I Go To Xtremes
Matt sat in chairs, anxiously waiting for Tom to arrive. No room was there in the ambulance for both of them, so Matt had literally been shoved inside with the stretcher. Tom promised he'd be there as soon as possible once Evan was back with the car.
"Why didn't I see this coming?" Matt yelled in his own mind.
Evan drove like a maniac to get Tom to the hospital once he'd heard the devastating news, almost getting themselves killed in the process, but making it eventually.
"I'll park... go!" Evan read Tom's worried expression.
Tom took off, through the ambulance bay, into the waiting area and right into Matt's open arms. All it took was Tom's comforting touch to send Matt into hysterics, but can you blame him? Matt sure was!
"I knew this was gonna happen. Why didn't I stop it?" Matt howled
"At least we got him here, Matt... if you hadn't been there, Jeff would've died in my bathroom for sure." Tom whispered, gently stroking Matt's hair.
"But I just sat there." Matt wailed
"You found him, Matt." Tom said "You gave him a chance to live."
"Hardy?"
"Here." Tom answered, hoping that this was the last time he'd be summoned by a doctor, cop, or anyone else by his last name. "How is he?"
"He's alive, barely. He lost over half the blood in his system and frankly, I'm not too optimistic but he is still with us. We've given him six units of blood to replenish what he'd lost, but he's still touch and go." The doctor answered "Five more minutes and he would've..."
"Doc, if you want to keep your teeth, I wouldn't finish that thought in front of my brother." Matt tensed in his arms, and Tom could feel him getting ready to strike back.
"I'll send someone when he's more stable."
"Tom...?"
"Evan, over here." Tom waved
Matt refused to relinquish his grip on Tom.
"How is he?" Evan asked
"Touch and go. He lost a lot of blood. Can you stay here in case the doctor returns? I'm gonna take Matt for some air."
"Since when am I your secretary?" Evan barked "I got stuff to do."
"Evan, please. It's bad enough that today is even happening without you tearing into me." Tom pleaded
"Fine. I'll stay, but just this once."
"Thank-you." Tom tried to kiss him on the way out, but Evan turned away.
There was a picnic area next to the main doors. Thankfully it was deserted at this early hour.
Tom lit a cigarette and breathed in the toxins, hoping they would take the guilty feelings away, but knowing the only thing he'd get is a lecture from non-smoker Matt.
"Tom, I hate to be more of a pain, but could..."
"Matt, if my smoking bothers you that much, even now, I'll smoke somewhere else." Tom interrupted
"What I was gonna ask is if I could have one." Matt said
"Sure, bro." Surprised, Tom pulled out his pack and slid it across the table. "Help yourself."
Tom also passed Matt his lighter, but quickly took it back when he saw how badly Matt's hands were shaking.
"Hold still." With difficulty, Tom managed to light the cigarette in Matt's trembling lips. Matt took his first puff and coughed harshly. Tom dragged with a little more ease.
"How do you guys smoke these things?" Matt looked at it.
"My dad always told me you don't have to eat the smoke." Tom answered
Matt took a second drag and blew smoke without coughing nearly as badly. They smoked in silence.
"I'm gonna go back inside." Tom flicked his butt onto the parking lot. "Evan's already pissed at me."
"Imma gonna stay out here for a bit." Matt said "Could I...?"
"You can have the rest of them." Matt caught the smokes. "I think now is a good time to quit."
Matt attempted to light another one, but his hands were still shaking. Fortunately, a familiar young man happened to be passing by.
"Need some help?" he asked
"In more ways than one." Matt answered
"Here." The lighter was plucked from Matt's trembling fingers.
"Thanks, Shanny." Matt sighed
"You can go Evan. I know you don't wanna be here any more than me." All Tom wanted to do is sit down, maybe get a nap, and hope that this was all just some part of a very vivid dream.
"Tommy, it's not that." Evan answered "You know I love you, but it's not fair that I have to get involved in all this."
"If you're gonna be with me, then you have to take all the baggage that comes with." Tom answered "If you can't handle that, then maybe you and I should just stay friends."
