Disclaimer: Someday, I'll write to Fujimaki-sensei and ask him to let me have the ownership of Kuroko no Basket.

Characters: Team Rakuzan, and Fem!Mibuchi.

Summary: We're going to die, sooner or later.

Note: English isn't my born language, and it's Kotarou's POV. Crackish.

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We're going to die, sooner or later. For the first time in my entire life, I'd rather die of Akashi's hellish training, at least it's heroic.

I mean….. look, look at that thing! Don't let that innocent look fool you, do you what Rei-nee (don't tell her that I call her that.) added what to that soup? I warn you, she has no sense of normalcy, so don't expect it to be onions.

It's ice cream. Got it? I-c-e-c-r-e-a-m. I know, there's that kind of soup, it's delicious and all, but…

Rei-nee is the cook, and it's the most important thing. She only knows how to make tofu soup, and is clueless to others. (Why the heck didn't she make tofu soup? At least it's eatable – I know that it's not a word, Akashi.)

"I want to try something new." Rei-nee huffs, and Nebuya-san just gives in. "I'm sure it's not that bad. Come on, I want to celebrate our victory in Winter Cup."

I know she has charmed Akashi into that. She must have promised to make him tofu soup everyday.

Still, it's hard to resist Rei-nee's brightly smiling face.

I turns to Mayuzumi-senpai, whose face as blank as ever. It doesn't help at all. I see Nebuya-san's face turn green.

Hopelessly, I intend to tell Akashi to stop her, only to hear him say:

"Kotarou, you go first."

WHAT THE HELL?

If I try, I'll die.

If I don't go, I'll face her disappointed expression and Akashi's bad mood, which will cause my death more painfully.

They must have planned this. They always bully me!

"Kotarou, you're really my precious little brother." If you consider me as your brother, you will not do it, Rei-nee. And you're threating me! She adds who-knows-what-kinds-of-ingredient to that soup, and gives it to me with her bright smile.

Someone, please save me. I'm too young to die, and I haven't gotten a girlfriend yet!

"Rei-nee..." The fact that she doesn't twitch at the name really scares me. (Normally, it'd be: 'Don't call me that! It makes me old!'). "Why don't you add oranges? It'd be delicious! Coach likes Oranges, doesn't he?"

If Coach survives, he will definitely hunt me down. But I need to live. Somehow, coach isn't as scary as Rei-nee.

For an intelligent girl, she will be pretty dense, sometimes.

"Thank you, Kotarou."

I can sense Nebuya-san's glare burning my back.

As predicted, Rei-nee turns to Nebuya-san, calling him in her ever sweet voice:

"Ei-ki-chi…"

"I like gyudon, so can you add gyudon?"

Oh, the death bell is ringing even louder. I don't even want to know what Akashi and Mayuzumi-senpai tell her to add.

We're going to die.

XXXX

Few hours later.

"Have you lots done yet?" Coach asks strictly, not pleased at all at the current situation when he observes the place-that-used-to-be-a-kitchen.

"Ah, Shirogane-sensei!" Rei-nee greets him. "Please try it!" Oh, no… she's serious! Can it be still called soup? "I've put a lot of effort into it."

Coach does try.

Oh.

1 second….

2 seconds….

3 seconds…

Nothing happens.

"It's good."

Have him gone mad?

I must be dreaming, wake up, Kotarou. That isn't Rakuzan team.

I turn to Akashi, ask:

"What did you put in that soup?"

"Ah… apples. Reina likes apples, doesn't she?"

Akashi, you're really scary.

Well, at least we're still alive.

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A/n: It's a crackfic, so you can't be expected much.