Author's Note: I hope you are sufficiently recovering from all your holiday festivities. We are getting to the juicy bits and the inevitable Caryl confrontation is coming. Right now, she's got to confront Rick first. Show Rick still pisses me off and I feel like I want to make things right in my world but not just yet. Our girl has built up alot of walls and she keeps them well fortified.

Thank you for the kind reviews and welcome to my new followers. I have a troll that just keeps sending anon hate but I just keep deleting. If you truly are a Caryl shipper, you should be ashamed of yourself. Personal attacks against me just make you look like a fool. You sure seem to expend a lot of energy on a story you think is terrible. Why don't you go hug a puppy or hump a Daryl Dixon action figure? Maybe you'll be inspired to be kinder or just maybe get a life. I'd feel sorry for you if you weren't so pathetic.

Sorry for the continued ranting. I'm just over the anon hate being sent my way.

XOXO Pamela

5. Ebb and Flow

Carol started to move to follow Pete but Lilly stopped her. "He told us to stay here. You need to sit back down, you're still shaking."

"That's my former group, Lilly." She said it flatly. Lilly's eyes grew wide with understanding. Carol made a point to let everyone in the group know what she had done. She didn't want any lies and couldn't keep the burden buried. They had been shocked and surprisingly compassionate . It had taken Lilly the longest to come around. She had lost her father to cancer right before finding the camp and as a nurse, she could not condone Carol's actions. It was only through Carol's tireless dedication to Megan and the other children that Lilly had come to be one of Carol's best friends in camp. Their relationship was not like it was with Andrea or Lori, but they had a bond built out of women who had lost a lot but grew strong despite their struggles.

Lilly asked her if Carol wanted her to come and Carol refused. "I need to be there for Caesar. I'm afraid some members of my group will try to hurt him." She hugged Lilly and headed back to her and Caesar's cabin. The standoff seemed to be close to it and she could observe what was going on without being seen. She couldn't handle facing them. She struggled over the months to put all thoughts about their whereabouts out of her mind. They were no longer her family. They were ripped from her by Rick and her own choices. She could have fought him, she could have headed straight back to the prison and pled her case. But the words he spat at her, the coldness in his eyes, she just shut down. It was just like Ed all over again. All those months fighting to survive, becoming stronger, evolving into a woman she never thought she could be, it didn't matter. With just a few carefully chosen words and actions all her growth ebbed away and she was that abused, beaten down, insecure woman standing by the side of a locked car.

She went through the back door and crept up to the front window and hid herself in the shadows by the window. From her vantage point, Caesar was directly in front of her, flanked by both Pete and Mitch. Talking heatedly with Caesar was Rick. Carol was stunned at how haggard he looked. He looked like a walking nervous breakdown. His hair was shaggier, greasy and unkempt and his beard was completely grey. Her heart hurt to see her friend and former leader looking like that. Like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. A few feet behind him she saw Carl, looking intense and tapping his gun on his hip nervously. She could also see Maggie, Michonne, Sasha, Bob and Tyreese. Oh God, Tyreese. He looked almost as bad as Rick. The whole group looked like they had been put through the wringer. How bad had it gotten for them? What horrors did they see?

Something caught her eye to the left of the group. She felt like she couldn't breathe. It was HIM. He was pacing back and forth like a caged animal, his crossbow clutched in his hand. Pete seemed to have his full attention and Carol could sense Pete was concerned about what Daryl was capable of. She wished she could call out to him at that moment. Or even go out there and soothe Daryl. She knew Daryl was raging because of Merle. Merle's death had devastated the younger Dixon and even though he never really spoke of it except a couple of times when they were alone together, his death haunted Daryl. Having Caesar there as a living, breathing reminder of what the Governor had done to his brother was eating at him.

She wasn't sure what the strongest emotion she felt at the moment was. Shock at her lover's confession that he used to be with the Governor, anxiety at seeing Rick and Tyreese and all that meant for her, or was it longing to let Daryl know she was alive, that she was there? She had missed him so much, missed his friendship, missed all the quiet moments they had enjoyed together for so long. The open wound she had thought had long scarred over ripped open with deadly force and she was overcome with those long suppressed feelings.

Daryl moved to Rick's side and whispered something in his ear. Rick nodded and spoke to Caesar. She couldn't hear what they were saying but she felt better now that the yelling had ceased. She jumped when Rick and Caesar turned to head into the cabin. She stumbled back into the bedroom and pulled the door in front of her. The footsteps became louder and then they were in the main area.

Caesar spoke first. "Look, man, I can give you enough supplies for a few days and let you have one of the RVs. I just cannot have you stay here. I can't keep one eye open every night waiting for one of your people to murder me and my people in our sleep. I ain't like Phillip. I left his ass the night he murdered my friends. I have a new life, a woman. These people out in that camp are mi familia and I won't put them in danger."

"We've been on the road for months. The woman, Michonne, is injured and needs proper medical treatment. She has a wound that's infected. We are starving. My son is starving. We just need a week to try to rest and heal. You have my word no harm will come to anyone in your camp, yourself included." Rick's voice was hoarse and pleading. It hurt Carol's heart to hear him begging like that, even after everything.