"Tommy, it's not that I don't want to be with you. You're the first guy I've fallen this madly in love with. I just need some stability in our relationship and I don't feel that as long as Jeff is in your life that it'll be there." Evan stared at the floor.
"Are you asking me to choose between you and Jeff?" Tom asked, feeling his temperature rise.
"No. I would never do that because I would lose. All I'm asking for is a little more 'us'." Evan said, looking up. Tom could see the tears starting to form in his eyes.
"Evan, I'm sorry." Tom sat down and quickly gathered his boyfriend in his arms. "I guess I have been taking you for granted." For the first time since forever, Tom felt his own tears start to flow.
"Hardy?"
"Oh, no." Tom quickly wiped his eyes dry.
"He's stable for now." The doctor quickly assuaged Tom's fears. "But it's gonna be a while before he recovers. If we knew why he did it, maybe we could help him more, but we'll do everything we can for him regardless."
"I know why he did it." Tom swallowed nervously. "But unless medicine can fix a broken heart, there's nothing you can do."
"We'll see about counselling."
"Can I see him?"
"In a few moments. He's being taken into recovery as we speak. I'll send someone to get you when he's settled."
"You don't have to stay, Evan. Matt will be back soon." Tom wiped his nose with his sleeve.
"That is the dumbest things anyone has ever said to me." Evan replied "Like I'm goin' anywhere. I guess I am just going to have to learn to share."
Matt and Shannon entered five minutes later and were quickly given the quasi-good news.
"Thank God." Matt sighed
"He ain't outta the woods yet." Tom answered "We're just waiting for someone to take us to see him when he's settled."
It wasn't until much later that someone finally came to get them.
"I'm sorry for the wait, but the patient has been not very cooperative."
"Not very cooperative? Whaddaya mean?" Tom demanded
"Once he regained consciousness, he became very agitated. We were forced to put him in restraints so he wouldn't tear open his stitches."
"Can we see him?" Matt asked
"Under normal circumstances I would say no. But since he has been screaming for Matty and Tommy, I think it would be a good idea, but just the two of you."
"Do you know what is gonna be done with him?"
"We will be moving him to the psych ward as soon as a bed opens up." The doctor tapped his clipboard decisively. "Probably within the hour."
"Jeffro won't like that." Matt muttered
"Are you sure that's the smart thing to do?" Tom asked
"It is normal procedure."
"Does Jeff know?" Tom was just full of questions that morning.
"Not yet. We didn't want to cause any more stress to him."
"You two okay with waiting here?" Tom asked Shannon and Evan.
"Not really," Shannon answered "but whatever they think is best."
"Cool. We won't be too long, I'm sure." Matt stated
Matt and Tom headed upstairs.
"By the way, I'm Shannon."
"Evan Bourne." Whether formal introductions were necessary or not was inconsequential. "You wanna get somethin' to eat while we wait?"
"Might as well. Being around all these sick people is makin' me hungry."
The other Hardys stood on the outside of Jeff's room, staring at him through the window. He was still deathly pale, but what really got to Matt and Tom was the straps tying him securely to the cot.
"Dammit, doc, this isn't fuckin' Guantanamo." Tom said
"I told you the patient was unstable. This is for our protection as well as his. I'll be back when we move him, but don't stay for too long."
"Well, at least he's alive." Matt whispered
"Just put on a brave face." Tom added
Matt entered the room first, followed by Tom. Jeff didn't acknowledge their presence until they were standing beside his bed.
"Matty! What are you doing and Tommy doing in hell?" He asked
"Well, you know what I did to that transvestite hooker..." Tom snorted
"Jeffro, you know this isn't hell... you're in the hospital." Matt replied with a soothing tone.
Jeff's eyes narrowed. "You mean I couldn't even do that right?"
"If you hadn't been sitting in ice cold water, we wouldn't be having this conversation. It slowed down your body's metabolism so you didn't go into shock from the blood loss right away." Tom answered
"Fuck." Jeff slammed his head back onto the pillow, two tears trickling down his cheeks.
