"Rose you need to talk to him. It was a mistake. One made when you were overloaded on emotions. Hell you didn't even kiss him back. Ugh I'm going to kill my cousin." I had spent all morning hiding under Lissa's covers. She had even called out of work for me. She had spent every waking moment with me since it happened, but now she was trying to convince me to do something about what had happened. And I was scared. Even though I knew that deep inside it was something that could not be avoided.
"Liss I kissed another man. He's never going to forgive me." And why should he. I was a horrible person and he deserved so much better. I was a whore, a slut. He deserved so much better. I should have just stayed with him when everything went down, why did I run away? I had ruined what we had.
"Rose stop it. Get up now. I'm tired of this, you did not kiss him back!" Her voice held no pity anymore. She was using her no non-sense voice on me. And she meant it. I knew what was coming next, I hated for it to happen, but it had to and soon.
Soon the covers were ripped off me and she was pulling me off the bed. Who would have thought someone so small could be so strong. Maybe it was because I was not even trying to fight her. Why would I fight her, I hated to admit it but she was right. I did need to talk to him, work things out, if they could be worked out. I landed with a thud on the floor and she hoovered over me. Her hands on her hips as she waited for me to stand up. If anything my little Lissa was determined, I had to give her that. I rolled my eyes at her but did as she wanted. She was right sadly, and I could no longer put it off.
I had been hiding at Lissa's for almost two days. I was so ashamed of myself. Dimitri had texted me a few times the first day to make sure I was fine, but on the second day his messages had turned frantic. I could not help but think that he knew, though I was sure if he did he would have shown up here demanding answers. Would Adrian really tell him? Would he ever forgive me? I knew Lissa would never tell but Adrian he had been trying to win me over time and time again, if there ever was a time to try and get me now seemed the best time, it was totally wrong but what did Adrian know. Dimitri had probably been calling to yell at me. And if he knew I was sure that he wanted to see me so we could break up. I was trying to put it off as much as possible, but it was not going to happen. I knew he had called Lissa on more than one occasion, and I knew she was hiding something from me.
"Come on you shower, I'll make breakfast, and then you are going to see Dimitri." I cringed at the last request. How could I face him after what I had done. Lissa was not kidding around though, and when she tried to take my shirt off I knew it was now or never. She was right, it could wait no longer.
But I knew I could not hide anymore, I was being a coward. I needed to be the adult I was and face him and any consequences that came with my actions. How had things gotten so messed up. I loved Dimitri with all my being, I harbored no feelings for Adrian. I felt like I had been taken advantage of, but I still hated myself for everything. It was not going to be easy, and I had no idea where I would go, it had to be done though. I'm not going to lie, my shower lasted more than it should have, and I ate my food extra slow. But Lissa made up for my dragging by driving extra fast to Dimitri's bakery.
"He's waiting for you. He didn't open the bakery today. So you will have all the time you need to talk." I put my head down in shame and opened the car door. "Rose, just be honest, and he will understand. What you guys have is worth everything, just be strong."
I doubted what she was saying, but she was right, I had to do this. We had been together for a long while now, and not facing this was just cruel. I loved him so much, but he deserved the truth. Even if I never meant to kiss Adrian it had happened, yes I knew I did not kiss him back, but wasn't it the same thing? I let him get that close to me. I went to him for comfort and he thought it was something else. I owed it to Dimitri to explain, but I knew better than to think he would forgive me. Why would he? Walking into the bakery had me shaking. He was not in the front but I knew it would be a matter of seconds before he walked out. This was not going to be easy, but then again why would it be.
"Roza." His voice sent shivers through me. I took a deep breath in before looking up. This was going to be even harder than I thought, I fucking hated myself.
My breath nearly caught, he looked just as bad as I felt. He had circles under his eyes, he looked tired and worn, but he was happy to see. I was about to make that go away, and I would be lying if I said I still wanted to tell him the truth. He quickly walked to me and engulfed me in a hug. I could not help the tears. He was holding me being nice to me when he should be pushing me away and yelling at me. I had to tell him what happened. I pulled away and he was surprised by this. I needed to tell him, before he told me everything was fine, he had to know.
