Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight related, Harry Potter related, Starbucks related, Snargle related, Lord of the Rings related, Star Wars related... I own nothing that it seems I've copied in here. I am using it purely as a tool for a story. Please enjoy.
Authors own shout out: Thank you guys for reading and reviewing my story. I love reading your comments more than anything considering they are rather funny and they make me smile like a horse with botox. And your ideas are nice as well. They throw me into not 2 hours loops of thought mroe of 6.8908 minutes of thought, I like most of them and hope to make some of them part of the story because some of you -cough to name one cough cough Selena- have sent some interesting ideas that I'm attached to. Thanks for everything guys!.. and i love Jazzy's name... and Hambercheeze... every1 elses names need to have some sort of food or fictional character in it... yes mine doesn't but I'm cool... okay enjoy.
"WHAT THE HELLLLLLLLLLLL?" I screamed it at the top of my lungs before just shrieking for what seemed a full minute until my butt landed on the soft cushion of leaves and not so soft twigs. Before I could blink in the dark cave that resembled the bat cave a man gagged me and bound my arms quicker than I could struggle and call out 'God save the crickets.' I was hoisted over his shoulder. And then I saw her. She came out from the cloak of dark matter that was darkness staring at me with her cold tomato-cherry-twisted-nipple-blood-red piercing eyes.
Victoria, I screamed in my head and sent the thought to Edward.
Bella where is she? Where the hell are you? If you don't tell me I'm going to kick your ass so hard with a rubber boot you will wince when you walk!
She chuckled softly and smiled those pearly-snow-like-cream-in-an-eclaire-milk-white sharp fangs at me and touselled her luscious red-blazing-sunny-more-perfect-than-L'Oreal hair over her shoulder. Her fingers went out to stroke my cheek as she purred in the voice of a lover, "Bella darling, so good to see you again." And then she raised her hand in a swipe and hit me in the back of the head flooding my mind with more darkness. Though not before I could send Edward my last thought, Don't come after me, please. Stay the hell away.
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"Bella," Edward cried out in the darkness, his nose flaring searching for her smell even though he could already guess some of what had happened from the images that had flashed in his head. "She's gone! Victoria has her!"
"Like we can do anything in the dark," growled Draco before shouting, "Lumos!" The lights flashed on leaving everyone in the room staring at Draco and his wand. Draco looked at the humans uneasily. "Ta daaa!" The humans began to clap uneasily.
"Okay get the hell out of here," Edward hissed to all the humans before glaring fixedly on Voldemort and Aro's gang.
"Where did she go?" Jacob snarled stalking to Edward angrily, his skin bristled before he clamped his fist. Jacob sniffed around as Esme rushed out the guests handing them all Ipods as party favors –she kept a box of Ipods around should she have a party and be lacking of party favors, it was Esme after all-. Jacob ended up on the floor, his hands and knees, not caring that Jessica snapped a picture of him before departing, sniffing recklessly at the tiles. "She fell through here." Jacob's eyes immediately flashed to Edward in shock and disbelief. "What the hell? You have a secret compartment in this house?"
"Don't glare at me! I didn't know this for once," Edward hissed. All eyes turned to Carlisle who uncomfortably shifted from foot to foot.
"I was a batman fan when I was younger and… and built a replica of the Bat Cave down there." Edward quickly scanned Carlisle's mind and pushed a button hidden under a picture of a furry pink kitten to reveal the slide to the underground compartment. Before a moment could be used Jacob and Edward both jumped at the same time ending up in each others arms screaming like a woman who lost 50 million dollars to a clown the whole way down the chute. The floor closed up and left the 2 together.
"Well this is awkward," muttered Marcus as Alice crunched her fists together and Jasper forced a 'regretful' feeling on the group of idiots –meaning Aro and his friends-. Alice took Aro and Marcus by the collars and shook them, "Is this part of your plan? Kidnapping Bella!"
"Actually yesssss," replied Voldemort drunkenly before he started laughing like an idiot. "Well we planned to kidnap her later but we had no idea Icky Vicky and Caiusss the Virusss did asss well."
Emmett stumbled over to Voldemort with Charlie leaning on his arm and the three of them laughed together like idiots just because they could all still breathe.
