Hey, everyone! I decided, finally, to update this fic! It took me a while to find another song to fit into this fic, actually. Inspiration struck me the other day while listening to the RENT soundtrack, which I am obsessed with. Just so you know, the line "To hating dear old Mom and Dad" is what kicked my but into gear. Thank Jonathan Larson and Mark Cohen/Anthony Rapp. :)
Thank you, Jonathan Larson! And JKR! I do not own RENT, La Vie Boheme, any of the several references to the musical, or Harry Potter, or any of the characters.
This is La Vie Boheme - Heaven Style. I do not have certain parts. This isn't really the movie version (actually, with the parts I took out, it might be...) but it's not the Broadway, because I had a lot of trouble getting certain parts to fit. There are also parts that don't really go --blushes-- See, there is extra dialogue in certain parts and such. And, unfortunately, I had to cut out my favorite bit of dialogue because it doesn't quite fit. "Where is he now?" "He's right... hm... Where'd he go?" Cracks me up every time... Anyhow, that's just in case you get confused. Ah, I don't own One Song Glory, that reminds me... Some singing from the beginning of the OBC recording is translated, sort of, into dialogue in the story section, just like in the movie. But it should be okay with the music. I tried it, it actually worked better than I thought.
Enjoy!! I had so much fun writing this and it's actually longer (the story section and the actual song, of course) than usually. Even if the song itself did take over an hour. Ugh... And yes, I am aware that Tonks and Lily are a bit preoccupied with candy. I was hungry!
"I can't believe it!" Lily gushed as they slid into The Three Broomsticks (located in Hogsmeade, Heaven). A large crowd was already congregated. As Lily, James, Sirius, Remus, and Tonks entered, the host groaned and tried to hide. "I mean, the fact that - "
"Your former best friend came and wrecked Remus's protest against discrimination towards Muggleborns and werewolves?" James suggested and shrugged. "Actually, no. I can believe that. It was Snape, darling."
"I can't believe that people are still prejudiced against werewolves, even in Heaven," Remus remarked, frowning. "I don't even transform now that I'm dead!"
Sirius shrugged. "People are gits, kind of like my brother. Oh, and Peter."
"True," Remus nodded and turned to the host, who happened to be Peter. "Any seats left?"
"N-no," Peter snapped. "I won't have you all coming and ruining the resturaunt again!"
"Oh, come on," James whined. "We're not that bad!"
"I didn't wreck anything last time I came," Tonks reminded him.
"You also didn't pay."
"We're dead!" she cried. "I don't get paid for killing Dark wizards when they're all dead!"
Peter sighed and gestured for them to join the crowd. "But don't put any tables together!" he cried as they trailed off.
"Hey, Moody, wanna help us put some tables together?" James cried, ignoring Peter blatantly.
Peter shook his head and groaned. "I am so fired…"
Fifteen minutes later, the tables were all aligned and the crowd was seated, chattering loudly. The doors opened and in walked Severus Snape, looking quite surly.
"Severus Snape," Sirius said loudly, drawing attention. "Here?"
"Oh no…" Peter mumbled.
"Firewhiskey!" the crowd cried.
"The enemy of… well, all of us," Tonks said, smiling. "Oh, we'll definitely stay."
"Oh vey!" Peter moaned and ran into the back room, afraid of what was coming.
"What brings a slimy git of his own mind to the Three Broomsticks?" James said quite confidently.
"It's a public venue, Potter," Snape sneered. "And I'd also like to propose a toast to Lily and Lupin's, ah, noble try. It went well!"
"Go to hell!" Remus muttered.
"Oh, I intend to, my father is down there. I'm going to visit tomorrow," Snape laughed mockingly.
"Why'd you almost miss the show?" Lily asked curiously.
"There was a birth in the family, if you must know," Snape droned on. "In your family, not mine."
"Who was born?" Lily asked in shock, almost knocking over her chair.
"Dudley's kid," he shrugged. "A brat, but the mother almost joined us. She's fine, but seeing as Dumbledore hired me to watch the population, I was filling out forms."
