Wow, it's been a while.
Really, I am not proud of it. Erm... So I may have jumped the gun earlier when I said I broke my writers block. I have been busy as well, so that definitely didn't help things. I'm feeling like this story is hitting it's end, since I've tried to write it like episodes of Skins... at least I hope that's how it reads?
Fire hasn't helped, though you already know that. Truth be told, I've been trying to heal that wound for a while, and even though it is now a dull ache, the thing I yearn for now is Naomily. You know, the one that ended abruptly - and perfectly - at the end of Season 4? I was able to find that in the form of an awesome Tumblr page generously given to me by a cherished friend, so if you need some of that old Naomily love, visit my profile page; the link is number 1 on there.
I've also been told that Jess what'sherface has raised another Twitter, and broken everyone's hearts AGAIN by confirming that her story concludes that Naomi actually... yeah. Now, I don't use the word - because I feel it is a very un-ladylike term to use - but I have to; so I'm going to say she is a big C U Next Tuesday. *Deep breaths* Some people... What else can I say, really? Short of missing the GIANT SHIP known as Keffy, Fire is one of the biggest mistakes (in my opinion, though I've never been accused of having one agreed on by many others) in television history.
Katie POV
I'm nervous, that much I know. I mean, come on. Men are so easy, you know? They are... external creatures, and as long as you do that one easy motion; you're pretty much a pro. So why am I here - in this hotel room - with a strange, beautiful woman that I've never met? Okay yes, we did meet that one time, but I don't know her fucking name. And I gave up on trying to figure that out so now I just pretend I don't care. Because that's the Katie Fucking Fitch way of doing things; if you act like it doesn't bother you, eventually your brain will take the bloody hint. Miami - as I've come to call her - went out to get some more liquor, upon my request; and I'm dancing along to her iPod playing through the hotel alarm clock. I have to admit, she has fabulous taste in music for a lezza. I mean, to look at her you'd think she was as straight as they come, and her music taste is no different. Artists like Katy Perry, Lily Allen, all the good pop/techno shit; and hell. She even has Go West and The Buggles. I'm not complaining, obviously. She has just about every song I've ever heard or liked, plus a few hidden gems I haven't heard. So I can't help wanting to dance out my discomfort, as I toss my jacket down on the arm of the corner chair as a random song starts to pound through the room.
Bored, stoned, sitting in your basement
All alone, cause your little conversations
got around, now look at what we all found out
I move my hips quickly in time with the beat, and close my eyes; taking in every sensation I feel. From the rough carpeting on the pads of my feet, to the cotton fibres of my dress. It's as if I feel every strand of hair that comes loose, and every pore on my body open up as I strain every muscle I can manage. I'm trying to drown out the noise in my head with the noise in the room, and minus the butterflies that are at war inside of me; it seems to be working.
That you have got a set of loose lips, twisting stories
All because you're jealous
Now I know exactly what you're all about
The song is quickly paced, so as I bounce around I can feel the sweat dripping down my back, where the material on my dress has decided to lift effortlessly off my skin. No one is around, so I'm letting loose. I bob my head animatedly, and use my arms and hips to sway quickly with each trumpet scream. I've gotten into the song fully at this point, and decide raise my arms above my head for the adrenaline that is about to come.
Girl, your such a backstabber
Taking and twisting and turning so manipulating
Run your mouth more than everyone I've ever known
And everybody knows it
Just as I am about to start jumping, my body tensing its core muscles, I feel arms wrap around my waist from behind. I'd be terrified, but I can tell from the bulky black watch with bright green accents - that I have seen on a familiar girl earlier tonight - that this isn't a random come in to burgle. She presses her front against me from behind as the music starts to die down, and places a soft kiss on my shoulder.
"Not 'gonna lie, you're quite a sight to come back to."
I smile, though I can't really help it. She's nice, it's nice. It's different, that much I know. It's not an easy thing to get used to - being with a woman - because I feel like all my power has been taken from me. I hold power with men, I can manipulate and control any situation however I please. It's like playing with a puppet, the strings are always easily accessable. But with her, maybe with all women, it's unpredictable; and always on an even keel. It's as if the loss of control held by one person is gone, and you each hold a key to the door. But the trick? You have to work together, and use your keys at the same time to unlock the gates of pure paradise. Its... euphoric.
