CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

The bar was dimly lit and dingy, the sunlight blotted out by the grime on the front window. The booths had torn upholstery that had been mended with tape and the table tops were scarred and worn. Empty peanut shells littered the floor and most of the liquor bottles on display behind the bar were covered with a thin layer of dust. Huggy paused just inside the entrance, his eyes sweeping around the room until they finally settled on the tall blond sitting at the end of the bar. The blond's shoulders were hunched forward and several empty beer bottles sat on the bar in front of him. Sighing heavily, Huggy strode across the room to where Hutch was sitting.

"What are you doing here, Blondie?" he drawled, trying to keep his voice calm and level.

"What's it look like I'm doing?" Hutch slurred as he defiantly raised a bottle to his mouth and drained it in one long swallow. "I'm having a drink."

"Looks like you've already had more than your share…" Huggy said as he settled on the bar beside Hutch. He waved the bartender away as he started to walk in their direction. "I meant why are you sitting here crawling back inside that bottle instead at the hospital with Starsky?"

"Because he doesn't want me there." Hutch said in a choked voice "He told me so. He told me to leave."

"So you did?" Huggy said in a surprised voice. "Since when do you listen to Curly when he's hurting and not making sense?"

"When he doesn't even want me to touch him..." Hutch snapped "When he tells me he's not going back to Bay City with us…when he tells me to leave…" There was so much raw pain in Hutch's voice that Huggy felt sorry for the man. But, he knew that pity was the last thing Hutch needed right now. Hutch signaled the bartender for another round.

"Don't you think you've had enough?"

"Nope. Not nearly enough..." Hutch mumbled "I can still feel…"

"So you're just gonna give up? Just like that? You're gonna turn your back on Starsky when he needs you the most?"

"He doesn't need me…he hasn't needed me for the past ten years. He said it was too late and he's right."

"So you're just gonna let him go while you drink yourself to death. Gee, Hutch…with a friend like you on his side, Starsky doesn't need any enemies."

"Fuck you. He doesn't need me. He made that perfectly clear." Hutch snapped with a hint of anger in his voice. The bartender sat the fresh drink on the bar and discreetly slipped away. Hutch picked it up and took a long swallow but the alcohol wasn't giving him the relief he was seeking. The pain was still there, tearing at his soul, the rejection he felt more devastating than when he had believed that Starsky was dead.

"Come on. Blondie." Huggy said firmly, as he slid off the stool and grabbed Hutch's forearm. "Let's go back to the motel so you can sleep it off. We'll straighten this mess out in the morning." He braced himself for Hutch to refuse, secretly relieved when Hutch stood up without any further resistance and meekly followed Huggy outside. He stumbled and leaned heavily against Huggy, who slipped a supportive arm around his intoxicated friend.

With some effort, Huggy got Hutch into the car and drove back to the motel a few blocks from the hospital where he had rented a room for them the night Starsky was found and taken to the ER. Huggy had been alternating his time between the room and the hospital, limiting his visits to give Starsky and Hutch the time they needed to reconnect. Obviously, that had not worked out the way he had planned.

At the motel, Hutch managed to stay on his feet until Huggy got him into their shared room. With a groan, Hutch threw himself down on one of the twin beds and passed out almost immediately. Huggy took a deep breath and pulled off Hutch's shoes. Not wanting to disturb him any further, he left him alone and got himself ready for bed.

Huggy lay in the darkness, lost in his own thoughts. He knew that when Hutch finally woke up, he wouldn't be in any condition to do much but pay homage to the porcelain god. He'd been doing so well, but Huggy knew that alcohol was a patient demon that could wait indefinitely to regain control. Hutch wouldn't be strong enough to weather this setback unless he was able to work things out with Starsky. Huggy knew that whatever the problem was, it couldn't be fixed unless those two stubborn fools talked it out. As Huggy drifted off to sleep, he decided he'd pay Starsky a visit the next morning to try and find out what had happened and what was going on in that curly head.

When Huggy got up the next morning, Hutch was still sleeping soundly. Moving quietly so he wouldn't disturb the slumbering giant, Huggy got dressed and slipped out of the motel room. Twenty minutes later, he was walking into Starsky's hospital room. The brunet was lying quietly on the bed, but he turned his head to one side as Huggy entered the room.

"Who's there?" Starsky said in a strained voice.

"It's me. The Bear."

Starsky relaxed visibly as Huggy pulled up a chair and sat down at the side of the bed. In a hoarse voice, Starsky said cautiously "Where's Blondie?"

"Sleeping it off back at the motel."

"He hitting the bottle again?" Starsky asked in a stunned voice.

"What do you think?" Huggy snorted "After you kicked him out of here and told him not to come back."

"It's better for everybody if he goes home where he belongs." Starsky said in a tight voice.

"What about you? You gonna just disappear again and keep running for the rest of your life?" Huggy asked with a hint of anger in his voice. "Gunther's dead. He's not a threat to you anymore."

"There are others still out there." Starsky said gruffly. "And sooner or later they're gonna find me. It's my fight. Not yours or Blondie's."

"I doubt if Hutch would see it that way."

"You should never have told him about me. He was better off not knowing."

"Oh yeah…he was better off killing himself a little a time…one drink at a time…just like he's doing now."

"That's not my problem."

"Starsky, man…you need Hutch and Hutch needs you. So why don't you stop beating yourself up over what happened to you and talk to his drunken ass?"

"Won't do no good…won't change anything." Starsky muttered

"The two of you together have always been able to beat the odds…me and thee…wasn't that your motto?"

"Not anymore." Starsky said, his voice cracking with emotion.

"Damn it, Curly…you're still as stubborn as a jackass. What do I have to do? Hit you between the eyes with a two by four to get your attention?"

"Somebody already did that." Starsky mumbled with a humorless chuckle.

Huggy sighed heavily and chose his next words with care. "Look, bro…I ain't going nowhere and I doubt very much that Hutch is. So you might as well talk to the big lug. We care about you, man…we love you. You're not alone anymore."

"My ma and Nicky…they're both dead because they loved me." Starsky said in a choked voice. "I'm not going to let you or Hutch be next."

"Why don't you let us decide if it's worth the risk?" Huggy said, reaching out to touch his friend's shoulder in a comforting gesture. He wasn't prepared for Starsky's reaction to his touch. The brunet let out a gasp and suddenly lurched towards Huggy, wrapping his arms around the skinny waist and burying his face against his friend's shoulder as he released ten years worth of tears and fear.