Dear Helga,
You will know by now what I did. It was something I immediately regretted doing. Your sister's death isn't what lead me to this. The pain I've felt and hidden behind politeness and smiles has been sitting there since my mother died. Your sister's death brought all those feelings back to the surface. I had now lost two women who meant the world to me, who I looked up to and admired. And it hurt. Daddy has decided it would be for the best if we moved away. But I hope we can stay in touch and meet up again when we are older, wiser, and the pain isn't so bad. I know we were never close, but I hope that it will change one day.
Take care of yourself and good luck in the future.
Lots of love,
Lila

Helga folded the letter back up and put it back in the envelope. She let a few tears fall, before she wiped them away. She felt plain awful. Here she was, swanning around with her friends, and not even realizing just how sad Lila was. She barely even gave her a second thought, and look what had happened. Sighing she put the letter away.

It had been a week since her last attack. Bob had agreed to counseling for both her, and himself, and Miriam was going to join in for "family" sessions. Helga still wouldn't speak to her mother, but she did admire her dad. She knew it was hard on his pride to do this. Helga meanwhile was on medication for anxiety and depression. It was hoped that it would lessen the attacks.

Phoebe, Gerald and Arnold got together and planned her seventeenth birthday party. It was going to be another quiet affair, but only because there was a party that weekend as well. She felt a bit sad, but ended up having so much fun with her friends - and boyfriend - that she pretty much forgot about it. It was at times like these that she enjoyed being in Arnold's company. Laughing and having fun, they would hug and kiss, but once they were alone, something shifted in Helga, and she felt insecure and guilty, though for what, she wasn't sure. Though she did wonder if her lack of wanting to have sex was starting to get to Arnold . . .

At the end of the school year things came to a head. Though not so much for Helga and Arnold . . .

The party was thrown by one of Gerald's team mates at his house, and it was a very busy one, with alcohol. Helga refused to drink, though she watched as Arnold had a few beers with some of the guys. There was a bit of dancing, and a few arguments broke out between girls, or boyfriends and girlfriends, or just boys. Arnold and Helga watched it all happen, then when one threatened to get out of hand they left the main room went to lock themselves away upstairs.

That was when things started to get a bit crazy. Arnold started kissing her in a hallway, and Helga laughed, because he was being sloppy and it was rather funny to her. Eventually though, he seemed to connect and suddenly everything felt right for Helga. She wasn't sure what it was, but it was like a click. And they opened a door, fell to a bed, and were getting carried away, when suddenly the door opened again. Arnold pulled away and Helga sat up groping for her shirt and bra when she stopped. A look of horror came across her face, and she could see the same look on Arnold's with a mix of confusion.

Phoebe and the host were locked in a passionate embrace, and hadn't yet realized they had an audience. Helga just slipped her top on, not worrying about her bra, and she heard Arnold's zip go up then he cleared his throat.

"Phoebe?" Helga asked from the bed. She saw Phoebe tense up and look her way.

The two friends stared at each other for what felt like forever before Phoebe finally spoke.

"It's not what you think," she said, pulling away from the guy. "Helga-"

Arnold stormed past her and out the door.

"So what, are we having a threesome now?" the guy asked.

"I can't believe you," Helga said quietly, getting up and slipping past her and out the door.

"You don't understand, Helga!" Phoebe called out. Just as she walked out, she saw Gerald standing there, mouth open with a hurt look on his face. Arnold stopped her from going any further.

"What are you doing?" Gerald asked.

"Like your so innocent," Phoebe cried. Helga noticed she was unsteady on her feet. She must have been drinking. Helga bit her lip then moved forward. "You'll be next, Helga."

Helga stopped and looked at her confused.

"That's what it was, wasn't Gerald?" Phoebe demanded, now slumping against the wall, tears starting to fall. "Because I wouldn't have sex with you, you went off and had it with Katie, didn't you?"

The silence was deafening.

"You cheated on her?" Arnold asked.

"Yeah, and you will, too," Phoebe accused, pointing a finger at him. "Gerald told me that your frustrated at Helga for not having sex with you, but being happy enough to have sex with Torvald! Maybe your just not good enough for her Arnold."

Helga flew forward fast and slapped Phoebe across the face so hard, Phoebe lost her balance.

"I told you that in complete confidence," Helga hissed. She felt herself being pulled back by someone. Phoebe burst out sobbing.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she said, over and over again. Gerald moved forward and lifted her up.

"Come on, I'm taking you home," he said.

"Hey, she can crash here," host-boy said, stepping forward. Gerald glared at him.

"She's going home, Todd," he said in a quiet voice, then helped her down the stairs. Arnold and Helga followed them out. Helga got behind the wheel, Arnold in the passenger seat, while Gerald and Phoebe got in the back. Phoebe was a slobbering mess. Starting the car they drove back to Helga's instead.

"Dad's out, she can sleep it off inside," Helga explained. Arnold got out and helped Gerald get Phoebe up the stoop and into the house, Helga going ahead of them and letting them in. She watched as they took her upstairs to her room, and then went and dropped herself down on the couch, placing her face in her hands.

"Dammit," she muttered. "It was going so well!"

"I know," she heard Arnold say, coming in and dropping down beside her. "Man, no more alcohol for her."

"No more for any of us," Helga said harshly. "What happened? What was Phoebe talking about?"

"In regards to Gerald and Katie, or me?" he asked, hoping for it to be the former.

"Both," she said, leaning back and crossing her arms.

"That Katie bitch lied, that's what happened," Gerald said. Helga and Arnold looked over to see him more angry then they had ever seen him. "You know what that bitch did?"

They both shook their head.

"That bitch loaded Phoebe up, then told her that we'd had sex because she wasn't putting out," Gerald told them. "Told her the best revenge would be to have sex with one of my friends. Unbelievable."

"But why would she do that?" Helga asked.

"Because Gerald turned her down the other day in front of her friends," Arnold said.

"So she decided to ruin his and Phoebe's relationship?" Helga asked.

"Looks like it," Arnold said quietly.

They were all quiet, letting the events of the night sink in.

"I'm sorry, guys," Gerald said.

"You can sleep on the couch," Helga offered. He shook his head.

"I'm going to go home," he said. "Thanks though."

They watched quietly as Gerald left, closing the door behind him.

...

...

The whole dynamic in the group changed after that night. Although they didn't break up, damage had been done to Gerald and Phoebe. He was hurt that she wouldn't have more faith in him. She just felt so guilty and stupid. Gerald broke it off.

"Just a break, over summer," he said. "I think we both need to think about where we're going as a couple."

Although Phoebe agreed, she cried for hours on Helga's shoulder.

"How could I have been so stupid?" Phoebe asked.

Helga knew exactly what it was, because it was a feeling she often got when other girls were hanging around Arnold and showing interest.

"Paranoia."