Mind Games
For Disclaimer see Chapter 1
Chapter 3
Charlie made it back to campus in time for his late afternoon office hours, but his mind wasn't on his work, and more than one student had to repeat a question before he could bring himself to focus. He'd consulted in the past on highly classified projects, many of which he still couldn't mention, but he'd never before been asked to go undercover. The mere thought of it generated both a thrill of excitement and an attack of butterflies.
The truth was; he wasn't sure yet if he would accept the job. The initial "wow" factor was wearing off, along with his natural inclination to bristle whenever Don attempted to tell him what to do, and apprehension was starting to take its place. Still, though, the idea generated an inexplicable sense of excitement. He knew it wasn't justified – even if he took the job it wouldn't be nearly as glamorous as the movies or television made undercover assignments out to be. More than likely, he would not even get to meet the main players, and would spend a few days sitting in front of a computer in a small back room somewhere. Not exactly the picture of the daring covert agent, stalking down a dark alley, gun in hand. Even so, even knowing this, Charlie had to admit, the idea was exciting. Plus, he would be doing something vital for his country; something they apparently had a need for, that few could fulfill.
He knew he'd sounded a bit more accepting of the idea than he should have in front of the men from Washington. He should have been more reserved, because if he decided to decline the offer, he would have created some false hope in the men who had made it – he could sense that they now expected him to say yes. A good part of his reaction was emotional – the minute Don tried to tell him what to do, he reacted the opposite way out of a sense of stubbornness honed by too many childhood arguments. Now, he was wondering how much of his desire to do the job was some innate sense of trying to prove himself to his older brother – trying to show he was just as worldly, just as hip. Secret agent man. Damn, it did sound cool.
He'd always been more than a little awestruck by that part of his older brother's life. It hadn't helped that he didn't know the details and so probably made it seem more exciting than it really had been. Still, now it was here – his chance to be the daring one. Well, at least part of an exciting operation – his brother would be participating, too. That thought, instead of being disappointing, actually tipped the scales in the 'yes' direction – the chance to do something like this with Don, to be apart from everything else they'd ever known, to really work as partners – well, that alone was enough for Charlie to jump at the offer.
His last student had gone, and he gathered his things and packed his briefcase, locking the door on his way out, and made his way through the hallways to Amita's office. He turned down the corridor, and looked down it to see Larry turning into the doorway of her office with unusual haste, and he picked up his own pace. As Charlie drew closer, he heard a squeal of excitement from Amita, and her voice floated out into the hallway. "Oh, my God, Larry – you've got to be kidding me!"
Charlie stepped into her doorway with a questioning grin. Amita looked ecstatic and incredulous, and answered his grin with a huge smile of her own. "Hey," Charlie said, "what's all the excitement?"
She hurried out from around her desk as Larry turned, beaming. "Oh, Charlie," she said, "you aren't going to believe this. Based on our work on the Higgs boson, Larry and I have been invited to Switzerland for the start-up of the Large Hadron Collider."
"Actually, it's not exactly the start-up - they've already begun the process of testing the mechanisms," Larry demurred, "but the progression will take weeks, and it will be attended by some of the top minds in the world of quantum physics. The networking opportunities alone will be extraordinary."
"Wow," responded Charlie, suitably impressed. "Those invitations are nearly impossible to get – that's really amazing." He felt an odd sensation, as if he was being left behind, but he swallowed it and smiled at Amita, giving her a heartfelt hug. "Congratulations – you both deserve it," he said, grasping Larry's hand.
"Larry tells me Millie has already approved the trip," bubbled Amita.
"I would think so," observed Charlie, "this is quite the honor for CalSci's physics department."
Her smile faded a bit as she realized the implications – that he might feel left out, that they would be facing weeks apart. "I hope you don't mind," she said, anxiously, but Charlie waved off her statement with a smile.
"Of course not – I mean, I'll miss you, but I'm happy for you – for both of you. This is a great opportunity." It was on the tip of his tongue to say that he might be traveling himself, going with Don to Quantico, but he stayed silent. He hadn't quite made up his mind to take the assignment yet, but Amita's upcoming trip was just one more reason to go.
He got yet another reason that evening, when he walked in the door of his Craftsman home. Don was already there – Charlie could surmise the reason – he knew his brother would want to take him aside and discuss the offer they'd been given. His father and brother were standing just outside the kitchen door, and as Charlie set down his briefcase, Alan turned, beaming. "Charlie – you'll never guess – you remember the Juneau job?"
"How could I forget?" Charlie asked dryly, and as he spoke, his eyes flickered to Don's face. His brother was wearing a smile, but it looked a bit forced.
"We got it!" crowed Alan, unnecessarily; Charlie knew it was coming by the expression on his father's face. Again, he felt the strange sensation that he was being abandoned, and those closest to him were moving on to bigger things, memorable challenges in their own lives. At that moment, deep inside, almost unconsciously, he made his decision. He had an opportunity to stretch his horizons, too, to do something significant for his country – there was really no reason not to take the undercover job.
