This plot bunny was handed to me by Ari, Daughter of Zeus, so thanks!

This turned out a bit angstier than I intended, however.

Disclaimer, as I didn't put one in the last chapter: DO. NOT. OWN. *sighs sadly*

"Doctor?"

Oh, dear. This was not good at all. Rory had his Roman Centurion voice. The Doctor turned around nervously, fiddling with one of his cufflinks.

"What is this?" Rory gestured to the Doctor's laptop.

"Well, it's my laptop, Rory."

"Don't avoid the question," said Rory exasperatedly. "I mean, what the hell is this?" Rory flipped the laptop open and gestured to a website labeled "FanFiction".

Mentally, the Doctor started calculating escape plans. "Oh, that- that's just. . ."

Amy appeared. "Yes, Doctor, we can read. It's fanfiction."

Hastily, the Doctor tried to explain, all chances of escape gone. "Well, it's rather interesting really. You see, apparently, in an alternate universe, we're part of a show on the telly! And it's really popular! And- and- and the TARDIS somehow got a hold of some of the websites from there that somehow leaked through, and some were fanfiction sites! But, Amy, it's really fascinating to see what they think about us and- and-" His voice trailed off at Amy's eye-roll.

"But why did you write some as well?" exclaimed Rory.

The Doctor huffed. "Well, they were making some wild conjectures, so I decided to set the record straight!"

"Right, and this is how you set the record straight- by writing fics." Amy's eyebrows crept toward her hairline.

Setting the Record Straight

By: cool_like_bowties

Chapter One

Amy used to have a crush on the Doctor.

Read: used to.

So after the whole incident the night before her wedding, Amy pretty much lost interest in the Doctor.

After all, she was married now, wasn't she? Married to a sword-wielding centurion who looked like any old nurse. Sword-wielding centurions who haven't wiped out entire planets and civilizations (and his own people, mind you) are much better choices than silly old men who have done the aforementioned.

Amy should know that.

Amy does know that.

Amy and Rory exchanged looks over the glow of the laptop, then glanced at the Doctor, who looked as though someone had popped out of a Harry Potter book and done the Full Body-Bind curse on him.

Rory finally broke the silence (no, not that kind). "As much as I'm annoyed with this, I really do hope this first chapter is true."

Amy huffed annoyedly. "Of course it's true, stupid. " She gave him a peck on the cheek, thus ending all debates about the topic.

Chapter Two

The Master is dead.

Really, really dead.

He is.

He's not coming back, as brilliantly horribly amazing that would be. He exhausted all his powers when killing Rassilon, he's not coming back at all.

That's all.

The Doctor looked up at Amy. "Well, it's true, Amy."

Amy merely sighed and pulled him into a hug.

Chapter Three

The Doctor would never eat fish fingers, jammie dodgers, and jelly babies all at once.

That would be horrendous.

It really would taste awful.

It's true.

And he will never, ever, ever like carrots.

Carrots are bad.

"Doctor, that's a lie. You once asked for a custard-flavored ice-cream cone with a jelly baby topping and fish fingers with jammie dodgers on the side," said Rory flatly.

The Doctor pouted. "Haven't you been listening to River? Rule One, The Doctor Lies."

Rory continued, "And that cake that Amy made for your birthday? It was a carrot cake."

The Doctor's eyes widened in unadulterated horror.

Chapter Four

The Doctor doesn't speak to anyone in Gallifreyan for a reason.

One, he's the only one left who can understand it.

Two, it sounds to the untrained ear like screeching bats.

Apparently.

To him, it sounds like soft, lyrical musical notes.

Nobody else would understand.

"Screeching bats?" asked Amy, raising an eyebrow. "Let's hear it."

The Doctor sighed and uttered something along the lines of "It's going to be awful" in Gallifreyan.

Amy and Rory clapped their hands over their ears and nearly fell over. "Stop, Doctor!" Rory yelled.

The Doctor smirked.

Chapter Five

The Doctor wouldn't go mad without his companions.

He already is.

Rory closed the laptop gently. "Doctor, just delete the fics. We don't want our deepest secrets leaked to these. . . these Whovians."

"No!"

"Or we'll ban the laptop," Amy said warningly.

"Fine, then!"

Rory sighed and walked out of the room with the laptop, presumably to use it for sword practice. Amy followed him, probably to help him destroy it.

The TARDIS whirred happily.

The Doctor glared. "Really, old girl, you can't stand competition, even from a primitive Earth computer?"

The TARDIS hummed in agreement.