It didn't happen again. And keeping her promise she didn't tell anyone. She didn't even write about it in her diary. She did notice a change in Torvald though. He almost seemed to flinch if she would touch him. He never again wanted to be alone with her. He was more restrained when he kissed her. In a way it hurt.
"Is everything okay with you and Torvald?" Phoebe asked one afternoon.
"I don't know," Helga said. "I really, really don't."
And she didn't. Finally she had had enough and confronted him one day when they were at his place. His final exams were a week away. She waited til his mother left the lounge before she leaned forward and whispered harshly.
"What is wrong with you?"
"He shook his head. She sat back, and crossed her arms. She saw his mother walk back into the room and look at them suspiciously. Helga leaned forward again, making it look like she was watching his work.
On the drive home, he pulled over.
"I can't control myself with you," he admitted. "Every time I'm with you I just remember that night. It's driving me insane!"
Helga sat there for a moment, digesting what he had just told her.
"You want to do it again?" she asked, feeling a bit of excitement.
"What do you think?" he groaned.
"Then why don't we?" she asked.
"It's illegal," he told her. "Your underage."
"It's only illegal if you get caught," she told him.
He shook his head. "No, then it's just a secret. Don't go by that, Helga, it's stupid."
He started the car again and dropped her off. He didn't move to kiss her or her to kiss him.
"See ya," she said, opening the door and getting out.
"Yeah," he said, sounding defeated. Once she was inside she heard his car leave. She bit her lip to keep from crying. Okay, so it wasn't because he didn't like her. It was because he liked her too much. But was that too much physically? Did he like her emotionally? What was going on?
She went up to her room and picked up the phone, about to call Phoebe, then realized she couldn't talk to Phoebe about this. She looked at the wall. Once upon a time her sister would have been on the other side of that wall. Then it hit her like someone had dropped bricks on her chest.
Olga wasn't and never would be on the other side of that wall again.
She wasn't away on some trip, or teaching children in some remote location. She wouldn't be coming back for any holidays. She wouldn't be here to bug Helga and encourage her to wake up early during the lazy summer holidays . . . it had been six months since her sister had passed away. And only now, when Helga could really do with an ear to listen to her, someone she knew wouldn't tell another soul, did she realize just how important her sister was.
And that she would never see her again.
...
...
Arnold was coming back from putting flowers at his Aunt Mitzi's gravesite when he saw her. She was on her knees by what Arnold guessed must have been her sister's headstone. He looked to where his grandparents were leaving, his grandfather still gloating about how he had outlived his sister.
"Arnold! You coming boy?" he heard his grandpa call out. He walked down to them.
"I might stick around a bit," he said, looking towards where Helga was. His grandparents followed his stare.
"Alright Arnold, you take care," Phil told him, turning and leaving with his wife. Arnold started walking to where Helga was. As he got closer he could hear her ranting.
"I know how I feel, I know what I want. I am more than capable of choosing when I want to have sex, not some stupid lawmaker. What do they know anyway? And now He won't even touch me because he's worried we'll do it again and he'll get caught and thrown in jail or something!" he heard her rant. "It's so stupid!"
Arnold stood there silently. Her and Torvald had had sex!? Arnold thought about what he knew about that law and yep, she was right. He could get into a lot of trouble, being over the legal age and her under it. He backed away a bit as quietly as he could until he was on the path again.
"Helga!" he called out, pretending he hadn't heard a thing. She looked up and over at him. Slowly she got up, brushed off her jeans and said something to the headstone, then made her way over.
"Hey Football Head," she said, giving him a weak smile. "What brings you here?"
"My Aunt Mitzi is buried just over there," he said, pointing in the direction of her grave. "Visiting your sister?"
"Yeah," Helga said, staring off into space. Suddenly she seemed to snap back to reality. "So what do you want?"
"To know if you wanted me to ride the bus with you," he told her, smiling.
"I suppose so," she said, walking ahead of him. He walked to catch up and they walked along in silence.
"How's things at home?" he asked. Helga shrugged.
"Miriam is eating again, but still has bad days. Bob is holding it together as much as he can, but it's clearly taken a toll on him. I'm studying like mad with Torvald, and on my own work," she told him. "What about you?"
"Study," he told her laughing.
"Still single?" she asked. Arnold nodded. "I'm surprised."
"Yeah, well after Annie . . . I mean, I'm a pretty bad judge of character when it comes to girls," he admitted, rubbing his neck.
"Only the pretty ones," Helga told him.