"Yeah, well. You took forever, so I had to keep myself busy somehow." I say this as detached as I can muster, because it's how I find even ground amongst the tremors.
She removes her hands, kisses my head, and moves over to the table opposite me. "I got you the finest red wine from Joe's Gas Bar. Twelve pounds, if you can believe it! Quite the bargain." She says this with humorous sarcasm, and her smile is uncanny. It reaches her ears like a mischievous child, but there's also something else in there that I like; her glassy green eyes.
"So, Katie. Drinks before, or after we shag?"
Brownie points for being blunt, I guess.
"And what makes you think I'm gonna shag you?" I say, quirking my eyebrow up.
She looks at me for a moment, before a sly smile traces across her lips and she walks over to me; slowly.
"Because..." She starts, as she reaches a hand up to brush a rogue strand of hair behind my ear. "...You want it, and I want it. So are you going to deny us the satisfaction of getting together? You've gotta know, I can make you feel alright."
She's playful, I'll give her that. But I still feel uneasy, and she can sense it. She takes a small step back and sighs. "Hun, I'm not going to force this. If you don't want it, just say so."
For the first time in my life, I feel like being honest. Fuck it, right? What's the worst that could happen.
"I've not shagged a girl before, so I don't know... what to do."
She smiles, takes my hand and leads me to the side of the bed. My butterflies have intensified, because I really don't know what is happening. She hasn't said a word... until she does. She sits next to me, rakes her hands soothingly across my upper back, and whispers softly.
"Don't you worry about a thing, love. Just sit back, relax, and enjoy yourself."
Naomi POV
I couldn't have asked for a better reaction from Emily, even if I rubbed the side of a genie lamp... or maybe just rubbed a genie... the fuck, Naomi. The point is, Emily and I are finally in a good place. Where we can start over, where I can actually fight for her. And I'm prepared to do that, even though Emily has always stayed where I could reach her. She wants to know what I've been up to since she left all those years ago, and she wants to know every little detail. So I tell her about my life, I tell her that I have an embarrassingly huge amount of love for my Mythology course, and that this term we were learning about mythological creatures. I told her how we learned about a demigodess named Empusa, and how her flaming red hair and seductive nature constantly reminded me of Emily. That earned me a slap - because Emily has never been a fan of being compared to a creature that feeds off the blood of men - though it didn't stop me from explaining that the Gorgon sisters also reminded me of her. I explained the reason was because there was a sister that reminded me so much of Katie - Euryale - the sister most known for her death-bellowing screams. I got another slap for that, but I didn't mind. It made her laugh, at least. I tell her about the progress I am making in therapy, about how my coach says I am terrified of pain and loneliness. How my incessant need to sabotage good things in my life stems from feeling unworthy of love; that my father leaving made me believe that I wasn't worth loving. How I internalize a lot of my anxieties, and how I snap to rash decisions when I feel something - or someone - doesn't meet my expectations. She doesn't seem at all phased by my truths - like she somehow knew them all along - that makes me think going into Psychology was the right choice for her. Strange, she still loved me anyways. I tell her how Effy thinks I should be a journalist, and it doesn't surprise me that she agrees.
"You were always good at that stuff. Getting down to the most important parts of a story, and scrutinizing when there was something irrelevant!" She chuckles, and I can't help but feel numb to the cold. I'm warm when I'm with her, and that's all I could ever ask for.
"Yeah, well. If I did that, I wouldn't be able to travel, and I hate the idea of being stuck in a cubicle the rest of my life."
She raises an eyebrow at me, and wipes some fallen snow off my shoulder before asking, "Why wouldn't you be able to travel?"
"Because..." I start. "Effy needs someone to look after her. And I can't leave her alone while I galavant around the world. I'd always be worried that when I came home, she'd be writing her name on the walls in blood."
Emily eyes me cautiously, and replies "Since when do you life your life for others? For Effy?"
"Since I know how bad she gets. Since I know how little her family is there for her. Since.. Freds."
