You're nuts. You want a strange girl you've only just met to stick around?

Anything would be better than them. Wonder if the snake remembers better times.

"Do you remember your family?" The snake jabbed its tail at the sign, which happened to be on the girl's side.

"Boa Constrictor, Brazil. This specimen was bred in the zoo," the taller sister read out. I looked at the snake pityingly. But…

"MOM! DAD! COME HERE! YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT THIS SNAKE IS DOING!" Dudley had knocked me to one side, sending me and the girls into a pile. The smaller one was the first to get up.

"Amber…" the older one panicked slightly. Amber (or at least, I think that's her name) looked at the glass separating us from the snake. I could faintly see her eyes closing, and then reopening.

The glass had vanished.

The snake slowly slivered over the guard railing, before landing on the floor with a solid thud. Everyone took a step back as the snake slowly headed towards freedom.

"Be nice to the people in your surroundings. Didn't your mother ever tell you that, you rude boy?" Amber asked, glaring at Dudley. In the spur of the moment, despite the sheer oddness of the situation, I couldn't help but notice Amber's voice clearly. Very clear and innocent, but with a very hardened core. Or maybe that hardened part was just her being angry. Dudley took a step back.

"You do not scold my son, you useless girl!" Petunia had appeared by Dudley's shoulder.

"But he knocked that girl over! Plus that boy and that other girl!"

"Yeah, what he said!"

"I saw it with my own two eyes!"

"You truly do not see this, woman?"

"Your child is a monster!"

"A danger!"

"He hit me in school once!"

Nice of the citizens to cheer for us.

"Now, now, none of that! Dudley is a boisterous little boy, but he'd never hurt a fly! Come now, Dudley. And you, boy." Vernon had come to take us out.

After the punishment, I took a wrong turn on my way to the kitchen. I noticed I was at the front door, and began to turn. Before I did, I noticed four letters on the doormat. I picked them up, and sifted through them on a whim. A postcard from Marge, something that looked vaguely like a bill, and two letters for me.

I didn't get letters. Why, now, do I have two? One was a very official looking note, and the other very informal. I put the informal note in my cupboard as I passed, deciding to read the official one first.

This is a huge kettle of fish. I have decided to change my updating schedule. I am only updating key events, so I'm lugging around my copy of Philosopher's Stone. Or whatever I'm up to.

But yes, the opening is my spectacular opening of indecision that delayed this story by about a month. Kept in for history.

This chapter in particular introduces Harry to Amber. And sets up a joke that's a long time coming.

Neither can live while the other survives.