"Jeffers, don't be so hard on yourself." Matt moved the brush Jeff's hair from his forehead, but he jerked his head away.
"Matt, don't try to make me feel any better, cause you can't. No one can." Jeff was looking away. "You should've let me die!"
"Jeffro, if you die, what happens to your little girl?" Tom asked
"Huh?" Jeff demanded, looking at Tom suspiciously.
"Bunny." Tom answered "With our schedules, Matt and I can't take care of her as well as balance our careers..."
"Give her up for adoption, or stuff her in the trash, I really don't care!" Jeff yelled
Once more, Matt tried to smooth out Jeff's hair, but once more he was rebuked.
"Just leave me alone!" Jeff was so angry, he was crying freely.
"We're ready to move him." The doctor reentered the room, escorted by two large nurses.
"Where are you taking me?" Jeff demanded
"We've got a bed available in our psych ward..."
"Psych ward? I'm not fuckin' crazy!"
"You did attempt suicide. Now I'm just going to give you a little something to calm your nerves before we move you..."
"I don't want anything!" Jeff began to thrash about, even though his arms were secured to the bed frame with canvas straps.
"Gentlemen, please." The hired muscle came over.
"Matty, please don't let them do this!" Jeff wailed "Tell them I'll be good!"
"Jeffro, you brought this on yourself." Matt answered
"Well, fuck you then." Jeff's tune changed the second he realized that big brother wasn't coming to his rescue. "Fuck all of you."
Once Jeff had been moved out of the room, Tom corralled the doctor.
"So, what do we do now?"
"Well, he's gonna be put on a suicide watch for at least the next seventy-two hours." He replied "We're setting up some sessions with our chief psychiatrist and we will make a final decision at the end of the three day period."
"Can we see him?" Matt asked
"If he wants to see you, yes. He may not and judging from his last outburst, that is a distinct possibility."
"Can we bring him some clothes or something?"
"Certainly. But no belts, no laced shoes, and for obvious reasons, nothing sharp..."
"How about a stuffed rabbit?" Tom asked
"That would depend how long it's ears are." The doc wasn't kidding.
"Good question." Tom thought "Matt, how big is your dick?"
"Eight inches, I think." Matt replied
"So, about four inches then." Tom answered. It's a long story, folks.
"That's fine. We'll get him into a bed and if you want to stop by later today with a few changes of clothes for him that would be the best."
"Let's go find Shanny and Evan. They're probably wondering what happened to us."
Matt took one last longing look in the direction Jeff had been taken.
"I believe they're in the cafeteria."
"Matty, why don't you bring the car around. I wanna have a word with the doctor for a second." Tom threw the car keys at Matt, who almost dropped them. "Go now." Tom shooed Matt away.
Shaking his head slowly, Matt headed back downstairs.
"What did you wish to discuss?" The doctor asked
"Discuss...? Oh, yeah." Tom snapped his gaze back from watching Matt's back to the doctor. "Actually, nothing really. I just wanted to get away from everybody for a while."
"I understand. The attempted suicide of a loved one is very traumatic."
"Yeah, especially in a family as close as ours." Tom answered
"I could tell how much Jeff's words affected both of you. I wish I could say that his anger is a direct result of the drugs we've given him, but..."
"I know Doc, I know." Tom ran his fingers through his hair, tightening them into fists. "I guess I'm still lookin' for answers. Anyway, who'll be handling him, mental-wise?"
"Doctor Fitzpatrick is the hospital's chief psychiatric resident. I assume it will be him."
"Okay. At least he's in good hands. Well, thanks doc for all your help."
"I do hope everything works out for you all."
Tom saluted, then took the stairs down to the ground floor. Halfway down, he had a thought that made him stop and laugh. Through all the drama, all the other crap that had happened, and still Tom didn't know the doctor's name. Go fig!
The entire trip home, Tom felt drained, both physically and emotionally and apparently he wasn't the only one. Evan was nodding off beside him, and both Matt and Shannon had their eyes closed in the back seat.
