Thank you, all of you, for not killing me! And I must say, the reviews I got from you guys... Made me laugh like crazy! Some of you couldn't sleep, some of you are considering skipping a few expectedly agonizing chapters, some of you want Em and Sept together and some don't! Boy, you make it hard to please you, eh? Well never fear dears, some more drama ahead for you! And... some Naomily as well *Ahem! bazuka74, I hope this tides you over* Many POV's coming up, I hope you can follow along okay!
Oh, and we're still on Naomi for now.
Chapter 15
I don't know how, or when Effy ended up doing this.
I woke up with a start, because I knew something was wrong. I raced around the house, looking for something out of place, when my eyes fell to the knife block in the kitchen. One was missing. That could only mean one thing. I ran to Effy's room and found it unoccupied, so I raced to the bathroom only to find it locked. I couldn't open it for the life of me, I tried everything from kicking it to screaming for Effy to open up. She wouldn't come out, and screamed through the door "I need to go away! I don't deserve love, everyone I love dies!"
"Effy! What are you talking about? I'm here, I love you! Come on babe, open the door!"
I kick at it again and she screams "No! You don't understand, Naomi! That girl, and Freddie... I ruin good people! I'm no good, don't you get it?"
I'm terrified now, so I pull out my phone and just press the call button. I don't care who it rings, just fucking answer.
'
'
September POV
Holy shit.
Fuck.
Emily Fitch, is standing in front of me with a beautiful ring, and asking me to marry her. Am I dreaming? Wha-
I'm cut off by Emily's phone buzzing like crazy on the table next to us. I look at it, and then back to her, and she does the same. She makes a snap decision to answer it, and says:
"Katie, this better not be you or I'm going t-... Naomi? What's... Wait, she what?"
She looks up at me and shock is written all over her face. So I ask her what's wrong and she says "It's Naomi, her roomate... She's locked herself in the bathroom with a kitchen knife"
Call it instinct, because I say "We're on our way" Before Emily can even respond. I'm at the front door, and she follows me, phone still to her ear. We get in the car and Emily tells me where to navigate. I have to admit, it's a lot harder driving on this side of the world, especially since the street signs and lanes are on opposite sides than I'm used to. We finally manage to arrive at what I'm assuming to be Naomi's building, and it's actually not that far from our place. We buzz, and don't have to wait long before we are ushered up to the 6th floor. Naomi has unlocked the door for us, and you can hear her yelling and banging on the door for this Effy girl to open up. So I follow the sound of her voice to the bathroom, and Naomi is red faced and sobbing histerically. I tell her it's okay, and that she needs to go to Emily who is in the kitchen. She complies, and tells Effy that she'll be right back. Naomi leaves and I gently knock on the door.
"Effy? Hey, my name's September. Can you tell me if you're hurt?"
I hear shuffling around a bit before a quiet "No"
"Okay" I say "That's great. Can you tell me why you've locked yourself in here then?"
"Why"
"Because if you're pregnant and trying to abort, I'm going to have to get you a coat hanger. A knife isn't going to work" Humour, really? Way to go.
Surprisingly, I hear her chuckle "No, I'm not aborting. I'm just..."
She doesn't speak for a few moments, so I insist "Go on, I'm listening"
"I'm scared"
Okay, progress. "Of what?"
"...Love"
Why is it that I can never prepare myself for what life throws at me? A girl, has locked herself into a bathroom, because she is afraid of... love? Well considering the shit mess I'm in right now, I don't blame her.
"So... NOT the boogyman then"
She laughs again "No. Far worse than him"
She's got a good sense of humor at least. "Look Effy, I understand. Love can be scary, love can be painful. Sometimes, like in France, love can be deadly-"
"Because crimes of passion are legal..."
I laugh "Yeah, 'cause of that. The point is, the world is ugly. We all get that. And it's because of that, it makes life predictable. But love, love is unpredictable. Love is what life gives us when we are getting bored, you know? It shakes things up a bit. That's all it does, you don't need to be afraid of a little adventure, do you?"
She shuffles around again, and replies "I guess not"
"There you go, see? Now come on hun, open the door okay? I don't think Naomi can take any more of this or she's going to pass out"
I hear her stifle a laugh from behind the door and I continue "Seriously, if her face gets any redder, she's going to get a heat rash!" I hear a small "Fuck off" from in the kitchen and I can only tell that it was from Naomi. Effy hears it too and chuckles before saying
"But, I want it, you know? For the first time I really want it... but I can't. Every time someone loves me, they end up dead. It's not fair to do that to... well, anybody. I'm not going to hurt myself I just... Force of habit I guess."
Oh, I see where this is coming from. "Effy, you can't control what other people do, okay? As much as Naomi and Emily tell me that you have 'magic powers' or whatever, when it comes to love, you can't control that. I can't control my feelings for Emily, and I'm sure she... " I can't finish with can't control being in love with Naomi either, because I remember that she is in the kitchen and we haven't really discussed this yet. So instead I say "...She is scared because she asked me to marry her, and I haven't had a chance to answer her yet"
And with that simple end to my sentence, is when the entire apartment falls silent.
