In which Urahara has a Plan
"Quick, Tessai!"
"Of course, Mr Urahara."
Only the shopkeeper's head and shoulders were visible over the counter as he and his two young assistants crouched behind it. Urahara held a pair of binoculars close to his eyes, keeping a vigilant watch on the street outside. Tessai finished sticking up the notice and quickly dove behind the counter.
There was a silence.
"When are they going to arrive, Mr Urahara?"
"Soon, Jinta! Very soon."
"How do you know?"
"…I have my ways. Ssh, everyone, they're coming!" With that, Urahara ducked behind the counter. After a few seconds of nervous anticipation, the four heard voices coming steadily closer to the shop.
"I don't get it," said a musical, feminine voice.
"You don't need to," said another voice, this one grouchy and masculine. "Uryuu's being a know-it-all. Like always."
Another person replied. "Just because you don't understand basic physics, Kurosaki, does not make me a know-it-all."
"But Orihime didn't get it either." This voice was deeper than the previous ones.
"Ah-hah! Even Chad is taking my side!"
"Wait, what's this?" Orihime stopped in front of the shop. There was a moment of silence as the four read the sign Urahara had specially prepared earlier.
The inhabitants of the shop waited with baited breath.
"Guess he's not home," said Ichigo. "Let's go."
Urahara waited for a full twenty seconds after they had left before leaping up. "It worked! My Plan worked!" The capitalisation of the P was evident in the way the eccentric shopkeeper said it, as if this plan contributed to the continued survival to the human race.
The blond man ran to the door and ripped off the poster, kissing it. "You're the best little concoction I've come up with, yes you are!" he cooed. Jinta rolled his eyes.
"What was the point, again?" he asked.
"I'm glad you asked!" replied Urahara. "I came up with this plan one fateful afternoon, when I was in the bath," he began. Immediately, Jinta shuddered. There were some things he really didn't need to know. What Urahara thought about in the bath was pretty much top of the list, even trumping the mysterious 'Where do babies come from?'
"I was looking at the plant in the window and thinking, 'Can plants see?'" Urahara continued. "Then I came to my senses and realised that plants couldn't in fact see as they didn't have eyes. Because if they did have eyes, I certainly wouldn't put them in the window while I was having a bath. I'm not a scientist for nothing, you know!"
Jinta rolled his eyes. He glanced at Ururu, whose attention was completely caught by the shopkeeper. Seeing this, Urahara seemed to be encouraged and his hand gestures became more dramatic as he told his story.
"Then that led me to wonder, 'Can plants think?' I pondered this for a while, then came to the conclusion that they could not. For otherwise, Ichigo Kurosaki would be more intelligent and less like the vegetable he is now." Kisuke paused for a second, probably waiting for laughter. It never came. "So I thought, let us test this theory! I will see how well Ichigo responds to different stimuli. Based on that data, I will finally be able to discover how to give plants intelligence!"
This reasoning did not make any sense to the redheaded boy. But he had learned long ago to leave the 'science' up to the boss. Said boss was now practically skipping as he went through to the back of the shop. Jinta picked up the notice that had been on the door. How on earth was this related to Urahara's experiment?
Dear visitor, read the sign, if you are a Kurosaki, an Ishida, a Chad or an Orihime, we are out to lunch. If you are a woman who can shape shift into a cat, come right in, my dear! If you're a moocher, go overstay your welcome at someone else's house. Jinta, please! Renji is always welcome. If you're a Visored, come round the back. If you don't know who any of the above are, welcome, friends!
Jinta shook his head. How anyone had fallen for this was beyond him. Those four must have been truly dumb to actually believe they were 'out to lunch'. Especially since it was ten in the morning.
He glanced back to where Urahara was searching through a chest of drawers, throwing things out at random, and amended his statement. Those four hadn't been dumb; they had known when to get out while they still could.
On the other hand, Jinta mused, they didn't know what they were missing out on.