Chapter 18 – Flowers

Around her, it was completely silent. The birds were not singing. The sky was grey and cloudy. There was barely a breeze whispering in the trees. The ground was wet, a reminder of the morning dew.

It was cold.

Kagome shivered as she pulled her jacket closer around her slender body, careful not to crush the flower she cradled in her left hand.

Tea rose. I'll never forget.

White hyacinth. I'll pray for you.

Marigold. Sorrow.

Snowball. Thoughts of heaven.

Crimson rose. I mourn you.

Sweet pea. Tender memories.

White clover. Think of me.

Purple hyacinth. I'm sorry. Please forgive me.

When she was thirteen, after her father had died, she had wanted to do something special for him. Eight flowers. He had been OCD; he always told her that eight was his lucky number. When she was younger, she thought it made him happy. As she got older, she stopped believing that he was waiting for her. She began to believe in his death more than his life.

Now…

Now she wasn't sure.

She seated herself, cross-legged, facing him. Carefully, she lay the small bundle of flowers above where he rested. On his chest, she liked to think. Where he could hold them, and look down on them, and smile.

How long had it been since she had visited him last?

"Hey daddy," she said to him.

There was no response.

When she was younger, and still new to the loss, the pain, she had always hoped for an answer. A part of her had never believed this was true, that he never could really leave her. Her logical side had grown, fed on suspicion and broken dreams, and she had stopped believing in this. Childish fairytales.

"How are you?" she asked him. "I'm good. At the moment at least. I'm always going to have scars. The cut on my face will just be a white line on my temple. But the one on my chest should match the one on my back. An even pair.

"Souta's doing well," she told him. "He's made a lot of friends at his new school. I think he may have a girlfriend too; but obviously he won't tell me anything. We're not as close as we used to be. Back then, I was cool big sis Kagome. Now I'm the grumpy teenager." She chuckled. "He's doing really well in his exams. You would be so proud. It looks like he inherited your brains. And he's getting good looking, too. I know I'm biased, because I'm his sister, but he's gonna be a lady killer." She grinned. "He looks so much like you, it's untrue!

"Mum's holding up alright. She misses you a lot. Her new job isn't too demanding; she's a teaching assistant for disabled kids, which suits her right down to the ground. I think she really finds a lease for life in her job. Helping people is what she was made to do. Do you remember, when we lived at the Shrine, and she used to watch the news, and cry? You used to tell her she couldn't save the world. It always hit her so hard, the way mankind was. But I think she's finally getting happier. She misses you so much dad, I wonder how it didn't kill her. She still cries at night for you. But mama never knows that I can hear her.

"Jii-chan is very much the same. He's gotten older and crabbier the past few years; he spends a lot of time in his scrolls, in his books. They appointed him as a guest speaker for the local university, for history, but I think that they re-thought that idea after he tried to purify some of his demon students. Apparently all that happened was a cat demon choked on her gum after he surprised her by slapping a piece of damp paper to her forehead. He was ecstatic, though. Thought his charm had actually worked! We decided it would be best not to tell him the truth, though. He's getting older now, dad. He doesn't show it, but I think he feels his age. He'll be alright, though. Unless I kill him for trying to banish my boyfriend.

"Oh! I forgot to mention that! I have a boyfriend now. His name is Inuyasha, and he's a half dog demon. A hanyou. Some people hate him for what he is, but the truth is, he's stronger than all the full youkai anyway. Just don't tell Koga I told you that.

"Koga's doing good, also. He told me to say hi. Ayame and him are making it official in the summer. I'm really happy for them. I know it was originally just an arrangement between clans, but I really think they'll be good together. Koga is so wild and vibrant, and Ayame is so fiery! It'll be the most wonderful clash of wills, but I think they'll be happy. That's all they really want, isn't it? To be happy with the person you love."

Kagome sighed, and stretched her arms behind her, the heels of her hands impacting with the damp soil. Her fingers clenched against the soft ground, shoving the dirt under her fingernails. Not that she cared, anyway. She would just clean it out later that night. Kagome squinted at the sky, the harsh grey making her eyes hurt. She couldn't see the sun anywhere. Figures.

"I'm happy here, dad," she told him quietly. "I have friends. Sango and Miroku. I'm comfortable in school, and they're even teaching me how to manage my curse. The house is nice too; nothing like what it would be with you around, but it's sweet, and homey. The town is quaint, the people are friendly. I don't want to have to leave this place. Not like the others."

She brought her arms up, and crossed them across her body, cursing the frigid weather. Rubbing her arms to gain friction, a thought flashed across her mind. The reason she had come. A memory.

"You know," she said quietly to her father, "I sometimes think about that event. It was about three months ago now, I think? I'm sorry I didn't come to see you sooner. I didn't really think about it.

"I was so scared daddy," she told him, sounding like the thirteen year old girl again. "I didn't know what he would do to me. I was alone and terrified. He didn't just kill me and get it over with. He wanted to make it last. He wanted me to suffer.

