Hello... Is it me you're looking for?
It was five a.m., Los Angeles local time. Having busted his ass non-stop for several weeks, Tom had asked for and received a couple of days off. Evan had likewise gotten a 48-hour pass, so the plans were for the two of them to spend the time together. A Missouri boy at heart, Evan had not spent a lot of time in L.A., outside of work, so Tom also wanted to show him "The City of Angels". What neither of them had counted on was a wake-up call from Mr. McMahon's office.
Evan reached for the phone. Obviously, he was not sleeping in the guest bedroom.
"Hello?"
"No, this is Matt... Matt Korklan... Evan Bourne, sir? Tom... just a second."
Evan tapped Tom on the forearm, waking him slightly.
"Hmmmm." He groaned
"Jim Ross for you." Evan held the phone to him.
"At this hour?" Tom mouthed, sitting up. "Morning."
"I hate to have to get you up this early, and on your day off as well, but we have a bit of a problem."
"What did I do?" Tom groaned
"It's not you." Jim responded "It's your brother."
"Which one?" Tom asked
"Guess." Jim drawled
"Jesus H Bald Headed Christ on a Tap Dancing Pony!" Tom covered his eyes with his arm. "Let me rephrase the question... what did Jeff do this time?"
"Where would you like me to start..."
"The least embarrassing?" Tom asked hopefully.
"I don't know if there is one... let me summarize what Jeff has been doing for the last month. For one thing, his work ethic is non-existent. He comes up with these far-reaching excuses for missing shows, and when he does show up, he phones it in. Secondly, he's gotten a rep around the locker room..."
"Oh....?" Tom stated "What kind of a rep?"
"I believe Jeff is now referred to as 'the company slut'. He has been seen servicing not only his fellow wrestlers, but referees, agents, and hell, I caught him giving a hand job to the guy who ran the popcorn concession at our last television taping."
"I hope he's charging enough." Tom mumbled
"Tom, this is serious. Vince and I are in agreement... we've given him breaks time and time again, but this is it... we let him go and there is no coming back under any circumstances." Jim answered
"Where is he now?" Tom asked
"In jail." J.R. stated
"Ask a silly question." Tom mumbled
"I'm not kidding. From what I was told, he started a fight outside a bar in Burbank."
"Oh, fuck... there goes my vacation." Tom moaned "Have you talked to Matt?"
"Vince is doing that right now."
"So, am I supposed to be bailing him out?" Tom queried
"It's up to you and Matt. Jeff's stopped listening to us, that's for sure. Maybe..."
"...he'll listen to me and Matt? Okay, could you ask Mr. McMahon to have Matt call me as soon as they're finished?"
"Sure."
"And just for my own gratification, what is the WWE's official position on this? Is the company saying anything?"
"Not yet. Our public relations department hasn't been contacted yet. We're gonna reassess when and if that happens."
"Okay... I'll take care of it." Tom said
"Sorry again for waking you so early, but we felt it was necessary."
"That's okay." Tom yawned noisily, his jaw cracking. "Sleep is highly overrated anyway."
"Then we can count on you?"
"Leave it up to Matt 'n me." Tom handed the phone back to Evan and threw back the blankets.
"Where are you going?" Evan asked
"Into the kitchen. Matt's gonna be calling me soon and I'd rather you not get involved in this bullshit any more than you already are." Tom quickly dressed and staggered out into the kitchen in search of a pick me up. No sooner had he put the coffee maker to work, than the phone rang again.
"I got it." Tom yelled "Matt?"
"Yeah, bro... I assume you've heard."
"Just finished talking to J.R. What the hell are we gonna do about Jeff?"
"I'm asking myself the same question Tom." Matt answered "He's hurting, you know that?"
"Matt, I'm not stupid. But at the same time, it was Jeff who broke up with me, not the other way around." Tom watched the coffee machine perk, finding it a lot more interesting that the conversation he was currently having. "But that still doesn't explain why he's fucking anything with a pulse right now."
"Jeff won't tell me much either, but apparently he and Jack had a huge fight." Matt answered "Maybe he's lonely."
"I'm sure he is, but this isn't the way to find someone... I mean, fucking the entire locker room until someone sticks around for longer than it takes to pull his pants up is not the way to start a relationship." Tom answered
"You explain it to him... I've tried and I'm sick of having to deal with this crap all by myself." Tom could hear the anguish in Matt's voice. "You're his fuckin' brother too."
"Matt, calm down... I never said I wasn't going to help. You gotta understand what my position is."
"I know what your position is, but you can't abandon him." Matt was yelling now.
"Who says I'm abandoning him?" This sudden turn in the conversation confused Tom.
"Jeff. He told me you won't even return his calls anymore."
"Did he also tell you that these calls that I won't return are made from a pay phone at two o'clock in the morning!" Tom shouted right back "And that the little fucker doesn't even leave a message... how the hell am I supposed to know who it is?"
"Oh." From Matt's tone change, it was obvious that this was news to him. "Bro, I'm sorry."
