I'm getting better at remembering to update, but I need suggestions from you to help me keep going. I have a rough idea of where I'm heading with this, but I need help getting there!
Oh, yeah. Pern is not mine, nor I am profiting in any way from writing this. Apart from much needed self-confidence boosts. I wonder what their monetary value is?
When they returned to the Weyr, D'ron closeted himself in his bedroom and opened the diary, hoping to find an explanation for his brother's deeds.
x
Today, I fled the Weyr that has been my home for more than two Turns. My feelings of guilt over the injuries I caused D'ron and Tyrith were so intense that I just needed to get away for a while. I know everyone keeps telling me that it wasn't my fault they were hurt, but I still feel responsible, so I'm going to stay out here until I can accept it. Maybe I'll be able to accept Tyrith's injuries when the scars fade, but I've been told D'ron will limp for the rest of his life, so maybe I'll never get over his.
x
I have found a suitable place to live, and while not as comfortable as the weyr I left behind, it will suffice. There is ample hunting for Tyrith close by, and it is far out enough that we will not be found by sweepriders from any Weyr. I have cried myself out twice today as thoughts of D'ron overwhelmed me, but my grief for Tyrith has lessened, as already his scars appear to look old. Is it wrong to grieve more for my brother than my dragon? I don't know what is right or wrong anymore.
x
Last sevenday, Tyrith dropped me off in one of the lower valleys so we could both hunt. While I was stalking a wherry, one of the large felines that are so common around here attacked me, and though I drove it off, I was badly injured. Tyrith came immediately to my aid, but was unable to do anything for me. Luckily, three holders, two men and a woman, found me and they have been caring for me until my fever broke this morning. I owe them my life, and Tyrith's.
x
While I have been healing, I've gotten better acquainted with my rescuers. The two men, Junu and Miliku, are quiet by nature, but Anaku, the woman, is quite talkative, and it is from her that I've have learnt most about them. They have a hold hidden deep within a valley not far from my weyr, and it is in this hold I have been staying as I make my recovery. Tyrith has been checking on me every day, but has been forced by lack of space to return to our weyr each night.
x
When I woke this morning, Anaku decided that I was strong enough to walk, so the four of us took a gentle stroll along a nearby path. While we rested at a waterfall, I noticed the most peculiar thing, which doubtless I did not notice before due to the lack of light. Anaku, Junu and Miliku all have six fingers on each hand!
D'ron blinked in surprise. Six fingers on each hand? How unusual! he thought. Shaking his head, he returned to the diary.
Needless to say, I was surprised, and asked Anaku about it, but she avoided the subject. We returned to their hold, and nothing more was said about it.
x
I have taken my leave of Anaku, Junu and Miliku and returned to my weyr. By my reckoning, I stayed with them three sevendays, but Timor has made a full cycle since my injury. Where did I lose time?
Speaking of time, I am beginning to feel that I have been away from my loved ones long enough, but am still not entirely ready to return to them. Each night in my dreams, I relive the fall, and though I no longer wake screaming, I still wake up, drenched in sweat. My other dreams are no better. For a few nights now, I have been plagued by dreams of fires that rip through the forest, destroying everything in their path. I feel these dreams mean something, but I'm not sure what.
x
The fire dreams have abated somewhat, but now I dream of odd occurrences, like herdbeasts burning alive, and fish falling from the sky. A few days ago, for example, I dreamt of my friend Callame and a collapsing hold. Lately, I feel that I have been living in a dream, because now they sometimes occur during the day, when I am awake. I can dream for the time it takes to blink, and come to my senses on the other side of the world. What is happening to me?
x
The dreams are worsening. Two nights ago I dreamt of a ship that was sunk by a dragon that looked like Tyrith, and only yesterday I dreamt that he and I tried to burn Hanrahan Weyr to the ground! I am terrified that these dreams will drive me crazy; yet sometimes, I think it has already begun. I now find it hard to separate dreams and wakefulness, and fear that this is the first sign of madness. Today, when hunting Tyrith, I noticed he smelled of firestone, yet I haven't given him any. Am I mad already, without knowing it?
x
Alas! I have finally discovered the truth behind these visions I have been experiencing. Tyrith and I were out for a flight when we saw a hold signalling for a dragonrider, so naturally, we landed and approached the hold. As soon as they saw my face, women screamed and hustled their children inside while the men clenched their fists. I asked one what was wrong, and he spat at me that I should know. Puzzled, I sought the holder, when suddenly half a dozen holders jumped on me. Tyrith scared them off with a roar, and I asked what I had done. The holder stared at me, then he gestured across the harbour to a smoking pile of charred timbers and ash. I stared at him in disbelief, and tried to protest my innocence, but Tyrith broke in and told me that it was true; I had ordered him to do this.
All the visions and dreams I experienced were true! They really happened! I have been hurting people without even knowing it! I would never have done this willingly; I now believe that while I was in their care, Anaku, Miliku and Junu did something to me to make me act like this. I went back to their hold to ask them, but they were gone.
I'm not sure I can handle my guilty conscience anymore. This life is getting too hard to bear, but I cannot end my life without seeing D'ron again. I need to see him, but I am too ashamed to! What am I to do?
x
Yesterday, I suddenly felt a desire to kill D'ron. Shocked, I probed deeper, and found that the 'desire' was actually a thought conveyed through a necklace Anaku gave me when I departed. I immediately tried to remove the necklace, but it began to burn, and before I knew what was happening, I found myself regaining consciousness on the floor. There must be something more to the necklace that meets the eye; some kind of technology, but I've never heard of its like before. Anaku and the others must have decided that D'ron was a threat, and wanted me to kill him, but I won't.
I tried to commit suicide today, but it didn't work. The necklace merely knocked me out again. I need to get rid of it, but I can't figure out how. I've tried everything I can think of. Perhaps the only way is to go after D'ron… Then I can be free.
x
D'ron closed the diary with a soft snap, tears making tracks down his cheeks. M'kai had challenged him so he would be killed! M'kai had wanted to die! He let the book drop to the floor and let his tears flow.
x
Hours later, a soft knocking on his door roused D'ron from his grief, and he whispered hoarsely for the person to enter. B'kennor awkwardly sidled into the room, having been drawn by the sound of sobbing. "What's wrong?" he asked softly.
D'ron gestured towards the book. "M'kai deliberately got himself killed so he would be free of the people who were controlling him," he croaked, ignoring the lump in his throat. "They'd been forcing him to do terrible things, like burn the Weyr and collapse Callame's hold, and the only way he could stop them forcing him to hurt people and free himself was to die!"
D'ron suddenly stood, and limped to the window, looking out towards the sea. "I swear, by Faranth and the First Egg, by every drop of my blood and every scale of my dragon, that I will have my revenge upon these people for my brother's death!" he vowed angrily. "I will avenge M'kai!"
"I will help you with your revenge, D'ron," B'kennor said, standing and placing his hand on D'ron's shoulder. "M'kai was dear to me, too."
The two men stood together, watching the sun set, their hearts filled with anger at the murder of a brother and a friend.
Do these explanations help at all?