The La Push gang stepped forward as one group –which really gets annoying for them considering they hate being recognized as a group instead of separate individuals thought they can't help stepping forward together as one-, "Okay do we get to kick someones ass or not?" Came a shout from the back of the La Push group as Leah pushed forward through the group and then stopped in the middle of her tracks when her eyes alighted on Draco Malfoy.
It was like she had just seen the light of Heaven and realized there really were flying pigs that sang sweetly and mountains of éclairs. Her mind went blank and all she could do was stare at Draco, a god almost, the being that her life revolved around. The other half of her soul. Her mate.
"Shit," muttered Sam, "Leah just imprinted on a warlock."
"What? You're a warlock," she cried out.
"Yes. Why do you dislike them?" Draco was already on the offensive as he pointed his wand to Leah's throat.
"No I'm thankful you're not a bloodsucker," and as fiercely as Draco had placed the wand at the edge of Leah's throat she grabbed him just as fiercely and planted a large smacking kiss on his lips growling playfully as the others took a step back each with their own mixed emotions showing on their faces though most of their faces looked disgusted, with the exception of Luna who just said, "furry lumpagus" which pretty much summed up the moment. Yes furry lumpasgus it was, it was a lumpagus of furryness. Something sweet and something gross. As Draco pulled back he realized something, he pulled Leah away and held her at arms length as if she were a rare virus that he didn't want to catch, "You're brutal, up front, and feisty… where the hell have you been all my life?" And like that Bella was forgotten and a new relationship found
Carlisle coughed and pushed down on a figurine of a fat puppy eating dogfood to reveal an elevator. "Lets go find out whats happening, the easy way down though."
"If Victoria lays one hand on my delicate swan," growled Jane as she elbowed in room beside Jasper and Alice, Alec was crammed up behind Esme and Carlisle, Sam was dangerously close to Jared's face, Luna was rammed under Paul's armpit, and Seth was crouched on the floor under people's legs with Neville. Both gave each other a sympathetic nod. They'd been in weirder places though neither would mention it right at the moment. Marcus and Aro decided to piggyback on Rosalie's back, "Get the hell off me."
"No, you have the prettiest back therefore it shall be our cushion… High ho silver away!" The elevator door shut with Aro's exclaimation leaving the image of a ticked off Rose on everyone's minds for a full 2.7897987 seconds. Everyone being: Charlie, Emmett, and Voldemort who decided to having a drinking contest in Rose's room and Leah and Draco Malfoy who decided to run off and get married in a chapel so they could spend the rest of their lives getting to know each other. Ebony and ivory, tan native and pale Englishman, shapeshifter and warlock… okay peanut butter and jelly is more simple to say. Both content to wander around for 6.890890385 hours before getting married to get to know each other first.
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"She went this way," grunted Jacob sniffing at the ground. "Come on are you going to help bloodsucker?"
"Give me a moment mutt," hissed Edward touching the side of his head lightly. "Bella's voice still tickles my mind as we speak." There was pain in his voice as Edward sat on a rock. "Give me a moment and you won't have to sniff around. Bella has a new talent," hissed Edward closing his eyes, "I can't see whats in her mind but she can talk to me through hers and I can talk back to her as well." Jacob stopped moving around in the dirt, thankfully because he had given new meaning to the term brown-noser.
"How can Bella-"
"She's odd remember," smirked Edward before he grimaced and opened his eyes. "I should tell you what she sent to me before she was, from my call on judgment knocked out-"
"That bitch!"
"Yes Victoria is one and she will have something coming for her when we get to her but look mutt Bella told me something before she went out cold!" Jacob crouched on the ground anxiously. He was beginning to lose his mind from worry over Bella. Bella told me, 'Don't come after me, please. Stay the hell away.'"
Silence…….. The young cricket-grasshopper baby was a ful grown jedi now as he chirped, he intended to find his mother….
"We aren't though are we? I don't know if you can but I can't," rasped Jacob hitting the ground and sending a large puff of dirt into the air.
"No. And though Bella's voice was… pleading, begging those words to me I can't. Not after seeing her face," and here Edward's voice broke into a low mountain lion's roar as he remembered Victoria's face in his mind.