"Forget it, Matt." Tom also lowered his own volume. "Why don't we start this over again... so Matty how was your day?"
This time, Tom's feeble attempt at humor got a result and Matt laughed a little.
"Terrible, Tommy... what are we gonna do?"
"Do you want me to go bail Jeff out or should we let him stew for a few more hours?" Tom asked
"What do you think?" Matt asked
"Burbank isn't far from here." Tom answered "Maybe fifteen minutes. I can bail him out on my way back from picking up my dry cleaning. But what makes you think that anything's gonna change?"
"I don't know and I don't think Jeff knows either. But we gotta do something." Matt stated, his voice showing signs of the strain.
"I'll go get him." Tom stated "But I'll tell you now it's not gonna be pretty."
"Do you need me there? 'Coz I can be right over."
"You mean like an intervention?"
"Somethin' like that." Tom responded
"I'm hoping it doesn't come to that, but I would appreciate your presence."
"You got it... I'll bring Bunny."
"Bunny... where are you Matt?"
"Standing outside your door." Matt chuckled, pulling the same stunt on Tom that Jeff had pulled on him some time ago.
"Why didn't you just knock on the door instead of wasting my air time?" Tom hung up.
On his way to open the front door, he yelled for Evan to wake up.
Evan mumbled something that sounded like "Give it to me, baby!"
Tom raised an eyebrow and shrugged.
"You staying?" Tom asked, seeing Matt on his doorstep with two bags.
"This is all Jeff's crap." Matt dropped them in the foyer. "He's probably gonna need some of this."
"Is he staying? Better question is: Is that a good idea?" Tom looked thoughtfully at Matt, who shrugged indifferently.
"I don't know and right now Tommy, I don't give a shit." He answered
"You're not gonna take another swing at me, are ya?" Tom had seen that look before.
"Tommy, I don't know what to do about Jeff any more." Matt's shoulders started to shake. "I've tried to be there for him through all this, but he's starting to push me away."
"If he does that, he'll soon realize that he's got no one left." Tom said "Because I am not going put up with this crap."
"Me neither." Matt replied
"Yeah, right." Tom's mind answered. Thankfully his mouth remained closed. "All he has to do is call you and say 'Matty...' in that whiny voice of his and you drop everything."
"We gonna go right now?" Matt asked
"Might as well." Tom responded "Let me go tell Evan so he doesn't worry."
Matt paced the hallway while Tom and Evan conversed.
"Let's go." Tom grabbed his keys from the hall table.
"We bringing his stuff?" Matt asked
"We are coming back here." Tom replied "At least I am... if Jeff decides to pull his baby act again, I'll mail it back to Cameron, because I am serious. There is only so much I am willing to do right now."
"Jeff wants you back... you know that, right?"
"Who doesn't? You're lucky that you don't appear on Superstars very often. Me, on the other hand, I get to hear graphic details every other day. And I thought the ECW brand was going to make my life easier. You wanna know something? I know more about Jeff's sex life now that I'm not with him than I did when we were together! Let's see... after Zack Ryder, Ziggler, and Jericho, there was Hawkins, Edge (twice), Punk, Mike Knox, Funaki, Cryme Time several times, back to Edge again, R-Truth, Ricky Ortiz, Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas at the same time and those are just the guys I've heard about. Hell, I heard he even made the moves on Khali."
Tom sighed, looking over at Matt, who's jaw was on the floor.
"And pick your jaw up, bro. People will think I just told you your rabbit died or something.": Tom pulled out of the driveway.
The trip took less time than expected, traffic being slow at that hour. They pulled up to the county jail less than ten minutes later.
"Y'know, I've spent too much time around jails lately." Tom stared at the building.
"Me too, bro." Matt agreed
"Let's get this over with." Tom got out and looked angrily upward.
Matt and Tom strolled into the reception area.
"May I help you?" the sergeant asked
"We're here to pick up our brother... Jeff Hardy." Matt announced
"If you wouldn't mind waiting over there for a moment."
They sat down on what had to be the most uncomfortable chairs in the history of furniture building and waited.
"Do you really think Jeff will listen to us?" Matt asked
"It doesn't matter." Tom stretched his legs as far as he could without falling off the chair, even though the floor might've been more comfortable. "We're taking him home and we're gonna deal with him there."
"Hardy?"
"Here." Matt and Tom said in unison..
"Hm. Your brother will be right out." The uniformed officer stared at both of them as if wondering how either of them could possibly be related.
"You wanna be the good cop or the bad cop?" Matt whispered
"Take a guess." Tom answered "Jeff is gonna come out here and he'll be in your arms in seconds."
The Jeff Hardy who was brought out looked like a drunk go-go dancer.
"Matty?" Jeff staggered, or was it danced?, into Matt's arms just like Tom had said.
"Get him into the car. I'll take care of things here."
Matt carried Jeff out to the car and dropped him in the back. He was still a little tipsy.
"Matty, where am I?" Jeff asked, through half-closed eyes.