"No. I'm not negotiating with you. I'll make sure the nurse we have here checks out the injured and gives her what she can. Then you're out of here. That Legolas asshole out there looks like he's going to split my face open with an arrow. That's Merle's brother, man. No way, no how." She knew that tone he was using. It was firm and unyielding. He was going to kick them out. Her feet moved before her brain did.

"I'll vouch for them." She was surprised her voice didn't crack. She stepped around the bedroom door and walked into the room. Rick stumbled back into the table, his eyes wide and wild. "Hello, Rick." She faced Caesar whose expression was similar to Rick's. "Those people out there are part of my former group. They are good and honest people. If they say they won't harm us, I believe them. We need to let them stay for a while. They are in no condition to go back out into the unknown. It's freezing, they're half-starved and we have the room. I won't have their deaths on my conscience." Her look conveyed a million messages to Caesar. He nodded in understanding.

"What my mujer says goes around here. You got yourself a week. My men out there will take you to the RV area. There are enough there that each of you can sleep in one by yourself. You can keep your weapons. We rarely get walkers but I won't disarm people just in case. I'm putting my ass on the line here, hombre, you better not fuck this up." He stepped towards the door expecting Rick to follow.

Rick seemed frozen to his spot. He was staring at Carol and his eyes were wet with tears. "Carol." His voice sounded so broken. "You're alive. You're okay. Thank God. Daryl will be so…"

"Stop!" Carol interrupted him sharply. "I don't want to hear anything you have to say. I'm vouching for you because there are innocent people, people I loved that look like they are about to drop dead. I owe you nothing." She took a deep breath, recalling the faces that were missing. "Where are the rest of them, Rick? Where are my girls?"

Caesar's head tilted towards her and he placed a reassuring hand on the small of her back. She noticed Rick's eyes zone in on that little action. He raised them back to her and straightened his posture like he was steeling himself. Her stomach was in knots. "The Governor attacked the prison. He obviously had a new group, mercenaries. They had a tank. They killed Hershel, the girls, Judith, everyone. They killed everyone. Glenn died from the flu the next day. Beth couldn't cope with losing Hershel and Judith. She killed herself soon after. We're the only ones left." A tear rolled down his cheek and Carol was hit with the sudden flash to go hit him. He promised her he would take care of those girls. She walked away and they died. She couldn't save them just like she couldn't save her daughter.

"God damn you, Rick. You sent me away and now they're dead. I made a promise to their father I would PROTECT them! I killed two people to try to protect them and you tossed me aside and now those girls are dead. When did it happen?" She was shaking with anger and Caesar was now getting agitated. He always freaked out when she got upset. It was quickly becoming a volatile situation again. Caesar looked like he was going to hit Rick himself.

Rick put his hands out, placating them. "The very next day. Daryl's group just got back with the meds and the Governor took Michonne and Hershel hostage. We tried to negotiate but he killed Hershel in front of Beth and Maggie and all hell broke loose. The girls were killed by falling debris from the tank. They were trying to protect Judith. They all died." He looked like he was trying very hard to keep himself together.

Carol covered her face with her hands, trying to steady her breathing. She felt like another panic attack was oncoming. She wiped her face and looked up, fixing her stare at him. "You and your group are to stay in the area where the campers are. It's safe, quiet, and right on the edge of the forest. The hunting would be decent for Daryl even this time of year." She took a breath before continuing. "You are not to tell anyone in your group I am here. This camp is my family now. They ALL know what I have done. I am not hiding anything. I am no longer your concern. My ties to you died in that street in that neighborhood almost a year ago. I won't let you die but I'll be damned if you swoop in here and ruin my life again. I don't want any of you near me or MY family. If you break that promise I will personally throw you out on your ass." Her voice was cold. There was no room for argument.

Rick lowered his head and didn't speak for a moment. He didn't look up as he began talking. "This is not how I imagined our reunion to go. You don't want any of them to know?" She shook her head, her mouth set in a thin line. "Alright. If there is any way I can make this right between us. Just know I would take everything back. Carol, I was wrong, I was so wrong. We're broken, HE'S broken." Caesar glanced at her again, his brows furrowing.

"It doesn't matter now. Like I said, I'm not your concern. Please just get Michonne to Lilly's so she can get treated. Then go to the camp and you and only you may come back here for anything your group needs." She touched Caesar's arm. "I'm going to stay here while they get settled. I don't want any of them to see me. The man whose girlfriend I killed is out there."

Rick spoke up. "Carol, Tyreese is not going to be angry. Can I just talk to you alone? Let me bring Daryl in here. He needs to know you're here."

"Rick, I'm not telling you again. No one but you is to know I'm here. I don't want to talk to you. I can't even look at you." She turned away from him. Caesar walked up behind her.

"Corazon, I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Phillip. Promise me we'll talk all this out once I get them out of here, okay?" He kissed her forehead. "I love you so much."

She leaned into his kiss and grasped his hand. "Yes, we need to talk. You know I love you. I know your heart and you know mine. Thank you for backing me up in this."

He gave her one of his blazing smiles. "You've got me wrapped around your little finger. Stay here and I'll just have Mitch and Pete take them over. I'll be right back."

She didn't turn around until she heard their retreating footsteps. Once the door closed, she sunk down onto the floor and finally let her grief flow over her.