"Guys, we're home." Tom said when he'd pulled in and parked.
"Huh? What?" Matt yawned
"We're home... at least we're at my home."
"Fuck, I need some sleep." Matt looked really beat.
"Dude, my spare room is open if you wanna crash." Tom offered "I think I'm gonna grab a few z's before we go back as well."
"Me too." A little too quickly, Evan agreed. "What? I don't like being awakened at five in the morning." He added when Matt as well as Tom looked at him sideways.
"Well, that just leaves little Shanny." Matt said, sticking his head in the window. "Shanny...Wakey-wakey..."
"Is it time to go already?" Shannon rubbed his eyes. "Where are we?" he asked
"My place, dude. The three of us are gonna grab some shut-eye before we take Jeff his things."
"I better be goin' then." Shannon yawned again, obviously as tired as the rest of them.
"If you wanna stay here, I gotta couch you can have or you can stay with Matt."
"Matt." As well, Shannon responded a little too quickly and this time, it was Tom and Evan with the funny looks on their faces. "I mean, if that's okay with you."
"Fine." Matt waved tiredly. Somehow, they managed to get inside and up to their respective quarters before falling asleep, much to Evan and Shannon's chagrin. They were hoping to at least get an update from either Tom or Matt respectively regarding Jeff.
The house slept soundly for the remainder of the morning and most of the afternoon, although it seemed as if he'd just closed his eyes when Tom saw the digital clock staring back at him.
"Four?" Tom groaned "I gotta get goin'."
He swung himself out of bed and dressed. As he pulled on his socks, he noticed a piece of paper on the floor just inside his door. He picked it up and sat back on the foot of the bed to read it. He recognized the sloppy handwriting as Matt's.
"Tommy, by the time you get this I'll be gone. Vince called while you were asleep and he needs me for a show tonight. Apparently, some of the boys got a bad case of food poisoning and Raw's a bit short. I'm gonna try to fly back right after the show, but I don't know what time I'll get there. I packed up Jeff's stuff for you to take over to the hospital. No belts, his Velcro runners, and his Bunny are all there. Shannon's coming with me just so you don't have to worry about him. If I can, I'll call you sometime tonight and you can let me know how it went. Later bro."
"Great." Tom whispered "On my own again. You staying here, lover?"
"Mmmm." Evan moaned
"I'll see you when I get home. If I'm not home by six, order something." Tom kissed Evan softly on the forehead, eliciting another moan from the sleeping man.
On the drive over, Tom thought hard about what he could possibly say that might change Jeff's attitude.
"Just remember. You're still family." Tom told himself while staring in the rear view mirror in the parking lot.
"I'm here to see Jeff Hardy." Tom presented himself at the psych ward's reception desk.
"And you are???"
"Tom Hardy... his brother. I was told I could bring him some clothes." Tom replied, holding up the tote bag like a complete fool.
"Just a second. Someone will be right with you."
Tom paced the corridor nervously. After forever, someone finally came for him.
"Mr. Hardy?"
"That's me?"
"I'm Colin Fitzpatrick. I'm handling your brother's treatment."
"How's Jeffro doing?" Tom asked
"Very agitated. He hasn't said a word to anyone all day. He refuses to eat and he just stares at the walls blankly." Colin answered
"Can I see him?"
"Sure. For a few minutes. They tell me you brought him some stuff."
"Nothing big... just a few changes of clothes, his Bunny..."
"Bunny?" Fitzpatrick asked "I hope you mean a toy."
"For sure. Our mom passed away many years ago. This was her last Christmas gift to Jeff. He never travels without it." Tom said. Not exactly a lie, but probably not the whole truth either.
"Follow me. We just have to sign you in and just make sure that you're not bringing in anything that the patient could use to harm himself." Fitzpatrick stated
It took less that five minutes for Tom to be signed in and the luggage checked. Apparently security was as interested in going through Jeff's bloomers as Tom was in studying the politics of Burundi.
