A/N: In the last chapter when it mentioned the word 'incest' I did of course mean to actually say 'incense'. Here's hoping I didn't confuse/offend anyone! Sorry, this chapter is shorter.

Bella was sitting in her room with Edward lounging on her bed staring at the ceiling again with all of the Twilight books spread around her. They weren't all called Twilight, but listing all their names was a needless hassle. Regardless, Bella was slowly getting more and more perturbed.

"Edward, this book has a character called Bella."

"Oh yes." The boy commented nonchalantly.

"And it also has a character named Alice."

"Mmhmm."

"And a Carlisle."

"Huh."

"And an Esme."

"Now there's a coincidence."

"Edward?"

"Yes?" The lanky model-like boy answered.

"Do you write under the penname of Stephanie Meyer?"

At this, Edward was silent for a few moments. Bella looked up from the first book in the series with an unimpressed look in her eye; fixing him with a steely glare. He shifted uncomfortably under her gaze; not looking altogether very sorry.

"Well come on. I told you we were wealthy. Money doesn't just accumulate. Well, it does, but our money kind of accumulates from royalties." He explained quickly.

"Royalties? Do you mean royalty or royalties as in books?" Bella demanded.

"Come to think of it, it was a bit daft for me to actually buy those books when I could have just written to the publisher."

It took a couple of seconds before Bella hurled the book at her boyfriend and then herself after it.

"You shocking, male chauvinistic, slightly creepy little stalker!" She shrieked. "This book, this book is terrible." She gasped; taking a break from hitting him all over with her useless fists. She grabbed Twilight from it's place on the bed next to him and opened it up to a random page.

"My hands were limp on his chest, and I felt lightheaded again. He tilted his head slowly and touched his cool lips to mine for the second time, very carefully, parting them slightly. And then I collapsed."

Bella slammed it shut and narrowed her eyes at him. "That is almost pornographic." She admonished.

Edward was taken aback.

"How is that pornographic? That wasn't even a sex scene!" He spluttered. Bella sat astride him and squeezed him between her legs; not that it amounted to much. She sighed.

"From what I have read, I've got a couple of conclusions." She informed him.

"Oh do tell." He smirked.

"Alright." She tilted her head so that her slight curls spilled over one shoulder. Edward snatched at it and pulled her down so that he had his arms around her. "Warning!" Bella said breathlessly. He laughed.

"Well firstly," Bella started, "compared to Wuthering Heights your writing is absolutely terrible, and-"

Before she could continue he had thrown her off the bed and was beginning to pelt her with pillows.

"Goddamnit!" Bella shrieked. "You're always throwing goddamned cushions at me!"

"I'll have you know I searched for the best ghost writer." Edward pouted unhappily. Bella stared at him from her position on the floor and laughed.

"It's like a glorified Mills and Boon!" She argued. "Next you'll be saying that you pay some woman to pretend to be Stephanie Meyer and everything!"

Edward was silent. Bella gasped.

"Oh my god!" She shrieked. "This is ridiculous. Why on earth didn't you write it yourself? Surely after a hundred or so years you'd have a bit more experience at writing than her?"

"I'm a musician, not a scribe." Edward said snootily. Bella threw a pillow back at him and he took pity on her. With a quick grab of her arm he had her dragged back up beside him and he gave her a bone-crushing hug. Not literally, but sometimes he just felt like squeezing her until she would burst. Not like a python would, to kill prey or anything. He just really liked her and hugs were hypothetically heart-warming.

"Can't- breathe-" Bella gasped. Edward let her go. She turned to face him. "These characters aren't even normal. They don't even have daily interactions." She informed him. "And it's either you, or this ghost writer who is horny as hell. It doesn't even mention what he does when she's got her period."

"It's not real blood!" Edward interrupted.

"Regardless, it should mention it!" Bella shouted back. She sighed and ran her hand over his chest. "So anyway, I cheated and looked up the plots of the other three on the internet."

"You did what?" Edward narrowed his eyes.

"And frankly, I'm a little terrified. I mean, according to your imagination, I am going to… well, you're going to break up with me after someone tries to kill me, then I am going to make friends with a were-" Bella stopped dead. "Oh my god, I forgot, you actually know these things. Jake's a werewolf?"

"Well actually a shape-" Edward began. Bella didn't listen. She leapt off her bed and realised she'd never taken up Jacob's invitation for her to come to dinner. Suddenly, she was reenergized with the idea her life may not be as boring as she'd imagined it was.

Edward looked unimpressed.

"If he changes for the first time near you-"

Bella wasn't listening. She was trying to think of the perfect excuse to invite the Blacks over for dinner.