"Her face? That smell? That female vampire. She did this?" Jacob's body shivered ready to break loose.
Jacob's mind filled up with incredible worry for Bella. What the red head would do to Bella? What she could do to Bella? Drink her dry. And his anger beat at him more than he had ever understood anger before this was a newfound one, it was stronger than his anger for Edward when Bella had told him that Edward was the one for her, when she had cut ties off with Jacob so cleanly she hadn't even flinched, this was a new anger. "That bloodsucker is going to pay," he growled.
"I don't know whats going to happen to Bella but we have to get to her fast. Bella isn't a strong warrior or anything…"
Jacob abruptly glared at Edward, "I believe that has changed since you were last here." Edward got up from his seat on the rock and grabbed hold of Jacob's neck lifting him until he had Jacob pressed firmly against the wall of the cave. "If you're going to chase this vampire you can only do it for the right reasons. I only want those who care for Bella coming. No one that's insignificant and just wants to rip at vampire carnage."
"Look," Jacob said grabbing Edward's neck with his free arm so they both were holding onto a vital part of the other's body, "you fell for the old Bella Ed. Sure I cared for the old Bella, I was on the crush stage, but this new Bella I'd kill and die for! I love her!"
At that moment the elevator opened up and everyone that had been packed into it came flooding out of the elevator like a baby coming out of the uterus. It was just nasty the way they fell over each other in a jumbled mess. Aro stood up and bushed off his clothes before glancing at Edward and Jacob, "Tense awkward moment," he breathed looking down at Marcus seriously.
"We live for these," cried Marcus jumping up and singing with Aro in two harmonious beautiful bell ringing voices, "Awkward moment we must break it! La la la la LAAAA!"
Rosalie chose at that moment to pull the spiked mallet out of her purse and hit Aro and Marcus in the sides of the head knocking them out unconscious. Jane sighed and threw Rose a small smile, "Thank you. If we need to bring them with us we'll just throw them in the trunk okay." Rose nodded back. Both Jane and Rose understood each other in that one moment. They both had to take care of an idiot, well Jane had a few idiots to take care of. And then the moment was broken as Paul passed a silent but deathly fart and all those still in the elevator threw their bodies out of the elevator not caring if they hurt themselves.
……..the snargle watched from within the cave at the group of beings who had assembled to save one girl…. The Fellowship of the Brunette, the snargle had decided to name them….
Edward and Jacob let go of each other, each meeting the others gaze, both not giving up. "Well where is she bloodsucker?"
"Wherever they are they're gone," rasped Carlisle looking down angry at himself. "They took the Bat Mobile." Carlisle's eyes traveled to Edward for a fleeting moment before comprehension dawned on Edward.
"You rigged that car to go 450 miles an hour," Edward shrieked!
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We were riding a plane. That much I could tell from the light feeling and the thrumming of the propellers. A private plane. I was still bound tightly and was hung on a hook to the ceiling of the plane rocking back and forth with it. I tried to move my bound feet and stop the spinning I was doing from where I was hanging. I would've thrown up but I didn't have that as an option, there was tap and a gag over my mouth so I felt like shit. When my bound feet caught the side of a box I was able to crane my head forward without worrying about swiveling around and I caught a glimpse of a beautiful man flying the plane: Caius. I sent the image to Edward. At the moment I wasn't sure if he'd get the image. We were separated so far away from each other.
And then a chuckle made me grimace from my hung position. I shifted on the box and brought myself up into sitting position on it though my arms ached from still being hung on the hook but I didn't care if it hurt I just wanted to see her and at least have some lack of motion.
"Hello Bella," she smiled softly from a chair that had been sitting right across from me. "I've been so looking forward to you waking up for me." Victoria pulled out a camera, "Like my former husband I too like video cameras." Caius shifted in his seat, he didn't know what Victoria meant but obviously he made him wonder. "Now let me hook this up to a live feed that will send this directly to Aro's inbox. She did all that she needed in 4.890808 seconds. Victoria taped the camera on the armrest of her chair and turned it on as she walked over towards me. "I do believe this will get Edward's attention more than your website," she grinned.