"We need to talk." He gave me a sad smile and nodded leading me now to the table of doom. The same on I confronted Christian on, the same one I was told who my father was.
"Of course, but just know I am so sorry Rose. You know I love you. But I have to do this. We can work this out. I promise." Fuck how could I break his heart now. Life hated me, because I knew this was it, the end.
I was about to say something when his phone rang, he stared at the cell phone confused. But told me to hold on while he got up. I was a little confused as to why he would answer the call, but if anything it gave me time to collect myself. I just hoped if it was his family it would be good news. I knew I had to tell him about the kiss, even if it felt like nothing to me, and I could only hope that he would understand and forgive me, even if I didn't deserve it. But as soon as he talked back to the person on the phone I knew something was wrong, and things were not going to end well.
"How could you!" Dimitri's voice boomed through the bakery and I jumped slightly. Who was he talking to. He was so mad, god who was he talking to and I in the back of my mind knew who it was, but I was praying I was wrong.
"I'm going to fucking kill you!" I stood up quickly wanting to go over and comfort him. But when his eyes met mine I knew better than to approach. He knew, and fuck whoever was on the phone was telling him.
"I need to go Adrian, I'll deal with you later." This was so not happening. Why did Adrian have to call him and tell him. Why now? I knew if I was able to explain he would understand, but now I had no chance.
"You kissed him?" It came out as a question but he already knew the answer. He was telling me with his eyes to tell him it wasn't true, but I couldn't lie, he had to know the truth. No matter how much it hurt.
"Dimitri it wasn't like that. I was..." He did not let me finish. I mean I didn't blame him I deserved whatever was to come. He walked closer and pointed a single finger at me. It was menacing and I stepped back when he did this.
"I trusted you. I fucking love you Rose. And I do one thing you don't like and you go and fucking get another guy." His face was contorted, anger and betrayal laced in. I had caused this, and I deserved his anger.
"Dimitri it wasn't like that at all I swear we were just. I didn't even..." Once again he was not going to let me finish. His anger was growing, and I was starting to lose the last ounce of hope I had. Oh god this was it, we were never going to be able to fix this.
"What I wasn't enough? I piss you off and you run off into someone else's arms. Am I not enough? What did I do? I thought we could talk about all this, fix it." My eyes teared up and I tried to regain control, but it was hard when I knew what was coming up next. His words were laced with sadness and all I wanted to do was comfort him.
"Dimitri please. It's not like that. I know I let him but I wasn't myself, that and I swear I didn't kiss him back. It was a mistake, I never would have let him if I was thinking. I pulled away Dimitri." His eyes grew even angrier. I knew I had messed up, everything coming out of my mouth was only making this worse.
"It's even worse than I thought. Fuck." He ran his hands through his face and turned away. He was freaking out and I had no idea why, how could he not believe me.
"Dimitri, yes I pulled away. But I don't know why I let him in the first place., I honestly didn't think he would do that to me. I was so confused and mad. And I was not thinking. It meant nothing. I've been wanting to hurt myself cause of this. I never wanted to hurt you. I love you." He turned quickly back to me and sighed.
"I knew this wasn't going to work. He was going to somehow win you over. What I have to offer is nothing to what he can give you." What was going on in his mind. I loved him. Adrian could give me all the material things he wanted to but he would never be able to give me the one thing Dimitri did. Real love, he was my soul mate. He had to be crazy if he thought he wasn't good enough.
"That's not true Dimitri. I love you and only you. Everything you give me is more than enough. I love you please." I was begging I needed him to see he was wrong. I needed him and only him. I was desperate I couldn't lose him, not like this, not after everything that had happened.
"Maybe we need a break." My heart dropped and I panicked. "Some time to think about what we really feel for each other." NO this could not be happening I knew what a break meant. We would never come back from this.
"Dimitr no. I know what I feel for you. I love you. Please lets just go home. I need you." He had to see how much I cared, how much I regretted all of this. We had just so much dumped on us, we needed to show each other how much we cared. We needed us time. This was all just one huge misunderstanding, we were over reacting cause we were overloading. He had learned things he hated, and so had I. We were both mad, but our love was still there, it had to be.