"Ah…"
"Lily, I'm surprised!" he continued. James rolled his eyes. "A bright and charming girl like you hangs out with these…" he looked at the Marauders and Tonks. "Well, I don't really know what to call them. You all made fun, yet I'm the one that got to live the longest. That had a decent job. That –"
"Had no fun in life! Or in death!" Tonks interjected. "Come on, Snape. This kind of lifestyle – er, deathstyle – is fun. La Vie Boheme, you know?"
"Ripping off Muggle musicals, are you?" Snape sneered and took a seat at a nearby table facing their several ones. "Well, it doesn't surprise me. Lily was moo-ing at the protest."
"That was kinda stupid," Remus muttered to James, who grimaced and agreed.
"Listen – you're dead!" Snape cried. "It's pointless to keep going on as if you're not."
The Marauders frowned and jumped up onto the table as the first few notes of the song began. They began to dance and sing energetically, and everyone joined in.
Remus:
Dearly beloved, we've already said our goodbyes!
Here we lie!
We all know our worth
The late great members of the Order!
On this night when we celebrate the birth
In that little town of Hogsmeade
We raise our glass -- you bet your ass to --
La vie Boheme
ALL:
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
James:
To days of simply pranking,
Playing hookie, making something out of nothing
The need to express --
To ask Lily out!
To going against the grain,
Going insane
Going mad
Sirius:
To loving tension, no pension
To more than one dimension,
To loving all attention,
Hating convention, loving pretension
Not to mention of course,
Hating dear old mom and dad
All Marauders:
To riding your broom,
Midday past the three piece suits
To fruits -- to no absolutes --
To Ogden's -- to choice --
To the Village Voice --
To any passing fad
To being an us for once
Instead of a them!
ALL:
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
(Dumbledore and Arianna meet and Arianna promptly beats up Dumbledore for becoming friends with Grindelwald. Dumbledore, ecstatic that he's with his sister again, ignores the beating and gives her a very big hug, almost strangling, and killing for a second time, the poor girl)
Snape:
Ahhemm
Dumbledore: (still hugging her)
Hey Mister – she's my sister!
RESTAURANT MAN:
So that's five miso soup, four seaweed salad
Three soy burger dinner, two tofu dog platter
And one pasta with meatless balls
Cedric:
Ugh
Dumbledore:
It tastes the same
Tonks:
If you close your eyes
RESTAURANT MAN:
And thirteen orders of fries
Is that it here?
ALL:
Firewhiskey!
(Lily and Tonks jump onto the table)
Lily and Tonks:
To butterbeers made in local breweries
To chocolates, to ice cream, to anything will do!
To Pasties, to Drooble's, to Burtie Botts Beans
To Chocolate Frogs and licorice wands, too!
James and Remus:
Emotion, devotion, to causing a commotion
Creation, vacation
Sirius:
Mucho masturbation
Lily:
Compassion, to fashion, to passion when it's new
Remus:
To Wolfsbane!
James:
To Quidditch!
Sirius:
To teachers that are new!
Tonks:
Quirrel, Lockhart, Remus, Moody, too!
James:
Um-bitch
Remus:
Umbridge!
Sirius:
That's what he said!
Collins:
To Harry!
Regulus:
To Voldy!
Grindelwald:
The other Dark Lord, too!!!!
Remus and Tonks:
Why Neville and Luna went into hiding
To blow off Voldemort!
ALL:
La vie Boheme
(Dumbledore and Arianna get into another fight and Dumbledore knocks her out)
Snape:
Sister?
Dumbledore: (looks at unconscious girl)
Um… yes?
Regulus and Sirius: (hug)
Brothers!
James, Sirius, Remus:
Werewolves, Azkaban, Animagus,
Gryffindor kids, Slytherin jerks, girls, Hogwarts was great!
Ogden's wine, is so fine, what a sign!
Pranking galore on Slytherins, it was so fun!
Detentions were daily!
Remus:
To boredom, to homework, to empathy, ecstasy
Sirius:
To matchmaking – Remus and Tonks, finally!
James:
To no shame -- always playing the Fame Game
Sirius:
To the Marauders!
ALL:
To our army
It's between God and me
Lily and Tonks:
To M&Ms!
ALL
La vie Boheme
James:
In honor of the death of us, an impromptu salon will commence immediately following dinner...