Naomi POV
September was doing really great with Effy, some how she can get through to her, and even make her laugh, "She really does have a gift with the crazies, doesn't she?" I ask Emily. She just nods, and gives a small smile "Yeah, she really does"
After a moment it sinks in that I actually called Emily, and she's actually here. With me, looking like a snot nosed, blubbering twat. But she's here, with her hand on mine, gently stroking the back of it with her thumb, the way she always used to. And it still has the same calming effect on me after all these years, because I have stopped crying. She has made me believe that everything is going to be alright. I can't help the tingles that flow through my body when she is near, or even touches me. But I'm quickly snapped back to reality with what comes next.
Emily asked me to marry her, and I haven't had a chance to answer her yet.
Those words echo through my head like a migrane and when Emily hears that sentence, it's as if she snaps out of a daze as well, because she pulls her hand back from mine as if it had suddenly caught on fire. I look at her, and I use everything I have inside of me to keep my tears away. Did she really propose to September?
"Yeah, this morning. As you called, actually"
Shit, I must have asked that one out loud. Well, the elephant is already been poked, so why not kick it as well.
"Why... Why did you ask-"
"Because I love her, Nai"
That casual shortening of my name tips me over the edge. The old Naomi would have freaked out, even would have snapped a sarcastic remark at that, but the new Naomi says this instead.
"If you're happy, and she makes you happy, then I'm happy for you. Congratulations."
She looks up at me in both shock, and something I can't quite place, and says confused "...Really?"
Nod.
She nods cautiously in response, and starts playing with her hands. Now, the Emily I know, when she does this it means she has something on her mind. So I go ahead and ask, not really ready for the response.
"Em? What's wrong? Aren't you happy?"
She looks up at me, takes a deep, noticeably shakey breath and says quietly "In the moment, I was, yes. I was totally ready for this. But now... I'm just... I'm not sure, you know? What if she says no? ...What if she says yes?"
I'm confused. "What do you... Don't you want her to say yes?"
She looks down at her hands, gently shakes her head and says "I... this is shit, isn't it?" I don't know what to say, so I give her a weak smile and a small shrug. Somehow, it feels like she is talking about us, and the following statement only confirms my assumptions. "This..." She whispers "This was supposed to be you and me, you know? I should have bought a ring for you."
Shit.
"Em..."
"How we ended up, this... it was your fault... It was... right?"
Wait, is this turning into what I think it is? "I don't understand... are you trying to blame me to.. so you can rationalize this?"
She stands up, but I usher her back down by reminding her that September is still talking to Effy a few feet away. "Look Em..." I start, it must be time for honest confessional now.
"I will always love you, with all my heart. What happened to us was my fault, okay? No question. But if September is not what you want, then you'd better make this right with her. You can't put her through this." I put my hand on her knee for emphasis.
"Em, it's not right"
She looks up at me and gives me a killer glare.
"I can't exactly take the proposal back now, can I?" She snaps.
"No" I say calmly "But you can talk to her. She's clever, yeah? She'll understand."
She puts her head in her hands, and it takes everything out of me to stop myself from consoling her with even just a simple touch. "I just... Everything was fine with us, she is wonderful... in person, to me... Why can't I just be happy with what I have? What in the bloody hell is wrong with me?"
I suddenly remember the speech my mother gave me all those years ago, and I can't help but find it fitting for this conversation. "Emily, hey, look at me" She raises her head.
"The people who make us happy, are never the people we expect. Sometimes they're the people who make us miserable, uncomfortable, sad, or even angry. They are almost never the people we want to make us happy. It sucks, but that's the truth. You know where I stand on this, you deserve to be happy. And I'm sure September will feel the same way"
"But Naomi, she bloody well LOVES me, like proper. I don't want to live my life without her, and I know I love her. When I proposed... the moment was real, it was what I wanted. So what does this all mean?"
"Well, do you love her? Like proper, I mean?"
She thinks for a moment "I... I don't know. I want to say yes, but the hesitation I'm feeling right now... it doesn't feel right. I never felt that when we..." She looks at me, and I can tell that now she is definitely talking about us.
"I... I want to be sure again. About she and I. But I've just never been able to... be sure I mean, not like it was with you. And I hate you for this. I hate you for breaking me so I don't work anymore."
Fuck, Emily. I'm so sorry. "I can only apologise" The tears are welling back up into my eyes now, ready to spill over at any moment. "...And nothing I say will ever be enough"
She's not looking at me, and I'm grateful for it. "...So what does this all mean then? I love her, but I don't love her enough?"
I had to think about that one for a minute, but I end up speaking before I've made up my mind "Maybe you love her, but that doesn't mean you're IN love with her. Look at Ef and I, we love each other and I need her in my life, but I don't want to marry her"
That's the best I can come up with right now.
