Get the Funk Out
ECW started off, not with it's usual bang, but with a stern-looking Vince McMahon in the center of the ring.
"Good evening. As many of you know, there was an incident recently involving several WWE superstars. While I will not make any specific comments as the investigation is still going on, I will say that I will not tolerate this kind of retribution. I don't expect my wrestlers to get along all of the time, but this sort of thing is not acceptable on any level. Therefore, I have relieved Tiffany of her duties as General Manager of ECW."
Vince waited for the audience's reaction to die down. There were many boos, mixed in with a smattering of cheers.
"The other responsible parties will be dealt with in time. Now, I would like to introduce you to the new GM of ECW..."
Backstage, Tom paced. He felt weird, he looked weird wearing a newly-bought suit and butterflies were doing cartwheels in his stomach. The last time his nerves were this hot was three seconds before he and Randy Orton had their first encounter.
"Things are gonna change and they start right now. I give you the future of ECW... Tom Hardy!"
It was another mixed reaction when Tom stepped through the curtains. Gone was the cargo pants, technicolor t-shirt and sunglasses, replaced with a smart suit and tie and regular glasses.
Tom stepped through the ropes and shook hands with Vince.
"Good evening, Toronto." Tom waited for the yelling to die down. "They say the WWE family is a bit like the Hotel California. You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave."
Some laughter, but most of the fans didn't get the semi-obscure 1970's rock reference.
"So I'm back, and I'm here for one purpose. To make ECW the best brand in the WWE!"
Another mixed reaction, but this time the cheers were definitely louder than the boos.
"With all respect to everyone who has been involved with ECW since it was resurrected, it is about time for us to stop being third-best. And it's up to me to do it." Tom looked around "And I will do it by going back to what made ECW... we're goin' back to the land of extreme!"
This time, the crowd was almost unanimous in its reaction.
"First things first, you'll notice that the broadcast position is empty. With all due respect to Matt Striker and Josh Mathews, if ECW is going to succeed, it needs the right voice and there is only one voice for ECW... I give you your new voice of ECW... Joey Styles!"
The long-time voice of Paul Heyman's ECW entered to a thunderous ovation and took his place at the announce table.
"Item number two... from this moment on, all matches will be under extreme rules, the way it should be. Therefore, I would like to announce that I have hired as my booker the one person who knows more about what our fans, the ECW fans, want to see... Paul Heyman, get out here!"
"I am back!" Heyman shouted the second he had a live mic. "For all of you who thought ECW was dead and buried, I'm coming to shut you up! Vince McMahon may own the name ECW, but he doesn't own the heart and soul of it. I promise you that with Paul Heyman back, no one is safe..."
Tom let Paul ramble on for several minutes, sizing up the crowd's reaction. A little confused at first, by the end of his speech, they were eating it up.
"...and I promise you that there is no room for anyone here who isn't willing to go to the extreme!" For a second, Paul seemed to forget that he wasn't in charge.
"Item three." Tom took the mic back. "Evan Bourne. I am not a person who does things for revenge, but even I have my limits. You will be dealt with by the law, but until then you still work for me. I called in a favor and tonight, in a no disqualification match it will be Evan Bourne versus the Undertaker!"
There were only a couple of wrestlers who had a problem with the run sheet at the meeting and Evan was one of them; no surprise eh?
Backstage, Evan was nervously pacing. He knew Mark was at the arena and he also knew that Mark had been a friend of Matt and Jeff's almost from the beginning.
"Fuck." He mumbled, walking from his locker room to the gorilla position and back repeatedly.
Meanwhile, Tom was going over the last of his changes to the existing ECW. In addition to Heyman and Styles, he'd also brought back a couple of the old referees and agents.
"And I know you're sick of me talking, so let's get on with the action..." Evan's music interrupted Tom.
Evan came out in his street clothes, to a cacophony of boos. Most of the fans knew what had gone down between Evan and Tom and were expecting a confrontation.
"Just what the hell are you doing?" He demanded
"I could ask you the same question... you have a match. Shouldn't you be getting ready?" Tom loved making Evan squirm.
"I'm not doing it." Evan folded his arms.
"Okay." Tom shrugged "I'll cancel the match for later tonight."
"You what?" Evan couldn't believe that Tom would just do this.