"No Rose. Listen we need time apart. I'll pay you for work so you don't need to worry, but please don't come in. Don't call. We need time apart to think. I need time to think." He walked towards me and hugged me, he pulled back and kissed my lips softly, our last kiss. "I love you Rose, but just trust me on this, this is for the best. Lissa, is still outside for you. I'll get in touch when, well when I want to talk."
My heart shattered into a million pieces. He was breaking up with me, I was certain. He was just trying to be nice about it. But I had betrayed his trust, and after everything that had happened I knew why he felt this way. I deserved the pain, I had caused the pain in him. All I could do was nod my head. I stole one last kiss before I turned away. Before I opened the door I turned around and watched him. His eyes were full of hurt, and a single tear was sliding down his cheek.
"I love you Dimitri. I know it's you and only you for me. I hope you call soon." With that I left and started crying again. I was now numb. I knew I had messed up and what had just happened was well deserved.
Lissa helped me into her car but instead of driving me to her house she drove me somewhere I did not know. Honestly I did not even care. It was like my whole life was falling apart before me and there was nothing I could do but watch. I had been strong before, but this was all just becoming too much. My life was a lie. I had a father said he cared. My mother was raped. Dimitri's father was evil. And now Dimitri had left me, because I cheated, because I was weak.
We pulled up to a nice little apartment complex and Lissa ushered me out, I noticed her opening the trunk and saw my stuff in there. Then it hit me, Dimitri had planned on breaking up with me before he even found out. I might have been able to convince him otherwise but I had messed that up. I had given him even more of a reason to leave me. If I hadn't let Adrian kiss me we probably would be heading back to the cabin, we would be together.
"Hey there Rosie, hear you're going to be my roommate." I looked up confused as to why Christian was saying this to me and then it hit me. Great it had all been planned out, I was the only one out of the loop.
"I figured this would be the best place for you to stay. I know Mason's is out of the question. And as much as I want you to stay with me, its probably a bad idea cause of Andre." Lissa looked at me eyes full of pity, something I no longer wanted. Something I did not deserve.
"Thanks guys this means a lot." I let them lead me to his apartment and let them settle me into his guess bedroom.
I sank into the covers and stared at the ceiling. If anything this was my chance to prove that I could make it through anything. I needed to be strong. And I knew that I needed to do something to make Dimitri see how much I loved him. I could not give up on him, because if I did it would really be over. All the people in my life had not fought for what they wanted, and look at where they were now. Unhappy. I was not going to be that. He meant the world to me, and I was going to fight for him, I had to.
I knew before I could try to get Dimitri back, I was going to have to work on myself. I was done being weak, I was done being that person everyone had to look after. I thought I was independent but I really wasn't. I had no idea where to start but I had two very willing people here with me. I knew if I asked they would help me. I just did not know what I needed help with first.
"It's all going to be just fine." Christian came in and laid down next to me. "It may seem like everything is falling apart, but its far from it." He turned so he was looking at me. "Want to know my story?"
I was a little thrown off by this. Christian and I had talked about a lot, but he never really touched on himself. His life and life story was something he seemed to not want anyone to know. I was more than willing to let it go, but I always wondered about it. He had grown up with his aunt, that much I knew. But something about his parents just leaving him for work just did not seem right. He was hiding something, and I knew it was dark.
"Only if you want to. You know I won't push." I turned so I could face him. Christian had become such a good friend, I really wished he would stop hurting. There was a lot he was hiding. I knew Liss was helping with a lot of that now. He opened up a lot more to her.
"My parents married young. They fell in love and ran away. Something my grandparents, on both sides hated. They shunned my parents, and cut them off from everything. But they did not care." He turned back onto his back and inhaled deeply.
"My parents moved out here from New York, and started a whole new life. They had me and everything seemed perfect. Except what they were running from caught up to them. My grandparents found them, and they believed they were a disgrace. So together they decided it was best to just get rid of them." Oh god, was he seriously about to tell me that his grandparents planned to kill their own children.
"They set fire to our house. I remember it all Rose. The smoke, the screaming. It was late at night and I was so scared, I was about 7 when it happened. I could hear my mothers screams, her yelling for me. But she never could find me. I was fading quickly, but then I felt someone carry me out. It turned out my aunt Tasha found out what her parents were up to and she tried to stop it, but was too late." He inhaled again and I could tell how much this hurt him.
