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Sometimes your mind can play tricks on you, and you can think you see something that's really not there. Like how one moment you can think you know yourself, and the next you're doing something you never thought you'd ever do. Or how you can think you know where your life is going, till you turn around and realize you'd lost your way somewhere. Or how you can believe you know someone, and they show you you'd been wrong the whole time.

Like how I believed that Bella loved me.

I'd followed her with such haste that I hadn't taken into consideration how she would feel. I'd left so quickly that I hadn't even thought there was any way she could have possibly changed her mind. And I'd left so fast that I hadn't given my heart time to heal and now, unexpectedly, she was tearing it apart.

"Bella," I called. Her name was utter fire on my tongue, it burned and tore and scarred.

She didn't hear me; well at least that was what I told myself. My mind was gracious enough not to let me believe that she had chosen not to listen.

"Bella, please."

Maybe it was the horror of my tortured voice that made her stop, or maybe it was just that she felt guilty. Perhaps it was a mixture of both. Either way, she paused in the middle of the room and turned to face me.

I had never imagined that an angel could look so dead. From where she stood the light hit her in such a way that let me see, more than I had noticed before, what our time apart had done to her.

Her face was smaller, thinner than I remembered. Her skin was pale and it made her look sick. There was no color in her cheeks; there was no emotion in her eyes. There was no life there.

If I hadn't known better I could have said she was a vampire. I hadn't known till then that there was more than one way a monster could spread his misfortune.

I didn't know what I could possibly say to her. How do you convey to such a wonderful, perfect person that you were sorry you had destroyed her life?

For it was my fault that she was there now. It was my fault she looked the way she did. If it hadn't been for my selfishness I might have been able to stay away. I might have been able to let her live.

After all, that was what she deserved. My own feelings – they weren't as important.

"Oh, Bella. I'm so-"

"Don't say it."

She didn't shout the remark, but I wish she had. I deserved it. I deserved anything and everything she wanted to say to me. I needed it.

But she was calm when she spoke to me, as if she knew she was making it worse.

"I don't care about what you have to say," she murmured. "And I don't want to hear it."

Of course she didn't. How could I be so naïve to believe that she did? I'd left her for months; I'd gone back on everything I'd ever said to her. Why should she put up with my apologies?

"If you traveled all the way here just to say you're sorry than I'm afraid you wasted your time."

"Wasted?" I thought, and it took me a moment to realize that I'd accidentally said it aloud.

Bella didn't respond to my slipped comment. She turned again and made her way towards the door.

I knew I shouldn't have, but a part of me screamed that maybe her show was merely that, maybe I was dreaming. I'd lied to her to save her, but maybe she hadn't ever believed me.

I reached out to grab her arm and before I could even touch her I knew that I had made a mistake.

Bella stopped and her hand automatically shot up to push my arm off her. She wasn't nearly as strong as I was, and I could have held on, but I didn't.

"Don't touch me," she sneered. "Don't you dare-"

She never finished her sentence. A figure suddenly appeared beside her and silenced her rejection.

He was taller than she was, and bigger. He had long, brown hair that fell down to his shoulders and a baseball cap that covered most of his face. Even so I was able to recognize him as the man from Alice's vision. When he put his arm around Bella's shoulder I felt a sudden urge to violently tear him off her, but I held myself back.

"Is everything alright, Iz?" he asked her, and I saw how his arm flexed tighter.

"Yeah Ian, everything's fine."

She didn't sound very convincing and I could tell by her new friend's thought that he didn't believe her.

"Is he causing you trouble?" he murmured lowly to her.

Bella glared at me before she answered. "No, he was just leaving. They all were."

She shot fiery looks at Alice and Jasper as well and then moved closer to Ian. I probably wouldn't have noticed if it wasn't for the fact that I was so used to her. I was so attuned, even after all this time, to the way she moved. I had to be, for I was used to the way I used to move around her, how I could shift my self to mirror her. How I could predict, before she lifted a finger, that she was going to run her hand through her hair.

Just like she did now.

"Go," she ordered. "Go now or I can tell Ian to go get his Dad. You don't want that. I know you don't."

She was right, I didn't want to fight anyone – well my reason didn't. The monster wanted to attack, it wanted to hurt and tear.

There was a pressure on my shoulder – a reminder from Alice.

"No, we don't want that." My voice cracked against my will.

"Good."

That was the way she dismissed us, and along with it, all the truths I'd ever expressed to her and all the lies I'd told for her sake.

Jasper nudged my from behind and though I know I didn't want to, my feet walked me towards the door. I opened it without noticing I had done so.

Alice and Jasper went out ahead of me. Perhaps they knew how reluctant I was to go; perhaps they were planning on dragging me out. I didn't know. I didn't even bother to read their thoughts to find out.

I glanced again at Bella before I left. Her hand was linked with Ian's and her head was resting against him. She must have sensed that I was looking at her for her eyes shot up to meet mine.

Maybe it was the fluorescents, or maybe it was that I was hoping so strongly that Bella couldn't possibly have meant anything she said.

Or maybe the look of sadness and heartbreak really was on her face.

But then again, sometimes your mind can play tricks on you, and you can think you see something that's really not there.

Bella looked away before I could be sure.

I let the door slam behind me as I left and ran off into the darkness before Alice or Jasper could catch up to me.

Thanks! Oh and review! (hint, hint)

(Fluorescents!)