"Yeah, if you don't want to fight the Undertaker later tonight, that's fine. Undertaker, could you come out here please?"
The arena lights dimmed and the eerie music signified the arrival of the Dead Man.
Tom waited for Mark to show up. He was thinking on the fly. Evan's reluctance to fight the Undertaker had set him up for a shock.
"Sorry for dragging you all the way up here, but it looks like I won't need you after all." Tom tried not to be too unnerved. Mark was a real nice guy, most of the locker room would agree, but once he got into character, he was the exact opposite.
"I came all the way here to bury someone and tonight... someone will rest... in... peace!" Undertaker rolled his eyes. Then, to everyone's amazement, he grabbed Tom around the throat.
"Yeah!" Evan cheered. "That'll show you!"
Tom was hoisted into the air and slammed down.
"Take that, fag!" Evan stood over Tom. "Whoo!" He pumped his fists, accidentally bumping Mark who was just standing.
Mark rolled his eyes and turned. The look he gave Evan was enough to scare him. Before he could run, he was also lifted into the air and send to the canvas with a thud. But Mark wasn't finished. He tombstoned Evan with a loud bang. The last thing Evan saw before his head hit the mat was Tom laughing.
Mark folded Evan's arms across his chest and rolled his eyes again.
"Ah what the hell." Tom was back on his feet. He signalled to the back and newly rehired ECW referee John Finnegan came down.
"Count." He ordered
"Yes, sir... one, two, three!"
"Here is your winner... the Undertaker!" Tony Chimel announced
Tom picked up the microphone that had fallen out of his hand when he was 'attacked' by Mark. "Evan, don't forget who you work for. If you don't like it, we have two other brands. I could send you to Raw and let Matt deal with you or I could send you to Smackdown and let my fiancee take care of you... the choice is yours."
Tom left the ring to cheers. At the top of the ramp, he looked back. Mark was just exiting the ring, Evan was still dazed on the mat. A tombstone is real easy to sell if you know it's coming, but if not it can still hurt like a son of a bitch.
"Oh, one more thing. I know what the fans really like. T and A. Am I right?" He asked
The audience roared.
"How about you ladies here tonight?"
The female contingent screeched.
"Well get your cameras ready..." Tom smiled "Undertaker, I know it ain't your thing, but there's ten grand for you if you rip Evan's clothes off... All of them!"
Mark flung his hair out of his eyes and reached for Evan. Tom laughed and went backstage. He'd seen Evan naked many times before.
Backstage, over the squeals of the many women in attendance, he corralled Heyman.
"Start booking for next week. Once the Bash is over, then we'll really get extreme!"
"Yes sir." Heyman was happier than a pig in you know what.
Tom went back to his office. The censors were gonna have a field day with the full monty that was occurring in the ring, but if it did what Tom wanted it to do namely boost ratings, he'd deal with any negative publicity personally.
"You son of a bitch!" He was confronted outside his office door by a totally nude Evan Bourne.
"You brought it on yourself, kid." Tom laughed. Not at the fact that Evan was naked, but by the fact that Evan only needed one hand to cover his privates.
Evan pushed past him, into Tom's office. Tom shouldered his way in before Evan could lock the door.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Evan grabbed a towel from Tom's bag and wrapped it around his waist.
"Nothing... I'm trying to boost ratings and keep all of us employed. You haven't heard anyone else complain when they've had to appear on-camera less that fully attired..."
"That was different. Thousands of people just saw my dick!" Evan yelled
"Are you concerned about your size?" Tom joked
"No, but come on man, this ain't right. It's abuse of power."
"I told you what you can do if you don't like it." Tom edged past Evan and sat down behind his desk. "Now get the hell out of my office."
"But..."
"Out!" Tom bellowed, indicating the door. "And leave my towel here!"
"Fine. You know you really are an ass hole!" Evan flung the towel at Tom's face and stalked out the office. He wasn't going to give his new General Manager the satisfaction of seeing how embarrassed he really was, so he didn't bother covering up at all while walking back to the locker room. He got whistled, catcalled, and a few of the usual cold night comments, but Evan did not care. He was beyond caring. He had revenge on his mind and this time he wasn't going to be so stupid as to tell anyone what he had planned.