"I'm so sorry Christian thats horrible." I moved closer to him and leaned my head on his shoulder.
"It's fine, its been forever. It's weird to say but I think I'm over it. It can stay in the past. But something still stands out to me. It was what Tasha said to my grandparents a few years ago."
"What's that?" I sat up truly interested, he was saying this for a reason.
"It was something about the society. She said that was what my parents were running from. And that supposedly they had joined the guardians and betrayed my whole family. But I have no idea what that means, or who the society is." I got up slowly and watched him carefully.
"We are all somehow linked together Rose. There is something here that connects us all together, something we cannot seem to pin point, but when we do everything will fall together. I'm just scared we will all regret looking into it." It was my turn to inhale deeply. I knew exactly what he was saying, it was a fear of mine. There also was a fear that Dimitri would find something and he would be lost to me forever.
"Anyways I was thinking, I'm still working at the bakery, but maybe on my free time I can teach you something." He sat up and a smile crossed his features.
"Yea and what's that?" An evil glint passed his eyes, and I knew it would be something I would enjoy.
"My aunt Tasha learned how to fight and she taught me. I'm not going to lie I'm pretty badass." We both laughed at this, but then he turned serious. "I want to teach you what I know, just in case."
"Yea that sounds like fun." And it did. It was the start I needed. I would learn with him, and while I got physically stronger I would work on my mind as well. Not only that but I was starting to think that I really did need protection, with everything that was going on.
The next few days I spent a lot of time alone. Apparently Dimitri had hired a few extra people, seeing as he was going to be joining the guardians in a few days time. He had promoted Christian to manager, and Christian was always gone, training his new crew and fixing everything. It scared me that Dimitri was joining, but there was nothing I could do about it. I knew this was something he had to do, but it did not make things any easier.
When the Monday came around, I was nervous. Christian had to work, as did Lissa. And I really hoped Dimitri would have called me. I wanted to know how his first day went, how he felt about it. Even if he was just telling me as a friend. I missed his voice, his touch, his taste. It was hard to think about anything but him as the days continued to pass.
I was tempted to call Abe and ask him, but I decided I should wait. Dimitri would call, he just had to. I needed to hold on to some hope, or I would lose it completely. No one had seen anything of Dimitri since Christian took over and the thought scared me. It was like he was in hiding, I knew better though. It felt like with every passing moment I was growing further and further away from him. I did not want this to happen, I could not have it happen.
The training he was going through was not easy. Dimitri was sure to be waking up earlier as hell and getting home super late. I remembered when Mason went through it, he could barely make it to his bed before he passed out. I longed to be there for Dimitri. Have food ready when he got home, I wanted to give him my support. Something that was not going to happen, and I hated myself because I knew it was my own fault I couldn't. But soon I hoped he would call and I could fix that.
So I did the only thing I could do. I ran every morning, ran every night, and kept myself busy with a few classes I had enrolled in. It was not how I had wanted things to go, but I needed to better myself, just like Dimitri was doing. I hated the classes, and I hated being alone but at the end it was the right thing to do. I needed to keep busy. And the more I kept busy the faster the days went by. Dimitri was still paying me which I did not understand, but I could do nothing to stop it.
I hoped every day that Dimitri would call me but he never did. A week turned into two, then into three. I was starting to lose hope, but kept trying to convince myself he had not called because of the training. I knew it lasted a little over a month, and he would have no time to even think of me. Maybe he did not even want to think of me. I had to keep telling myself everything would work out, that he would call, but it was hard when I looked at my phone every five minutes hoping to see his name flashing across the screen.
"Honey I'm home." Christian was home early, and as always his voice held a teasing tone.
Liss had come over nearly every day after work, but most of her time had been spent with him. I would lock myself in my room while they would do god knows what. I was so jealous of them, being together and in love. I missed that so much, and I needed it back in my life. But I knew I had to work for it if I was ever going to get him back.
"Hey Christian, you're home early." He walked into my room and smiled.
