CHAPTER NINE

Hutch tried to concentrate on the papers spread across the coffee table in front of him. The blinding pain in his head made if difficult to think, much less read the words on the paper. He fought to control the urge to take a drink. Just one drink to calm his nerves and smooth out the edges. But, he gritted his teeth and pushed aside the urge to give in to the siren song of the bottle. It had been almost two weeks since he'd had his last drink and the tremors and other physical symptoms were slowly starting to go away. No matter how strong the urge was to drink, he knew that he had to stay sober if he intended to continue his search for Starsky.

Hutch took a deep breath and picked up the reports from New York on the murders of Nick and Rachel Starsky. There wasn't much to go on. It appeared to have been a random break-in that ended with the deaths of two people. But, Hutch knew that looks could be deceiving. Evidence could be planted or tainted. Especially if the cover up had been done by someone like Gunther or the FBI who had the money and the connections to make things happen. Their murders seemed too coincidental to Hutch's trained eye, especially since he knew now that Starsky had escaped from his captors the day before. Hutch knew it could never be proven, but, he believed that Nick and Rachel had been killed to send a warning to his partner.

"Damn it, Starsky…" Hutch muttered in a broken voice "Why did you have to be so damn bull headed? Why didn't you tell me what was going on? Why didn't you come to me when you got away from those bastards?"

In his heart, Hutch already knew the answer to his own questions. He knew that Rachel and Nicky's murders would have devastated the brunet and make him even more determined to protect Hutch from the same fate. Even if it meant that he had to stay in hiding and let the world go on believing that he was dead. Hutch knew that anyone close to Starsky would have become a potential target in order to keep the brunet in line.

Dropping the report on the Starsky murders to the table, Hutch bounced to his feet and began to pace the floor to work off some of his frustration. In hindsight, he knew that he should have kept looking, forced the department to keep the investigation into Starsky's alleged murder open. But, at the time, his own grief and pain had kept him from thinking clearly. Then, he had allowed the alcohol to cloud his thinking even more, to act as a buffer for the emotions he didn't want to deal with.

Now, he found himself dealing with another kind of grief and pain. The grief that came from knowing that his partner was still alive and out there somewhere alone without anyone watching his back. The pain of knowing that Starsky had been taken against his will and held prisoner, drugged and restrained to keep him under control. And, the entire time, he had been alone without anyone that he could count on. But, now that Hutch knew the truth, he wouldn't turn his back on his best friend again. He had to find Starsky. For Starsky's sake and for his own. Then, together, they could fight to banish the demons from the past that had separated them and kept them apart.

With a heavy sigh, Hutch returned to the papers on the table. Starsky had covered his tracks well in the past nine years. His life as Mitch Conners was shrouded in mystery. Even after living in Mesa for almost four years, it seemed like nobody had really known him. All the reports from his neighbors and acquaintances in the city had described him as a loner, quiet, reserved, almost anti-social. They all said that he kept to himself and didn't go out of his way to make friends. It was as if he was a shadow of a man, a ghost existing in the shadows. And, in a way, Hutch knew that's exactly what he was. A man without a past or a future. An enigma, a persona, created in Starsky's own mind.

Hutch smiled faintly. That was what had made Starsky so good as an undercover cop, his ability to adapt, his talent for blending in with his surroundings. Starsky could come up with a believable past for his undercover identities on the spur of the moment when he needed to. It was a talent that Hutch had always admired.

Hutch leaned back against the sofa and closed his eyes, clearing his mind, and trying to think like his partner. He knew that Starsky wouldn't head back towards the west coast, and it was logical to assume that he would avoid the east coast too. So that left either north or south. And knowing how much Starsky hated the cold that left the warmer southern climates. Unfortunately, that still left a lot of territory to cover.

Hutch opened his eyes and leaned forward to pick up the sketches that he had gotten a former police artist to make up for him based on Alice and Huggy's description of Starsky's current appearance. He had already had them faxed to police departments all across the country, listing Starsky as a missing person and giving his phone numbers, both at home and at the agency, as contact numbers. Others, he planned to take with him, both to show to the people he came into contact with and to leave behind at truck stops, motels and general stores in the hope that someone might remember seeing Starsky along the way. Hutch knew his former partner well enough to know the kind of places that Starsky would avoid. The key to remaining hidden would be to either avoid as many people as possible or to try and blend into the crowd. An inner instinct told Hutch that Starsky would also avoid big cities since he knew that's where Hutch would expect to find him.

A knock at the door distracted him from his thoughts. Rising to his feet, he crossed the room and unlocked the chain, opening the door to find Alice standing on his front porch. With a genuinely warm smile, he ushered her inside. The soft fragrance of her perfume lingered in the air as she passed.

"Did you find anything that helps?" Alice asked, nodding at the scattered papers lying on the coffee table.

"Nothing much." Hutch admitted. "Starsky did a good a job at covering his tracks…but then, he always did."

"So how are you going to find him?" Alice said, as she gracefully sat down on the sofa. Her short skirt slid up to expose her long, shapely legs. She crossed her ankles demurely and looked at Hutch with her big blue eyes.

"It's not going to be easy, especially since he doesn't want to be found."

"Well, if anybody can find him, you can." Alice said in a confident voice. She smiled almost sadly. "Darling, I'm sorry I didn't tell you when I first saw that picture. If I had, then maybe Starsky would be here right now instead out there somewhere alone and scared."

"Maybe…maybe not." Hutch said with a thin smile. "He can be as bull headed as they come when he wants to be. If he thinks what he's doing is the right thing to keep everybody he cares about safe…then he still might have done the same thing even if I had gone with you."

"No…he wouldn't have." Alice said firmly. "You wouldn't have let him because you wouldn't have let him out of your sight."

"It's not your fault he ran." Hutch reassured her. "And even if I had been there…if he really wanted to take off…he would have found a way."

"You look good, sugar…really good." Alice said, abruptly changing the subject.

"Thanks…" Hutch said with a self conscious smile. "I'm trying…but it's not easy. I have to keep telling myself that I don't really want a drink…that I have to keep a clear head if I want to find Starsky."

"So what are you going to do next?"

"Take a trip to Mesa…see if I can pick up his trail from there."

"Can I do anything to help?"

"Help Shane and Brad take care of things while I'm gone." He smiled warmly and reached out to gently run his fingers down her cheek. "I can't thank you enough for following your instincts…for finding Starsky for me again…even if he did run." His eyes glistened with unshed tears as he added, "At least now I know he's alive…all I have to do is find him."

"You will…I know you. You won't give up until you do." A smile tugged at her lips, "Starsky knows that too. He knows you'll find him one way or the other…even if it takes the rest of your life. I have a feeling that he's counting on that."

"I hope you're right." Hutch said "Now, how about if I take you out to dinner? We'll go to the best restaurant in town."

"The Pits?" Alice asked with a soft chuckle, her eyes twinkling brightly.

"No, I was thinking of something a bit more upscale."

As he walked towards his bedroom, Alice found herself smiling. The old Hutch was slowly coming back, but he wouldn't be complete until Starsky was once more at his side.