He smiled, broadly. "That's great, Dad. I'm really glad for you and Stan. When do you start?"
Based on Charlie's behavior the night before, Alan had obviously been expecting a different reaction, and he looked a bit taken aback, but then his smile returned. "They want us to fly up for an initial meeting on Thursday," he said. "We'll be back to pack over the weekend, we'll take Monday and Tuesday to settle some personal details, and then we go up for at least month starting next Wednesday." He looked at Charlie closely. "Are you sure you're okay with this?"
Charlie shrugged and smiled. "Why wouldn't I be? Besides, I may be taking a trip of my own."
He could see Don's expression change and a look of warning flash in his brother's eyes, which he quickly hid as Alan said, "Really - you didn't say anything." Alan looked at Charlie, questioningly.
"Don and I have been asked to go out to Quantico and design a training course for agents on how to apply mathematical techniques to real field applications," Charlie said smoothly. He looked pointedly at Don. "Don's invited too, but he hasn't decided whether or not he'll take it, yet."
"Well, I don't know why you wouldn't," stated Alan warmly, as he turned and pushed through the kitchen door. "It sounds like a great opportunity." His voice floated out from the kitchen as the door swung shut. "And I won't have to worry about you trashing the house while I'm gone."
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Don waited until after dinner, until after he and Charlie were out by the koi pond, to explode. It was muffled, but it was an explosion. "Charlie, what the hell? We haven't even had a chance to talk about this yet, and you're bringing up the cover story."
Charlie had been feeling a little proud of himself over the way he casually broached the subject with Alan, but his smugness evaporated as he saw the frustration on his brother's face. "I didn't say for sure we were doing it – I said 'may'. There's no harm done. And besides, I think I may do it, anyway. Amita and Larry are going to be taking an extended trip to Switzerland to work with the team that's starting up the Large Hadron Collider, Dad's going away – you have to admit, the stars seem to be aligning for our cover. Everyone around me is being handed a unique challenge – and so have I. I think I want to take this. Besides, it's not as if they're asking me to broker drug deals or infiltrate a street gang. It'll be basically like a consulting job – I'll do some programming and hand it over to Montreaux. The only difference is that I'll make a report to the government afterwards."
Don looked at him for a moment, and then sighed. "Charlie – I'm not sure you know what you're getting into, here. Have you heard the saying about the ham-and-egg breakfast?"
Charlie's mouth quirked at the corner. "Yeah – when it comes to providing the meal, the chicken is involved, but the pig is committed." He raised a questioning eyebrow, encouraging Don to get to the point.
"Well, you've done a lot of consulting jobs. For those, you were the chicken – involved. When you're undercover, you're committed. You have to play the part, no matter what. It means that for the sake of your cover, you may have to do things that you don't ordinarily believe in."
Charlie shrugged. "So, I can do that – it's just acting."
"Can you?" Don said softly. "Think of your email to Pakistan – you sent that impulsively, without regard for your personal well-being, or without considering the effect on those around you. If you make an idealistic decision like that undercover, it could cost you your life, or someone else's. Think for a moment about how I'd feel if something happened to you." He watched the wounded look come over Charlie's face, and tried to steel himself against the guilt that rose inside him. He had delivered the message gently, but the words themselves were harsh. They were for Charlie's own good, he told himself – hopefully the statement would make Charlie think twice about taking the job, and if not, he would at least get some idea of the reality of undercover work – the reality that included, sometimes, selling one's soul. Don had emerged from each of his own undercover assignments feeling a little more jaded, a little more cynical about life, and himself. Charlie didn't realize that the danger was more than just physical.
His words apparently had hit home, but not in the way he intended. After Charlie's initial hurt expression, he had carefully composed his features, leveled his voice. "You don't have to worry – I'll hold up my end," he said coolly. "If you don't want to take the job, Don, you don't have to. I'll be fine on my own. In fact, maybe you shouldn't do this, the more I think about it. Contrary to what you might think, I don't need a babysitter."
Don sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Charlie - ," he began, then stopped, then sighed again. "Look, I came here tonight intending to talk you out of this, but I don't really know why I'm fighting it – you're going to do what you want anyway. I know I'm going to regret this, and I'm going on record and stating that I think you shouldn't do it. But if you do it, I'm in – I think I said that already." He saw the look of relief spread across Charlie's face as he spoke, and saw the glimmer of excitement and gratitude in his brother's eyes. It gave him a warm feeling inside, and was almost enough to erase the nasty sense of apprehension in his gut.
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End Chapter 3
A/N: This was a short one, and we need to move beyond the 'setting the stage,' section, so I plan to post an extra chapter on Sunday. Thanks so much for the reviews!