"Yes, I am. The crew is family able to work alone, and I thought what better time than to start training you." I could not help the smile. I had been waiting for this for what seemed like forever.
"Hell yea!" I changed into work out clothes and we made our way outside.
I had told Christian that before training we should run. He argued against it but in the end had lost. He knew it was true that we should warm up, and the run was a perfect way. It would keep us warm up
and get our hearts pumping. It was funny watching him run, he definitely was not good at it. I had to slow down my pace for him, and he was huffing five minutes into it.
"Come on little boy man up." He rolled his eyes but picked up the pace.
Fall was brutal so far this year. It was colder than any other year. It felt like it was winter already and snow was soon to come. We were a couple weeks shy of Thanksgiving, so I knew it was only going to get worse. I tried not to think about how I would really have no one to celebrate with. Thanksgiving was one of my favorite Holidays. I had always spent it with Mason and Eddie happy as could be. It was the one day he would cook good food.
Lissa had invited me to her house, but I had declined. I knew Mason was going and I wanted nothing to do with him at the moment. I still blamed him for everything. I also knew Adrian was going to be there, and I had yet been able to face him. He had called a few times but I declined every call. Lissa had said he quit the cafe and had disappeared around the same time Dimitri had. God knows what that crazy bastard was up to.
I hated to celebrate Thanksgiving alone, but it was looking more and more like it would be for the best. I just wanted it to be calm quiet and peaceful. Something I was sure it would not be if I went to Lissa's. She would fight me to the end but I knew it was best if I kept away. At least I thought it was if I did. Mason had not tried or call me all three weeks. Christian had brought Eddie home a few times, but he never mentioned Mason.
"OK stand here. Spread your feet like this." Christian was actually looking pretty badass with his teachings. He knew what he was doing that was for sure, something that was very surprising.
"Like this." I was learning rather quickly, and I was really proud of myself. He had even insisted that I was a natural and it was only the first day.
"Yea ok, now try and punch me." He needed to say no more. I closed my fist like he showed me and perfectly executed the punch only he blocked me, what the fuck.
"That's good, now try again." I tried again and again but he kept blocking me. I was starting to get pissed off, I mean how hard was it to land a punch on fucking Christian.
"Rose stop, you're getting mad." Damn straight I was mad. This seemed easy enough, but yet it was proving to be a lot harder than I thought.
"You just started, my aunt taught me young, I've had a lot of practice." I rolled my eyes but continued to try. I was going to at least get one punch in if it was the last thing I did.
"Ow fuck Rose." Christian held onto his jaw, and even though I did hit him I was pretty proud of myself.
"Oh come on, it wasn't that bad. Man up. I did it!" I was jumping around when a squeal brought me back and Lissa came charging ready to help Christian out.
"What did you do?" Liss shot me a look and I shrugged.
"He was teaching me how to fight, its not my fault I'm really good at it." She gave a small laugh but hurried us inside. Stating it was cold and we were going to get sick. Liss the ever nurse type.
I took a quick shower and when I got out I could not help but laugh. Christian was on the couch with an ice pack, his jaw bruising. I knew it was mean, but I was really proud of myself. I packed a hell of a punch, and I didn't even know I was that good. Yea, I had had my share of fight growing up, but someone had always been there to stop be before I could really cause some damage. And now seeing what I could do I saw talent. As Christian had said I was a natural, and I loved it.
It was not much, but I did feel safer knowing a few moves. I was certain Christian would teach me more, and I could not wait. I wanted to know everything he knew. I knew someday it would help me out. I just hoped it would not come. I did not want to ever have to fight my way out of anything. I also hoped some day soon I could show Dimitri. I missed him so much, no matter what he was always on my mind. He would always be on my mind, and I did not want it any other way.
Did you really think I was going to fix things that quickly? I know I jumped around in this chapter but as I stated she didn't do much the weeks following their break! What do you think about Dimitri wanting a break? Should Rose really be worried? Will he call? Take her back? And how do you like Christian being the one teaching her how to fight? How's Thanksgiving going to end for our dear Rose? And where did Adrian go? I know so so so many questions, and yet we have gotten like no answers. I swear they are coming! Thank you to all who have reviewed... Thank you to all who support me... And thank you all for your kind words!