"Especially the pretty ones," he said, looking up at the sky. "So you think he'll graduate this year?"
"I'd say so," Helga answered. "He's got a couple of offers from some scouts, pending the outcome of his exam results."
"Wow, no pressure, huh?" Arnold said. Helga laughed.
"Nope, no pressure!" she laughed.
Arnold looked ahead of them, not really knowing what else to say. He thought about what he had heard her confessing to her sister's headstone.
"You know, Helga," he started. Helga stopped and looked at him. "If you ever need someone to talk to, about anything, you can talk to me. I won't judge and I wont tell."
Helga looked a bit confused, then her brow arched and her lips pursed.
"You heard, didn't you?" she demanded.
"Just a little," Arnold admitted, holding out his hand showing his index finger over his thumb with a small gap. Helga sighed.
"Just keep it to yourself, please?" she begged. "I don't want him in trouble and I don't want guys around school thinking I'm easy or something. I don't need that type of reputation."
"My lips are sealed," he promised. "So what had you ranting?"
"It's too awkward, Arnold," she told him, turning pink. "It's not really something I want to talk to another guy about."
"Okay, understandable," he said.
"It's just that now he doesn't even want to be around me," she suddenly said. "I touch him he flinches. He actually flinches, like it hurts or something!"
"Okay-"
"And when he kisses me it's chaste, you know?" she said. "And I'm pretty sure his mom is suss, but how couldn't she be when he's acting so stupid all of a sudden?"
Arnold just nodded. When he realized that she was done he finally spoke.
"Maybe he's scared," he told her.
"Of what?" Helga demanded.
Oh boy, Arnold thought. Things he had been holding down were coming up.
"His feelings, getting in trouble, other people's reactions, your feelings," Arnold suggested. Okay, so the first, third and fourth were his issues when it came to Helga. Always had been. It's why he avoided her, tried to deny his feelings for her, by hiding behind other girls. "Plus, if he graduates, he's going to be gone. What if he falls in love with another girl?"
Helga stopped walking and just stood there, staring at him.
"Wow, I didn't even think about that," she said. "I just figured we would stay in contact and I'd go to see him, or he'd come to see me . . ."
"Maybe it will start out that way, but what if it doesn't work out?" Arnold asked. "Have you guys even spoken about it?" Helga shook her head.
"I can't believe I didn't even think about all that," she said.
"Look, I'm not saying that it wouldn't work," he said, adding silently, I just hope it doesn't. "But you have to remember he's entering a completely different cycle in his life. You may not have a part in that."
He watched for Helga's reactions. She wasn't giving much away. He'd never want to play poker with her.
"Ugh, too much thinking," she said. "Stupid sex. I thought it was supposed to make things easier."
"Apparently not," Arnold said to her. Helga sighed.
"Let's catch this bus," she said. "I have lot's to think about."
...
...
Torvald was concentrating eighty percent on the test in front of him, twenty percent on Helga. She had been acting different towards him since his admittance that he could think of nothing but her. Even now, just the thought of her made his loins twitch. He closed his eyes. Math, math, math, he chanted in his head. He had an hour to go. This was too important to stuff up!
He answered everything as best as he could, skipping the ones he didn't know to come back to later, but answering all the ones he did. He thought he was doing quite well.
'She's put so much time and faith in you man, don't screw this up!' he thought to himself, and applied himself harder. He was going to do this. Not just for himself, but for Helga. He had to.
...
...
Helga waited outside the school for Torvald. She was nervous. He'd had his final exam today. He's texted her asking for her to wait for him. She had waved Phoebe good-bye, had a quick chat to Lila, and waved Arnold off, declining his invite to walk her home.
"I'm waiting for Torvald," she told him. "Another day."
She pretended not to notice his face fall. She didn't want to think about this sudden turn around in Arnold wanting to get to know her all of a sudden. She couldn't help but feel like it was linked to what he now knew about her. Looking at her nails she saw that she had chewed them down.
"So much for the manicure," she muttered, splaying out her fingers and looking at them. Next thing she knew she saw two jean clad legs slide along hers and arms wrap around her stomach, pulling her into a crushing hug.
"Surprise," she heard Torvald's voice say quietly into her ear.
"Oh, so we're touching now?" she demanded, but leaned back on his chest anyway. She heard him sigh.
"I'm sorry, okay?" he said. He stood up and moved to stand in front of her. "Come on, I'll make it up to you."
"No, I think maybe we should talk," she said.