Evan's parade out of the office totally nude had caught the attention of several of the superstars, but none had a more adverse reaction that Jeff Hardy. Only at the show to watch his fiance make his return, he watched the goings-on between Tom and Evan with a little more than the usual concern. This concern turned into something a little more than that when he saw Evan leave the office completely bare.
Tom was sitting in his office, reveling in all the trappings of his new position, as well as watching the rest of the show with great relish. Everything seemed to be going well. Joey Styles was back to his "oh my God" ways, and the roster seemed to be enjoying the freedom that being extreme allowed. His idyllic peace was shattered around the same time his door was.
"Can I help you?" Tom asked, without looking up. He assumed, incorrectly, that it was one of his other charges coming to complain about something, or worse still, Evan back to moan and bitch further.
"What the fuck are you doing with Evan?"
Obviously it wasn't Evan. Tom looked at his irate fiance, and became really confused really fast. "What the hell are you talking about, Jeffers?"
"I just saw Evan walk out of your office naked. What's that all about?" Jeff demanded
"Uh... absolutely nothing." Tom answered. "You were watching the show weren't you?"
"Yeah." Jeff pounded on the desk. "But that doesn't explain why he was in your office naked?"
"He was doing the same thing you are... complaining. I didn't think you were the jealous type!"
"I'm not." Jeff said "Just a little suspicious, if you ask me."
"Then why are you getting all worked up over nothing?" Tom stood and crossed the room. "What's wrong, Jeffy?" He took Jeff by the shoulders and turned him so they were looking right into each other's eyes.
"You see this ring?" Tom waved his hand in front of Jeff's face. "To me, this says that I am totally committed to you and our relationship and nothing is going to come between us. Not a fire, not intolerance, and particularly not Evan."
"It's just that since I got you back, Imma 'fraid that something's going to happen and Imma gonna lose you."
Still looking in Jeff's eyes, Tom smiled heartily. "It's gonna take a lot more than a naked ex-boyfriend to make me change my mind about you Jeffrey Nero Hardy." He kissed Jeff deeply.
Their tongues were dancing around each other when they suddenly realized that someone else was in the room. Well, it was more like when they heard a "Hem-hem."
"God... can't I have a moment's peace?" Tom demanded. He hadn't seen who it was, so in hindsight the comment should've been shelved.
Jeff was facing in the other direction and he saw who it was. Mr. McMahon did not look happy.
Jeff quickly turned Tom around to face Vince, or maybe it was so he could hide behind him.
"Is there a problem, Mr. McMahon?"
"You've been GM for less than a day and already I have to deal with complaints from your guys." Vince retorted
"What do you mean?"
"I just had Evan Bourne in my office. He's spouting something about sexual harassment." Vince replied
"That's a load of crap if ever I heard it." Tom replied
"He said that he never agreed to be stripped naked on live television." Vince answered, folding his arms.
"He also refused to wrestle... or didn't you see the show?" Tom answered, grabbing a paper of his desk. "This was the run sheet for tonight... Evan Bourne versus the Undertaker in segment six. If he had a problem with the match, he should said something at the meeting."
"He says he did."
"What he said was that he was a little uneasy about fighting Mark. He never said he was gonna refuse to perform if I didn't change it." Tom stated "It's my first night and already I have trouble. It's not bad enough that I have to put up with him, but now he's stirring shit!"
"When I offered you this position, I told you anyone you wanted gone, I'd try to accommodate." Vince responded
"Yeah, but Tiffany had already booked him to appear tonight. He was advertised and I didn't want to disappoint his three fans." Tom answered "Now that he's fulfilled that, I don't want to see his face..."
"...or any other part of him..." Jeff interjected
"...or any other part of him" Tom repeated "on my ECW program."
"We'll discuss options after the Bash." Vince answered "Once we see who's got what. Just try to keep your guys in check. I really don't need any more headaches."
"I'll try, boss." Tom was the one with the headache.
"And just between you, me, and the walls, I enjoyed the show tonight." Vince strode from the office.
"Cool. I promised you I'd bring ECW back to what it was. Tonight was the first step." Tom wiped sweat from his forehead the minute Vince was gone.
"Can you believe him?" Jeff asked "Making up a story like that."
"Sounds like something your ex would do." Tom answered
"Tommy, you promised me we'd never talk about him again!" Jeff still had occasional nightmares about the incident in the psychiatric ward. Up until that comment, Tom hadn't said a single word about Jack. Jeff didn't even know how savagely Tom had beaten him. He was under the impression that his ex was spending time in a holding cell somewhere.