"Is that how it felt? When they were… with you? Was that what you felt? I still haven't told mama the truth about what happened in Goshinboku park. Thank God Sango is a good liar." Her father sat immobile, seeming to fix Kagome with an accusatory glare. "Yeah, yeah, I know that she should know, but… I don't want everyone to have to move again. Not because of me. They're so happy here. I don't want them to have to give that up. Not again. Mum's finally found a job that she is satisfied with, and that makes her happy. Souta is happily outshining my every achievement. Jii-chan has room for all his stuff here, and he's in love with the local library. He even found an old man's club on Wednesday nights!

"But… God, dad, I'm scared. I have nightmares. About them. Coming after me again. I have to take things to help me sleep, or I blow things up in the night. I mean, the alarm clock had it coming, but the hairdryer was innocent! And…" she hesitated. "I hurt people, dad. The people I care about. I could have broken their necks, snapped their spines, all because they came too close to me. What is it about my curse that makes me do that? Do they have answers up there?"
Her dad lay still, still staring up at her. Only now it seemed he was waiting. Expectant.

Kagome took a deep breath.

"You want me to talk about it. I know you do. But… I still… I can't quite come to terms with it. With what happened. Part of me is saying that it was some freakish coincidence, CPR or something, that brought me back. But the other part… I died dad."

She closed her eyes, so the tears wouldn't flow. "It felt so real. I wasn't even scared. I didn't even know who I was! I was just a… a thing, floating. I dom't know why I came back. Is that what it was like when you…? Did you forget who you were? Did you ever remember?"

He seemed almost exasperated by this. She looked down to avoid his gaze.

"I… I know I think I saw you, dad. But you need to let me… I still can't quite… I mean, you're dead! I'm talking to you know, but I don't think you can hear me! Although you said you could, but how do I know that wasn't just a figment of my imagination? Something my brain came up with to entertain me? Or even something that… that witch stuck in my head! Just like the dreams. It's her, I know it's her."

Kagome stopped as she felt warmth slide down her cheek. She was crying. She hadn't even realised.

"Was it you, dad?" she asked, her voice quiet, subdued. "Was it really you I saw? Were you really there? Did you really send me back? Please, tell me," she said, as the tears flowed freely down her face. "I don't know what to believe! Just, just give me a sign, or something!" she said desperately.

Nothing. Her father remained silent.

Kagome sighed. She had never really expected an answer. The thirteen year old within her had hoped. But childish dreams don't get you anywhere in this world.

She stood, and brushed the dampness off her behind, feeling the soil crumble under her fingers. How long had she been sitting here?

"Thanks for listening dad," she told him quietly. Kissing two fingers, she gently caressed the name on the cold stone. "Love you."

She turned to leave, rummaging in her pocket for the bus timetable.

Kyo Higurashi

1968-2005

Beloved husband, father, son and friend to many.

All those left behind wait to see him again.

…

She was all cried out, and now all she wanted to do was curl up in a ball and sleep.

Walking into her room, she flicked on the light switch and threw he jacket down on the chair. Kicking off her shoes, she turned to the bad.

Her heart stopped.

There was a flower on her pillow.

Had they…?

No. No way was it them. A note, yes. A knife, maybe. Hell, a noose!

Never a flower.

She walked slowly forward and gingerly picked it off her pillow, fingering the long stem in her fingers.

An oleander. What did that mean?

She slipped out a book, the paper cover somewhat worn and torn. Inside where the most beautiful illustrations of flowers, under each a meaning. Her father had brought this for her, for her thirteenth birthday, during her garden stage.

Skimming through the 'O's, she smiled in triumph as she found the object of her quest.

Her smile quickly went out, a candle in a breeze.

The blood trickled from her face.

Oleander – Beware.

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Again, I'm sorry if this brings up any memories. I really am.

I tried to make this a really intense, emotional chapter, but I'm not sure how well it came off. Let me know please?

Sassybratt - Thanks! I was really worried about the way that would come off, but I'm so glad it worked!
King Stephen IV - The nightmares of school bus rides *shudder*. I hope you enjoy - not as humurous, but (i hope) a bit of a soppy scene!
BlackMagicWhiteMagic - You gotta love Miroku!
myInuYasha15 - Yay! That gives me a warm fuzzy feeling :D. Please enjoy!
leshamarieinuyasha - Thanks! Glad it made you chuckle! Though poor Miroku, lol!
kouga's older woman - Yep, that's exactly it! Lol!
brinaalee - Thanks! Enjoy!
Namike - Yep... I had a similar experience... until someone took the map away from me, then we did great... Thanks, although this chapter isn't so funny! ^.^
Black-Death-646 - Thank you, and same to you! Good luck!
Xalainu - Thanks, I hope you continue to enjoy! Good luck with your xover!
cherrichan13 - I'm taking that as an amazing compliment! Thanks!! I hope you enjoy!

Libra Sorceress xx