Effy POV
I feel so stupid. I had a melt down, for what? Some girl I was never going to see again? That girl outside my door, what was her name... September, she said that Emily proposed... Fuck that's going to crush Naomi. But I'm silent for a minute, because I can hear Emily and Naomi talking about it. I hear the confusion in Emily's voice and I need to get this September girl away from ear shot of them. I may not know her, but Emily and Naomi are destined to be together, and this girl doesn't need to hear them talking.
Fuck sakes, it took them this long to figure their shit out? I unlock the door quickly and grab the girl by the arm... she seems familiar somehow... and usher us as quickly as I can into my room. I hear her groan under the sheer speed and force that I used to bring her here, into my room, but whatever. I will forever be on team Naomily... What? I made the name up years ago to pester Naomi, and it just kind of stuck, okay? I close the door behind us, and all of the sudden I am face to face with said girl who caused my mini-meltdown in the first place.
She looks at me, and it registers in her face that we have met before. Last night. She opens her mouth a couple times to say something, but settles for ruffling the hair at the back of her head instead. I watch her intensely, and she finally blurts out:
"Fuck me, this world just keeps getting smaller and smaller"
Emily POV
Fuck you, Campbell.
Fuck you for making me second guess the life that I have built with September. And fuck you for being so 'calm' and 'honest' about things. Why can't you just fuck off? The only reason I'm here is because Sept is super heroic when it comes to this stuff. She rushes in without a thought of herself. So why am I stroking Naomi's hand? Why did I reach out in the first place? The worst part about this is, that September trying to save someone may have just ended our life together. How can I not be in love with someone so selfless? I can't even blame Naomi, because she is right. I do use her as a scapegoat for some of my stupid and rash decisions, but she is one of the leading causes. Because of her I can't love September properly, and I feel like I'm already cheating just by touching Naomi. And in a way, I am. Because I still love her, I always have. I made a decision this morning to propose, and to get Naomi out of my head and hopefully my life. But now, I'm second guessing it, and talking to Naomi about it? Fuck this. I'm sticking with my decision.
"No. I... No Naomi. I proposed, I'm going to do this. We are over, and always will be."
My mind is made up, and I am going to learn how to be with September. Because I already know how to, we have been for the last few years. And it's always been comfortable, loving, and genuine. So this is it, this is my goodbye to Naomi for good.
She looks confused by my outburst, and that's probably because she doesn't know why I just brought us up again, out of the blue.
"Emily, I know..." Yup. Definitely confused.
"Look, just talk to her about what you're feeling, okay? If you don-"
"Fuck you Campbell, you don't want me to use you as an excuse? Well I'm fixing that all right now. Stay the fuck away from me, okay?"
And with that, I get off the chair and storm off to the front door. "Oh, do tell my fiancé that I'm waiting outside for her, yeah?" I shoot over my shoulder, and I slam the door behind me. I guess in times of extreme turmoil, I turn into Katie. You learn something new everyday I guess.
September POV
Effy still says nothing, and just stares at me like I'm the reason she was freaking out in the bathroom or something. Fuck, I only met you last night, how can this be my fault? I go to say something else when she says simply:
"You know they still love each other"
"Yes..." Simple, but to the point.
"So are you going to say yes?"
"...I don't know"
She looks at me, as if waiting for me to say more. And when I don't, she sighs and says "Okay, fine. Tell me why you don't know"
"Are you always this aloof? Just a moment ago I had to talk you off the ledge"
She shakes her head and crosses her arms, looks down to her feet and says "Shit. Now I get it." She looks back up to me, eyes me up and down, and says with a smirk "It's like looking into an obnoxious little mirror"
"Uhm... we're the same height..."
She cuts in "Okay, so you want to say yes, but fear that she won't be happy; so your contemplating saying no?"
Fucking mind reader much?
"Well if you knew the answer, why'd you even bother to ask the question?" I ask plainly.
She shrugs "Because I'm curious. You must know they are meant to be together, don't you?"
I can't help but find this extremely ironic, considering the fact that she was just contemplating suicide over being afraid of love.
"You are a walking contradiction, do you know that?" I ask.
She sighs "Look, I'm just being honest with you, okay? You know it too, because we talked about it last night. You know Naomi loves her and you said yourself that Emily still loves her back. So why put yourself in the middle of this?"
I'm getting angry now. "I didn't put myself in the middle of ANYTHING. I met Emily in New York. She asked me to move back to the UK with her. SHE asked me to marry her. What the fuck am I supposed to do?"
"I told you already" She says simply
"Which is what exactly?"
She looks me straight in the eye this time and says "You need to leave them be."
Cliff hangers. I love them. And I'd like to think I'm getting better at them, no? Well to be fair, this isn't as much of a cliff hanger as it is more of a bridge chapter... And I'm going to be honest and explain to you why it took so long for me to update. I re-wrote this chapter probably 6 times, 6 different ways. And I'm still not happy with this one. But, I have to let it go and move on, because the real Skins Fire is coming out soon, and once we all see what is actually going to happen, my story will just become irrelevant.
Thank you for reviewing, every single one means a lot to me guys, so review away okay! Even if it's just one or two words!
xo Violet