Lily Evans- Potter, with a temper like none other, will perform a spectacular lightshow while she hopefully doesn't hex me into the next millennium!
Remus:
Sirius Black will preview his new documentary about his inability to hold an erection on high holy days.
(Sirius tries to punch Remus, and they end up in a total fistfight)
Lily:
Nymphadora Tonks – wait, sorry, just Tonks! Will sing the Weird Sisters music backwards through her vocoder, while accompanying herself on the electric cello -- which she has never studied.
Sirius: (emerges victorious from the fist fight)
Remus will attempt to write a bittersweet, evocative song.
Remus:
Time flies… time DIEES! Glo -
Sirius:
That doesn't remind us of RENT, which we're already ripping off. Besides, we are dead.
Lily:
Dobby the house elf will now model the latest fall socks that are mismatched!
While accompanying himself on the 10 ton table lamp!
Fabian Prewett (AKA, Molly Weasley's brother):
And Fred Weasley will recount his exploits as a businessman --
Including the successful launch of Weasley's Wizard Wheezes.
To sell itself, as it broadcast the words:
ALL:
"You should be worrying about U-No-POO!"
Remus jumped down from the table to confront Tonks about why he can't be with her in a romantic song called "I Should Tell You". Tonks promptly slapped him in the face as his friends watched, amused.
"You git, we've been through this a million times!" she shouted. "I love you, even if you are a bloody werewolf! We've already been married. We have a kid for Merlin's sake!"
Remus's face lit up. "Oh, yeah!!! Okay, nevermind. On with the celebration!"
And he jumped back on the table.
Remus:
To werewolves!
No way to make a living, masochism, pain, perfection
Muscle spasms, chiropractors, short careers, stupid disorders!
All:
Film!
Lily:
Adventure, tedium, no family, boring locations,
Dark rooms, perfect faces, messing up my son's life with ease!!
ALL:
Music!
(music stops, everyone stops singing)
Tonks:
Oh, come on! I can't sing! Would you like me to try?
Remus:
No, Dora, please. We've all heard you sing in the shower. We believe you.
TonksL (glares)
Maybe you should be singing a romantic love song asking for my forgiveness and understanding!
Remus: (quickly)
Nevermind I said that.
(singing and music resume)
ALL
Anarchy!
Sirius and James:
Revolution, justice, screaming for solutions,
Forcing changes, risk, and danger
Making noise and making pleas!
ALL:
To purebloods, betrayed, Mudbloods, werewolves, too
Lily and Tonks:
To me!
Tonks: (spoken)
Sort of…
Remus:
To me
Sirius and James:
To me
ALL:
To you, and you and you, you and you!
To people living with, living with, living with
Not dying from disease
Sirius: (spoken… er… YELLED actually)
Because we were all murdered!!!!!!
All:
Let he among us without sin
Be the first to condemn
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
Sirius:
Anyone out of the mainstream
Is anyone in the mainstream?
Anyone dead with a sex drive
OTHERS:
La vie boheme
La vie boheme
La vie boheme
Sirius:
Tear down the wall
Aren't we all?
The opposite of war isn't peace...
It's creation!
ALL:
La vie Boheme
Viva la vie Boheme!
Sirius continued to dance alone on the table while all the couples make out. Of course, when he realized this, he instantly regretted trying so hard to get Remus and Tonks together and knocks them off the table. He then moved on to knock Lily and James off the table as well.
As they moaned in pain, he spazzed out in classic Mark fashion, even though he is nothing like Mark Cohen (despite the fact that he convinced Lily to knit him a blue and white striped scarf). Ah, yes, all was well with Sirius. Until he threw out his back and they had to call Ted Tonks, who was kind of pissed that he hurt his daughter.
So, the rest of them enjoyed their night as Sirius visited hell.
Hope you liked it and all the cameos! I actually had trouble remembering who died, so if I missed anyone really big, let me know. Next up... The Cell Block Tango from Chicago- Azakaban Version. As you can see, I like Broadway and musicals. More RENT and/or Wicked will probably come eventually. Oh and of course, Moulin Rouge will have to make an appearance some time, though that may be in my Twilight version (which I ought to work on...) I have an idea for El Tango De Roxanne OR Tango:Maureen for that one.