Emily doesn't say anything, and I'm surprised myself. I feel like I'm on a roll, and I guess it's time to let it out. "Effy never talks about him. neither do I, I just... I'm so mad at him for leaving us. For leaving Effy. He's the only one who can take care of her, who could take care of her-"
"Naomi," She cuts in. "You know he didn't leave us, right?"
"I know, I'm not really mad at him I just... I'm scared for her. I'm always scared for her. And there's no one around that I can trust her with."
She smiles, and takes my hand. "One day, Effy will find someone who can handle her. Just like you have someone that can handle you. I know it's no comfort, but have faith; yeah?"
She squeezes lightly, and my resolve echoes. She's right, she must be right. I'm here with her, after everything that I've done; she's still standing right in front of me.
Effy POV
I don't feel so good. It's late, and the bright lights in contrast to the dark night sky is making my head throb. It's tough, the new pills I am on give me sensitivity to flourescent light, and it feels like there is a circus going on in my head. With each pulse, its as if someone is hitting a high striker with a sledge hammer; and winning. I don't want to tell September, because let's face it. I'd have to explain why, and I've grown accustomed to keeping that part of me secret. Though, she was there for my last episode; according to Naomi.
"Is something wrong?"
Fuck. She noticed. "I'm fine."
"The color has drained from your face. Is it the lights?"
"...How do you-"
"My brother used to have migraines. He had a hard time indoors, and at cinemas. Come on, I'll take you home." She pats my shoulder reassuringly, and we begin to walk towards my flat.
Something in me is telling me to do something - anything - to get some form of physical contact with her. The throbs in my head are only drowned out by the shrieks urging me to grab onto her. So I comply, cautiously, as I snake my arm inside her's and hold on tight. She flinches, but doesn't dare look at me - as she slips that hand inside of her jacket pocket. She is warm, and inviting, though I wouldn't dare compare her to anyone else. You can't live life comparing others to someone you've lost, or else no one will measure up; no one will be enough for you. We walk silently through the night, and it's snowing. Quite romantic - if this were a movie - because it kind of feels like it would be filmed in another life. The lights illuminate the falling flakes and they almost twinkle like stars, landing quietly and softly on us. She looks nice like this, it feels nice like this. For once, I feel contempt; less alone. And I like this feeling.
"You've got some color back..." She breaks. "Are you feeling better?"
"Yes."
"Good." She smiles, and it is a sight that makes my blood run hot. I grip her arm tighter as we continue on our walk, and I can see the smoke start to form at the intense temperature change of the air to out breath.
We arrive at the flat, and the time is already a quarter past two a.m. I don't think it safe for her to walk home this late, especially since she seems to be a magnet for trouble; so as I open my mouth to invite her in, she speaks first.
"Sweet dreams, Effy." She lets go of my arm and starts to walk, and she gets a few feet before I manage to find the words in my throat. "Actually... wait!" I shout, and she stops in her tracks.
"Stay here tonight... I'll sleep on the couch, just stay."
She inhales, and turns around reluctantly. Her boots clump loudly against the snow, as she makes her way slowly back to me. When she is a few steps away - I don't know why I do it - but I reach my hand out to her. She looks into my eyes, and I feel uneasy in her gaze. I feel naked, and scrutinized. Like everything is out in the open, every last scrap of paper displayed for her to study. But she has never once made it feel like I was unsafe, like her growing knowledge of me would harm me. She has kept the monsters away, she knows what to say, and how I'm feeling. And I'm okay with that. I'm okay having that.
She reaches out, takes my hand in hers, and I smile for the first time in my life.
Okay, so. Can you feel the conclusion happening? I can... I feel like doing a future one soon. Like, a 'where they ended up' kind of chapter evolution. Let me know if the next chapter is too soon to make that leap?
I love you guys, as always. Thank you for everything that you do. I still can't believe there are so many of you out there who read. It floors me.
xoV
Oh, by the way. That song in Katie's POV, I heard it on a show (it may have been PLL, but I can't remember) and INSTANTLY thought of Katie. I mean, come on right? It has her attitude! Well, at least I think it does. Anyways, had to throw that one in. Sorry. Bye now.