"Sorry, my bad." Tom quickly apologized, praying that his slip wouldn't bring on another emotional outburst. Maybe that's why Jeff had reacted so badly to seeing Evan leave his office. Seeing Tom's ex made him think of his own...?
"I have an idea Jeffro, but I'm not going to even suggest it until you answer me a question."
"What?" Jeff curled into Tom's shoulder and looked up at him, all traces of his earlier outburst gone.
"You getting the belt back?"
"Why?"
"Because I can't ask Vince to trade Evan to Smackdown for you if you're the champion." Tom winked.
"You want me on ECW?" Jeff gasped
"It'll solve all of our problems, bro. We get rid of Evan and we'll be together." Tom responded "But it all depends on what creative has planned for you this Sunday."
"I dunno yet. I'll find out when I get to the arena." Jeff shrugged
"Oh, well I guess we wait then." Tom said "Either way you win, right? Either the champ or you get to be with me."
Jeff just smiled, staring at the floor.
"You are such a tease." Tom shook his head in disbelief. "You really aren't gonna tell me, are ya?"
"Nope." Jeff grinned "I told you I don't know."
"Hmm." Tom tapped his chin. "How about dinner after the show then?"
"Mmm... pancakes?" Jeff asked
"Enough with you and the damn pancakes. This is even worse than your Skittle fascination." Tom slapped his forehead.
"Skittles are yummy."
"Figures you'd be into fruity things. Catch you when I'm done?"
"How long Tommy?" Jeff hopped on the edge of the desk.
"Hour maybe?" Tom answered
"Donna keep me waitin'." Jeff purred, tracing his tattoos with his finger.
"I won't." Tom smiled
"I know you won't." Jeff leaned over placed a small kiss on Tom's forehead. "Later bro."
Less than a week later, Tom watched with mixed reactions as Jeff fought CM Punk for the World Title at the Bash. Either way, he was going to win, but Jeff seemed to want his title back a little bit more. Once the match ended, with Punk retaining the title via DQ, From his office, he watched as Jeff had to be restrained by several referees. This was normal, as in part of the script, but something in Jeff's eyes caught his eye. It was a combination of frustration and anger, something that Tom had not seen in Jeff for quite some time. By the time the referees had him somewhat controlled, Tom had left his office and was hurrying toward the gorilla position. Jeff's normal reaction when he was angry or frustrated was to lash out. Any other time, he spaced out.
"If he's gonna do that, it might as well be at me." Tom rationalized his somewhat impetuous decision.
Jeff was in the Smackdown locker room, and he was doing a real good job of redecorating certain parts of it.
Tom knocked discreetly just as a matter of protocol. Were it the ECW locker room, he'd just kick the door down and start throwing things around himself if he wanted to get his boys' attention.
"Hey, Hardy, come to get your boy?" JTG hollered
"That freak don't belong up in here." Shad added "He a two-time loser."
"He may be, but when was the last time you two did anything?" Tom answered, scanning the room for Jeff. "Other than stealin' the divas' panties?"
"Don't get up in our grill Hardy. Or we might just get postal on ya ass." JTG yelled, having to be held back by Shad,
"Back off if you want any of your street cred to remain. Y'all think it'll be good in the hood if word gets out about your activities with my boy, as you call him?" Tom winked. "I got pix, dawgs."
The smug expressions disappeared faster than ribs at one of J.R.'s cookouts. "I gotta deal for you. If you two don't want your faces and other things plastered in every gay porno mag, you're gonna keep an eye on Jeff for me."
"What are we, your bitches?" Shad demanded
"Anybody want to buy..." JTG quickly covered Tom's mouth. "Fine. We'll do it." He hissed. "But for how long, brah?"
"Until I can figure out a way to keep Jeff safe myself. Don't ask, but I'm willing to bet that Evan and Tiffany aren't finished with the Hardy family yet, especially me and Jeff." Tom answered "Now if you'll excuse me, gentlemen, I have a family crisis to avert."
How right he was!
TBC
Will Cryme Time be able to protect Jeff or will Evan find a way to get to him? What exactly is Evan going to do? The plot unfolds in the nexy chapter.