"Don't worry. We're taking you home." Matt set his brother firmly into his seat and buckled him in.
"Home? I don't wanna go home!" Jeff complained "It's party time."
"Jeff, it's almost six o'clock in the morning. Neither Tom nor I got much sleep last night because of you."
"So?"Jeff pouted
"Jeffrey Nero Hardy... let me explain something to you..." Tom slid behind the wheel. "Matt and I have just about had as much as were gonna take from you. We are going back to my house. Evan has been nice enough to cook breakfast for the four of us and then the four of us are gonna have a nice long talk."
"I don't wanna talk." Jeff retorted
"Fine, then you'll just listen." Matt added "You don't realize how close you are to losing what little you have left, namely the two of us."
"We're not gonna stand by while you commit career suicide but if you keep treating Matt and me like we're the enemy, then you're gonna be on your own from now on."
Tom drove back to his L.A. pad in complete silence. Neither Matt nor Jeff said anything during the car ride either. Evan greeted them at the door.
"Food's on the table. I'm goin' out." He announced
"Oh." Tom answered
"I'm not getting involved in Hardy family business." Evan responded
"Okay." Tom was disappointed, but he couldn't blame Evan for not wanting to be around.
"You can call me when you're finished." He answered "Can I have the car keys?"
"Sure... it needs a fill up soon." Tom slapped the keys into Evan's palm, causing a small wince.
"I'll take care of that problem... you take care of yours." It sounded to Tom like Evan was angry at him, but for what reason? It's not like he had any control over Jeff's recent actions.
Tom put his middle finger and thumb against his temples and started massaging them in circles. He felt the start of a really good headache coming on.
"Talk to you later." Tom watched Evan drive away, realizing that his relationship was starting to fall apart. There had been no goodbye hug, kiss, or even a simple term of endearment during their conversation.
"Get inside Jeff. I don't want the neighbors to get an earful." Tom pushed Jeff ahead of him into the house.
Jeff clomped down to the breakfast table and sat sulking like a five year old.
Tom served up the eggs, back bacon, home fries, and toast that Evan had so thoughtfully prepared for them.
Tom and Matt dug into their food, while Jeff just played with his.
"Since you're not going to eat, why don't you tell us just what is wrong?" Matt looked over crossly.
"Nothing is wrong... how could anything possibly be wrong, man?" Jeff responded "My life sucks, and nobody seems to care!"
"Jeff, if this is about me and you..."
"Of course it's about me and you!" Jeff screamed "I made the biggest fuckin' mistake of my life when we split and there's not a Goddamn thing I can do to fix it!"
The tears started flowing.
"I had it all! Then I tossed it away over some guy I had a one-night stand with!" Jeff shrieked, then ran from the kitchen sobbing furiously.
"That wasn't what I expected." Tom stared at the remnants of breakfast.
"Tom, I'll be honest with you... I sorta thought that's what the problem was, but I wasn't sure. I just don't want you to get the wrong idea." Matt exhaled.
"That puts me in an awkward position, doesn't it?" Tom answered
The sound of running water cut into their discussion.
"I'll talk to him as soon as he gets out of the shower." Tom promised "Maybe by then I'll have some idea of what to say..."
Jeff ran himself a bath. While the tub was filling, he stared at his reflection in the mirror. His eyeliner had run with his tears leaving two dark streaks down each cheek.
"They don't care. Nobody does!" Jeff moaned
His reflection suddenly angered him and he head butted the mirror, shattering it. He felt something warm trickle down his face and a look in the broken glass confirmed what he'd done. He'd given himself a nice gash just below his hairline.
"I'll show them." Jeff pried a piece of the broken mirror loose from the frame and took it into the tub with him, not even bothering to strip.
"Fuck you Matt, fuck you Tom, and fuck everybody else." Jeff tore off a chunk of his shirt and stuffed it into his mouth so his screams wouldn't be audible.
While Matt and Tom were drinking the last drops of coffee, Jeff was taking his last breaths of life. He'd used the broken mirror to slit both his wrists and immediately immersed them in the cold water he'd filled the tub with. As he started to fade, he suddenly realized two things, the first was he was supposed to defend his Intercontinental Title that night against Chris Jericho and the second was that he hadn't left a note.
"Oh well, I'm sure they'll figure it out..." Jeff closed his eyes and slowly drifted away.
It was twenty minutes later before either Matt or Tom realized that something was off. The water was still running, though not very fast.
"Jeff still in there?" Matt asked
"Yeah... he usually doesn't let the water run this long." Matt suddenly bolted from the kitchen and up the stairs. Tom heard the sounds of Matt shouting, followed by a loud click then a scream of anguish.
"Oh fuck!" Tom shouted, sprinting after Matt.
He got to the bathroom door and looked in. Matt was leaning against the vanity, staring in horror at the tub. From where Tom stood, he couldn't see what Matt saw, but two steps inside and the picture became crystal clear.
"Oh, sweet Jesus..." Tom moaned.
TBC
I told you I was gonna rock your world with this one!