Hiee! I'm back! but just a warning, I've got a bit of plans coming up so there will be a few days without updates for you guys. Come on! I had to get a life at some point! actually, that's not what it is at all, and I'll be back in full swing next week. So here is chapter 7 for you, I hope it tides you over! And a special shout out to StarlaMay and MissMaraBored in the story, can you spot them?
Chapter 7 guys!
Leave it to me to pick the one day on earth where Katie Fitch and I would be in the same coffee shop, at the same bloody time.
After getting an earful from Effy on her lunchbreak about how I need to get a life, I had decided to ween my way back into the world.
'
'
"Naomi Campbell, you ARE going out with me tonight. I'm not asking you, I'm bloody well TELLING you"
"Eff, just leave it okay? I'm fine"
"No you're not and I'm sick of it. You aren't happy and I'm done being your scapegoat, You can't hide behind 'taking care of me' anymore. So go get a coffee, talk to someone on the bus. Go shag a random for all I care but do what you've got to do because we are going out tonight"
And with that, she was gone. She didn't wait for me to reply, she just hung up. Effy may be more talkative, but she hasn't really pushed me to do anything before. So I decided that I would do what she told me and go out, get myself used to the idea of socialization. Dip a toe in before I jump I guess. Little did I know, that I just jumped head first into a pool full of sharks with an open, bleeding wound.
"Naomi Campbell? Order up!"
Ugh. I forgot how disheartening it was when people yelled out my name in a shop full of strangers.
"Well well well. If it isn't I-love-buffing-muff Campbell. Long time no see then"
I turned around with so much force that I nearly snapped my neck off.
"K..Ka.. Katie, hi"
"Studdering? That's not like you Campbell. Suprised to see me?"
You have no idea.
"Uhm, well yes... Yeah. Hi Katie, how have you been?"
"Just fine" She says before eying me up and down. "You look like shit"
Pot calling the kettle... Oh fuck it. I even feel like shit.
"Yeah... yeah I guess"
The look on Katie's face was one I've never seen before. It was a mix of both smugness and confusion, like she wanted to continue to insult me but she wasn't sure I wouldn't retaliate by slitting my wrists.
"What the fuck is wrong with you these days? Can't even speak, can you?"
I decided to just bite the bullet and be honest. So I was as honest with her as I could be, while keeping my words at a minimum.
"Look Katie, I know why you hate me. But believe me when I say that there is nothing you can say or do to me that could possibly make me hate myself more than I already do. So please, save your breath for something more important"
I thought that was a good speech, I surprised myself with my honesty. But maybe Katie really has seen it all, because she actually has a response to my confession.
"You know what Naomi? If it wasn't for the fact that you brought all this on yourself, I might actually feel sorry for you. But you've never been about others, have you? It's always been about YOU, and what YOU feel"
She's starting to get red faced now.
"But what about everyone else? What about the people who actually cared? Even I started to care about you but that never mattered. Emily aside, I don't think you DESERVE to have love of any form in your life. Because you just can't deal with the fact that you CAN'T control everything"
I open my mouth to say something, but am quickly interrupted.
"Don't even try it. You know it's true. You're inability to control everything leads you to destroy everything you CAN control. You could control Emily and surprise surprise, look what you did with that."
I'm speechless. She's right. There's no disputing her, there's nothing I can do or say that would make any sort of dent in her arguement. I can swear she sees my thoughts, sprawled about the air in handwritten letters for her to read clearly, because she just sighs and shakes her head.
"Get your shit together Campbell. I would say that you deserve to be punished, but your life is punishment enough"
Truthfully said.
So she takes one last look at me, nods to herself, and leaves. Just like Emily did. And it's in that moment, that my brain clicks in gear and I start to see and think clearly. Katie was right. I needed to stop wallowing in self pity and fix this mess I call a life. I must have been standing in the same spot for a while because a middle aged man comes up to me, puts his hand on my shoulder and says softly:
"Are you alright love? Do you need me to call someone for ye?"
Sounds Irish. Keith's Pub... Cook... Shit I wonder what he's doing now...
"Lass? Can you hear me darlin'?"
I snap out of my thoughts, turn to him, and give him a small smile and nod before he takes his hand off my shoulder and says gently
"You'll be alright love. When you're my age and look'n back at your life, you realize that youth is just another word for misery. Trust me, you tighten them loose screws sooner or later"
He then turns around and sits back at the table with what looks to be his wife, and when I make eye contact with her she just smiles and turns back to him sipping her cup of tea. So I make a decision, pick up my cellphone and make a call.
"Hel... Kieran, stop it! I'm on the pho- Well of course I haven't said hello yet you wanker! ... thump... bump... *inhale* Hello?"
"Wow... uhm nevermind, I can call ba-"
"Nonsense my darling! I'm just making a cup of tea. How are you sweetheart?"
"I'm okay mum. Actually, I need your help. I want to go now"
"d'you mean?"
"Yeah. I want to see that therapist what's-her-face. Do you still have her number?"
"Of course dear, I'll text her number to you pho-"
"Actually mum, can you call her now and set me up an appointment for tonight? I know it's short notice but I have to get back to class..."
"Okay dear. I'll call as soon as we hang up. Is everything alright?"
"For once, I think everything's going to get better"
I hang up after thanking my mum and go to call Effy, when I realize that her lunch break is over now. So I just text her instead.
Hey Eff. I'm sorry, I have to cancel tonight. I've got to get my shit together, and getting knackered isn't going to do it. I got my mom to book me an appointment with that therapist. Do you think you could come with me? Before you go out? - N
I didn't have to wait long for a reply, and it made me smile.
Nonsense. I don't need to hang out with slags and corporate fuck ups tonight. I'll drive you - Ef
Effy is a good fucking friend.
;
;
So Effy kept her promise, and drive me to my appointment. We didn't say much to eachother in the car ride here. We really didn't have to. I think we were both excited I actually decided to do something constructive with my time. So we shared a fag during the drive, taking turns blowing smoke out of our lungs like rockstars while listening to some new EP Effy bought at the store for a band called Chvrches. They were actually pretty brilliant.
"Well, here we are"
"Yup."
"You still want to do this"
"Yup."
"Well? Get the fuck out then"
"Love you too Eff."
"Actually talk to her, okay? The sooner I reprise my roll as the head basket-case, the better. Now off you go"
I had to chuckle at her statement. She always did know how to make me smile even in the worst of times.
"I'll call you when I'm done"
"Don't bother. I've still got 3 more songs to listen to on this CD, and I've got a mix with some Yeah Yeah Yeahs and Safetysuit on it to listen to. I'll be here when you get out"
"Thanks Eff"
"Mhmm. Now go fix your broken brain humpty dumpty"
Alright! What do you think? Cool right? Naomi is going to fix her humpty dumpty head! And the crowd goes wiiiild Woop Woop! lol I hope my buddies spotted their shout outs, btw I listened to the songs you guys suggested, amazing! It's pretty cool to feel the story from others' perspectives, and the songs you guys picked were awesome. Good choices, good bands! Oh, and before I forget. While I was writing this chapter, I still had my TV on a random channel when that Chvrches band came on and did a live set of songs from their EP. It went awesome with what I was writing! Crazy right! Check 'em out if you haven't heard of them, they rock :) This chapter was written while listening to Mother We Share and Recover.
TTFN!
Violet