"If you can, try not to anger him. We really need him calm so we can accurately diagnose and treat his disorder."
"I'll try, but Jeff has always been a very emotional person." Tom responded, taking a very deep breath.
"Good luck... if you need anything, bang on the door."
"Okay." Tom took another deep breath, calming himself, before going into Jeff's room. The first thing he noticed was the room's total lack of color. For a guy who's hair changed tints daily, this must have been torture in itself. The room had a bed, a desk and chair, and a dresser, all in the same white color. Even the sheets, pillowcases, and window dressings were all that same tone.
Jeff was sitting in the chair, staring out the window, still in his white hospital gown. He didn't even acknowledge Tom until he was standing right beside him.
"They tell me you're not eating." Tom said, not making direct eye contact. If he did, he knew that he wouldn't be able to maintain his composure.
"Hospital food sucks balls." Jeff stated
"I brought you some clothes." Tom had dropped the bag on Jeff's bed.
"Hm." Jeff grunted his reply.
"You know you'll be out of here in a couple of days if you play your cards right."
"Maybe I like it here." Jeff answered. Not once had he even turned his gaze from whatever he was looking at outside.
"Okay, then maybe I should go?" Jeff's lack of interest really deterred Tom from what he wanted to do. He wanted to hold Jeff, comfort him, tell him that everything was going to be fine, but his aloofness was off-putting.
"Fine with me." Jeff replied "Thanks for the clothes."
"Better here than stinking up my hallway." Tom walked across the room and grabbed for the door. He was halfway to opening it when Jeff finally said something for himself.
"Why do you and Matty hate me so much?" he asked
A look of utter shock on his face, Tom turned around.
"What?" He asked, thinking that maybe he'd misheard Jeff. "Jeffro, why would you think that we hate you?"
"You let them lock me up here." Jeff answered "I don't recall you trying to stop them."
"We only did what we thought was best for you."
"Best for me?" For the first time since Tom's arrival, Jeff made eye contact. "The best for me? If you really wanted to do what was best for me, you would've let me die!"
"I think you got it backwards. You must really hate Matt and me if you were willing to let us live with ourselves knowing that you didn't care enough to at least let us try to help before you decided to take the cowards' way out." Tom answered, keeping his voice even. The last thing he wanted was to start an argument which would probably end his visit prematurely.
Jeff bored holes through Tom with his stare. Tom did the same. It was just a matter of time before someone blinked.
"Jeffers, I honestly thought that you were okay with me being with Evan." Tom wanted to keep the convo going, hopefully he could make Jeff see that he still did love him. "You and Jack seemed happy enough together and I'm not vindictive."
"But you told me to leave!" Jeff's walls were breaking down. Slowly but surely, Tom was getting through to his little brother.
"I was angry. Okay, Jeffro, I'll admit it. I hated you for that. I just want you to be happy little bro, and right now you're not." Tom responded, kneeling down in front of him. "I am here for you in every way that a brother can be, just not physically. Just promise me that if you ever feel this desperate again, you'll talk to me before you do something stupid."
"Stupid?" Jeff repeated
"Not the right word, I know." Tom took Jeff's hands in his own. "Please promise me."
"I promise you." Jeff answered, his lip starting to tremble.
"Don't cry, Jeff. You'll get me started." Too late.
They held each other for what seemed like hours, getting all the pain, all the sadness, out.
"I gotta go. Evan'll be wondering what happened to me." With much hesitation, Tom moved to break the contact.
"Can't you stay a bit? Pleeeeeease." Jeff plus puppy dog eyes equals Tom losing his backbone.
"I'd love to, but I can't. I've got things to do."
"Tommy..." Jeff purred
"No, Jeff..."
"I'm not wearing anything underneath this gown."
"I guess another hour can't hurt." Tom smiled, wondering how he'd explain this to Evan, but then asking the age old question: "Does he really need to know?"
TBC
I'm liking this a lot more than the original chapter five...
Will Jeff patch things up with Jack?
Will Evan find out?
Will I stop asking questions I already know the answer to?
Tune in...